Edward's Honeymoon Night Extra
(Edward's perspective starts from page 81 of Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawnthrough page 85, and then follows my earlier fanfic Honeymoon Night Extra
which of course, is from Bella's perspective. This story includes their swim in the ocean…Bella's did not.)
"Don't take too long, Mrs. Cullen," I said as calmly as I could manage while skimming her neck down to her shoulder with my lips, "I'll wait for you in the water."
I took off my shirt as I walked out the door—again, trying to seem relaxed. I didn't want Bella to know how I was really feeling. I knew it would only make her feel guilty for making me promise we would try. She always took too much on herself. I almost turned back in a panic, though, as I listened to her heart speed up to a rate that could not be healthy, and then it nearly stopped.
What was wrong?!
Before I could turn back to check on her, she took a deep breath in, which brought her heart to a near normal beat, and I had to laugh. She had forgotten to breathe…again.
What had caused it this time? Usually, I knew the reason; most of the time it involved us kissing. So, I was perplexed this time. I shook my head and smiled as I continued to the water.
I listened to her moving around the room and then fumbling with the clothes in her suitcase, and her heart started racing again. No doubt Alice had packed some things that Bella had never, in her life, even considered wearing; I had noticed a lot of bold-colored garments, made mostly of lace when I'd opened her suitcase for her. It was making this night all too real for both of us. If my heart had been capable, it would have been beating just as fast as Bella's was right now.
I removed the rest of my clothes and headed towards the ocean. As I stepped into the water, I started contemplating my feelings.
Not only was I nervous because this was our honeymoon night; a night millions of people have experienced the same way we were about to…losing our virginity to each other. But, I was also terrified that I was going to lose control of my strength, in the heat of the moment, and hurt Bella.
When Bella and I had kissed in the past, I had always stopped myself when I felt my emotions slipping away from my control. I certainly could not rely on Bella to stop us! I had no idea what would happen when I allowed myself to cross that line. Was I worrying for nothing? Was I so beyond wanting Bella's blood that tonight would be easy?
"Easy," I snorted, "Yeah, right."
Would I be able to control my strength as I let my emotions take over my body? Or would my greatest fears be realized?
I stopped breathing.
Would I get so carried away with the closeness of our bodies and heightened smell of her over-heated blood that I would revert back to the monster that I knew that I was; allowing my animal instincts to take over my mind and cause me to do the one thing that would effectively end both of our lives?
Please, God, let that answer be no.
As I dove deep into the water, watching all of the fish and other sea creatures scurry away from me, it only made me fear that outcome even more. They knew, as I did, that I was something to be feared; that I was not safe.
Why couldn't Bella see it? Why was she so convinced that I wouldn't hurt her? I heard the muffled sounds of her heart start to race again and I wondered, for the billionth time, what she was thinking.
The Billionth time! At least!
Was she scared, as I was, that I would hurt her?
Doubtful…Bella wasn't scared of anything.
Was she deciding that maybe this wasn't such a good idea?
Again, doubtful…once she made up her mind, she rarely changed it.
Or was it just wedding night jitters that had her dragging her brush through her hair so roughly?
That has got to hurt, Bella, slow down.
I wanted to go to her and break my promise; tell her that I couldn't go through with this. I wanted to tell her that the danger to her was too great, and that we should wait until after her transformation.
That should go over well. I rolled my eyes at the thought.
We could go back home tonight and have Carlisle start the process immediately, if she still wanted that.
Of course she still wanted that. I rolled my eyes again. I'd never known anyone so ready and willing to become a monster!
I began making my way back to shore. I didn't realize how far out I had swum when I heard water running…the shower? I was glad she wasn't in a rush to come out here. I needed this time to get my head straight and figure out the best way to tell her what I had decided.
As I slowly made my way back to the beach, I dove down deep and was shocked to see three dolphins swimming alongside me. I was about 20 feet under water and I stopped where I was and gazed at them in utter disbelief.
