Disclaimer – I do not own Naruto. Neither do I own Kiba, which is totally unfair, since I need him waaay more than a bunch of stupid ninjas do.

M-rated for Sasuke and Naruto's... activities (heh-heh), and Kiba's potty-mouth. Warning: may contain yaoi. And nuts.

Turn It Down


The Sad Consequences of Improper Plumbing

(Sasuke fisted his hands in Naruto's messy hair as they moved backwards across the messy bedroom, kissing frantically. As the blonde boy's tongue did spectacular things inside his mouth – where did he learn to do that? Oh, right. From me,obviously – Sasuke closed his eyes and moaned a little, the noise sending jolts like electricity straight down Naruto's spine. Naruto detached himself from the dark-haired boys mouth long enough to start kissing his way down his pale neck, an action that provoked several interesting noises from his partner.

"Nng- N-Naruto...")

"Shikamaru, have you seen Sasuke and Naruto anywhere?"

The stoic-faced boy on the sofa looked impassively at Kiba and jerked his head upwards.

"What?" Kiba frowned. Then, as a particularly loud moan filtered through the ceiling, his expression rapidly changed to one of disgust, then astonishment, then disbelief. "You're kidding. Again? But they kept me up all fucking night! Don't they ever sleep?"

Shikamaru shrugged.

"I mean, come on! I know they're all happy and shit that they're together, but... again?" On cue, a muffled groan of "Sasuke..." bled through the ceiling. Kiba scowled. Shikamaru sighed.

"So troublesome..."

(Naruto paused in his ministrations to the sadly neglected spot just below Sasuke's right ear long enough to jerk his head to the side.

"The bathroom?"

"W-wha?" The other boy peered at him, eyes glazed, through a curtain of dark hair. Naruto grinned wider. He's so cute when he can't talk...

"Well, we've done it everywhere in here..." He began to move backwards.

"But..." Sasuke followed him unwillingly, "what if the other hear us? I'm pretty sure Kiba and Shikamaru're in..."

"Pfft. That didn't stop us last night..." He smirked, reminiscing.

"You have a point." Sasuke allowed himself to be yanked through the bathroom door.)

Kiba listened with a grimace as the footsteps started slowly to cross the ceiling, stomped across the room and started, violently, to make coffee. As he did so, he did his best to block out the highly disturbing noises coming through the ceiling. Think about something else. Hinata. Yeah, think about Hinata. At the thought of his comely fellow-flatmate, a grin spread across his face. Hmm. If we ask her really nicely, maybe she'll come and see that new movie that's coming out next week with us. Yeah. And we can sit next to her. And if there's a scary bit, she might do that cute little squeak and snuggle into our side again, like she did when we all went to see that really creepy one at Hallowe'en. And maybe we can put an arm around her. In a protective, brotherly way, obviously-

This pleasant daydream was interrupted by a particularly loud moan, this time without any coherent words. He growled incoherently under his breath and started to pour the coffee. Remembering his manners, he looked up at his flatmate.

"You want some?"

"Yeah, sure."

Kiba poured another mug and carried them both across the open-plan room to the sofa, where he flopped down next to Shikamaru. His scowl deepened when a giggle seeped into the room, then was replaced by a look of disbelief as a door slammed.

"Oh, come on! The bathroom? Oh, God, that's kind of disturbing..."

"Well, why don't you go out? Don't you have a class to go to, or something?"

"No, I don't! And everyone else does, and I have an essay due tomorrow, and I've got no money to go out somewhere to work, and it's raining anyway and I hate fucking rain, and I'm fucking tired because those two kept me up all night, and now I can't fucking well concentrate thanks to those two and their apparent quest to shag on or against every hard surface in this fucking building!" He took a deep swig of his coffee, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Shikamaru raised an eyebrow but said nothing, sipping at his own coffee as Kiba continued his rant.

"I mean, I don't really give a damn that they're together, so long as they're both happy, you know? I mean, so long as it can't say 'baa' or 'woof' or 'hello, I am five today', I really don't give a shit what either of them's shagging. It's just..." he directed a deathly glare upwards, "do they have to be so fucking loud?"

