Disclaimer: I have yet to own X-Men: Evolution or Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. And while I thank Marvel for bringing us X-Men and Disney for bringing us POTC, combining the two is JUST PLAIN WRONG!

Ahem. This chapter is dedicated to shadowcat6620, who dug me out of my writer's block by suggesting I bring in the kids from 'All's Fair in Love and War' and 'Of Love and Life'. Again, you don't have to have read them, but:

Lorelai LeBeau is Rogue and Gambit's daughter, who's three-years-old in this.
Joey and Monica Summers are Scott and Jean's twins, who are three-years old in this.
Cindy Drake is Bobby and Jubilee's daughter, who is two-years-old in this.
Liam Alvers is Lance and Kitty's son, who is two-years-old in this.
Eloise Allerdyce is Pyro and Amara's daughter, who is two-years-old in this.

While these happen to be some of the couples I ship, only Lancitty and Xietro will be really prominent in this, so please don't be put off if you don't agree with some of them. If you're not a Lancitty fan...well, why are you reading this in the first place lol. If you want to know anymore, my other stories are on my profile :)


Scene Three – Eunuchs and Interruptions

Jean flipped through the script and leaned over to Amanda. "Do you think we should swap the swords for fakes?"

"Why?" Amanda asked. "We've got your telekinesis and Lorna's powers. They'll be fine."

"I hope you're right." Jean murmured. "Remy, didn't you say you'd been teaching them sword-fighting?"

"Oui."Remy nodded. "But I didn't get very far."

"Right." Jean handed him a bottle. "To your seat then, Mr. LeBeau."

Remy examined the bottle. "Bloody empty." He muttered, stalking onset. (1)

Jean sighed, shaking her head. "And people ask me if I typecast. Places people! Action!"

Still chained, Pietro slipped into the blacksmith and looked around for a way to break the chains.

The bottle clattered from Remy's hand and Pietro jumped; he crept over and tried to wake him up, but to no avail.

Satisfied, Pietro turned his attention to the other problem at hand. Or rather, hands. He tried to break the chain with a hammer, but it didn't work and he was about to give up when he saw the donkey hooked up to a piece of machinery.

"Hold it!" Kurt called. "Where did we get the donkey?"

Jean looked at Amanda, who looked momentarily panicked. "Er…internet?" (2)

"Alright." Kurt conceded. "Carry on."

Pietro picked up the red hot poker. "Isn't this going to hurt him?"

Jean rolled her eyes. "He'll be fine, Pietro; just do it."


The donkey started and began moving, causing the wheels on the machine to move as well. Pietro looped his chain over the wood and let the wheels break it.

Just in time too, as the door opened and he dived for cover.

Lance shut the door behind him and hung his coat up, taking his sweet time to turn around. When he finally did, he saw Remy still 'fast asleep' in his chair and snorted under his breath. "Right where I left you."

As he turned away, he caught sight of the hammer, still on the anvil. "Not where I left you." He reached for the hat next to it, but the flat of a sword landed on his hand.

Lance backed up. "You're the one they're hunting. The pirate."

"You look somewhat familiar." Pietro told him. "Have I threatened you before?"

"I make a point of familiarity with pirates." Lance sneered.

"Ah, well then it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record." Pietro turned to leave and Lance grabbed one of the many swords.

Pietro turned back slowly. "Do you think this wise, boy? Crossing swords with a pirate."

Lance didn't flinch. "You threatened Miss Summers."

Pietro brought his sword up to meet his. "Only a little."

The two began parrying, each equal to the others.

"I can't watch." Kitty muttered, burying her head in her hands.

"Hell, I can." Lexa smirked. "They're good."

"You know what you're doing, I'll give you that." Pietro admitted. "Excellent form. But how's your footwork? If I step here…very good. And if I step again…" He managed to manoeuvre himself so that he was between Lance and the door, not the other way round. "Ta!" He sheathed his sword and headed to the door.

