The Dreaded Collins

By Serena

A/N: I'm doing this because I got this idea while watching P&P one day with a friend of mine, and she told me that I had to write this story. Now, I'm not going to be able to update often, just to warn you.

Summary: "Hello," said the tall, blonde, blue-eyed Adonis. "Mr. Collins at your service." AU. Could be a oneshot, I guess.

Disclaimer: Don't own!!! I'm taking dialogue in this from the 2005 movie and the 1995 BBC production. All belongs to respective owners.

"It's Mr. Collins – he's the dreaded cousin," Elizabeth related to her dear friend Charlotte one cloudy afternoon. "He will inherit everything, I'm afraid."

"Even my piano stool belongs to Mr. Collins," sighed Mary as she tried to keep up with her elder sister's fast pace.

Charlotte frowned and brushed a wisp of hair out of her eyes. "But why?" she demanded.

"Because the estate passes directly to him and not to us poor females," Elizabeth said grimly.

Charlotte shook her head. "Such is our life, my dear Lizzy."

Later that afternoon, when Mr. Collins was to arrive, the entire family was gathered in the drawing room. Lizzy looked up from her book and to her father, who was reading as well, and asked, "Mr. Collins… do you think him a man of good sense, Father?"

Mr. Bennett looked up from his book, paused, and gave an amused smile. "Oh, I hope not, my dear. I have high hopes of finding him quite the reverse."

"Oh, Mr. Bennett!" Mrs. Bennett cried with a frown. "Such nonsense you speak!" She fanned herself and leaned back on the chaise.

Mr. Bennett ignored her and returned to his reading.

"He is a clergyman, correct?" Jane said.

"Yes," Mr. Bennett replied. "As told in his letter, he's recently been given the position of a clergyman for --"

"Lady Catherine de Bourgh," all of his daughters chorused. Lizzy and Jane grinned at each other; and Kitty and Lydia burst into silly giggles.

Mr. Bennett smiled. "Yes, exactly so. It seems some of you were paying attention when I read this morning."

"It was hard not to hear that woman's name, Papa," Lydia groused. "Every five words it was 'Lady Catherine' this and 'Lady Catherine' that. It's a wonder he doesn't just marry her!"

"Lydia!" cried Jane, gasping. "That is not appropriate conversation!"

Lydia scrunched up her nose and flounced over to the window. She suddenly let out a gasp: "Oh, I think he's here!"

"Stop teasing, Lydie," Lizzy chided. "You've said that twice already."

"I'm not teasing, Lizzy, look!" cried her sister.

Everyone, even Mr. Bennett, flocked to the window to see a small black equipage pulling up to the front door. Mr. Bennett stepped away, urging them to go out and greet their guest. The women hurried to the front door and stepped outside, whispering among themselves.

There were two men in the small carriage: one was a mangy old driver. And the other was clothed in black with a stiff white collar around his neck. A black hat covered his face; and the girls strained to see what was behind that face. But as the man tried to get down from the carriage, his foot caught, and he stumbled towards the ground. The ladies held back a gasp, but just in time, Mr. Hill caught him by the arm.

Mr. Bennett slipped past the ladies and walked up to meet him. Naturally, his wife and daughters followed in a little pack. Lydia and Kitty were already giggling madly, and poor Mary and Jane were trying to shush them. Lizzy couldn't help but feel amused and a little sorry for the poor man.

Perhaps he is only a little clumsy, she thought. She was surprised to see how tall he was. And he was not overly skinny or overly pudgy. His body was actually well-formed. But she could not tell as well as she would have liked, because his black clothing withheld most of the evidence.

The man in black turned towards the family, cleared his throat, straightened, and bowed, pulling off his hat. When he rose to face them, all of the ladies' jaws dropped. Golden hair that fell a few inches of his shoulders framed a strong jaw and utterly handsome face.

"Hello," said the tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Adonis. "Mr. Collins at your service."

Poor Mary couldn't take it. She fainted.

:D I don't read that much P&P fanfic - most of which have been modern P&Ps, so if this has been done, let me know.

- Serena