"Man... what's with all these crazy contraptions!? I am SURE Nitori's hand is all over these!"

Alice, bruised, beaten, tired and quite dirty, had just entered the Scarlet Devil Mansion, having gone through many new traps. First there were the laser fire system, where she had to dodge countless lasers that would trigger a machine to shoot scorching fire at her the second she touched the lasers. After that, there were massive stones falling un-evenly, then rising back up just to fall again, and after that, the worse of all traps, a machine that would take your most cherished dreams and crush them right before your very eyes...

"Like I said...!" continued Alice, "these new contraptions must be Nitori's. Oh well, at least I made it to the library, and nobody seems to have noticed."

Alice smiles just as Shanghai flutters next to her and points to the bookshelves.

"Oh right... Well, let's see... a book on metal spells, and one for self-consciousness for inanimate objects..."

She takes a good look around and sees that she is surrounded by too many books to count. Alice slouches and puffs saying

"This... is going to be a pain... great... I'm starting to sound like that Miko..."

Over at the Hakurei shrine, Reimu sneezes so loudly, the birds around the shrine fly away. Suika looks at Reimu and asks "do mikos get colds?"

Annoyed, Reimu replies "shouldn't you be elsewhere?"

Back at the library, Alice was still looking around for the books she wanted. Although not the ones she was actually looking for, she had found one book called "Cooking Without Skill" and another called "Rise Above: The 9999 Story".

"This is so weird... we've been here for hours and still no sign of Patchouli... or anyone."

Shanghai just stares lifelessly at Alice, then points to a pile of books on the floor. Alice gets close to the pile and begins to rummage, finding a book called "Lifeless Animation". She smiles and adds it to her current collection, then suddenly, she spots a purple colored book. It had a blue and red ribbon tied to a golden lock with a keyhole in it. There was no name on the book, yet Alice felt strange power emanating from the book.

"From the looks of this... this could be..." she opens here eyes widely and excitedly she continues "I think this is Patchouli's diary *giggle*! This is great... now where's that key~!"

Just then, a voice from afar is heard calling for her master.

"Lady Patchouli~~! Where are you *sob*. Lady Patchouli~~~, please answer... where are you~"

Alice's eyes open widely saying "crap, it's Koakuma; time to go. Guess I'll find that key later. Let's go Shanghai", but Shanghai pulled on Alice's sleeve and pointed her to where Koakuma was.

Alice looked rather puzzled, then bonks Shanghai on the head "who's side are YOU on, geez. Come on, let's go!"

and with that, they quietly opened a window that was high above the room, then slip out unnoticed. Koakuma arrives at the scene just as Alice had left and looks at the pile of books on the floor.

"Lady Patchouli!? Are you there?"

She rummages desperately, but finds nothing that might interest her.

"*Crying* Waaa~h! What could have happened to her~!"

Arriving at her house, Alice immediately puts all, but one of the books she had just "borrowed" on a small table, then took the purple book with her to the dinner table and examined it thoroughly. She quietly looked at it, then decided to try and force it open with a pin.

"Let's see... there's probably spells here that could turn water into gold, or birds into whistles or... OH, I can't WAIT."

With great expectations in her face, she puts the pin inside the keyhole and tries to force the book open, but just as she did, all the dolls around her, including Shanghai, started moving on their own. The clatter of the dolls distracts Alice, pulling the pin out of the keyhole, then the dolls all stopped.

"I see... there's great magic protecting this book, huh? Oh well, I'll just have to sneak in again and find that key."

She slams the book hard against the table, then suddenly, an icicle formed next to Alice and flew directly to the wall.

"What the...!?" exclaimed Alice with a surprised look on her face.

"What just happen!? That was one of Patchouli's... wait..."

She grabs the book and quickly heads outside, then she concentrates for a moment, then thin metal circles materialized in front of her, and went off flying to a nearby tree, slicing some branches off. Alice face fills with great excitement, followed by a wicked smile, and an evil laugh

"this must be... Yes, there's no doubt about it! This must be one of Patchouli's grimoires! Amazing... with this, I have all her powers! Yes, yes, I can feel the power now, oh ho ho~! I must test the limits of this... Ah yes..."

Shanghai got really scared and held tightly on to Alice's shoulder, as if hugging her. Alice looks at Shanghai, then pats her head saying

"don't worry, I'll just test this against Marisa... I won't go crazy", but just as Shangai slowly lets go and looks at Alice's twisted smile, she closes her lifeless eyes and grabs hold of Alice's shoulder again.