What are they doing? Didn't I frighten them?
They started swimming in a circle around me, slowly making the circle smaller. I watched their eyes as each one crossed in front of me, inching closer. I saw no fear. I could hear in their minds they were calm, relaxed and…happy.
Happy? I listened , happy.
Words cannot describe the feelings I had as they got close enough for me to touch.
Is that what they wanted me to do? Yes.
I put my hand out in front of me and immediately, one of them put its long snout into my palm. I held my arm rigid as it continued to swim by me and my hand stroked the soft, almost rubber-like skin all the way down its side. I couldn't believe it. I stayed like that for several moments—feeling each one as they put themselves into my hand—watching as every now and then, they made their way to the surface for air. I was astounded when one tilted its body slightly towards me so that my hand passed over its dorsal fin.
When the next one did the same thing, I was convinced that what I sensed was correct and I grabbed onto the fin. I was rapidly pulled along through the water. It was exhilarating! The other two immediately stopped their circling and followed alongside as my dolphin took me on a ride through the ocean. We broke the surface a few times, each time diving back down, deep into the water. I had never been this close to even one wild animal—let alone three!—without feeling any fear from them. Even other dolphins I had been lucky enough to get close to in the past, had hurried away from me.
So what was different now—tonight?
All too quickly, my ride was over as the dolphins slowed and circled me a few more times. I watched, dumbfounded, as they slowly swam away and disappeared into the darkness of the sea.
I was conflicted again as I made my way to shore. Maybe I could do this. Maybe I wasn't all 'monster'.
The dolphins hadn't seen a monster.
I was almost out of the water, when I heard Bella say, "Don't be a coward."
That stopped me in my tracks and I stared up at the house, expecting to see her standing there saying those words to me. Through the bathroom window, I saw her stand up and start toward the French doors. I spun around and looked up at the moon with wide eyes; in shock. I started laughing. It was just like Bella to say exactly what I needed to hear at exactly the right time, even if she wasn't talking to me.
All of my fears—and laughter—dissipated as I heard her feet hit the sand. Well, most of my fears anyway. I was still very nervous about what was going to happen tonight, but I was more confident that I wouldn't hurt her.
I could hear her taking slow, deep breaths and I guessed, as I listened to her heart speed up again, that she was trying to calm her nerves. After a moment, her rhythm slowed.
I tried that too…breathing deeply. It didn't help much.
I heard her making her way to the water, and I wanted to turn and watch her approach, but I thought it would only make her more nervous. So I waited as patiently as I could for her to come to me; keeping my eyes averted—locked on the moon. I finally felt her hand over mine and the electricity pulsed up my arm and throughout my body. Goose bumps would have formed if they could have.
"Beautiful," she said, looking up. I could see from my periphery that she wasn't wearing anything.
Yes, you are.
"It's all right," I countered, realizing she was talking about the moon that—she wrongly assumed—held my attention. I held my breath as I turned toward her, careful where I placed my eyes, knowing how self-conscious she must feel right now. I took her hand in mine and stared into her eyes, seeing all the love she had for me pouring out of them. She didn't look nervous.
"But I wouldn't use the word beautiful," I said, hoping she could see all of my love for her right back, "not with you standing here in comparison." Her heartbeat was strong and steady as she brought her hand up. Another electrical charge coursed through me and my breath hitched as she rested her palm on my chest.
She looks so calm…determined.
My breathing was uneven and my voice weak as I said, "I promised we would try." She looked at me with a fire in her eyes that made me feel the need to caution her further, "If . . . if I do something wrong, if I hurt you," I said, trying to look stern but failing miserably judging by the look in her eyes, which were still smoldering, "you must tell me at once." I tried again to look stern.
She finally took me seriously and nodded. Slowly, she closed the gap between us and put her head on my chest as she said, "Don't be afraid. We belong together." Her words hit me as if I'd been slapped.
