A/N: This final scene has a bit of everything, including humour, since I get to parody the knightly combat stuff I mentioned in Scene i's notes. Also, as I've said before, I got to move a lot of the exposition from this scene to earlier sections, and like with Act I. Scene i., I've taken a lot of liberty with the dialogue, and stage directions in general. Certain changes were inspired by the aforementioned James Ear Jones production of King Lear, but a lot of it is purely my doing. I hope you like it!
Act V. Scene iii.
"King Boo, take them away!" commanded Daisy, grinning cruelly at her prisoners, Peach and Bowser.
"How could you do this to us?" cried Peach, straining against the chains that bound her arms. "We used to be friends!"
"Yeah, until I realized what a stupid, weak-minded, prissy idiot you are!" snapped Daisy.
"I'd rather be all that than a back-stabbing, murderous witch like you!" retorted Peach, tears in her eyes. "You used to be nice! You used to be good – a hero! And look at you, a lying, scheming, evil, villain!"
Daisy snorted. "You and your 'good' and 'evil'! Hasn't this shown you that that's all a load of bull! All that matters is who wins and who loses, and guess what? I've won! No one's gonna save you this time, Princess!"
Peach was shaking with fury, but Bowser nudged her arm. "No, no, no, no! Don't be sad, Peach. Let's go to prison where we'll sing like birds in a cage! All that'll matter is that we're together! It'll be like old times, only instead of me kidnapping you, we'll both be captives! It's only bad if you let it be bad."
Bowser grinned at Peach. He didn't even mind that he was chained up, he didn't care that half his children were dead (or dying) and that it was all because of his other kids. Tears rolled down Peach's face as she realized that Bowser's mind was going again, though she couldn't tell if it was the same madness reemerging, or merely the senility that had banished her less than a fortnight ago.
"Wipe your eyes," said Bowser, gently stroking Peach's cheek with the back of his claw. "We'll laugh in our gilded cage as they get what's coming to them, you'll see."
Peach looked him in the eyes and nodded, biting back the tears as King Boo yanked on the chains around their arms and pulled them through the camp towards the Koopa Cruiser, which was parked on a nearby hill.
Daisy waited until they were out of sight before pulling out a bag of gold and turning to Wario, who had been watching the exchange with Waluigi (who, having heard of the lucrative courier business, had come to give Wario a hand). "There are 1,000 Red Coins in there – 100,000 regular coins' worth of cash."
"Thanks lady, but I know the conversion of all currencies by heart," jeered Wario, grabbing at the bag.
Daisy held it away from him. "Don't you wanna know what I want you to do first?"
"For 1,000 Red Coins you could be asking me to give Waluigi's crusty old granny a spongebath – I don't care, just give me the money!"
Daisy smirked. "That's what I was counting on." As Wario snatched his payment, Daisy explained his task. "I want you to follow King Boo to the brig and kill Peach and Bowser."
"Say what?" Wario pulled his face out the bag to stare at Daisy. "Yo, have you caught the crazy plague going around or something? Killing the King's high treason!"
"I can see why you wanna kill Peach," said Waluigi, "–ta keep Mario from busting in and rescuing her – but it's still a little-"
"Look uglies, Iggy, Larry and I rule the kingdom, and we all want Bowser dead."
"What about the guy with the pink head?" growled Wario.
"Roy's gonna be dead before this day is through. Now, either give me my money back or get your fat ass to the Koopa Cruiser."
"Hey, no need to get nasty, whoremaster man!" jeered Waluigi. "I mean, woman."
Daisy growled as Wario yanked on Waluigi's arm to spin him around. "Don't worry, we're going, we're going!"
The Princess watched Wario and Waluigi walk away between the tents in silence. She then turned away as Roy, Iggy, Larry and Petey Piranha entered the clearing from the other direction.
"Where's Pa and Peach?" demanded Roy, scowling around the clearing. "You were supposed ta be watchin' dem."
"Sheesh, don't have a cow, man! I had King Boo take them to the Koopa Cruiser – the brig's way more secure than it is out here."
"Good thinkin', except for da fact dat Pa ain't no criminal – he's da King and he shouldn't be locked up. Period!"
