Long But Very Important Author's Note Please Read!

I really hadn't planned on posting this, but…I got won over. XD This is sorta a crossover – it's AkuRoku, but it takes place in the Ai no Kusabi universe. For those of you unfamiliar with Ai no Kusabi, it's a yaoi OAV from the 90s. This will really make a lot more sense if you have seen Ai no Kusabi (it's two episodes and the whole thing is up on veoh) but for those who haven't/won't, I've included an annotated blurb I mostly stole form ANN.

"On planet Amoi, a great society has developed, creating a computerized city called Tanagura, ruled by supercomputer Jupiter. The populace is almost entirely male (virtually no females, so male/male relations are normal) and social rank is based on hair color: silver and/or blonds are the rulers ("Blondies"), ending with dark/black-haired as the bottom of society ("mongrels"). Blondies own "Pets" – young boys kept for a few years, especially made for performing sexual actions for the Blondies' voyeuristic entertainment. Blondies aren't supposed to keep Pets for long or interact sexually with Pets." (Ai no Kusabi follows a Blondie called Iason Mink and his mongrel Pet Riki, and it's very complex and fucking brilliant. I adore it, and cannot wait for the new anime remake coming out this fall!)

This is a departure from my usual style, as you'll see right away. Um…I have a lot more of this written, but I'm just…gauging the reaction for right now. XD For this reason: Warning! This contains a lot of very hardcore sex, including bondage and non-con. And I cannot emphasize this enough – I wrote this for me originally (just…releasing tension?) and I happily wrote in all kinds of kinks that you might not like. So please, if you think you are likely to be bothered, stop right here and don't read any further.

So, um, obviously the characters belong to Squeenix and the universe belongs to Reiko Yoshihara, author of the original Ai no Kusabi novels.

For those who read that, thanks! For those who are gonna keep reading…I hope you enjoy this! ^^


Day 138

His fingers are running through my hair, touching gently as I suck him, taking him deep into my mouth and stroking with my tongue the way he likes me to, the way I've done a hundred times now. I don't need to look up to see his cold blue eyes watching me, I know they are there with their condescending approval, and I hear him murmur, "Good boy, good Pet…yes, Axel…good, good boy…" And I hate him and I hate this and I hate myself, I have hated myself ever since I gave in, but I can't stop now. And I hate what a coward I've become, but the punishment…oh gods, I can't help it, I'm afraid.

So I service him the way he's wanted me to probably since the day he bought me, and I know he's got that smug, superior look on his face like he always has, right through my training, just like when he broke me…or thought he did, because I gave in. I know he's smirking and I hate his smirk. I know I shouldn't look at him – I should just keep going, eyes closed, just like I always do – but somehow…I can't help it this time. I don't know why.

When I open my eyes and look up, sucking hard with him deep in my throat, I almost choke with shock. Tonight, it's not what I expected. I've never seen him look like this before.

His eyes aren't smug and cold, they are hazy and warm and watching me, yes, always watching, but it's different. Really, really different. And his face is flushed and his lips are parted, not smirking, parted and slightly curved upward…and he sees me look at him, and as I meet his eyes I hear him draw breath sharply and inside my mouth he twitches and I taste the first drops of his fluid.

This isn't right. This…this isn't the way he's supposed to be. This isn't the way a Blondie is supposed to look at a Pet, affected like this. But it's real, it's happening, and oh gods all of a sudden I want to do something terrible, I want to do what I could get killed for, and I don't fucking care if I die. I don't know where this feeling came from…maybe it has been there all along, underneath my hatred of that smug face watching me, that cold voice commanding me. Maybe I was always hungry for who he was underneath…

It doesn't matter when or why. In this moment, as I release him and spring forward fast, shoving him onto his back on the bed, I'm not thinking about the past, about my enslavement to him or his ownership of me. I'm thinking about him. Now. And how I'm probably about to be killed for this, but I don't care.

Always he's dressed in these fine, rich, Blondie clothes, but not anymore. I'm tearing them off him, ripping the thin fabrics as I undress him violently, and I watch him, because it's the last I'll see of him, I'm sure. With a flick of his fingers, the door will open and guards will race in and grab me and castrate me right here in front of him, and then I'll be dragged away and executed for touching a Blondie like this.

But I don't stop stripping him, not for a moment.

And then I see his face, and I pause, only for the space of a breath. He's watching me, and he's still smiling, and all of a sudden I know that he's waiting to see what I'm doing. Because…because maybe he's…going to allow it? I don't know… I could kill him right now. I could wrap my hands around his throat and strangle this bastard who used me so revoltingly…or I could take him, rape him, ravish his body like no Pet would ever, ever dare. Because that's not what Pets do…that's not what they – we – are for.

He's waiting to see which one it will be…and I know he's ready to call the guards for one of those choices, but maybe…maybe not for both. Something in his smile makes me think…the smug bastard wants one of those two things.

But that doesn't really stop me. Because, death or not, there's no debate within me right now. There's only one thing in my mind – and it's not what I expected – as I press forward, throwing the last of his clothing away as I force my mouth onto his. I don't wait – I can't – I just kiss him hard and deep and full, way too rough for a first kiss, but then, that's not what this is about. Not this kiss.

Pets don't do this. Blondies can, if they want (they never do, but they can)…but a Pet would never.

But I am, and I don't care. He's on his back and I'm pressing him down into the bed and taking his mouth, that taunting, commanding mouth, it's mine for this moment, and my last breath will be sucked from his lungs.

And then…he relaxes. His hand, which was ready to summon my death…it falls to the sheets. He tilts his head and accepts my kiss and…and moans. Just a little bit, a soft sound…but it's unmistakable. He's submitting.

