AN: Yeah... total suckage of not updating in SO long! I'm sorry. Not a day went by when I didnt feel guilty for leaving you all hanging. Good news, I passed the first and supposedly hardest term of nursing school!

Mcc101180: Thank you for being an awesome beta! I love you!

gossip_bangkok: You are such an awesome friend! Thank you for pre-reading :)

Tiff: I missed you 333

Luna: xoxo

Bellamadonna: Love you!

Recap of chapter 12: Alice found out about the affair. Bella left Edward, crying and naked after asking him to make love to her.

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

BPOV

Tap tap tap

I was startled awake, not consciously aware that I had even drifted off to sleep. Confused as to my surroundings, I looked around. It took a moment to realize that I was still in my car, on the side of the road, and had cried myself to sleep. FUCK. I wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep and finish the dream. The dream where I had not fucked everything up with Edward.

Tap tap tap

"Miss," a rather deep voice came from my left. "You can't park here."

Looking toward the voice, I spotted a plump gray haired man in a tan uniform. The star on his chest gave away his identity as a highway patrolman.

Quickly I rolled down my window to reply, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realize I fell asleep." I shot him a weak smile as I turned on the car and slowly pulled back onto the freeway.

A couple miles down I pulled into the rest stop and parked in the most isolated spot I could find, slightly obscured by fir trees and four foot high weeds. I knew I couldn't go back to my old life, and I knew I didn't want to, either. A life where I was just living, not fully feeling. A life where something was always missing without even knowing it until it was too late. And now that I had experienced what life could be like, I knew I wanted it. I knew that with Edward was where I wanted to be - wrapped up in his arms and held tightly, until the whole world fell away, leaving just us.

But I ruined any chances for us, tainted by an infidelity that felt more like a relationship than the friendship I knew Alice and I had.

Reaching for my phone, I absently dialed the office and told them I would be taking some time off. Told, not asked. I just didn't really give a fuck at this point whether I had a job when I came back. Right now, my priority was making an attempt at fixing things. Not knowing how to fix things was the hardest part of all.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, letting the events of the past few days run through my mind. How I wished I had never turned a blind eye to my feelings for Edward. Wished I had told Alice where my heart was. I had two people in my life that loved me, but I only loved one in the same way.

I shook my head, trying to rid the thoughts from my mind, unwilling to let myself succumb to despair at this very moment. I knew I needed somewhere to go, a place to regroup and think. Somewhere safe. In a matter of seconds had my mind made up; I would go to my father's and hope to God that the time spent there would be enough to figure it all out…where I would go from here, and how to go about it.

I made the six hour drive in four, and when I pulled in I was pleased to find the cruiser in the driveway. That meant Charlie was home. He answered the door with a shocked but excited expression.

"Bella, honey," he said softly, his excitement fading as he took in my withered appearance.

"Dad, I just need somewhere to stay for a while," I murmured, letting him pull me into a loose hug. He pulled back to look me in the face, but spoke no words. He didn't need to question; my face said it all.

Smiling meekly, I whispered thanks and took the stairs to my old room. It was just a guest room now, but the bed was inviting and so was the silence.

Days went by; I barely left the room to drink and ate just enough to stop the hunger pains. I felt myself drift further into my depression. Further into self loathing. Being holed up in this place, I was left with nothing more than my thoughts and memories of mistakes made and bad decisions. No, not bad decisions. Bad timing.

Unaware of how many days I had spent bunkered up in my old bedroom, but knowing I had to fight off exhaustion and attempt to do something. Attempt to piece myself together. I sat up and looked around the room; my eyes coming to rest on my old chest. A reserved smile came to my face as I walked across the room and kneeled in front of the cherry wood chest. Slowly I opened it, knowing what I would find inside. As a girl I stored my most prized toys inside, Rainbow Brite and Strawberry Shortcake. She had lost her strawberry scent in all the years since I had last seen her, but her red hair and freckled cheeks remained flawless.

Happy memories flooded my thoughts as I inventoried the contents of the receptacle, but none as happy as the one I felt when my hands landed on my journal. A diary of sorts, a place where I wrote my innermost thoughts from junior high and high school. It held the words of a self conscious little girl who had no idea how to get what she wanted.

Seems nothing has changed.

Gingerly I ran my finger over the gold embossed letters on the cover, Bella's Journal, and opened it slowly, exposing words written by my younger self. I took my time reading the pages, from the insecure writings of a twelve year old child, to the ramblings of my teenage self struggling with what book to write my term paper on. That's when I found it. My first entry dedicated fully to him. My heart pained a little as I began to read and tears pricked my sight.

Edward called me his best friend today. Why does it bother me? Why do I wish when he hugged me goodbye at the end of the school day, that he would have held me longer? I want to say that I don't care that he thinks of me as only a friend. That I don't care that when he looks at me with his emerald eyes and I see them smile, that I wish I saw something more than friendship.

Dad asked me today what I want to be when I grow up. I blurted out the only answer I could think of… a poet. But that was a lie.

Bella Cullen. That is what I want to be. Bella Marie Cullen.

APOV

Minutes morphed into hours, and hours into days. Time kept moving, yet I wasn't. The phone may have rung a few times, but I just didn't give a fuck. Let the machine get it. I was beyond depressed; it was to the point of not taking care of myself and not even being bothered by it, which was just so unlike me. The crying had stopped and the pain in my chest subsided. Numbness lingered where my heart was, but somehow it beat, left with the innate knowledge that it only had to contract to keep me alive.

I had this wallowing in self pity thing down, didn't I?

Slowly I forced my eyes open and stared into the vast darkness of my bedroom. My bedroom, it was just mine now. No warm body to share it with. Nothing but the surreal reality of being alone.