"He assisted an invading force – he betrayed the kingdom," argued Daisy.
"If da King assists an invasion, it's not an invasion no more – it's a visitation from a foreign dignitary."
"Visitations don't generally involved pitched battle. We lost a lot of soldiers-"
"Yeah, well I'm startin' ta think fightin' Peach was a mistake. Ya just know Mario's gonna come hammering down on our heads for killing his brotha and locking up his number one girl."
"They had it coming," said Daisy.
"Yeah," said Iggy, walking to the Princess' side, smirking at her confidently.
"Uh huh!" added Larry, hopping to Daisy's other side, casting her a hopeful grin.
"But-out Larry, you're Roy's partner, remember," sneered Iggy over Daisy's head.
"We're all equal partners in this, Iggy… Just because I'm stuck sharing my land doesn't make me any less of a leader than you."
"Actually, it does – it makes you half the leader I am. And half the leader Daisy is too."
Daisy smirked at the compliment. Roy watched the exchange with a silently raised eyebrow.
"Oh yeah… Well… the Koopan arm's twice the size of yours – your Toads didn't help at all today... Except perhaps for the fact they distracted the enemies from attacking the decent warriors."
"You're one to talk!" scoffed Iggy. "You spent the entire fight cowering behind Roy, whereas I was the one who got Morton."
"Yeah, but we wanted him as a prisoner… Maybe if you didn't run around like a loose cannon we would've-"
"Maybe if you weren't such a piece of chicken-shit I would've had to compensate for your inactivity by shooting first and asking questions later!"
"Ha! …So you admit you messed up!"
"No! I admit you messed up! The important thing is that we won, right Daisy?"
"Why are you bringing Daisy into this?"
"Because I value her opinion a Hell of a lot more than I do yours."
"Yeah, well the feeling isn't mutual! She's with me!" exclaimed Larry, gripping Daisy's upper arm.
"No, Roy's with you, Daisy's with me," said Iggy, grabbing her other arm.
"No she's not – you're lying!"
"This from the boy who hasn't said a honest word in twenty years!"
"That's a lie too!"
"Apparently you can't think of good comebacks either," mocked Iggy.
"Boys! Boys!" grinned Daisy, freeing herself from their ever-tightening grips. "Don't fight over me – let's settle this like adults. After we decide on what to do with the prisoners, that is."
"Like you haven't decided already," growled Roy.
"What does that mean?" said Daisy, putting her hands on her hips.
"It means, I know you're plottin' ta kill me. And dat you're da mastermind behind dis whole ting. I'll bet you're ready ta kill Peach and Pa too, and den what's next? Sick Iggy and Larry on each odda so dat you're da only despot left? Well, girlie, I ain't gonna let ya do dat!"
"You and what army?" sneered Daisy.
"Oh I dunno, da entire Koopa Troop, perhaps?"
"They answer to me too!" growled Larry.
"Not fer long."
"And what does that mean?"
"Enough!" said Daisy, stepping forwards towards Roy. "We just had a huge battle, and the armies are in no condition to go fighting amongst themselves. Why don't we duke it out ourselves – you and me, right here, right now. To the death."
"Daisy!" said Iggy in alarm. "Don't do this, you could get hurt – or killed!"
"Nice to see how confident you are in me," said Daisy sarcastically.
"I believe in you," said Larry.
"Shut up," growled Iggy.
Meanwhile, Roy was thinking over the challenge. If he lost, there would be nothing standing between Daisy, Iggy and Larry and their unarmed victims. And if he won, Iggy and Larry would probably kill him for murdering their beloved Daisy. Larry had a point – a fair number of the Koopas were loyal to him, and taking Iggy's Mushroomians and Daisy's Saraslanders into account, Roy's forces were outnumbered even if they rushed to his aid. Either way. Bowser and Peach would die, and Roy could not let that happen, not after so many innocent people had already lost their lives. Therefore, he was left with one choice…
"I won't fight you," he said to Daisy. "But I know someone who will fight you in my name."
"What?" started Iggy.
"That's not fair!" bleated Larry.
Daisy held up a silencing hand, and her boys grudgingly obeyed, falling into acrimonious silence. The Princess smiled. To tell the truth, she had been a little worried about going up against Roy; anyone else would be a cakewalk compared to the big, burly Koopaling. "I accept," she said. "So where's your fighter?"