I guess now I know which choice he wanted me to make. Damned Blondie…am I still his pawn?

We'll see about that.

Like the first time he took the chains off, my hands feel free. I keep kissing him, keep tasting him, and I'm starting to touch him too. He's naked and I've never seen him naked before and his skin is warm under my hands, trembling and sometimes soft, sometimes tense and firm. Perfect Blondie body…no, I don't care. I've had enough of those thoughts, and I'm banishing them from my mind from this very moment as I rake my hands through that golden hair that I'm not thinking about anymore.

He whimpers. He whimpers. Oh gods that sound! I'm between his legs still, and I feel him, he was already hard but now he's harder somehow, bigger, and so am I. I think I'm harder than I've ever been, maybe in my whole life, and I press myself against him like I've never been allowed to do. And he…he opens his mouth further, crying out into mine.

Oh, I want to torture him. I want to make him mad and wild, playing with his body the way he's always played with mine until he's melted, begging, utterly submitted to me…but I can't. I don't…I can't wait that long. And anyway…he's not really resisting as it is. Good enough for me, I guess.

I grab his hips hard and slide him forward, up further onto the bed, and I follow him. I crawl between those legs again, and I can't believe my eyes…he's opening them for me. He's watching me through narrow eyes, burning with lust – I know that look, that raw lust he always watches me with when I'm coming for him to see – and his fingers are playing over his own skin as he opens his legs for me.

I'm going to have to figure this shit out…later. After. Because this is insane.

Not now though. Now, I feel my throat rumble with a growl as I grip his legs, lifting them one at a time. I stroke him roughly a few times – just to see him writhe, which he does – and then my hands are on his smooth ass, probing that tight circle.

He's sensitive…he jerks and his voice cries out again. And I know one thing for sure as my wet fingers slip inside him – he's a virgin. I knew that…Blondies, they virtually all are…but somehow it matters a lot more right now. Because no one and nothing has ever entered him here before, and now I am. I will.

Just a minute…he's really tight. I won't be able to enter…for once I'm grateful that he always has all kinds of toys and shit within arm's reach. Always for me, of course, but today that nearby bottle of lubricant is for him. I keep thrusting into him with my fingers as I open the bottle with the other hand, squeezing plenty out and slicking it over my length.

And he still doesn't resist, doesn't say anything, just watches me, waiting. Even when I pull my fingers out long before he's ready, even when I press my throbbing erection against his still-tight entrance…he just watches. Just waits, his eyes burning, a slight moan slipping from his lips again, and his legs open just a little further, encouraging me to go ahead. Do it.

I do.

I meant to do it fast. I meant to thrust all the way in, hard and fast, hoping to hurt him like he's hurt me again and again, but I can't. As soon as I feel him closing around me, I slow down. I can't help it…he's so hot and tight around me, like nobody else, and I forget about hurting him, I forget about moving fast. I want to savor him, I want this incredible feeling to take a long, long time. I'm still pushing into him, but it's slower, gradual…he's closing around me bit by bit and I can't keep silent, it feels so good. I groan loudly and it's OK, because he's the same, he's groaning and arching and his arousal is twitching like he's about to come from this…just like me.

I don't stop until all of me is inside him. I can't breathe. He's crying. At least…tears are running from the corners of his blue, blue eyes – those eyes I always hated – and his fingers are digging into my biceps painfully, and I know he's hurting too. I meant to hurt him…but now I'm sorry. For the first time since he bought me, I don't want him to hurt. I hold still and lift a hand from the mattress…I'm trembling, shaking hard with the strain, the effort to maintain control somehow, but I raise that hand to his face. His tears are hot on my fingertips as I brush them away. His eyes open and they look at me, and I've never seen a look like this before, never even dreamed it. He's begging me with his eyes…helpless and in pain but also drowning in pleasure. And I know what he wants, he doesn't have to say it…and I wish he wouldn't speak, because I don't know if I can handle it, but he does. He speaks, and he shatters our world.

"Axel…" I can barely hear him, he's so quiet, but everything in me is listening. "…more…"

Oh, why did he have to say that? I draw back slowly, almost all the way, and then drive forward again, faster this time. Why did he have to change this? His voice, his cry penetrate me even deeper than I am penetrating his body as I do it again…and again. What is going to become of us now? It's slick inside him now, wet and yielding but still so, so hot, and tight because he's clenching around me, and I'm moving faster, faster, because we won't last much longer.

I feel it break…we're breaking together. Just as it happens, I reach for his lips again, sealing our mouths together as I feel his body tense, and I close my hand over him as he pulses violently, releasing his fluid between our bodies, onto his stomach and mine. And I can't really tell what I'm doing through the extreme pleasure but I know I'm pumping him through it, my hips still jerking as I feel him milking my own release out of me, taking it into himself. I feel more than hear his scream in my mouth. I might be screaming too. I don't know.

We're done, and I collapse onto him. I don't pull out yet, and I don't notice the sweat and the semen all over us both. I don't care. I've never felt so good in my life.

We're doomed.

"Axel…Axel…Axel…" I hear him whispering in my ear, a breath exhaled with no voice, so soft, so almost-silent, but I hear. I hear him. I know him. I know what he's saying, the way he says my name, nothing at all like the way he's always said it. I breathe in the thick, rich scent of him, and I add one more unforgivable crime to the long list I've created tonight. I whisper his name back to him.

"Roxas…"

He said my name, and I said his, I said his name…but really, we said the same thing.

We're really doomed, aren't we, Roxas?

We are. I know. But as I fall asleep in his arms – oh gods, a Pet and a Blondie, impossible – I don't care.

I don't care.

~o~