She is absolutely right! We do belong together. I realized then that we had always belonged together. One didn't make sense without the other. I was only half a person without her and I could see now, that she felt that she was only half a person without me.
Again, she knew exactly what to say at exactly the right time. I felt my body relax, her words soothing me like a warm blanket on a cold day would if I were human. I felt the conviction of her words in every fiber of my body as I wrapped my arms around her tightly. The heat of her body against mine—skin to skin—was overwhelming and felt utterly fantastic!
"Forever," I said as I led us slowly into the water.
We didn't swim long. I dove down a couple of times, hoping the dolphins would return. They didn't. I started wondering if I'd imagined it all.
Mostly, we just floated over the small waves, coming together for a kiss now and then. Eventually we got close enough to shore to stand—with the water stopping just below Bella's shoulders—and I held us steady against the waves as we explored each other's bodies in ways we had only imagined until now. The water warmed my skin enough that Bella didn't get chilled at all as she pressed her body to mine. I tried not to be frightened as I allowed myself to pass the point of my emotional comfort zone.
It felt right. It felt great, in fact! I could enjoy this exploration and still maintain control of my strength! She felt amazingly soft and it was easy…
Yes! Easy! I laughed to myself…
…to keep the touches light, and I could tell by Bella's soft moans, that she was enjoying it as much as I was. Her hands felt amazing on my skin and I let out my own moans as I reveled in the feeling of the heat of her body, still warmer than the water, radiating all over me. Just as our touches started to get more urgent, she slowly pulled away from me and without saying a word, took my hand in hers and led me out of the water, just as I had led her in.
We were just barely clear of the water, still in wet sand, and Bella turned back to face the sea, wrapping herself in my arms with her back against my chest. She held tightly to my arms as she started lowering herself onto the beach. I followed her lead and sat down with her.
We sat there, very quiet, looking out at the water, and up at the moon. I was content to sit there all night—if that's what she wanted to do—feeling the warmth of her back against my chest. The electricity between us was now a constant buzz—since so much of our skin was touching—and the feel of it had an almost hypnotic effect with the quiet that surrounded us; no noise save for the rustling of the palms in the wind and the waves of the ocean. She looked up at me occasionally and smiled and I gazed lovingly into her eyes as I smiled back. The last time she looked at me—just before she turned back and snuggled closer to me—I could see the fire re-ignited in her eyes…and the whole world disappeared. All I could see now was the soft skin of her neck just below her ear. I moved her hair out of my way and bent down to push my lips against her skin and breathed in deeply.
She smelled incredible! I was reminded of when we were sitting in my car as we were leaving school on 'blood-typing day' in Biology; when we got caught in the rain and how the rainwater intensified her wonderful aroma. The saltwater only increased that aroma ten-fold. Incredible.
She moaned, causing the electricity to flare up momentarily—effectively losing its hypnotic characteristics. I moaned in response and said softly, my lips right at her ear, "Oh Bella, you smell incredible!"
She stiffened, and then started laughing quietly.
I smiled in response and asked "Does that tickle?"
"Yes," she said, still laughing a little.
I ceased her giggles soon enough as I moved my lips down her neck, lingering at her shoulder. I noticed goose bumps forming down her arm—reminding me of the feeling of her hand on mine in the water—which started a tingling on my lips. I had to have her mouth on mine. Right now.
As slow and controlled as I could manage, I brought her face around to mine and pressed my lips to hers.
There was nothing better than her lips, so full and soft. They were perfect; the top slightly bigger than the bottom, which only accentuated their perfection. They seemed to fit my lips with an exactness that only gave fodder to our claim that we belonged together. I loitered there, pressing slightly harder as the tingling grew. She began rubbing my arm lightly with her fingertips and the electricity shooting out of them gave the sensation like live-wires, as hot as it felt. But it did not burn; instead it threw hot, liquid fire on my smoldering embers of desire. I kissed her more fiercely as she moved to my leg, almost reaching my hip and back up to my arm.