"He needs ta be summoned," said Roy, turning to Petey. "Find me a herald, will ya?"
"Oh, I brought one!" said Iggy.
"Why?" said Larry incredulously.
"He really wanted to come along – he's an excitable little Bean I found in Mushroom Castle's basement. He has this headgear – you probably saw him in battle with it – anyway, it doubles as a loudspeaker."
"Oh no," moaned Larry. "It's not that guy with the red cloak who brainwashed us that one time…"
"It is," said Iggy, relishing Larry's displeasure.
"The guy who took over Dad's castle…"
"That's the one."
"Just call him," growled Roy.
"FAWFUL!" bellowed Iggy.
Larry frowned and rubbed his head – his internal ears were ringing. "Who needs Fawful… You're loud enough."
"Oh well, too late," shrugged Iggy as Fawful flew over the tents and landed at his feet.
"You had the calling of the one who is me, Fawful?"
"Yeah, we need you to call someone for Roy," said Iggy.
"Why doe he not have the calling of this person himself?" frowned Fawful.
"That's what I said," grinned Larry.
"No, you said 'why don't we have me call the person'," said Iggy, rolling his eyes.
"It's the same idea," whined Larry.
"Enough!" bellowed Roy, looking down at Fawful. "Use your helmet-thing to call for the, uh, chubby Koopatrol."
"You do not have the knowing of his name?" said Fawful incredulously.
"Well, when he offered ta fight fer me I didn't tink I'd take him up on it at da time. And besides, he never told me his name anyhow."
"You're gonna bet on some guy who's name you don't even know? And you criticize us?" cackled Daisy.
"Just call him!" ordered Roy.
"O of K!" saluted Fawful, as a microphone and large speaker popped out of his headgear. "Attentioning the Koopatrol of fatness! You are being wanted by the fink-rat, Pink!"
"He's not gonna understand that," growled Roy. "Use my real name.
"O of K!" Fawful turned back to the microphone. "Attentioning again! It is the Fink Rat who's name is being "Roy" that is wanting the Koopatrol of excessive weight to be coming to him!" He looked back at Roy. "Is that being better, like bread that is buttered so that it is not dry and tasteless?"
"Maybe we should be more specific about who we're callin'," mused Roy. "Try mentioning dat it's the pudgy Koopatrol wid da green shell who I talked wid before da battle who I want."
"O of K!" once again, Fawful put his lips of to the Microphone and made his announcement. "Attentioning for the time that is the third time of attentioning! The Fink-Rat Pink – who's name is being "Roy" – is wanting the Koopatrol who is portly like a pig that has eaten too much delicious slop from its long, splintery trough of food-dispensingness, and who has a shell that is being green, and who had the speaking to Pink – who's name is still being "Roy" – before the battle of bloodiness that we had the winning of. I HAVE FURY!"
"Good… Except for the 'Fury' part," said Roy.
Before Fawful could respond, Lemmy clanked into the clearing. Daisy suppressed a derisive chuckle when she saw the ill-fitting armor. Compared to the sleek Koopa Troopas who normally wore the ensemble, 'Chubby' was an understatement.
"I'm here to fight," said Lemmy, drawing himself up to his full height – which came up to Daisy's shoulders.
"You're here to die, you mean," said Daisy menacingly.
"On the contrary, it's you who is gonna die."
"O of boy!" grinned Fawful. "A fight of entertainingness! Is this being a match of grudge?"
"I dunno," said Daisy. "Maybe… Who are you anyway?"
"Your executioner," replied Lemmy.
"She shouldn't have to fight someone who won't reveal his identity," said Iggy, who was now leaning against a nearby barrel and gripping onto his stomach in pain. Larry saw this and smiled grimly. He had poisoned Iggy's canteen before the fight – just in case his brother was lucky and escaped death in the battlefield. Iggy wasn't the only one willing to kill for Daisy's fiery love.
"It's okay, Iggy," said Daisy, not even sparing her ailing amour a glance as she scanned Lemmy, trying to figure out why he seemed to familiar to her.