The shades were drawn but I could see bright light through the cracks in the curtain, telling me it was likely sometime in the afternoon. Slowly I sat up, and begrudgingly stood and allowed my legs to take me to my destination- the bathroom. I cringed at the reflection in the mirror. I looked hideous; bags under my eyes, hair looking like I fingered a light socket.

I shrugged out of my clothing and took a long shower, washing off the combined stench of failure and B.O. that came from a multi day self imposed pity party. I reached for the body wash and froze. The smell of it would make me think of her. I winced at the thought and grabbed the bar of soap from the sink and lathered up with it.

After toweling off, I knew it was time.

It had been weeks since I last saw Bella, or even another human being for that matter. I needed to get out of the house... enjoy myself for a while; get my mind off of things.

I took my time doing my hair and makeup, pleased by the wickedly hot pair of smoky eyes I ended up with. I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans, a blood red off-the-shoulder shirt and my favorite black high heeled boots. I may have felt like shit on the inside, but I was smoking hot on the outside. I garnished myself with a spritz of honey and walked out the door.

I shrieked in surprise when a body appeared in front of me, blocking my vision.

"Fuck!" I cried out, grabbing my chest in an effort to tame my shocked heart.

I took a moment to assess who was in front of me and saw Edward, looking as shitty as I felt. His hair was a mess, and he had large, dark circles under his eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I spat, anger boiling inside me. I teetered on the edge of exploding.

"I need to see her." His voice was pained and scratchy.

"What do you mean?" I tried the best I could to control my innate need to rip his hair out. But looking into his eyes, dark and lost, I felt my anger turn into fear. "What do you mean, you need to see her?" I repeated.

"I know she's here; I need to see her." His voice was getting louder and his breathing was quick as he brought a shaking hand to his hair and pulled at it.

"She hasn't been here since it happened," I said quietly, shifting my eyes away from his.

"She's gone," he whispered as he closed his eyes tightly.

"Gone?"

"She left almost three weeks ago! Won't answer my calls or texts," he said with a frantic tinge to his voice. "I wanted to give her time, and give you time. But I need to see her. I need to know she is ok."

"She's not here, Edward. I haven't heard from her either." My concern was growing.

"Listen," he said in an even tone. "I know we went about it the wrong way."

"Edward, I don't want—"

"Hear me out, please, Alice," he said with conviction. I closed my eyes and held my tongue. "I'm sorry for what we did, and how we went about it. But I have loved her for as long as I can remember. I loved her since I first laid eyes on her. I want you to know I am sorry."

His words caused something in me to snap and I could no longer stay quiet.

"Were you sorry when you were fucking her every chance you got? Were you sorry when you lied to my face? Were you sorry when you took the woman I loved for as long as I could remember and turned her into someone I couldn't even recognize?"

I looked into his face and watched his normally defined features twisted into pain and sorrow. Edward began mumbling apologies over and over again. He was the vision of a man in pain, pain which was obviously genuine. And as much as I hated to admit it, I was starting to feel bad for him.

"I don't want to talk about this right now." My voice quivered with emotion, tears streamed down my cheeks. "I know we have a lot to talk about. But nothing is going to get resolved right now." I closed my eyes and exhaled a long breath.

At this point sorrys didn't matter. They were just words. Other words needed to be said, but between my anger and his obvious grief we would never get anywhere. "She probably went to her dad's." I turned to the house and waved Edward in behind me. "Give me a minute and I'll call."

Calling Charlie was quick, and to the point. Reluctantly he conceded that Bella was staying at his house. Living as a hermit, leaving her room only to eat. He was concerned, and by the end of the conversation he had asked me to come and talk to her.

"She's with her dad," I said evenly. "I'm going to drive there and talk to her." Meeting his eyes I gave him a pointed look. "Alone. I'll call you when I have something to tell you."

He nodded in agreement and quietly left the house on foot. I packed an overnight bag and left right away, headed for Charlie's and the woman who broke my heart; hoping to find her and figure out what was going on. I meant what I said to her before, we may have been lovers before, but were friends first. And she needed a friend.

BPOV

Snatching a a magazine to cover my purchase, I hoped no one could see what was underneath. A woman of my age should not be as scared as I was to buy one. But I was afraid, terrified even.

Mentally I counted the days in my head. It had been three weeks. Was it even possible? Quickly I paid and drove back to Charlie's in a fog. He had gone to work, leaving the house silent and it was the perfect time for what I needed to do.

I walked into the kitchen and poured a large class of orange juice, drinking it in less than a minute. Grabbing the package, I walked to the restroom and closed the door behind me. Moments after I used the toilet, I heard a knock on the door. Curious as to who could possibly be coming by the house at this time, I tip-toed to the front door and peeked out the peep hole, shocked to find Alice waiting on the other side.

"Alice?" I asked as I opened the door.

"Bella, we need to talk," she said, her voice even and low.

"Come in." My heart was beating a mile a minute, close to jumping out of my throat.

"It was a long drive," she murmured. "I'll be right back," she said as she turned toward the restroom.

Fear coursed through me when I realized where she was going, and what she would find. Quickly I raced behind her, but was a moment too late as she shut the door behind her.

"Bella?" she said, her voice high and surprised. "Oh god," she whispered.

Closing my eyes as she opened the door as I saw her face which was covered in shock and sadness. Tears streaming from her eyes, with the knowledge of what she held in her hands. I opened my eyes as I felt her handing something to me.

One positive pregnancy test.

AN: Yes, I left it there. I promise no two month wait for next chapter. PROMISE!

Awesome story you should read but aren't: The Hot Corner by LZTZ and Dpattinson http://www . fanfiction . net/s/5282168/1/