She was, in essence, covering my entire body in shockwave after shockwave of pulsating electricity just by stroking that two foot line from my arm to my leg. It caused my control on the kiss to waver momentarily and I parted our lips slightly, pushing my tongue onto her mouth.
Oh! The taste of her! Exquisite!
I felt her tongue on mine for just an instant, as if she were testing me; checking to see if I would pull away as I always did when our passion started teetering the line of my comfort zone. I stayed locked where I was, slowly circling her lips; determined to show her that I was ready to move things further. She pushed her tongue back out to meet mine and the feeling as they pressed together was…indescribable. I thought my body was on fire before! This was a full-on lava pit of desire bubbling and brewing right up to the brim of the pit.
What do I do?!
My mind was conflicted yet again. It automatically reverted back to protecting my comfort zone, as it had for over two years now. But a small part of it was reminding me that I had made a promise to Bella. And this small part, it turns out, has a voice too, just like the Monster...
...Who I hadn't heard from in quite a long time, now that I think about it.
But, the voice telling me of my promise was loud, and urgent. This was the voice of Desire. Although, Comfort Zone initially took hold of my mind, Desire was wrestling it into submission quickly. Desire told me that this is what Bella wants, and Desire would allow Comfort Zone to sit in the back, ready to stop Desire at a moment's notice if I lost control.
Without anymore thought to what I was doing, I finished the kiss and lifted Bella off the sand and looked down at her adoringly. She is so beautiful. She gazed up at me, smiling at first, eyes smoldering. The fire dissipated a bit and her eyes glazed over slightly. She looked confused. I knew what was happening immediately and started laughing, "Breathe Bella."
She took a deep breath in, and blushed. I touched my nose to her cheek softly and inhaled, "Mmmmm." I kissed her and carried her inside.
Desire had taken over completely now, but I could feel Comfort Zone in the background…waiting. I was kissing her everywhere I could. And where I wasn't kissing, I was touching. I was squeezing her harder than I'd ever allowed myself before. It didn't frighten me, though, it exhilarated me; and Bella liked it. The feel of her skin was like silk set out to warm in the sun. I couldn't get enough of that feeling. I gently turned her over so I could touch and kiss every inch of her back. I began at the nape of her neck, smelling her hair while kissing and tasting. I watched as more goose bumps appeared and made a path down the middle of her back. It was a trail too tempting to pass up. I followed them with my tongue, listening to Bella's gasps all the way to the indentations on either side of her spine. I settled in there, expecting to spend a good deal of time exploring those little dimples.
I was marveling again in the way the salt from the ocean heightened her smell and the taste of her skin so strongly that it made me want to…!
I was off the bed and standing in the corner in the blink of an eye, fist firmly planted under my chin, as if to hold my mouth SHUT. Every nerve ending in my body was alight and they felt like needles pressing through my skin. I smelled the air for danger and found none. Comfort Zone had taken over and I didn't know why. What had it seen in what I was about to say to myself? "…it made me want to…" What? "…it made me want to…" "…want to…"
I replayed the scene in my mind in an attempt to figure out what I was thinking at that exact moment. Bella noticed that I was gone then, and made a motion to come to me. I raised my hand out to stop her, saying, "Just give me a moment, please!" a little more harshly than I'd intended.
Her eyes were sad as she said, "I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" Of course she would think she was somehow to blame for my actions.
I wanted to go to her and comfort her, but I didn't know what was going on yet, so as gently as I could, I said, "Bella, love, this is not your fault. I just need to make sure I have myself in complete control."
"I love you," she said as she laid her head on her arms.
"I love you, too."
My mind was searching again. Searching for an answer as to why I was standing here, so far away from the place I really wanted to be. I began going over the conversations I had had with Carlisle, Jasper and Em on what I could expect tonight to be like. They had all said pretty much the same thing—once Emmett gave up on the jokes about my virginity...
