Chapter three: Let's do it 'James Bond' style.

"Can you hold on for a sec?" Roger put his hand over the phone."What do you guys want on your pizza?"

"I want pepperoni, but no mushrooms." Said Jason.

"I want mushrooms and anchovies, but no pepperoni." Said Paige

"I want an all meat pizza with gwava. I don't know what it is but it sounds good." Said Peter.

"I think this family should eat healthier. We should get a veggie pizza." Said Andy

"But veggies are all gross and slimy." Complained Jason.

"O.k., no pepperoni, no mushrooms, no anchovies, no meat, no veggies, and DEFFINETLY no gwava. Whatever that is," Roger counted everything off his fingers. He put his mouth back up to the phone."Just give us a plain pizza."

"Alright sir, that will be $5.99."

"Aaawwwww." The family whined.

After the very plain dinner, The fox family went off and did their own thing. Peter and Roger went to watch football, Jason went on the computer to play World of Warquest, Any went to read the paper, and Paige… well…


Everyone came running up stairs to Paige's room.

"What?" they all said in unison.

"I got invited to go see the next Oprah show!!!!!!" Paige looked like she was about to cry.

"Oh." They turned around and left.

The next day Peter dropped Paige off at the Oprah studio.

"When do I pick you up? Never?" Asked Peter.

"Let me see your arm." Paige gave Peter an Indian burn.


"When you ever think of leaving me anywhere, remember that pain." She got out and slammed the door.

Paige walked up to the ticket booth.

"10 dollars please." Said the boy.

Wait, I know that voice! Thought Paige. "Morton?"

"Yours truly." He said. "$10."

Paige rummaged through her purse. "What! I only have $9!"

"I'll get you in for $5. You just have to go on a date with me."

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!!" yelled Paige. "I'll get in even if I have to get in James Bond style."

Paige walked away from the ticket booth.

"The air ducts are sealed off."

"Oh, come on." Whined Paige.

Paige quickly thought of something. She went into the storage house on the side of the building that said 'Costumes'.

She tied her hair in a bun and put a bandana over it. Then, she put on a large wool over coat and put a fake cigarette in mouth. Once she observed herself in the mirror, she walked outside and joined a group of women that just bought tickets.

"Nice try Paige." Said Morton.

"How did you know it was me?" said Paige who turned around and discarded the disguise in the bushes.

"I recognized your beautiful eyes." Said Morton who got hearts around his head.

"I will get in." said Paige and she walked away.

She went to the back of the studio. There was a security guard standing at the door. Paige went into the costume storage. This time she got on a fake mustache and a black wig with a green hat over the top. Then she slipped on a green shirt that said 'Garbage' and the back.

She went to the back door with the security man. She said in a male voice "Garbage pickup." And the man let her in silently. Once the door closed behind her she took of the disguise and found a seat in the audience.

"Hello Paige." The voice was Morton's.

"How did you find me?!" Said Paige

"Did I mention I was ticket checker too?" he smiled. "So are you going to miss Oprah or pay up and go on a date with me?"

"No. I have one last thing to try." Said Paige and she walked out.

Paige went to the side of the studio building and pulled out a grappling hook. She shot it up and over the side of the building and pressed a button and she zipped up. On top it was very breezy and Morton was waiting on the top.

" It's a showdown of the good and evil." Said Morton. "the rules are simple. We each pick subjects that we like and ask three question. The person who gets more questions out of the three wins. I'll start. Math, what is the equivalent to Pi?"

"Ummm, 2?"

"Wrong. Next question, word problem, If Mrs. Betsy has a lot of 10x5 for plants and she places them two feet apart, how many can she plant?"

"None. It's November."

"Wrong again. Last Question, geometry, what would n be if the two of the three sides on the triangle were 100 and 72?"


"That makes 0 for your score." Morton said.

"My subject is fashion," Said Paige. "Question one, you had a red purse what kind of belt would you ware?"


"Ew no. If you had a pink sparkly shirt what skirt would you ware?"


"Again, ew no. Last question, If you had a green and purple stripped hat with a black purse, red shirt, and tan shorts in the summer time, what color and type of shoes would you ware?"

"Um, blue Crocs?"

"Nope, chartreuse flip-flops. Hmm, I guess we're tied." Said Paige

"That leaves rock-paper-scissors." Said Morton

It turned from James Bond to old western. Paige and Morton were standing face-to-face with their arms out to their sides and their fingers wiggling. They slowly started walking toward each other.

"Egad! The show starts in 5 minutes!" Exclaimed Paige as she looked at her watch."Can we hurry this up?"

"Fine, fine. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Yes rock beats scissors! I win! Now you can go see the show and go on a date with me or not see the show. What will it be?"

"Sigh. I'll go on a date with you." Said Paige quietly.

"I knew you'd come to your senses," Morton ripped of a ticket from his roll."1:00, Friday at the Mac."

After the show Peter picked up a gloomy Paige.

"Was the show bad?" asked Peter.

"No. I have to go on a date with Morton Goldthwait on Friday at the Mac." Said Paige.

"What are you going to do?"

"Ditch him."

"Of course, why did I expect any different." Said Peter sarcastically.