A/N: Well this is the end of this story. It took forever and well, I really had like everything done on it, but I didn't think I was done, until today. So here it is. I love this story and I hope all of you will like the ending!
Chapter 18: Is This the End?
The lift doors closed on Harry and I realized that this was probably how it looked to him just a mere two hours before. Why couldn't I just tell him I loved him? I questioned. It's not like it wasn't true or was it? Do I love him? I didn't know. I shut my flat door and walked back into my bedroom. I looked at the journal with a glare. I was never writing in one again. It only caused problems. Okay, so only in this instance it does, but still, I was never writing in one again.
I climbed onto my bed and sat against the headboard. I looked around my room, replaying what had happened there. I didn't want Harry's first time in my room to be bad. I wanted it to be good, very good. Unfortunately, I don't always get what I want. I closed my eyes. I had to think this through. Was I afraid to be in love? That question flitted through my mind as I fell asleep.
When I awoke sometime later, it was to a banging at my door. My flat was completely dark. I had been asleep for a lot longer than I planned. The happenings of that morning came rushing back to the forefront of my mind and I jumped out of bed, hoping that it was Harry at my door. I jogged to my door and pulled it open without looking to see who it was.
"Harry, I…" I began, but stopped when it definitely wasn't Harry on the other side. "Granger, what are you doing here?" I questioned. She looked worried and on the verge of tears. She looked past me and into my dark flat.
"Is Harry here with you?" she asked.
"No. He left hours ago. You haven't seen him?" I asked.
Hermione shook her head and wiped at her eyes. "Did you guys have another fight?"
"No, but I didn't tell him something that he wanted me to," I replied ashamedly.
Hermione nodded knowingly. "Draco, just so you know, I was wrong. You weren't using Harry. I also know that you love him even if you don't know yourself. I'm sorry. Let me know if you hear or see Harry, I'm worried about him."
"Isn't he in his flat?" I asked her. I had heard what she said, but I was more concerned about where Harry was.
"No, after he left I went back to my flat and after a few hours I went to see how he was doing. He didn't answer the door so I assumed he was still with you. I left, but something nagged at me so I came back to check again and when he didn't answer this time I went inside. The place was cleared out. I mean his clothes were gone, a lot of his books and movies, his coat. He is definitely not home and I don't think he's coming back any time soon.
"Did he leave anything behind that might suggest where he went?" I demanded. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. Where could he have gone?
Hermione brought her hand up and showed me what was left behind. It was the journal, the other half to mine. It was my other half's. I took it from her and opened it up. I saw Harry's first entry again and then I read through what I had written to him. I realized that I was scared. I was scared to fall in love, and feel the weakness that I always associated with love.
I was about to close the journal when something caught my eye. I turned the page and my eyes fell on a new entry. I gulped nervously as I began reading the entry.
I imagined things going different then they went to today, way different. I realized that I loved someone today, truly loved someone, madly and deeply loved someone for real, but as it turns out, the feeling is not mutual. I thought that he would and could love me, but I guess I was wrong.
I walked into my room and grabbed my journal. I flipped it open to the first entry where Harry's thoughts had shown up in my own and where we began talking back and forth. I read both sides of the conversation. Harry loved me. He loved me unconditionally. I had no reason to be scared. Love was pure and made a person whole and now that Harry wasn't here with me, I realized how empty I felt. I loved him. I truly loved him. I started to smile then and then I began laughing. I turned to face Hermione as I was laughing. She looked back at me in confusion.
"I love him. I love him!" I exclaimed. Hermione stared at me for a moment and then smiled.
"I know you do, but he doesn't," she reminded me.
I nodded and started racking my brain for where he might be. I heard a buzzing noise and looked at Hermione. She pulled out a muggle telephone from her pocket and answered it. I turned my back on her to give her some privacy.
"What?... Are you sure it's him?... Oh gods," I heard Hermione say. I turned around to look at her and she looked horrified. That sick feeling came back. I watched as she closed the phone. She shook her head and brought a hand to her mouth.
"Hermione, what is the matter?" I demanded.
"I know where Harry is," she whispered.
I scrunched my eyebrows together. "Where?"
"He's on the roof," she replied.
My eyes widened. I didn't wait for her to say anything more. I ran out of my bedroom and out my front door. I flew towards the door at the end of the hallway and took the steps to the roof two at a time. When I burst through the door with a clang I could barely see. My eyes hadn't adjusted to the darkness on the rooftop, but when they did adjust, I felt my stomach drop. Harry was sitting on the lip of the roof, his legs dangling over the side.