Alice, then, flies up in search for targets to "test" her new grimoire.

After 30 minutes of searching, Alice decides to visit the Hakurei shrine...

"I've been searching for HOURS (what a lie) and still no sign of Marisa... or anyone. BAH! I'll just go to the shrine!"

Arriving at the shrine, the first thing she notices is Marisa's broom, next to the entrance into the shrine. With a discontent, and annoyed look in her face, Alice says to herself

"figures she'd be here... dummy!"

Alice gets closer to the entrance and hears Marisa and Reimu talking, and as she got closer, she could hear moaning from within.

"*Moan* Marisa, STOP, you're going to stretch it!"

"Oh, come on, Reimu, I just want to see if it fits, Ze!"

Alice's face turns pale, then red, then she storms inside


Both Marisa and Reimu were having a tug-of-war over one of Reimu's sleeves. They both stare at Alice, looking very puzzled. Alice's face turns red again, then she slowly backs away and gets out of the shrine saying "sorry... sorry..."

Outside, all three sit with tea mugs, sipping tea as they chat for a bit.

"So what's with the new book? You get tired of red and black?"

asked Reimu, which annoyed Alice "NO!! I happen to have my own grimoire back home safe. I just wanted to test this one out. It's ve~ry special" said Alice with a grin in her face.

With a wicked grin on her face, Marisa stands up saying "well then, let's test it out against the best, zei~!"

With a taunting look, Alice looks at Marisa and says "sure, help me find her, then."

Marisa only smiles back, grabs her broom and says "you're looking at her right now."

She then sits on her broom and flies up into the air, and hovers above the shrine, taunting Alice "that is... if you think you can handle it, da-ze!"

Again, Alice smiles a very twisted smile and flies up, following Marisa. Shanghai pulls on Alice's sleeve again, shaking her head violently.

"Fine" says Alice in a slightly annoyed tone of voice, "you can sit this one out."

Shanghai clings on tightly on Alice's shoulder again, then Alice grins. The purple grimoire begins to shine, then various books materialize in front of her and start shooting a chain of daggers at Marisa, which, of course, surprised her a lot.

"Th-that's... Philosopher's Stone!? Now way! How did you do that?"

Alice merely grins again, then again, the purple girmoire starts to shine once more, then fire flies toward Marisa from various directions. Marisa dodges them with ease, but the attack was followed by water bubbles and lasers. The battle went on, and Marisa was a bit winded. Alice had taken a few hits, but was still going strong.

"Alright, that's it! You're going down!"

Marisa takes out her Mini-Hakkero and points it at Alice, whom for OBVIOUS reasons panics "W-W-WAIT, are you CRAZY!?"

Just as Marisa unleashed her Master Spark, the purple grimoire had unleashed another attack which caught Marisa completely off-guard, both battlers falling down hard on the unforgiving floor. Reimu peacefully sips on her tea and very casually, she says

"you both lost... what a shame. Now could you get out of here? You're making a racket!"

Suddenly, Reimu looks at Alices new grimoire, opens her eyes widely, then quietly says "oh~, now I see."

Both Alice and Marisa, quite messed up and dirty after their battle, struggle getting up, smiling at each other, then laughing.

Back at Alice's house, Marisa and Alice are trying to decipher the grimoire.

"So you found this at Patchouli's library?" asked Marisa,

to which Alice replied "yes, it was just lying there along with a large pile of books... take it, and you're dead!"

Marisa was already trying to sneak out the door with the grimoire, however several dolls with knives were already at the door, making sure she couldn't leave.

"Da~ze..." is all Marisa could quietly say as she backed away from the killer dolls.

She then turns to Alice and starts to slam the book hard against the table, the lock facing down casually asking

"so you haven't been able to open it yet? What a shame, ze."

Alice tries to hide her annoyance answering

"it has a magical lock, so only it's key will open it. Besides, as you can plainly see, I am powerful enough to use it without having to read it. Something not even you could hope to accomplish..."

and at that very moment when Alice finishes her sentence, Marisa unleashed a barrage of fireballs inside the house saying a casual "whoops" in the process. After quickly putting out the fire, Alice, quite mad, storms toward Marisa, grabs the grimoire, and a tug-of-war now commences.

"Marisa, you IDIOT, you almost burned my house down!!!"

"It's not my fault I am this powerful, ZE!"

Back at the Scarlet Mansion, a worried Koakuma keeps looking for her master.