Lance threw the sword after him and Lexa screamed, gripping Kitty's arm tightly, as the blade just missed Pietro's head and embedded itself in the door.

"We'll edit that out." Amanda muttered to Jean.

Pietro tried unsuccessfully to pull the sword out. "That is a wonderful trick. Except once again you are between me and my way out." He drew his sword. "And now you have no weapon."

Lance grabbed a red-hot sword from the fire and they began fighting again.

"Who makes all these?" Pietro asked, seeing the swords everywhere.

"I do." Lance answered. "And I practice with them three hours a day."

"You need to find yourself a girl, mate." Pietro commented, smirking at Kitty. "Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you've already found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. Whatever a strumpet is." He paused. "You're not a eunuch are you?"

"What's a eunuch?" Jamie asked.

Jean and Amanda exchanged a worried glance. "Ask Scott."


"I practice three hours a day so that when I meet a pirate I can kill it!" Lance snapped.

The two continued to fight, managing to travel all over the shop, including the rafters, until finally Pietro slashed a bag of sand, causing it to explode in Lance's face.

By the time the dust had cleared, Pietro had abandoned his sword in favour of his pistol.

"You cheated." Lance accused.

"Pirate." Pietro rolled his eyes.

Soldiers began hammering on the blocked door, trying to get in, and Lance moved in front of the other exit.


Lance shook his head. "No."

Pietro tried again. "Please move."

"No!" Lance repeated. "I cannot just move aside and let you escape."

Pietro took the safety off the pistol. "This shot is not meant for you."

Lance gave him a funny look, but any response was cut off when Remy smashed his (fake) bottle of Pietro's head. The man in question fell forwards and pretended to be unconscious.

At that moment, the door burst open and redcoats flooded it. "There he is! Over there!"

"Excellent work, Mr. LeBeau." Bobby complimented. "You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive."

"Just doing my civic duty, sir." Remy drawled, slurring his words.

Lance just rolled his eyes.

"Well, I trust you will always remember this as the day that Captain Pietro Maximoff almost escaped." Bobby announced. "Take him away."

"Cut!" Jean called. "Okay, set up for the next scene; Kitty, into your nightdress."

Kitty saluted. "Yes, ma'am."

Pietro wrapped an arm around Lexa's waist. "Worried about me?"

Lexa rolled her eyes. "No." She caught his eye. "Alright, maybe I was a little concerned; Jean wasn't guiding that sword."

"Don't be so dramatic." Jean protested. "Pietro, behind bars."

"Nothing much has changed, has it?" Evan sniggered.

Lexa grabbed Pietro's arm. "He's not worth it."

"Let me at him." Pietro seethed, trying to fight off her hold.

"Pietro!" Lexa snapped. "Leave it!" Realising that she wasn't going to convince him, she changed her tact. "Pietro, if you leave him along, I promise I'll make it up to you later."

Pietro looked from Evan to Lexa and sighed. "Alright. But I'm holding you to that." He kissed her quickly and ran to the set.

Pyro was sat among several Jamie clones in a jail cell, waving a bone through the bars. "Come here, girl. Want a nice juicy bone? Come here! Come on!"

Wolfsbane just sat and glared at them.

In the next cell along, Pietro had recovered his hat and was braced against the wall. "You can keep doing that forever; she is never going to move."

"Well, excuse us if we haven't resigned ourselves to the gallows yet." John snapped.

As the scene changed again, Rahne transformed back and stalked over to Jean. "You owe me one."

In Kitty's bedchamber, Amara finished filling a bedpan with coals and slipped it between the covers. "There you go, miss. It was a difficult day for you, I'm sure."

"Mmm." Kitty agreed absently, turning another page in her book. "Well, I suspected Commodore Drake would propose, but I must admit I wasn't entirely prepared for it."

Amara gave her a funny look. "I mean you being threatened by that pirate. Sounds terrifying."

