A/N: This is an accompanying fic to Seanchaidh's 'Perhaps Love: Sequel to Please, Please don't leave me' Which you need to read first before this or my fic will make no sense. I was asked if I could go into detail with Abby and Connor's sex lives hehe, and I jumped at the chance seen as her fics are fantabulous! I just hope I've managed to do it justice. These chapters will be Connor and Abby's flashbacks to earlier points in the fic. Huge thank you to Seanchaidh for letting me play around with her story : - )
Chapter 1: Frustration
"Ask me," She said, her voice almost a whisper. "Ask me and I'll tell you. Whatever you need to know."
She thought back to that fateful day, the day that turned her world upside down and brought her both happiness and despair.
Abby was mad, no frustrated, no mad - ok, maybe a bit of both. She was currently beating the crap out of her punch bag in the flat, Jack had left, tail between his legs, and now she was alone. She was upset with Jack, Abby loved him dearly, he was after all her little brother but he was also a big pain in the arse. He always managed to get himself into trouble, usually dragging her along for the ride.
Today at the racetrack she wanted to hit him, she wanted to scream at him. There was no sorry I worried you, sorry I put you in danger, oh no, just a dig at how living with her had almost got him killed. But at least he'd done the right thing by Connor, confessing to the whole Rex thing.
She punched harder, wincing as she hurt her hand. She didn't even want to think about Connor, where the hell was he anyway? The kiss they'd shared had been amazing, Connor had obviously enjoyed it and she'd mentioned on the way back to the Arc that Jack had said he was going to move out so why hadn't he come round? Or at least called her. Oooh sometimes he could be so infuriatingly . . . Connor!
The intercom for the door buzzed and she growled at the interruption, then for a second her heart skipped a beat at the thought that it could be the him. Rushing over to the door she pressed the button.
"Abby, it's Becker."
Her heart sank.
"Come up." She answered, buzzing him in.
A few seconds later there was a knock and Abby opened the door and walked into the kitchen, not bothering to greet him.
Becker frowned and followed her, closing the door behind him.
"I just came round to see if you were ok, I mean with what happened today and . . ."
"I'm fine." She snapped, interrupting him.
"Well, I wanted to apologise too, for what I said."
"Yeah well." She sounded unconvinced by his apology.
"Abigail, I am sorry."
Abby winced, she hated being called Abigail, she preferred Abby; actually she kind of liked the way Connor shortened it even more and called her Abbs sometimes.
"Whatever Becker ok? I'm sure everything will be back to normal in a couple of days but for now I think you should just go." She said dejectedly.
"Abby." He pleaded, grabbing her hand,
She looked down at their hands before gazing back up at him.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"I just . . . It's just that . . . "
He was behaving like a fool, he was behaving like Connor.
"Please leave." She said, pulling her hand away and pushing his chest.
"Don't be like this, I've said I'm sorry."
Her anger suddenly flared.
"Don't be like this? If it was up to you my brother would be dead! You wanted us to leave, to mess around getting reinforcements, you hate Jack, you and Connor both!"
Abby had continued to push him until he came into contact with a wall, hitting it roughly.
Becker grabbed her wrists and turned the tables on her, pushing her against it.
"I don't hate Jack, I just don't like the fact that he took advantage of you. He gambled Rex away, stole your anomaly detector and travelled into the future - he put all our lives in danger - Abigail."
"Don't call me that!" Abby spat, struggling to push him away.
"I only said the things I said because I care about you." He said more softly.
"Yeah? Well you've got a funny way of showing it."
Abby was staring into his eyes, jaw set, ready for a fight. She wasn't, however, ready for what Becker did next.
Taking his hands from her wrists, he held her head and kissed her forcefully, there was none of the finesse of her earlier kiss with Connor. She was too shocked to do anything, she just stood there dumbfounded. She certainly had no idea that Becker felt that way about her .
When he pulled away Abby looked at him like he was mad.
"What was that?" She asked.
"I love you Abby." He confessed.
No no no, this wasn't happening, she couldn't have two men who had fallen for her, she'd only just got her head round her feelings for Connor. Becker was her mate, her colleague, she cared about him - nothing more.
"Becker . . ."
"Please, just . . ." He kissed her again.
This time Abby closed her eyes, he smelled like Connor did when he was going out to the pub - they must use the same aftershave. She returned the kiss, putting all her anger and frustration into it. Anger at jack, anger at Becker, frustration at Connor.
Becker grabbed her wrists again, pinning them to the wall above her head and he moved down to kiss and bite her neck. Abby hissed at the sensation, keeping her eyes closed, in her imagination it was Connor doing these things to her., she knew she couldn't open them or the spell would be broken.
He was soon kissing her lips again, pushing her t-shirt up above her breasts and grasping one in his large hand, pinching her nipple hard.
Abby cried out and bit his bottom lip before forcing her tongue into his mouth to dance with his.
He moaned into her mouth and she hit him on the shoulder, she didn't want him to make any noises to remind her what she was doing - of who she was doing it with, but she needed this release. She undid his belt and his trousers, putting her hand inside to feel the hardness of him through his boxers. It was then that she came to the realisation that she was naked from the waist down, shorts and knickers pooled at her ankles. She quickly kicked them away and he picked her up, her legs locking round his waist.