("S-Sasuke – oh, God... Do that again..."

Sasuke obliged, biting down on the sensitive spot just where Naruto's neck met his shoulder. Naruto threw his head back and moaned loudly, deep in his throat. In pleased response, Sasuke reached down and captured the other boy's lips in a possessive kiss, lasting what felt like an eternity. When he eventually started to run out of air, he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Naruto's, revelling quietly in the gentle, musky scent that permeated everything about him and the delicious sensation of his hands slowly caressing his sides.

Naruto's eyes opened, and darted to the side. He smiled wickedly. "Sasuke..."


"What's your opinion on shower sex?")

The pounding of water echoed down the stairs, making its way to Kiba and Shikamaru's ears. Kiba looked up hopefully.

"The shower – does that mean they're done?"

"I doubt it."

(Sasuke closed his eyes as the overlapping sensations of Naruto's hands and his kisses on his bare skin and the warm water and the steam threatened to overwhelm his senses – then jerked open in shock as those hands, and kisses, strayed lower.

"N-Naruto – oh, God-"

"Is that okay?" His lovers concerned face came back into view. "I can stop if you like-"

Sasuke's hands shot out and gripped the smaller boy's hair. "If you even think of stopping, I'll fucking kill you."

Naruto grinned. "Yes, sir!" Then he ducked out of sight again, and Sasuke closed his eyes as a new sensation made itself apparent.)

A particularly loud groan echoed through the house. Kiba's eyes narrowed to slits and he jumped to his feet. "Okay, that's it. I've had enough. Those guys are going down!" He shook a fist at the ceiling. A flicker of a smile flashed across Shikamaru's face.

"From the sound of it, at least one of them did that already," he deadpanned.

"What? Oh – awwwwww, Shika! That's an image I really – oh, God – ewww..." The brown-haired boy bent over and clutched his hair, trying desperately to rid himself of the unwanted mental images.

At this inauspicious point, a particularly loud, prolonged groan was heard.

"O-oh... Shit, Sasuke – nng..."

Kiba froze. Then, slowly, he unfolded himself from his foetal crouch and stood up, directing his own personal Inuzuka Death Glare upwards.

"Right. No more Mister Nice Guy. Shika, are you with me?"

Shikamaru eyed him up and considered. If we go along with it, it probably means troublesome effort on our part... On the other hand, if we don't, we'll have to listen to more of that all day. And he'll probably make us, anyway. Tch. So troublesome... "Fine."

"Sweet!" Kiba grinned. Then, his face fell. "So – what do we do?"

Shikamaru thought. Kiba watched him expectantly. Finally, he spoke.

"It's an old house..."

"Well, yeah, fuck. If it was new, we wouldn't have this problem, would we?"

"Old houses have old plumbing..."

Kiba looked confused, then, as he started to connect the dots, started to grin.

"My house had old plumbing... and if you turned on a hot tap in the kitchen while someone was having a shower..."

"...all the hot water goes to the kitchen."

As one, they turned to the sink and looked at the taps, gleaming innocently.

Kiba spoke first.

"I dunno... it's kind of cruel..."

They looked at each other. The tap sat there, gleaming.

"Yeah, okay."

Outside, Hinata Hyuugi walked up the street, fumbling in her bag for her keys. The street was quiet and calm, filled with the sounds of dripping wet greenery and the smell that you get after rain. Hinata smiled a little as she inhaled. I wonder if Kiba-kun's home... I hope so. Sakura-chan said that he said that he was thinking of asking me to go see that movie next week. I hope he does...

She balanced her bags on her knee as she opened the door to the old house. Maybe if there's a scary bit, I can snuggle up to him, and maybe he'll put an arm around me this time...

She looked up in shock as two high-pitched shrieks rent the air, followed by the sound of running footsteps overhead.


A/N – Mua-ha-ha-ha... I'm so evil. Yeah, the whole cold-water-shower thing actually happened to me. Minus the whole two cute boys also in the shower bit, godammit. It will happen! It will! *runs off to find Kiba-size butterfly net* Anyway, you know what happens next. *pointedly eyes the big, pretty, REVIEW BUTTON*