Kelly Kapoor had never been up this late. Ever. New Year's Eye totally didn't count, 'cause it was New Year's Eve and you were supposed to stay up late. That was the tradition! But tonight wasn't New Year's Eve, and yet she was still up, even though it was two o'clock in the morning.
It was all so weird. Usually, she went to bed at ten o'clock, right after The Hills or whatever other nine o'clock program came on had finished. But for the past few weeks, Kelly had been unable to sleep, even after she pulled up her covers, drank down some warm milk, took a sleeping pill, and shut her eyes for twenty minutes. Why was her body acting so weird? Kelly prided herself on getting exactly nine hours of sleep a night, just like the French, who everyone knows are the people in the world who get the most rest, so she can wake up refreshed and happy and not cranky with yucky bags under her eyes. Ew. But she hadn't been on her normal sleep schedule, which totally messed her up for the rest of the day. She was actually less perky and happy than usual, and almost everyone noticed it, even the customers who called her customer service line. Even Toby, who was usually Mr. Shy and Quiet and totally unobservant (Or was it nonobservant? Kelly wasn't that great with all that prefix/suffix crap.) noticed that Kelly wasn't acting like herself.
She decided, after a few days, to stop trying and failing to fall asleep and use her time for other things, like updating her Twitter page and her blog and watching reruns of Gossip Girl and Keeping up with the Kardashians on TiVo. And they totally helped her to stop being so mopey, at least for a short while. Then, during a Google search at home, she randomly came across the Dunder-Mifflin page and saw a small article on the home page devoted to the company's new corporate manager, a former temp at the Scranton branch. And then her heart shattered into pieces yet again.
Her ex-boyfriend, the total asshole who shall remain nameless, had Jan Levinson's old job. The same person who'd never made a sale was now higher than all of Dunder-Mifflin's salesmen. The same guy who'd been the newbie to a big company branch was now a big-shot in New York. The same guy who'd hooked up with her on February 13th, dated her afterwards, and told her he loved her after sleeping with her once was now a bastard who'd lied to her about a phone call and broke up with her because having a job in corporate was sooo much better than dating Kelly Kapoor, right? She just shook her head, shutting down the computer. She'd really wished that she could sleep now, so she could forget his face, even for a moment. But she couldn't, not at all. Even if she did go to sleep, she might dream of him, or dream of being together with him, and she didn't want that to happen at all. So she stayed awake, watching TV and reading fun Meg Cabot books, doing anything else but go on her computer, 'cause she had all those pictures with Ryan in them, and she so do not want to see that asshole's face every again.
Maybe Ryan was the reason why she couldn't sleep. Was that totally crazy? Well, yeah. That had to be crazy. Like, before Ryan came, Kelly was sleeping fine. So if she slept fine before she'd even met Ryan, then she should be sleeping fine after Ryan, right?
Wrong. Sooooo wrong. Because at this point, Kelly wasn't used to sleeping alone. There was always Ryan at her side, or lying on top of her chest, or, sometimes, sleeping on the floor after Kelly accidentally knocked him out of the bed that one time. And Kelly didn't do the sleeping-together-three-nights-a-week thing that all her friends did. No, she and Ryan were in bed together almost every single night, except for Sundays, when Ryan's mom made him go to church with the rest of his family. To make a long story short, Kelly couldn't really remember a time Ryan wasn't in her bed these past few weeks. His body imprint was practically imprinted in the freakin' futon, for God's sake. So it would make sense that sleeping without Ryan would be a little bit weird.
But Kelly only expected it to be this way for just a few days, and then she'd be back to normal. However, it had been like two weeks since they broke up, and Kelly was still awake. What did this mean? Would she be like one of those vampires in Twilight (which would be so awesome 'cause she's hot like Rosalie but not as bitchy, and Kelly would totally date Edward if he wasn't in love with Bella, who kinda reminds Kelly of Pam for some reason) who could never, ever sleep? She hoped not. The lack of sleep had caused--and, ew, this was totally gross--bags to start forming under Kelly's eyes, which was a definite no-no, according to Cosmo, which is totally Kelly's beauty and sex tips Bible.
But then there was Marie Claire, which said that the cure to baggy eyes was--Wait a minute. Why is "Poker Face" by Lady Gaga playing. Kelly's brown eyes shifted down to her right palm, the fingers of which were closed over her light pink cell phone. The phone feels kinda warm as Lady Gaga announces an incoming text message, and Kelly decides to read the message as soon as the chorus to "Poker Face" is done.
It's from Sam, who is another one of Kelly's best friends, even though she works for Staples, Dunder-Mifflin's competition. A wide grin took over Kelly's face as she read what her friend had to say.
Sam: Hey, Kelly! I was bored and put Dunder-Mifflin in the Yahoo! search engine. All I have to say is OMG! I can't believe that a-hole Ryan is working for corporate now! Kel, you should've listened to me when I said he was a total dick. I mean, what kind of boyfriend dumps you so he can take a new job in NY? And believe me, he didn't do it because a long-distance relationship would be too hard. Anyway, text me back whenever you feel like it. Love you and cheer up! You'll get over Ryan soon.
Her heart sank, just like the Titanic, and Sam's message is the iceberg. If Sam knew, then the rest of her friends knew, and that meant her sisters knew, and that DEFINITELY meant her parents knew. Oh my God. Kelly's parents had never liked him ever since the Diwali celebration a few months back when he picked his XBOX over having babies with Kelly. Now that Ryan had a successful career, Kelly was sure that her parents would actually push her to get back together with Ryan. "He's such a successful man now, Kelly. Not exactly a doctor, but he's still making a lot of money. You have to go up to New York and see him." It disgusted Kelly that she knew exactly what her mother was going to say.
Kelly stared at Sam's message, not even wanting to type up a blasé, I-don't-give-a-damn-Ryan-who? response. She just felt too many things at once. Heartbreak. Pain. Tiredness. Anger towards Ryan. Anger towards Sam for calling Ryan a dick, even though it was true. Anger towards herself, especially, for not being the type of girlfriend who Ryan would ditch in favor of better things.
Kelly sighed, getting up from the couch to make a pot of Hazelnut Roast instant coffee, the kind Starbucks sold in those wrinkled brown bags. Today was going to be a long and suckish day, she could just tell.