"I've searched EVERYWHERE and all I could find was this key *sob* Lady Patchouli, come back to-... eh~?"

The key in Koakuma's hand turned into purple smoke, then the smoke flies outside with great speed. Koakuma desperately follows the little purple puff of smoke under the starlight thinking to herself

"the spell is wearing off... Lady Patchouli, I'm coming for you!"

Back at Alice's house, the tug-of-war continues...

"I said GIVE IT BACK, you thieving witch!"

"HA! Who's the one that took this book from Patchouli's library in the first place, ZEI~!"

Alice tugs back with great strength replying "at LEAST I return the books I borrow... not like YOU!"

Marisa blows air on to Alice's eyes, startling her and making her let go and fall down, then smiles as if she had just won the grand prize. Suddenly, the purple grimoire starts to glow again.


Marisa throws the book hard against the wall and starts to huff on her hand.

"What happened?" asked Alice as she got back up.

"The book got REALLY HOT all of a sudden!" replied Marisa as she kept huffing on her hand and shaking it around.

Shanghai had hidden away and wouldn't come out, even when Alice called her repeatedly, then the little puff of smoke enters through the keyhole on Alice's doorknob and joins with the glowing book. Soon after, Koakuma enters the house, kicking the door open and yelling

"where is Lady Patchouli!?"

Alice and Marisa look at each other confused, then the book started glowing more and more brightly, and then stops. When all three look at the wall, they see Patchouli's feet on the wall and her head down on the floor.

"Mukyu~~" said the dazed Patchouli.

Koakuma rushed to her master and helps her up, and as she does, Marisa and Alice quietly talk to each other.

"So... Alice... The book was actually"

"Patchouli" replied Alice.

"So~, shall we run now, ze?" quickly said Marisa,

"agreed" said Alice,

but before they could even move a muscle, Patchouli had already shot them with a warning shot.


Her hat, her clothe, her face... she was a complete mess. She could barely stand up, yet she was so angry, she was able to keep her balance as she threatened Alice and Marisa.

"You steal me like an item, slam me like a rag doll, pick my head with a pin, use me like a TOY, you TRIED to rip me apart, and now you THINK you're going to escape? Heh... heheh... Hahahaha~~"

Marisa and Alice hold one to each other, shaking with fear, Shanghai, who was hiding behind other dolls was trembling with fear, and Koakuma's face was pale. They all knew what was coming now. Patchouli's wrath was going to be felt at it's fullest in just about 5 more second.

In the morning, Patchouli was visited by Reimu. They were having idle conversation when:

"So why did you really come by here? It's not like you to socialize with the likes of me?"

"Sharp as always... I just wanted to know what did you to do them?" said Reimu with an evil smirk in her face.

Patchouli lightly smiles and tells her

"well, for the black and white one, I have her a nice pair of cat ears along with a nice fluffy tail so she could cough up fur balls ever hour, and for the puppeteer, I gave her a face full of boils and nice hairy arms."

Patchouli sips her tea just as she finished her explanation. Reimu looks at her quite disappointed saying

"wow, you were quite soft on them, weren't you?"

In the back, Koakuma was carrying too many books, and thus lost her balance and was buried under a mountain of books. Patchouli, then continues her tale

"oh I didn't end there. After that I blasted them to no ends and got tired of it, I took them to Eirin's clinic."

Reimu laughs a little then Patchouli goes on

"then I had a little word with miss Eirin, took their money, payed her, then kept the rest for myself."

Reimu was now holding back her laughter. Patchouli smirks then resumes

"and of course, I cursed their drawers, so by now I suspect they are chasing those right into the village... the funny part is that as long as they give chase, the panties will keep running away."

Reimu couldn't hold it anymore and started laughing hard, then Patchouli herself couldn't contain herself and softly accompanied Reimu in laughter.

At the village, Alice, her face covered in magical boils and her arms full of golden hair, and Marisa with the ears and tail of a cat were chasing their drawers all over. With tears in her eyes, Alice yells


"What is it?" asked Marisa.

The villagers were all outside, some trying not to laugh, others laughing out loud, joined by some friendly youkai. Alice, crying now yells

"maybe we should just hide already!"

Marisa quite annoyed replies

"just try and catch them already. And don't fly here!!!"


And so, the amazing flying panties kept running all around the village, bearing the names of their owners for all to see.

The End

Characters and scenarios all belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

JUN 15 2009

written by

Willie G.R. (a.k.a. OmegaStarstrike)