I rushed towards him. "Harry, what the hell are you doing?" I demanded. I saw him startle and I stopped in my tracks. If he was planning to jump, surprising him like I did wasn't the best idea.
He didn't look at me. "I'm getting some perspective," he replied absently.
"You needed to do that up here? Are you crazy?" I demanded. My heart was pounding and the sick feeling would not go away.
"Well, I always did my best thinking when I flew, when I was high above the world. I could forget my problems for the time that I was up there. I figured that sitting up here would work the same and it does," he said. His voice sounded off to me and I wondered if he'd been drinking again.
"Harry, could you get down from there so we could talk?" I asked nervously.
"What is there to talk about?" he questioned.
"Oh, I don't know maybe how you shouldn't jump off the roof. That might be a start," I suggested.
"I'm not going to jump off the roof, Draco. I told you, I'm getting some perspective. After leaving your place I decided that I needed to get out of here. You know, get away from everyone who is in my past. Start new. I was stupid to think that love could pull through for me again, like I could actually love and be loved. I guess I'll just leave and start over again. Maybe I'll have luck then," he replied. He turned his body and jumped down from the ledge. I sagged my shoulders in relief.
"Harry, don't leave. I don't want that," I said.
He shrugged. "Draco, you want me, you don't want me. You can't have it both ways. I told you I loved you and you don't love me back. I don't want to accept it, but I will because I love you. I think its better this way. We won't have to deal with awkward moments in the halls," he responded.
"But I do love you," I told him. That stopped him and I saw his nonchalant mask falter.
"No, you don't love me. You told me that earlier. You're just saying this now because I'm leaving," he responded, his voice quivering.
"I didn't say I didn't love you, I just didn't know what to say. Harry, I do love you, but it scares me. It scares me to admit to the weakness of love. But I do love you, more than I ever thought was possible," I explained.
Harry stared at me and then his shoulders began shaking as tears filled his eyes. "Loving someone isn't weak. It's not loving someone that makes you weak," he whispered.
I nodded. "I know that, but you didn't have to leave to make me realize that," I teased.
Harry grinned. "Would you have come to the conclusion on your own if Hermione hadn't come to you?"
I stared at him. This had been a set up? I narrowed my gaze which only made him grin even more which was infuriating. "You set me up?"
He shrugged. "Sort of, but not completely."
"Sort of, but not completely? What does that mean?" I asked him.
"Well, I really was leaving to go to Grimmauld for a few days to give you some space and I may have cleared out my apartment of some more things than necessary. I wasn't really expecting Hermione to go in and check on me. I took more stuff out in case you wanted to talk more or something. It was a low blow, but it worked in the long run," he replied. He looked as if he had discovered electricity or something.
"How very Slytherin of you," I mused.
He grinned even wider. "You know, I was almost sorted into Slytherin. We could have been housemates," he responded cheekily.
He was damn cute when he was being cunning. I couldn't stop myself from smiling at him. "We could be housemates now?" I suggested, only slightly joking. I didn't expect him to go for it.
"You know I don't want to just be housemates," he replied. He gave me a cocky grin that nearly made me melt right then.
"I don't want to just be housemates either," I responded as I took a step toward him. He took a step towards me too.
"What do you want to be then?" he asked as he cocked his head to the side.
He was too damn cute for his own good. "I want you. That's all I want," I whispered. We were standing mere inches apart. His emerald eyes were shining and I knew more than ever that I loved him.
He closed the distance between us and pressed his lips against mine. I didn't hesitate to pull him as close as possible to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he wrapped his arms around mine. We pulled apart for a moment and looked at each other. I brought a hand up to his face and smoothed a thumb across his lips.
"I know this sounds bad, but I'm glad you had a breakdown," I whispered.
Harry chuckled and nodded in agreement. "Me too," he replied.
"What now?" I asked.
"I don't know, I suppose I should put my stuff back in my flat. That might be a good start," Harry responded.
"Or you could stay the night with me," I suggested with a sly grin.
Harry lifted an eyebrow and grinned. "I like that idea," he said quietly. I grinned and leaned down to kiss him again. When we broke apart again, we both turned and started heading for the door. I looped an arm around his shoulder and kissed the side of his head.
"So tell me more about how you could have been in Slytherin," I said.
Harry chuckled and shook his head. Things were definitely going to be perfect.