Hi! Welcome to 'Three Simple Rules'

Hope you like it..it is the spawn of watching horror movies and chatting with my bestie at 3 in the morning! -.-

Disclaimer: I no own. You no sue. Simple as that.

Edited: 11/13/10 – Fixed most of the typos and grammar mistakes. Hope it reads better now


It was an average night, that cold December. The house was dark and omnipresent; all lights were turned out, only the glow from the T.V. casting an eerie light over two young women's faces.

As was typical of these two young women they were, again, arguing over which movie should be watched.

"Come on Julia, I want to watch a horror movie," The shorter of the two brown haired girls with hazel eyes whined to her friend.

"And I want to watch something that won't give me nightmares for weeks," Julia, a girl with similar features though longer hair length, glares back at her friend Jessica.

Rolling her eyes, Jessica scoffs, "It's not like these new horror movies are scary any way, all cheap effects and blood spurting everywhere. It's more of a comedy watching the faces the victims make as they run for their lives consequently falling every time." Crossing her arms over her chest she pouts, "Hollywood isn't getting better with movie making, only worse. Same used plots and ideas being regurgitated over and over."

Julia sits back, her hand mocking her friends talking, having heard the same speech every time they had a movie marathon.

Out of nowhere a pillow flies across the room and hits Julia smack in the face, Jessica whistling innocently while looking through the girls' large movie collection, ignoring her best friends glare.

"What?" Jessica asks innocently, though the devilish grin that soon over takes her face defeats the act.

Rolling her eyes, Julia signs in defeat.

"Just pick out a movie already. If I have nightmares though, I'm going to hide all of the chocolate icing."

Eyes widening at the threat, Jessica pouts, "Fine. How about," turning back, the shorter of the brunettes glances over the movies before grabbing one, "House of Wax?"

Shrugging, Julia tosses her left arm over her eyes, leaning back into the mound of pillows the girls had made in front of the T.V., "Fine, though I don't think it's fair that you use my like of Jared Padalecki against me."

Grinning evilly, Jessica just shrugs while sliding the DVD into the disc player, before joining her bestie on the floor and picking up the bowl of popcorn, "How else am I going to get you to watch movies that scare the begezzus out of you?"


Munching on popcorn, the girls are engrossed in the movie. Being almost two thirds of the way through, Julia tilts her head to the side when Carly asks the stereotypical 'Please don't kill me'.

"Hey Jess," at her friends grunt of acknowledgment, Julia goes on, "Have you noticed that the main characters always say 'Please don't kill me' or 'Please don't do this' but they never actually try to fight back?"

Stopping with a popcorn kernel midway to her mouth, Jessica turns to her friend, a thoughtful look on her face, "You know, I do believe your right."

Turning back to the T.V the two girls both think the same thing, these people need a lesson in near death actions.

With that thought, the feeling you get when you go off a drop on a roller coaster, and the sound of the girls' shrieks, the two young women are thrust into the movie like in some kind of cheesy fan fiction.

Turning to face the two girls, (the one with short hair cursing up a storm that would have a sailor taking notes) the group of people in the Sinclair house share bewildered looks.

"Uh, 'scuse me but, where in the hell did you two come from," Bo Sinclair asks, breath ragged from the arrow wounds.

Looking around the girls let out a soft spoken 'huh, well wouldn't ya know' before turning to the group. Standing up, Julia turns to her friend to give her a hand, the two turning to the group as one and crossing their arms.

"That's not important at the moment," Julia begins.

"What is important is the lesson we are about to give." Jessica finish, both girls giving a bright grin.

The two criminals and their victims blink stupidly at the two girls who, in all rights should not be there, had just appeared in the house in their pajamas of all things.

"Say what now?" Nick says, coming out from his hiding spot by the refrigerator.

Rolling their eyes the girls both sigh, "This is going to take a while," Jessica is heard mumbling to Julia before the shorter of the duo addresses the group, "Take a seat so this lesson can begin and then we can go home and watch this play out realistically." When no one listens, Jessica's eyes narrow.

Grinding her teeth the short girl hisses out, "I said sit," in a voice that has the two cold blooded killers obeying without question.

Smirking, Jessica turns to Julia, passing along the metaphorical torch, "Now then. The thing we wish to address in this lesson is the lack of passion to live when faced with death that you two," cue pointing to Carly and Nick, "along with every other cliché teenager who is in the hands of psychotic killers and/ or artists."

When Bo goes to interrupt, he receives a glare from Jessica and a hissed, "Raise your hand and respect your teachers." Emphasized with the short haired girl pointing a yard stick at the quartet, where she got the yard stick will never be known.

When Bo raises his hand, Jessica and Julia smile and Julia points at the man, "Uh, why are us killers here then," he asks pointing between himself and his twin.

Rolling her eyes, Jessica tisks at the man, "Why to know how to fight back against the fight we are going to shove down your victims' throats of course. Just because we believe the victims need to fight back doesn't mean we think they should win. Well sometimes anyway."

Nodding in understanding, Bo turns back to the main speaker, Julia.

"Now then, we will give you three simple rules to help you survive longer. Rule number one: Don't just lay there in the face of death. If you have an opening then for the love of all things holy USE IT!"

Looking to Jessica, Julia lets her continue. With a sigh, Jessica turns to look back at the group, "Rule two and most likely one of the more important of the three: Don't. Look. Back. If you do, you will fall and ultimately die." Shaking her head she continues, "Now if your pursuer has a gun or any other projectile weapon, run in zigzags. Makes it harder to hit the target if said target isn't going in a straight line."

With Bo and Vincent nodding in agreement, Julia takes over, "Now the final rule we have is: Don't accept the help of a stranger if they look creepy. Sure the saying is 'don't judge a book by its cover' but, if he looks creepy, acts creepy and just has this weird creepy vibe. Do. Not. Go. With. Them. How stupid could you be? First, you take a short cut. Then, you run into this road block and conveniently there is this weird town in the middle of nowhere. I mean come on its not even on the map!"

Coughing as Julia continues her rant, Jessica turns back to the shocked little 'class' or so she had dubbed them in her mind anyway.

"Well there you have it, three basic rules to help you survive a little longer in a horror movie."

Waving to the group when she gets that weird 'just went over the huge drop on The Hulk' (1) feeling, Jessica backs up and links her arm through Julia's.

Landing with an 'oof', the girls go back to watching the movie as if nothing strange had occurred. Such behavior was their nature.


Thirty minutes later and the two are staring at the screen wide-eyed.

"I can't believe we just went through all of that," pausing Jessica places the piece of popcorn she was about to eat back in the bowl so she won't choke before yelling at the T.V screen, "for them not to use our damn advice!"

And so, on that cold December day, many who watched The House of Wax at the same time as Jessica and Julia were informed of the Three Simple Rules to Surviving Longer in a Horror Movie.

So remember: always use your opportunities to fight back, never look back, and just don't take any creepy shortcuts if you're gut instincts are raising the alarm.

You never know, you might just wind up in some horror movie that Julia and Jessica will pop into and give another lesson, and everyone knows you'd rather have your eyes sporked out then have those two as your teachers.


Really random.

Hope you liked it though!

Reviews are loveeeee!

1- The Hulk is a ride at (I think) Universal Theme Park. All I know is the park is in Orlando, Fl.