What Friends Do

By PaBurke

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I own none of the characters, universes or main ideas. I gained no money from this little chuckle.

Distribution: Wormhole Crossing.

Spoilers: Season Eight for SG1 ignoring Heroes, and I'm deviating from Spiderman too.

Rating: language


Peter Parker woke up groggy. What had happened to him?

"But, sir!" he heard a female whine.

"You know what Carter, I bet you peeked at all your Christmas presents too. I'm going to tell Dad."

Peter frowned. He didn't know that male taunting voice either.

"Sir, I'm not asking for permission to run a full set of medical tests with Janet, I just want to take off his mask."

Peter wasn't as alarmed as he would have been if he had been more awake. And his spidysense wasn't going off either. Somehow he instinctively knew he was safe.

"And I said no, Carter. I want to make friends and to make friends you have to build trust, so I'm building trust."

"Since when have you wanted to make friends, Jack," a new male voice joined the argument. "You were your regular ass-self last week when I was trying to negotiate a treaty with the Karmineans."

"That's different," the first male insisted. His name must be Jack. "They were being asses first and they can't help us. He's a real-life freakin' superhero. He can."

"Real mature, Jack."

"O'Neill, the intruder has awakened," intoned a new male. Peter wanted to argue. He wasn't what anyone would call awake. He really needed to open his eyes. He was not Matt, he wished for the Dare Devil right now. Matt was a lawyer; he'd be able to talk his way out of the mess. Matt could see in the dark.

As Dare Devil, he'd probably not be in this mess to begin with.

What had knocked him out?

There was a rustle of movement, chairs squeaking on the carpet.

"Hey, Spiderguy? You awake? 'Cause if Teal'c says that you're awake, than you're awake."

"Spiderguy?" the second voice said derisively. "Jack, he calls himself 'Spiderman.'"

"Whatever. Spiderman, are your eyes open?" Jack paused. "Damn, now I am tempted to take off the mask to see if his eyes are open."

"I'm here," Peter made his mouth work, even if the rest of his body was refusing to obey.

"But are your eyes opened?" Jack asked again.

Peter fought his body and lost. "Not yet."

"Well, hurry it up. I'm going to need your help to keep you out of the NID's clutches."

The words could have been a threat but the tone was really one of friendly warning.


"Yep. We've got your pretty picture on the security cameras and someone fast-forwarded it to Kinsey and Kinsey's calling for you to be drugged and sent to Area 51."

Peter blinked in shock. Wait a minute, was that light he saw? "As in Vice-President Kinsey?"

"Yep," Jack affirmed.

"So why haven't you shipped me out?"

"Vice-PresidentKinsey is not an honorable man," the man with a low voice said. Didn't Jack call him Teal'c? Odd name but the guy did have an accent. He was standing behind Peter, really close. Peter flexed his arms. Hands tightened on his wrists, more than a normal human was capable of. Peter started waking up faster. He was handcuffed and someone more than human was making sure he wouldn't snap the cuffs.

"And we like doing whatever we can to stick it to him," Jack was explaining.

"Huh?" Peter tried to drag him mind back to the conversation. Why was he moving so slow?

"Sir, Spiderman is not recovering as quickly as we expected," the only female said. "Maybe Janet and I should take him to the infirmary to . . ."

"No Carter," Jack nipped that idea in the bud before Peter's heartrate could double. "No sneaky trying to get off his mask and I know that will be the first thing you two Majors will do. I know the Doc's attachment to her penlight."

"My eyes are open now," Peter tried to dissuade the female, Carter.

"But can you see?" the second man queried.

Peter paused for too long, he knew. "It's bright and fuzzy but quickly coming into focus."

"Liar," the second man said without rancor. "I've been zatted like that. It's going to take at least ten minutes before it'll come into focus."

"Okay, tell me when you get your sight back," Jack said. "And I'll introduce you to everyone. But like I said, we have to talk fast to keep you away from the NID's clutches. Apparently Fury told the President that you're trustworthy so if you agree . . ."

"Wait a minute," Peter interrupted. "You know Nick Fury?"

The pause grated on Peter's nerves. He really wished he could see right now.

"I've never heard of Fury, sir," said Carter.

"Nor have I," intoned Teal'c.

"Yeah Jack, is Fury one of your old war buddies?" the second man teased.

"No." Jack voice was like ice, cold and hard. "Fury is no one's buddy."

Peter shifted. Teal'c tightened his grip and Peter realized that he had been trying to raise his hand as if he had been in a classroom. "Sorry. I really want to get past the Q&A but will you please give me the name of the other guy, so I stop thinking of him as the 'second man'?"

This pause was heavy with humor. "You know Teal'c?" Jack asked.

"Behind me and holding on tight."

