Title: Not an Escalator
Fandom: Star Trek
Pairing: McCoy/Kirk
Rating: PG13
Summary: It's what friends do. They share.
Note: You know all those Star Trek clich├ęs? Why, yes, they are all here.

James T. Kirk clearly had a problem. A very large one, at that. And when he had a problem, he always turned to Dr. Leonard McCoy to solve said problem.

But, for the first time in their very long friendship, Dr. McCoy shook his head and refused to help.

"Bones," Kirk moaned.

"Doctor," McCoy corrected, shaking his head again. "I can give you something for the hangover you're going to have in a few hours, but as for-"

"Please," Kirk begged, drawing out the vowel like a certain Vulcan draws out an explanation of the logistics of a certain thing or another.

Without missing a beat, McCoy continued, "-your other problem, I can offer no cure."

"Yes, you can," the inebriated Kirk insisted, stumbling over his words and pouting hopefully.

"It's not in my job description," McCoy explained calmly, glancing at the chart in his hands.

Giving up on words, Kirk moaned pitifully, but what he clearly thought as seductively, as he jiggled his hips on the paper-covered table he lay on.

"No," McCoy said firmly.

"As your Captain," Kirk said, having forgotten that fact up until then, "I order you to-"

"Dammit, Jim," McCoy interrupted angrily, "I'm a doctor, not a whore!"

Kirk grinned and wriggled his eyebrows.

"Where are your whores?" McCoy asked, suddenly curious as to why Kirk was in the infirmary instead of his usual late-night haunts.

Kirk rolled his eyes, his head falling back on the table. "Spock," the Captain said, literally spitting out the name.

McCoy raised his eyebrow in surprise, having been under the suspicion that Spock was- Oh, haha, very clever, Jim.

And very, very sad at the same time.

"I'll bet you don't remember how," Kirk said to the ceiling.

McCoy rolled his eyes. "I'll remind you that I was, up until recently, married."

"Years ago," Kirk corrected.

McCoy paused and took the two seconds to count. "Dammit," he swore again, realizing that Kirk was right, it had been years. "That doesn't mean I've forgotten how to-"

"I'ma tell Spock," Kirk declared.

McCoy stood quickly, dropping his clipboard on the counter beside him, and moved to stand above Kirk, staring down at him as he weighed his options.

On one hand, Kirk probably wouldn't remember this in the morning.

On the other, if Kirk did remember, Spock wouldn't care to hear about this. But that wasn't the point, was it?

And on the third metaphorical hand, Kirk had a point. It had been years.

Without much warning, McCoy leaned over and quickly unzipped Kirk's fly, taking the drunk captain's cock into his mouth. Kirk gasped and then moaned in appreciation, grabbing a fistful of McCoy's hair.

Well, McCoy reminded himself, hopefully he won't remember this in the morning.