Have you ever noticed that when you ask you parents for their opinion about your of fit your mom says yes in an instant but you dad takes a couple seconds just to say yes?

There are only three types of people in the world. People who can count and people who can't count.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Have you ever noticed that your pain is millions of peoples joy?

Men always want to be a woman's first first love-women like to be a man's lat romance.

there are only two common elements in the world-hydrogen and stupidity.

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, "So far so good!"

If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?

If a cow laughs really hard will milk come out of it's nose?

If Wal-Mart is lowering their prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

Why do we drive in the parkway and park in the driveway?

You can't have every thing you want. Where would you put it all?

I can count past five. One, two, three, five, six, seven, four.

They say kids brighten the home. That's because they forget to turn the lights off.

The parents teach children the first two years how to walk and talk. Then they spend the next 16 years telling you to sit down and be quiet.

The meaning of life is to give life a meaning.

They keep saying the right person will come along....... I think mine was hit by a truck.

A penny saved is a government overlook.

Birthdays are like glazed donuts. Sometimes it's better not to remember how many you've had.

You know your getting old when the candles cast more than the cake.

Birthdays are like buses, never the number you want.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second worm gets to live.