"You did sneak into the most secure base on the planet and though we are trying to make friends, we do have the security of the base to consider."

Peter was quick to reassure Jack. "I understand. And I really appreciate that you are going out of your way to make me feel at home."

"So you have handcuffs at home," Jack teased.

Peter blushed. He was so glad that he was still wearing his mask. He was never going to tell MJ about this. "No!"

"That sounds like a yes to me."

"Jack!" the second man and Peter chorused.

Jack just laughed. Peter decided that he liked the man's honest laugh. "So you know that I'm Jack, Brigadier General Jack O'Neill if you want to get technical."

Peter stalled on that fact. He had been bantering with a general? One who wanted to make friends with him? The general would be the one in charge of the base, wouldn't he? Peter might just get out of this alive.

"Colonel Samantha Carter is here too."

"Please call me Sam," she said. "And I'd love to talk to you about your webs. Fascinating. Wherever did you get them?"

A scientist, Peter could tell. "I made them myself."

"Really?" A fuzzy figure off to Peter's right straightened in her seat. "How?"

Jack cut off any response. "Great. Another nerd. You two can geek together later. Deal with Kinsey now, remember?"

The second man snickered. "You just made geek into a verb, Jack."


"My name is Daniel," the second man ignored Jack. "Dr. Daniel Jackson, since Jack's being an ass and not doing as you asked."

"Thank you, Daniel." Peter thought about it. "Where were we?"

"Talking about Jack's non-friend, Fury, whose opinion he trusts," Daniel reminded one and all.

"What do you think about Fury, Spiderguy?" Jack asked. As figures were coming into focus, Peter could tell that Jack was the gray-haired guy straddling a chair right in front of him.

"He's a snake, general-guy," Peter shot back.

Both Jack and Daniel burst out laughing.

"Damn straight," Jack said. "But Fury is the King Snake that is standing between the rattlesnake nest and the general populace. Still a snake though."

"Agreed. I'm guessing that you consider Vice-President Kinsey and the NID the rattlesnakes."

"Yes," Jack agreed. "Do you want to play with us?"

"What would I have to do?"

"Move out here. We'd put you on a team and teach you how to fight a whole 'nother breed of snakes. Bigger and eviler than what you fight in the Big Apple."

"What about my family?" Peter asked the question without thinking about it.

There was a pause. "We could move them out here too. We'd protect them the best we can. How many are we talking about?"


"Fighting types?" Jack asked hopefully.

Peter jerked in his bonds. "Absolutely not!"

Jack shrugged. "Can't blame a guy for asking. So we'd take care of them, protect them. Which means you'd have to put away the suit while you're in Colorado."

"If I agree, how well would you protect them. Would you use them against me?"

"You have my word that we won't. We would protect them to the best of our abilities. I can't promise total safety. I'm sure that the NID is already looking for a link between New York and here. I don't want to be a doomsayer but they may already be on the trail of your family to twist your arm."

A cold chill ran through his body. How stupid was he? Of course, they would be. "Give me the papers. I'll sign."

Jack moved a stack of papers on the table closer to Peter. "You can let him go now, Big Guy," he told Teal'c. Teal'c released him without comment.

"Now will you take off your mask," Carter, no-she wanted to be called Sam, asked.

Peter thought about it. Somehow he knew that Jack and others had been telling the truth. They wanted to help him out. And if he hadn't realized it before, he knew it as soon as he took off his mask.

"Damnit," Jack swore. "You're just a kid." He reached for the pen to take it out of Peter's reach. "We'll figure out something else."

"Sir," Sam put her hand on Jack's shoulder. "The NID won't care what his age is."

Jack slumped in defeat. Those brown eyes bore into Peter's.

"I'm twenty-two, Jack. Eighteen year olds join the Army all the time."

Jack snorted. "We're the Air Force," he automatically corrected. "And what we do is more dangerous than most."

"Why did you come down here?" Daniel asked. He was trying to distract Jack from Peter's decision.

"One of my friends is down here, Flash. We know he's hurt and no one will tell us how or why or let us visit," Peter explained.

"Flash?" Jack looked at Carter, expecting an answer.

Teal'c spoke up. "He is a Marine, O'Neill, an honorable warrior. He asked me to refer to him as FlashThompson from the Big Apple. He is a member of SG15."

Jack was moving again. "Damnit, who's in the infirmary. That connection is a little too obvious. I'm calling Davis, have him get security on your family immediately. I need names, kid."

"Aunt May, I mean May Parker and Mary-Jane Watson-Parker. MJ's my wife."

"The supermodel?" Jack was impressed.

Peter grinned at the obvious envy in the man's voice. "Yep."

"And who are you?" Daniel asked.

"I'm Peter Parker, science teacher."