Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
Highly depressing. I mean like, 'Wow, I'm a terrible person for even thinking of this as a possible ending' depressing. But I couldn't pass it up. XD
I placed the needle I held at the inside crook of my elbow, right over where I knew the vein to be. Had to be careful not to accidentally hit a muscle: that burned like hellfire.
Yeah, as cheesy a connection as that was, even the casual use of the word 'fire' in my own mind makes me think of him. It almost always does, whatever the context. He's always on my mind. Either him or...
Or what I was doing to myself.
It was the first time I had ever allowed myself to imagine him and my habit at the same time. Sure, I had thought about them in relation to one another, but I never stopped to imagine, to really picture...
Mello's eyes if he found out. The sad, torn, broken look that would be in his eyes if he knew what I did to myself on a regular basis. He didn't even like me smoking.
And that smile, his most expressive feature, if I thought his eyes would be bad...
I actually shuddered. This would be my last shot. After this, I was never gonna do it again. I would tell him all about it and he could get me help or whatever he decided I needed, but I was never gonna do that again. I couldn't hurt the one Mello loved any longer.
I nodded to myself, slipped the needle under my skin, and pushed the plunger.
Fuck, so that's what an overdose feels like.
I felt my body moving. Thrashing, maybe, but I couldn't exactly tell. The room wasn't making sense anymore, my mind was jittering and I coughed and felt something wet. Maybe I just imagined that.
A muscle spasm knocked me over onto my side and jarred my knee hard against the rim of the bathtub. It sent a reverberating 'buuuung' sound through the bathroom, soon replaced by a worried knock at the door.
"Matt? Hey. You okay?"
I opened my mouth to reply but nothing came out. My back seized up, making my head jerk back and my neck crane impossibly.
He was knocking louder now, but I found I had no control over my spastic movements. Also, I couldn't really see the door anymore, or I would have tried to open it for him. My world was going black, the shadows creeping at the edges of my vision.
I heard Mello repeating my code name curiously once more, and then my world went dark.
A/N: I actually went and kicked my bathtub to find out what sound it would make. ^_^