She felt him fumble at his crotch and then with no warning, no time to get used to the sudden intrusion, he thrust into her causing her to bang her head on the wall behind her.
"Abby." He gasped and she was mad again, mad that he had the audacity to speak to her when they were cheating on their friend.
She pulled at the front of his shirt hard, ripping it and causing buttons to fly across the room and then raked her nails down his chest.
"Shut up!" She ground out as he thrust into her again and again.
Both his hands clutched her bum now, his fingers digging into her skin so hard that she was sure she'd have bruises, she was also sure that the angry red welts she had created on his chest would remain there for some time. One of his hands moved from it's resting place and travelled back to her breast, squeezing it, and she was torn between pleasure and pain.
The pleasure won out and she grabbed at his backside and pushed herself forward, grinding against him as he continued his fast pace.
The wall was cold and hard against her skin and as she bumped against it over and over she knew she'd have bruises there too but that was her punishment for being so weak, for screwing Becker against a wall a matter of hours after she had kissed the man she loved for the first time.
"Oh!" A sigh escaped her lips, she was getting close now.
Becker's hand moved to where they were joined and he pinched her clit hard. Abby stopped thinking altogether, all she could do was feel, his warm body pressed against hers, the coldness of the wall, the wetness of his mouth as he sucked on the pulse point on her neck and the intense waves of pleasure from his fingers, not to mention a certain other part of his anatomy.
She pressed her face against his neck, taking in the familiar scent as he began pumping into her erratically and then suddenly she was coming, vaguely aware that he was following her over the edge. She couldn't stop the next word that came from her lips.
"Connor!" It was like it slipped out of it's own volition.
She felt Becker's body stiffen slightly at the mention of the name and she finally opened her eyes, looking at him for the first time since this had all started.
"Please Abby, just say it, just once."
She gave him a blank look and untangled herself, dropping to the floor.
"Just tell me that you love me."
"Becker . . ." She broke off, trying to find the right words.
Abby suddenly became very aware of her state of undress.
"I do love you Becker, you're my friend it's just . . ."
"Not the same way that you love Connor?" He finished.
The way she'd called out Connor's name during her climax had made that painfully obvious.
She put her head down, feeling moisture pool in her eyes, she felt so ashamed and now she was angry at herself. It felt like she had cheated on Connor in the worst possible way, because Becker was his friend and they had to work together every day. To make matters worse she had given Becker false hope, made him think for a second that they could be together when that could never happen.
"You shouldn't have come round" She said, kicking at her shorts on the floor.
Abby heard rather than saw Becker getting dressed, she was avoiding his gaze entirely, she didn't want to think about what they had done, she just wanted him gone. Reaching down, she grabbed her own clothes and pulled them on hastily.
"I'll go then." He said awkwardly.
"Maybe it's best if we just try and pretend this never happened." Becker suggested.
Abby nodded, that was the best idea he'd had all day.
As he walked to the door Becker stopped and turned to her.
"I really am sorry Abby - for everything. I hope we can still be friends."
She walked over to him, taking his hand in hers and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have . . . this should never have happened."
And she saw it in his eyes, just for a second, pain that she had caused. Why had she been so stupid? Why hadn't she stopped it before it went too far? She was weak and she was thoughtless.
Becker offered her a weak smile which she returned and then pulling his hand from hers, turned and left, the door clicking shut behind him.
Abby heaved a sigh of relief and leaned back against the door. Allowing the tears in her eyes to finally fall she slid to the floor. Connor loved her and she loved him, but now even if he came round to see her she couldn't allow herself to be with him, not after what she'd done. She couldn't just have sex with Becker and then be with Connor, in fact she didn't even think she could face him, she had betrayed him before their relationship had even had a chance to begin.
As if on cue her mobile rang and she pushed herself up and shuffled miserably to the coffee table to answer it. The caller ID said it was Connor and she held her breath, maybe she should let it ring off. Deciding after a moment that she needed to hear his voice she pushed the green button, bringing the phone to her ear.
"Hey." She answered.
"Abby, hi, it's me - Connor."
Her lips curled into a half smile, she loved that he could make her do that so easily.
"Yes Connor, I know."
What the hell did he have to be sorry for? It was her who was sorry, if she'd only waited just an hour more.
"I was just wondering if you fancied coming out for a drink or . . . Something." He babbled.
Under different circumstances she'd have said stuff the drink and come round to her place for round two of the kissing but not now, she couldn't now.
"I just got out of the bath Con." She lied, biting her lip as more tears threatened to fall. "Another time yeah?"
She could hear the disappointment in his voice and it broke her heart that bit more than it was already. She'd go and see him tomorrow, yeah and she'd take Rex to see Sid and Nancy - he'd been moping since Connor left.
"I'll um . . . I'll see you later then." He stammered.
"Talk to me for a bit?"
She could imagine the goofy grin that was plastered across his face right now.
"Ok, what about?"
"Anything just . . . Anything."
She made her way to her room, curling up on the bed while listening to Connor's voice. The sound of his ramblings comforted her until it finally lulled her into a dreamless sleep, unaware of the tiny life just beginning inside her.