"Oh." Kitty grimaced slightly. "Yes, it was terrifying."

"But the Commodore proposed! Fancy that." Amara commented. "Now that's a smart match, miss, if it's not too bold to say."

"It is a smart match." Kitty sighed. "He's a fine man; what any woman should dream of marrying."

"Geez, Kitty, could you be anymore enthusiastic?" Bobby called.

"Shut up, Bobby; it's in the script!" Kitty snapped. "Sorry, Amara; go on."

"Right." Amara glared at Bobby for good measure and turned back to Kitty. "Well, that Lance Alvers…he's a fine man too."

At this, Kitty looked up from her book. "That is too bold."

"Well, begging your pardon, miss. It wasn't my place." Amara straightened the sheets one more time and left the 'room', dropping into a seat beside Jean. "You owe me."

"Yeah, yeah." Jean waved her hand. "Whatever. Storm, can we get a breeze please?"

Kitty glanced sideways as the candle flickered out and her gaze slid to the window.

Down at the smithy, Lance paused in hammering a sword as the candles flickered around him; laying the hammer down, he leaned out the window to scan the alleyway, but could see nothing but a lone cat fleeing down the small street.

"You know, most people know that if animals head for the hills you should too." Bobby commented.

Jean fixed him with a glare. "Interrupt one more time, Icecube…"

Bobby swallowed, deciding not to comment how much she was starting to sound like Wolverine.

"Has my daughter given you an answer yet?" Scott asked, hoping to dig Bobby out of his hole.

"No." Bobby answered surely.

"Well, she has had a trying day." Scott coughed sheepishly and changed the subject. "Ghastly weather, don't you think?"

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Bleak. Very bleak."

Before an awkward silence could really begin, muffled bangs broke it and Scott frowned out to sea. "What's that?"

Bobby narrowed his eyes. "Cannon fire!" He dived at Scott, knocking him to the floor as a cannonball flew over them. "Return fire!"

In the prison, Pietro also heard the noise and looked up. "I know those guns." He hurried to the window and peered through the bars. "It's the Pearl."

"The Black Pearl?" John asked. "I've heard stories. She's been preying on ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors."

"No survivors?" Pietro asked, raising an eyebrow. "Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?"

John looked very confused.

Chaos reined at Port Royal.

Buildings were collapsing, people were screaming, more buildings were collapsing, there was a bit more screaming, then…

"Mommy! Mommy!" A little girl with black hair and dark eyes was toddling through the chaos.

Jean and Taryn immediately reached out telekinetically and caught the falling debris, allowing Jubilee to rush in and the child up.

"CUT!" Jean called. "That's not a robotic baby!"

This realisation was confirmed by several other X-Men and then followed by a loud explosion that came from the next room.

"What happened?" Amanda asked as Jubilee calmed her daughter.

Leaving the set momentarily, Kitty made her way over to the adjoining door and peered through cautiously. "Well, if I had to take a guess, I'd say the twins decided to see what would happen if they combined their powers. And Lorelai decided to join in."

Rogue groaned. "Jean, your children are corrupting my daughter!"

With a sheepish smile, Jean joined Kitty and looked in at the carnage that had been a playroom when they started.

Kitty ran a hand across the top of the child-gate they'd put in. "How did she get out? It's too tall for her to climb over.

A soft hand tugging at her nightdress answered her question and she looked down into her son's eyes. As soon as Liam saw he had her attention, he lifted his arms up and, unable to resist, she complied, lifting him onto her hip. "What am I going to do with you?" She asked no one in particular, taking another look at the mess.

Amidst the remains of several teddy-bears, the three three-year-olds smiled up at them, clearly very pleased with themselves.

Jean sighed. "Well, we don't call the Search and Destroy for no reason."

"Go bang." Monica told her.

"Yes, sweetheart; I can see that." Jean buried her face in her hands. "Now what?"