"…What's the difference between Edward and an 18 year old virgin?" he'd asked Jasper. "About 90 years!" That one had him rolling on the ground laughing so hard, he scared away a bear…
My feelings would be intense. They are! It would be the greatest pleasure I could ever imagine aside from drinking human blood. So far, it is! And, actually, Bella's blood is running a close second right now so why am I standing here? All I wanted to do was get closer to her and…Yes! That's it! "…it made me want to…get closer to her!" I didn't want to bite her, which is what Comfort Zone had thought I was going to say. There had been no venom in my mouth at anytime tonight, so I knew that statement was true. Comfort Zone had overreacted. I just wanted to be with my wife in the way a husband is supposed to be on their Honeymoon. I wasted no more time in the corner of the room.
I pressed my nose to the first bit of skin I could reach, eager to smell her and feel her again. Her ankle was glorious! I was also running my hand up the outside of her leg, just wanting to touch her wherever I could. She let out a soft moan as I ran my mouth up her leg and stopped to savor the taste and softness of the skin behind her knee.
"Edward," she said, "this is too difficult for you, we don't have to…"
But I stopped her before she could get any further. "Shhhh…Bella, love, I'm fine," I said, and kissed her again. "This will work. I know that now. I can do this. I want to do this."
Please let me do this. I kissed her again for effect and the goose bumps reappeared.
I continued my explanation, hoping it would convince her, "I realized, while standing there, the feelings that I was having just now, were not coming from that side of me. I was feeling that I wanted to be even closer to you." And to prove that what I was saying was true and that I could handle this, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and—being very careful of my teeth—sucked on the goose bumps on her leg, slowly closing my mouth into a kiss.
I heard a strange sound escape her lips, like a moan inside a deflating balloon. I looked up, startled, "Bella? Are you all right?"
"Bella?" the fear was back in an instant. Fear that I had hurt her in some way, although I could not fathom how. I jumped up to look at her face, and she was lying there, perfectly still and breathing deeply, with her eyes closed. I noticed a blush quickly receding from her cheeks. I placed my hand there and it was very warm. I started stroking her hair and saying her name softly.
Was she sick? She was fine just a moment ago. I turned her as gently as I could to make sure she got as much oxygen in her lungs as possible. I lay down next to her and continued caressing her cheek and noticed that her temperature there had returned to normal.
Had she fainted? Can a person faint while horizontal? I suppose one could, if said person held their breath. And holding her breath is probably exactly what Bella had done! I couldn't help but chuckle at how silly she was. You would think she would know by now what will happen when she holds her breath, and learn to concentrate on breathing…all the time! I started wondering if these frequent, albeit short, episodes of oxygen deprivation was unhealthy.
"Edward," she mumbled.
"Bella?" her eyes fluttered, "Bella, love?" I placed my hand on her stomach and she opened her eyes slowly. "Are you okay, Love?" I couldn't help but smile.
She looked confused, "Umm…I think so. What happened?" her voice barely audible.
Hmmm…this is going to be interesting, "Apparently, I can make you faint by kissing you…anywhere!" My devilish smile reappeared.
"I fainted?" she sounded doubtful. "But I wasn't even standing up!" her voice rose to a pitch that sounded odd coming from her lips. It was so adorable. She was so adorable. I shrugged, smiling a little as I watched her expression change from completely open, to scrunched up in deep concentration as if she were trying to solve a very difficult Calculus equation.
Finally, as if a light bulb had turned on in her head, her eyes flew open, her beautiful mouth formed an "O", and she blushed madly. I laughed and stroked her cheek. But the blush was somehow different than it usually was; it was not out of embarrassment. I knew this because her eyes were smoldering instantly.
That is all it took for my lava pit to start boiling again and I watched with eager eyes as she rolled onto her side to face me, giving me a seductive grin. She raised her hand up to my shoulder and, once again, started stroking her 'live-wire' fingers down my arm, continuing down my side and over my hip. I started panting and my eyes closed without my permission. I wanted to watch her face but the shockwaves made that impossible. She lingered on my thigh for a moment and then planted her hand there and pulled with all of her strength. She was doing to me what I had done to her on my new bed when I had Alice 'kidnap' her to keep her away from Jacob. I would have laughed in any other situation, but my need for her was too overpowering to think of anything but granting her wish. So without hesitation I rolled onto her and sought out her lips.
