Becoming Her Doctor

A Doctor Who Angst/Romance Fanfic

Rose and the Human Doctor, stuck in a parallel world, with no working Dimension Cannon, but a parallel TARDIS or two. Does the title give enough away?

Rated K+ for relatively depressing stuff along the way and a couple kisses.

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is not mine. If it was... no, who am I kidding, Doctor Who is the best with all the angst left in. All I have claims to is the parallel TARDIS and everything she encompasses.

A/N: I told you the title was sappy.

Anyway, this is the big, epic Doctor Who story I'm working on. I'm going to warn you now that the future parts are not going to be like this. I've got two poem chapters, one (true) drabble chapter, and one and a half longer-length chapters already written, but nothing more in this... present-day-and-memories-at-the-same-time style.

So don't be prepared for consistency with this story. Just be prepared for a story.

Italicized quotes taken from the episodes "The End of the World", "The Parting of Ways", "New Earth", "Utopia", and "The Last of the Time Lords" by the infamous Davies and "Planet of the Ood" by Keith Temple and "Dalek" by Robert Shearman. Also, kudos to Steven Moffat for "The Empty Child"/"The Doctor Dances".

Chapter One: Memories of Someone Else's Past (1175 words)

"I can smell chips." Rose laughed, remembering.

"I can smell chips."

They'd stood in the middle of a crowded sidewalk. He'd held her hand supportively – as she'd held his. He'd asked her how the end of the world changed her. He'd asked her if she wanted to go home.

"Can you smell chips?" she'd answered. He'd laughed.


"I want chips."

"Me too."

"Chips again?"

"Chips again," Rose assured him. She went on with a half-hearted smile. "It worked the first time."

They'd lay down on his overcoat on the applegrass, with him explaining and her listening. They'd been happy, right outside of New New York. He'd been reminding her of history she already knew – history she'd already witnessed.

"So the year five billion, the sun expands, the Earth gets roasted."

"That was our first date," she'd remembered.

"We had chips," he'd added.

"Oi! Don't go stealing all the chips!" Rose gave him a strange look – that wasn't something she remembered of him.

"You're different," she clarified, not for the first time, but the first time so directly. "I mean, you look the same but you're not the same."

"Different," he agreed. He didn't quite like it – but he couldn't help what he was.

He'd somehow managed to turn something into a joke. She'd laughed. It'd been a strange sound to his ears – but a good one.

"What?" he'd had to know.

"You're so different."

"The new new Doctor." She'd smiled. She'd liked the change.

But she wasn't sure she liked this one.

"At this rate, you'll never keep that skinny body of yours," Rose joked. He sighed, faking it so clearly Rose couldn't help smiling.

"I s'pose you're right. Nothing burns calories like running for your life."

All those times he'd reached out for her hand and told her to run. All those times he hadn't said a word; they'd just grabbed hands and ran. That perfect mix of adrenaline and endorphins and pheromones crammed into such a simple act.

Something else she'd missed and had barely gotten back.

"We'll have to figure out a way to start that up again. I haven't done much of that since... since I got here." She had to be careful around that name, calling the man in front of her what he wasn't or calling the one who wasn't here what the one in front of her was trying to be. "I've fought for my life, but I haven't run for it for ages."

"Maybe Torchwood could connect us with some aliens to scare off."

"Scare off? You'll just bore them to death with your limitless knowledge and there won't be any running involved. Anyway, Torchwood's nothing special here without our 51st Century friend to spice things up."

He'd left her for five minutes and she'd managed to get herself in trouble. And what had she done? Discovered the ex-Time-Agent-turned-con-man that had lured them here in the first place.

At least the flirt turned out to be more of a help than a nuisance in the end.

Even if he was quite the nuisance.

"You never told me, what happened to him?" Rose prompted.

"You never asked," he answered, avoiding the question so clearly she couldn't be fooled.

"How'd he come back to life? I saw them – I saw those Daleks–" she spat out the word. "They killed him."

The cold, unfeeling metal bodies; the eyestalks that lived up to their name. "The ultimate in racial cleansing," he'd told her, at one point. She'd never forget them. They'd trapped her hear, and they'd created him, and they'd forced him to leave her here, with him. Stuck with the imposter – and it was all their fault.

"You happened to him, Rose."

"Rose, you've done it. Now stop," he pleaded. "Just let go."

"How can I let go of this? I bring life."

Not too far away, but enough of a distance that they didn't see, the insistent flirt drew life back into his lungs.

"He'll never die?" Rose repeated. "I wish I'd never die. Then we could travel forever, me and the Doctor." It wasn't until after she dropped the bomb that she realized what she'd said. She glanced over to her date and caught a pair of startlingly smoldering eyes. It couldn't be just her mistaken choice of words, could it?

"It's not natural. It should never have happened. You shouldn't have done that do him."

Jack had been recounting the ways he'd died.

"In the end, I got the message. I'm the man who can never die," he'd said from his impossible position. "And all that time you knew."

"That's why I left you behind. It's not easy, even just –" he'd shaken his head in disbelief – because that's what he'd been doing: disbelieving. "Just looking at you, Jack, 'cause you're wrong."


"You are; I can't help it. I'm a Time Lord; it's instinct. It's in my guts. You're a fixed point in time and space. You're a fact." He'd paused, considering how to put it lightly. "That was never supposed to happen. Even the TARDIS reacted against you, tried to shake you off. Flew all the way to the end of the universe just to get rid of you."

"In the end, living gets old. You don't want to go on forever, because even if you do, the rest of the universe doesn't. You leave everything you know behind. You leave everything you love behind. You can't dare to become attached to things, because in the end you'll watch them wither and die. You're surrounded by everyone but no one and nothing stays the same.

"After a while, you stop trusting yourself, not to mention everyone else. You can't win, you won't lose, you never get a respite from living." He sighed, still gazing well into the distance behind Rose.

"Sometimes, you just want to die."

It had been a time of relative happiness – they'd just saved the world. Well, to be specific, Martha had saved the world. And there the three of them had stood, remembering the horrors they'd just witnessed. And how the world around them had no idea – and never would have any idea. And Jack had shattered the moment of relative peace with something so simple.

"And what about me, can you fix that? Will I ever be able to die?"

"Nothing I can do. You're an impossible thing, Jack." Jack had laughed it off, but he had still seen the hurt, the pain, the never-ceasing ache that accompanied an endless life spilling out of those eyes that had already survived an inhuman lifetime.

Rose's eyes welled up with tears. "I'm sorry."

She hadn't been the only one to apologize. Maybe it was just how much Donna he had in him, but he remembered that clearly. And he'd felt Donna's heartbreak at realizing how alone he was, but he'd passed it off as the Oods' lament.

"I'm sorry," Donna had said.

"It's okay," he'd reassured, because it had been.

As was this.

A/N: This chapter was rather reminiscent of "The Doctor's Song." I hadn't started it out intending to end up like that, but I'm kinda glad it did. It set the thing off to the correctly depressing start it deserves.

I have a poem planned for a soon chapter, but I'd like to see something between that and this. A diary entry, perhaps? Another one of these? Something like this length-wise, but a little less of the... quotage? Or would you just rather I upload the poem? Tell me your opinion in a review!