"We replace this gate with something Liam can't phase through." Kitty suggested.

"Or…" Amara picked her own daughter up, who had been the only one behaving herself. "We could keep them in with us. They'd be occupied at least."

"Won't they get a bit freaked out?" Kitty asked.

"They could already hear most of it through the open door." Jean pointed out. "We'll leave the babies to sleep. Amanda, give me a hand." She passed Joey over to her assistant director and picked Monica up, while Rogue collected Lorelai and Amara passed Eloise over to her father, who wouldn't be needed until she wasn't.

"Kitty, back on set please." Jean prompted, settling down again with her daughter on her lap.

Kitty handed Liam to Lexa and hurried back onset.

"And action!"

Now pirates were coming ashore in boats, brandishing weapons. Ray was polishing a small wooden eye and popped it into an empty socket, courtesy of an image inducer.

Lance dashed through the smithy, grabbing a hatchet, sword and knife as he passed, and emerged onto the street in time to see a terrified maid dash past him, being pursued by a pirate. Taking aim, he hurled the hatchet into the pirate's back and he fell to the ground, dead.

Back at the docks, Bobby was running around giving orders. "Sight the muzzle flask!"

"Aim for the flashes!" Another sailor called.

"I need a full strike, fore and aft! Let these demons both bite at this!" Bobby was temporarily distracted when another cannonball shot past them, missing Scott by an inch. "Governor, barricade yourself in my office! That's an order!"

Up at the house, Kitty jumped out of bed and ran on to her balcony in time to see a horde of pirates making their way up to the house. She left her bedroom and ran through to the top of the stairs in time to see Jamie, in his butler cameo, moving to open the door.


"Hello, chum." Roberto greeted, firing his gun; Jamie collapsed, pretending to be dead and the pirates flooded in. "Up there!" He pointed, as Kitty muffled a scream and ran in the other direction.

She slipped into a side room and shut the door, turning to come face to face with Amara.

"Miss Summers!" Amara whispered. "They've come to kidnap you!"

"What?" Kitty asked shakily.

Amara rolled her eyes. "You're the governor's daughter!"

Kitty could hear the pirates making their way up the staircase. "Listen, they haven't seen you. Hide, and the first chance you get, run to the fort!"

Ray burst through the door and Kitty hit him in the face with a warming pan, giving Amara the chance to run.

Grabbing the handle of the pan, Ray smirked at her. "Gotcha!"

Kitty fought to push it back to that it was over his head and pulled the trigger, releasing the hot coals.

"It's hot! You burned me!"

Amara reached the front door, screaming at Jamie's not-so-dead-body. Kitty ran down the stairs, with Roberto chasing after her, but Ray jumped down to land in front of her, causing her to scream.

They were all momentarily distracted by one of the extras coming in, his arms laden with treasure. A cannonball burst through the opposite wall and knocked him back through the door.

"Well, that was pointless." Bobby commented.

Smiling sweetly, Jean stood up, handing Monica to Amara, who had jogged over to them when she'd left the scene. "Bobby, I believe I warned you that something bad would happen if you interrupted once more."

Bobby winced, swallowing hard, as his fellow cast-members took large steps backwards to avoid being caught in the crossfire. "Now, Jean, is that really…?"

"Run." Jean warned quietly.

Sensibly, Bobby did as he was told, sprinting from the room, and the entire production was put on hold, while the rest of the cast settled down with popcorn and drinks to listen to the screams echoing around the rest of the Institute.

More than one man thought 'wrong time of the month'.

None of them were stupid enough to say it aloud.

Proving that men were not inherently stupid.

It was just Bobby.

AN: (1) Do I need to explain the reference?

(2) All credit goes to 'Fairly Odd Parents' which I do not own. Or even watch. So credit goes to my cousin.

This was originally going to be longer, but I thought that I was procrastinating too much, so Bobby made for a convenient scene break. Don't worry; I won't hurt him too much. Please, please review!!