The first thing Robin sees when she walks through the door is the banner. It's written in red crayon, hung up haphazardly. The door creaks as she pushes it open.

Ted clears his throat. "This is an intervention."

Barney, his arm loose around Robin's waist, blinks. "What's going on?"

Ted, looking grave, says, "Marshall? Would you like to begin?"

Marshall nods. "Okay." With a pointed look at Barney and Robin, he unfolds his letter and begins reading. "You need to stop having so much sex."

Lily interjects. "Yeah, guys. I mean, I get it. Marshall and I were young once. But you are not seventeen and this is not the back of your dad's pickup."

Robin rubs at her temples. "Uh, Lily?"

"Sorry," she says, taking a step back. "Go ahead, baby."

"Barney, Robin," he says, "You guys are my friends. And as friends, I think it's time you realize how much sex you're having and how it is affecting the rest of us. You've had sex in our apartment," he says, gesturing to Lily, "and guys, that is not cool."


"We have to be quick," he says, fingers ghosting over her skin as he slides her skirt up. He murmurs into the skin of her neck as his fingers press higher, and through her breaths, she vaguely understands it as, "I love it when you don't wear pants."

She has to laugh, even when she feels him hard against her, hips instinctively moving against him. He chokes back a groan.

She unzips his pants then, taking him out, and then with her hand, guiding him into her as he braces one hand against the wall. His lips kiss any bare patch of skin he can find, her neck, her shoulder, her ear. She wraps a leg around him to let him thrust deeper, head hitting the wall loudly. He runs his fingers through her hair, indulging in the feel of it, before his lips glide down the hollow of her throat.

She makes soft gasps until suddenly his hand is against her again, brushing against her nipple, and she shudders violently, still gasping as he closes his teeth over her shoulder and biting gently as he spasms.



"Thank you, Marshall. Now, Barney, Robin, you both are trusted friends and have always been close to my heart."

Robin sighs, rolling her eyes. "Get on with it, Ted."

"June 6, 1944," he recites, dramatically.

Barney wrinkles his brow. "D-Day?"

"Oh, god," Ted says, flipping through his prepared speech. "I think these might be my World War II flashcards."

"Why do you have World War II flashcards?" Robin asks.

"It's for my research on building a themed pancake house shaped like a Panzer."

"Yeah," Barney coughs. "Nothing like tanks to make people enjoy sugary breakfast goodness."

"Well, I forget what day it was," Ted says with a sigh, "but you remember!" He lowers his voice. "The couch."


There's nothing on TV except terrible romantic comedies so they sit and make fun of them for a while. They're dating, but god, they're nothing like those terrible couples in the made-for-TV movies what with the lifetime declarations of whatever, and the sappiness. Except…when she looks up at him from beneath her lashes, notices the strong outline of his jaw, she just wants to kiss him.

Before she knows what's going on, she's grabbing his necktie and jerking him towards her. He likes when she takes control. His lips are just how she remembers them, and they curve around hers so sweetly. When she pulls away, he's already undoing his tie, tossing it.

"Ted's last class ends in an hour," she says, moving to straddle him. She pulls her shirt up and over her head. He makes a low noise in his throat.

"Do I get points if I use time wisely?" he asks, teasing, his tongue darting against her collarbone. She grinds down against him hard in retaliation, relishing the sound of his low groan.

"You might even get a gold star."

Ted walks in as Robin's in the midst of, well, you know – his class ended early. He shields his eyes as Robin presses herself against Barney's chest in an attempt at modesty. "Guys!" Ted calls. Barney picks her up and runs toward Robin's bedroom. "Seriously?"


Robin crosses her arms over her chest, amused. "Lily?"

"Hey, hey!" Ted calls. "I wasn't done yet!"

"Oh," Marshall says. "Sorry, Ted."

Robin can feel Barney's hot breath behind her, and when his warm hand suddenly starts brushing against the bare skin of her thigh, her breath hitches.

"Hey!" Lily calls. "This is exactly what we're talking about." She points a finger at Barney. "Hands where I can see them, mister."

Barney lifts his hands. Lily shoots him a suspicious look. "You can't have sex at the intervention of your having sex!"

Robin laughs. "Sorry, Lily. And Marshall, didn't Ted catch you guys having sex in the kitchen before?"

Marshall sniffs. "That was different, Robin."


"Well, just…because."

Barney's left hand dips under her skirt again as he uses his right hand to point at Marshall triumphantly. "Lawyered!" he shouts. His fingertips press against her and she's trying so hard not to look like she wants to jump him right now, because she totally does. All that magic stuff really helps Barney with his misdirection, she thinks, as he slides his fingers along her.

"Hey!" Lily calls, pointing at Barney again. "Hands."

Barney grins.