Thanks for all the favourites and stuff, guys. You've been amazing. Especially the people who hated my guts at first for doing this. Well, I've got to reward you all for waiting so long. Man, it's been a long time so thanks for waiting. I'll try not to disappoint. If this fanfic hits 50 reviews, I'll draw you a picture. I'm on 28 right now.
AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!
Yes, I would agree Gerard Way is a "fokin sexbom" (although I think the term "incredibly hot" is probably just as good) but I don't have discussions with my friends about it in my stories.
"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. "What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.
"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.
Dumbledore Dumblydore? Is this the invention of a new character. Or could this just be poor punctuation and spelling that adds up to an entire new name for Albus Dumbledore.
He laughed in an evil voice.
Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)
There are fans of yaoi and then, there are YAOI FANGIRLS. Which caterogory do you think Tara falls into? Three guesses.
We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"
It was……………………………….. Voldemort!
I really, really, really don't get the need for the ellipses. Do you know what I'm doing right now? I'm......................................drinking!
AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!
The hospital should have also prescribed a medication for bad writing technique. Or at least start mass producing medication for bleeding eyes, swaying on the spot, cirrhosis of the liver (from the drinking game) and sudden loss of IQ points for the poor people with gofficitis from reading this fanfic.
WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.
Because we haven't been scared enough by her "sex scenes", gofficness and bad grammar. Anyone who's made it up to this point won't be broken by a scary plotline.
We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.
Does everyone cry tears of blood? Is this some sort of vampire crying thing? Is anyone else worried at all? And the best bit, Wormtail's name change. I'm not sure if it's to make him sound more badass or what but no, just no.
"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)
They were shooting at him with the gun, then he fell down with a lovey dovey look in his eyes and asked her out. There are three things very wrong with this picture. 1) Why did they pull out the gun when their wands were already out? 2) They were shooting at Wormtail, right? Why didn't he try and get out of the way? 3) Is their aims so sucky that they couldn't hit him and he had time to ask Ebony to get into bed with him? Oh yes, and the fourth thing...DID ANOTHER PERSON JUST FALL IN LOVE WITH HER? ANOTHER ONE! WHO NEXT? VOLDEMORT!
"Huh?" I asked.
"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.
She stabbed him in the heart. When she's wielding a wand and a gun. How many hands does this girl have? As for the whole Wormtail-in-love thing, it makes me want to throw up.
"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.
This is the most unrealistic death scene ever. Including one I've read which involves someone dying painlessly from being stabbed in the groin. People who've just been stabbed in the heart won't scream "No" specifically. They'll just cry out in pain. They won't run. They'll drop to their knees if you're lucky. Then, they'll die. And considering she just killed him in cold blood, why is she crying for him?
"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then…… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us.
So, let's get this straight. Voldemort is an Old English speaking cross dresser. He also apparently ejaculates at inappropriate moments.
"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.
Here is my sex rant. Get ready for it. Anyone who is 12 should not be reading the following. Then again, you shouldn't have been reading this anyway. It's rated M. For anyone who cannot bear to hear me discuss sex, scroll down to the bold 'sex rant over' text. I dare you to read it though. Commence sex rant:
There's nothing quite like reunion sex, is there? Is there no foreplay in this world? None whatsoever. Doesn't she have to get prepared to take in his really huge thingy or does she just have an incredibly wide you-know-what. This proves Tara Gilesbie knows nothing about sex. Because according to her, you can shove a (I'm assuming, big to her means as endowed as a horse) 13 inch penis up an unprepared vagina and all the girl will feel is insane amounts of pleasure. Lucky Mary-Sue feels no pain at all. And hasn't Tara ever heard of hands or tongues. Not everything is about the penis. So, I've got a little experiment for anyone who can locate Tara Gilesbie. You will need: Mints, champagne, an exceedingly sad, sorry, I mean, goffic male. Method: Present Tara with mints, champagne and goffic dude. Tell her she has to find a way of pleasuring the guy without having sex with him but using the apparatus provided. Enjoy the confused look on her face.
I do believe I have just placed kinky thoughts in everyone's mind now.
As for the sex pack thing: you start with a sex, then add more pairs depending on the muscle definition of the guy. It's simple maths, but Tara is special so she's added a new category.
Sex rant over!
"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."
MARY-SUE ALERT! Only a Mary-Sue would want to be ugly. There is no girl on the planet who actually want to be ugly. There are pretty girls who find side-effects of being pretty annoying but nobody actually wishes ugliness on themselves.