I had to fight to keep my eyes from shutting again from the overwhelming pleasure I was feeling. I didn't want to miss even one second of Bella's expressions as we explored each other and found new ways to send the shockwaves throughout each others' bodies. Comfort Zone had relaxed his hold slightly, which gave me the freedom to stretch the boundaries of my control. Desire loved him for it! Bella loved it too! It seemed the harder I held her, or pressed against her, the greater her enjoyment became.
I also discovered that if I found myself approaching my now over-stretched boundaries, I could expel my force in other ways and direct it away from Bella. Growling was an effective medium at first, but when our lovemaking reached a fever pitch, it just wasn't enough and I had to improvise on the spot as stopping altogether was impossible to even think about. So, I shoved a pillow in my mouth and bit down…hard. My teeth made short work of it, of course, and soon feathers were flying everywhere. But it worked...twice!
As I was cradling Bella in my arms, I was exulted in the memory of what I had just been able to do. I had just experienced the single most intense pleasure of my existence—without harming Bella! And yes, it was easy; too easy in fact! I laughed softly, trying not to disturb the slumber of my amazing wife. I couldn't believe I was capable of maintaining the control I so desperately clung to while letting my emotions soar to the heavens.
The electricity still coursing through my body made it feel as if my heart was beating again, and the rhythm was matched exactly to Bella's own heartbeat. Watching her sleeping soundly in my arms, peaceful, happy and satisfied made me feel even more triumphant. I wanted to shout from the rooftops the absolute elation I was feeling. I allowed myself to drown in the memory of how perfect our night had gone, chuckling at the fact that Bella was right, once again. I should really learn to trust her instincts above my own, she always gets it right.
We had a fine blanket of feathers all over us and they were tangled in her hair; she looked ridiculous…and she looked gorgeous. So at first, when I saw it, I thought I was looking at a shadow from one of the feathers on her cheek. It took awhile before I realized there was no light to cast a shadow; even the moon had gone to bed. Puzzled, I gently brushed the feather away and gasped out loud. There was a light purple mark on her cheek that could only be one thing. A bruise.
I held my breath as I started moving feathers out of my way, careful not to wake her. My eyes grew wide and my mouth dropped open as I took in the enormity of what I had done. Her body, what I could see of it, was almost completely covered in large patches of purple and blue; seeming to darken as I watched. My breathing came slow and ragged as I compared my fingers to four long bruises that seemed to wrap themselves around her upper arm.
In a panic, I began moving my fingers lightly over her arm, her back, as much of her as I could, checking for bumps or—God forbid—fractures, when she moaned softly. My hands fluttered above her, not knowing what to do. Was that a moan of pleasure or pain? I decided it could not be pleasure, looking the way she did now. I had hurt her. I was the monster. There I was enjoying myself, having a grand old time thinking everything was working out perfectly; all the while Bella was in pain, not wanting to say anything and ruin my fun. I started feeling a sickening ache in the pit of my stomach. I was so disgusted with myself I couldn't even look at her anymore with the proof of what I was glaring at me, taunting me, all over her body.
As I stared up at the mosquito netting gathered above us, I replayed the night in my mind again; this time with more scrutiny. How could I have missed her agony; mistaken it for pleasure? I had heard her pain in the ballet studio when James had gotten to her and the sounds didn't match last nights at all; or even the one just a moment ago. Yet how could she have enjoyed any fraction of something that would leave this kind of evidence. I stewed in my thoughts the rest of the night, even getting a little angry at Bella for going back on her word to stop me if I hurt her. As Bella started stirring awake, I vowed that I would never allow myself to hurt her again.