A/N First I must give a HUGE thank you and a bucket sized chocolate martini to the world's BEST beta Changed_By_Edward, you rock BB H&R. Second a thank you to Militza for making sure that I finished this fic.

I put a lot of my heart into this one, so please review and let me know what you think!! Sorry if I make you cry, I know I did.

The cobbles bit into my feet as I ran toward the hospital, clutching my life to my chest. The soft pressure of a tiny hand grasping my finger compelled me to run faster. With every step I took the pressure weakened, as a hollowed void began forming in my chest.

I have to make it. I have to run harder, faster.

In the distance I could see the lights indicating our salvation.

"Hold on, baby, we're almost there," I whispered to the tiny bundle in my arms.

A raspy, labored breath was the only response. I repeated a silent prayer and willed my legs to cooperate. The muscles of my body screamed in protest as I quickened my pace.

The tiny hand briskly gripped my finger, seemingly using all of its waning strength to maintain the feeble grasp. The change of pressure causing hope to radiate through me.

We're going to make it.

The cool night air hit my skin as his hand fell away. The tiny arm hung limply from the soft blanket held firmly within my arms, causing my heart to stop beating.

As I uncovered the beautiful face hidden beneath the blanket, the sight of blue lips caused me to stumble, landing harshly on my knees, my arms protectively cradling my baby as I collided with the street.

The damp stones sent a chill coursing through my body, my thin shirt serving no protection against the cold. I clasped my baby against my chest waiting to feel any movement.


Unable to stop the thundering of my heart, I held my breath. Seconds turned to minutes as I searched for any sign of life in my arms.

One beat, one breath, God, grant me anything.

Take me. Take my heart, my lungs, my body. If you take my baby you... you take my soul, my reason to exist.

My body began to tremble as I looked down upon my child, uncovering his angelic face.

My lips, full and pouty.

My mother's nose, with my father's face.

Behind those pale lids, deep onyx eyes.

Even in death, he is beautiful.

My cheeks moistened with tears as my heart was torn from my chest. I could still feel it beating, but my blood no longer warmed my body. I no longer felt pain or sorrow, I felt... empty.

I was an empty shell, clutching the only reason for my existence tightly against my hollow chest.

Pulling my feet under my body, I rose from the ground and began to walk.

I have to get away, I don't belong here.

I had no reason left to live before I conceived my son. Feelings of love and hope had begun to return to my life, strengthening every day that he grew within my body. I had soon recreated my life to protect my child and keep him from harm. Now there was nothing more for me to do. I had failed. He was gone, and I was lifeless.

I don't want to be here anymore. My life is now empty. I want to be with my son, watch him grow. I want to hear his heart beating and feel the warmth of his skin.

The cool salty breeze whipping my skirt against my legs broke me from my inner torment.

The cliffs, I used to sit at these cliffs. They would bring me such peace and comfort. They will bring me comfort again.

The waves crashing against the rocks gave an inviting welcome to two lost souls. I stared at the cherub face one last time before walking off the edge of the earth.

Fly my angel, grow wings and never know the pain and sorrow of this world.

The wind rushed past me causing his tiny arms to flutter, making it seem as though he was reaching for me one last time, asking me to take him into my arms and guide him to the other side.

Drawing him against my pounding heart, I felt the rocks slam against my back.


Pain is better than an empty void. Pain is what I deserve.

Voices, pieces of conversations.







Overwhelming pain, but the void is still there. There was an empty part of my soul that even excruciating pain could not fill. I wanted to cry out and tell someone to end my suffering, but my body would not listen to my mind anymore. All that I could do was lie there and wait for the darkness to overtake me.

Cold, pain, cold.

The cold pressed firmly against my body. Though the object felt like ice, it was comforting, soothing. Though the sensation dampened my pain, it still overtook my senses and I fell back into darkness.

Soft pressure against my neck drew me from the darkness. A shiver ran through me as my blood turned to ice.

Hot, searing lava ignited within my veins, my blood setting my body afire. This was my torture. This was my punishment for not taking care of my child as a mother should.

The searing heat tormented my body, but the hollowness was still overwhelming.

Viscous shrieking broke through my consciousness.

Am I making those sounds? Is that why I feel the scorching pain in my throat?

I felt the cold against my blistering skin as it pinned my arms into place.

Something is not right, this can't be my purgatory. Comfort, I feel comfort from this object

The cold began to envelope me and ease the edge off the burning. I could still feel the fire pulsing through my veins.

The image of my child's face burned into my vision.

I saw my family; momma, poppa.

I saw the day that I fell out of the tree and broke my leg.

I saw Dr. Cullen with his icy hands and soft touch. I saw the glimmer in his eye when our eyes met.

I saw the day that I wed Charles.

I felt the anguish and disgust at his touch.

I felt the movements in my womb.

The pain of giving birth.

The joy of hearing his first cry and the fear of holding his fragile body.

I could see his perfect face and hear his tiny heart beat.

The hollow void as I saw his blue lips and still hands.

I wept, I pleaded, I begged.

I screamed for mercy.

Let me join my child.

I pleaded for them to take my breath and give it to my son.

I begged to be rid of this life and this empty body. I had no reason to hold on, my soul was gone.

As the heat began to move out of my extremities and back toward my torso, my memories began to fade.

I could picture my parents but their faces were blurry. I couldn't remember Charles's touch or hear the venom in his voice. I could tell where my legs were, but I could no longer remember where I was born.

I felt my finger twitch as the memory of a tiny grasp slipped from my own. The void in my chest remained, though I could no longer tell what I was missing. The fire was now filling that void, the pain causing my back to arch. My limbs flailed against the rock solid grasp.

My screams became one until my throat burned with such intensity that no noise would come forth.

My heart fought against the flames trying to extinguish them with my own blood. The beating began to slow as the burn slowly grew.

One final thump. The flames extinguished as the beating of my heart ceased. My suffering was complete.

I remained still, taking in my surroundings. I could feel the air moving across my fingers and hear the grass swaying in the breeze. I could hear the uneven intake of breaths and feel the warm hand against my skin.

Slowly, my eyes began to open and I was amazed by the colors before me. I could see the splinters in the wood beams of the ceiling. Tiny particles danced in the ray of sunlight peeking through the shutters. After I inspected the room, my eyes met the gaze of the man sitting next to me. The man with the warm touch and fierce onyx eyes.

They were not intimidating, instead they were comforting. There was something familiar about his eyes. I couldn't figure out how I knew him, but I knew within my soul that I was safe.
Slowly, I shifted into a sitting position. I was stunned by the effortlessness of my movements and the grace with which I performed them. I looked at the man sitting next to me and placed my hand on his.

"Your name is Esme, and I am Carlisle." His voice was soothing and peaceful.

"You were badly injured and I had to save you. I did so by making you one of us; a vampire."

So...what did you think? Review and let me know, because I would REALLY like to know.