"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco.
This is so abusive. Not every pretty girl in the world is "goffic".
"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.
A lot of people have called my good friend pretty (mwshk1992 – she is pretty) but she doesn't think she is. Can Tara Gilesbie even see into the minds of normal humans? Clearly not.
AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!
OK. Seriously, this girl is going slit her wrists every time someone flames her. She's going to die. Because even more people are going to flame her. Then she'll bleed to death. And the world will be rid of one more Suethor.
Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.
I'm relieved. This isn't the Harry Potter world after all. Because a school for magic wouldn't teach Biology. So, mystery solved, guys. You can relax. This fanfic is clearly set in a parallel goffic universe. So, something makes sense...very drunken sense.
I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!
What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?
Then……………. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .
Sure, he didn't get detention for singing in class. And seriously, he sound like five guys at the same time, who all have different accents and singing styles? That must sound quite interesting. And what about poor Mike Shinoda, Linkin Park's other singer?
"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.
So, she stuck her middle fingers up and Draco's middle fingers too, because they were intertwined. OK...for the sake of argument, let's pretend that's possible and move on.
If you hate Hilary Duff, don't kiss like her.
Have you ever seen an attractive couple and clapped. Is that natural? Didn't think so. There is only one explanation for this. Tara Gilesbie lives in a movie. A low-budget goth movie written and directed by chipmunks. Yeah, that's it.
AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!
A word of advice, honey. We don't care about your argument with Raven. At all. We want continue laughing at your crap story. This isn't Big Brother. There's a time and place for arguments and that's not at 2.05am on .
As for this britney5655, may her head be struck from her shoulders for teaching Tara Japanese. As if the world wasn't painful enough.
We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!
Sorry, I need a second just to laugh at this.
OK. I'm ready.
1. If my boyfriend got an erection for Gerard Way, I would have an issue with it. Not because I have anything against bi guys. I love bi guys, straight guys, gay guys, guys, whatever, you get my gist. But, my immediate thought if my boyfriend suddenly got hot for Gerard would probably be "Down, boy" or at least, "Is Gerard prettier than me?" It would not be, "Yeah, see, I'm not the only one who thinks he's sexy. Now let's go and ask him if he wants it threeway."
In other news, it seems Draco Malfoy is very easy to turn on.
2. Yeah, because it's just that easy to run in a moshpit. Has this girl ever actually experienced one before. I've been in one. It's not pretty. I ended up being crowdsurfed out because a 50kg, 16 year old girl is bound to get crushed by a bunch of drunk guys twice as heavy as you. IT WAS AWESOME. I'm drunk, can you tell? Spellcheck is great, by the way.
3. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! This sounds like some really shit band that probably plays music of the screamo crunk variety. I do not like screamo crunk. I do not like it.
B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) "It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said. "Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." "Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.
"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.
Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.
"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."
"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.
Must. Tear. Out. Brain. FANGIRL JAPANESE. Yes, I am guilty of occasionally speaking Japanese. But it's usually just kuso shinezo (it means "die shitting", in case you wanted to know) and other foul language.
Poor Raven. This was fairly uncalled for. At any rate, randomly killing off a character because you're annoyed with the person they're based off is immature and stupid. If I killed off Marie everytime I was mad at mwshk1992, I would have killed her at least 18 times to date.
And lastly, did they just say kawai to Willow dying and then being skullfucked by Lupin. That's disgusting. Really, really sick.
B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." "In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde. "No." My head snaped up. 'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" "NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."
"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.
"No." My head snaped up.
'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"
"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."
This girl needs to get a life. Somebody, please, PLEASE cut up her Hot Topic Loyalty Card and help her think out of the box a little.
We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."
I feel for Gerard, I really do. I want to put him in the Witness Protection Program. I mean, this girl might start stalking him soon.
Sorry, I had no idea that shops discriminated based on urban tribes now. But then, I have clearly spent too long living in the real world and not in Lala Land.
"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?"
Oh, good Lord. Seriously. Seriously. This girl makes me feel unbelievably mature.
"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."
So, Voldemort has separated into two different people. One of them is Shakespeare's evil brother bent on taking over the world with "da Death Dealers" and the other one works in a discriminating gothic store? Thank God for drunken logic.
Oh, and would you look at that. Someone ELSE just fell for Enoby.
"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"
Dramatic music, drumroll please. Don't miss the next exciting instalment.
Thanks for reading. Please review. I love you, guys. I really, really do.