Roy, on the other hand, noticed that something was amiss. "Iggy, are you alright?"
"Urgh, it's my stomach – it really hurts," moaned Iggy. The pain was getting more intense with every passing minute.
"You might have been cursed in the battle – that purple-haired Magikoopa packed a punch." Despite the fact that Iggy was probably out to get him as much as Daisy and Larry, Roy couldn't help but feel concerned for his younger brother. "Petey, take Iggy to the medic."
"No, I wanna stay for the fight," gasped Iggy.
"You should listen to him," said Daisy coolly, before hastily switching to a caring tone of voice. "If you faint during the fight, how will I be able to keep my concentration? Go get help – for me."
Larry's face darkened as he wondered if his potion had backfired and helped sweep Daisy into Iggy's arms. But as Petey pulled Iggy to his feet and half-carried him out of the clearing, Larry shrugged it off. Even if Daisy had forsaken the fight and rushed to Iggy's side, their union would not last long – the poison Larry used was incurable, and once the symptoms set in, the victim was not long for the world. But it didn't matter, catching sight of Daisy's impassive face, Larry realized she felt nothing for his brother – she was all his.
"Enoughing of this opera of soap!" called Fawful from the sidelines. "Be starting the fight!"
"The annoying Bean's right," sneered Daisy, drawing her sword (it was the weapon of choice those days). "Let's get it on!"
"Yes, let's," agreed Lemmy, pulling out his own dagger. The two circled each other, and then lunged at the same moment. Both were exhausted from the battle, and though Lemmy had used a Return Pipe to get to Rogueport and had been ferried back to the fields by Kamek and his broom, Ludwig's death had left him drained. But as he matched Daisy's strikes, he remembered how it was her who had betrayed Ludwig; she had alienated him from Lemmy and then condemned him to death. It was her fault Ludwig, Junior, Wendy, Kammy, the Hammer Bros., Toad, Toadette, Luigi, and countless others were dead. If Larry and Iggy had been the only troublemakers, the whole mess would've blown over, Lemmy just knew it would have. He hated Daisy. She deserved to die. She had to die – it was the only way the killing could come to an end.
Finally, Lemmy's sword hit its mark, and like Toadsworth, Daisy fell to the ground in an explosion of blood. The cut was deep, and Lemmy was a little surprised that Daisy's intestines didn't follow the blood as it drained out of her belly.
"Daisy!" cried Larry, rushing forwards and lifting his love's head from the dirt.
Her moth was open in shock as her eyes made their way up to Larry's. "I- I can't believe this… I'm- I'm d-d-"
Larry shook his head. "N- no! Don't say that!"
Standing above them, Lemmy couldn't help but remember when he was in Larry's position, clutching to the hand of his beloved brother as he slowly slipped away. "I'm sorry-"
"You murderer!" snarled Larry, gingerly laying Daisy's head back on the ground as he stood to face Lemmy. "I'll kill you!"
"No you won't," said Roy sternly, walking forwards. "She signed on for dis. Besides, if you lot hadn't been plotting ta kill da rest o' us, she wouldn't be dyin' now would she?"
"You set her up!" cried Larry. "You bastard, you knew this would happen! You had no right-"
"Actually, I do. You're under arrest, Larry, for high treason."
Roy pulled out the letter Lemmy had given him earlier. "'My dearest Daisy, I beseech you to help me plan Roy's demise.' – sound familiar?"
Larry felt dizzy. Daisy was dying and he was under arrest – soon they would find out he was the one who poisoned Iggy… "No, it doesn't."
"Liar," growled Roy.
"I'm gonna go check on Iggy – he'll want to know how the battle ended," said Larry hastily, turning and running from the clearing.
"Coward," sighed Daisy, closing her eyes.
"Rurururu!" chuckled Fawful from the sidelines. "This is more interesting than a show of television that is all about sandwiches, and that is produced by a woman who has a man-beard and can twist herself into a pretzel like a person in a carnival of the side-roads!"
"You there, go after him! Make sure he doesn't get away!" ordered Roy.
"But this is being the salt of interest on the pretzel of-"
"GO!" roared Roy.
"Fining!" spat Fawful, engaging his headgear and flying after Larry, muttering darkly to himself.
"Larry was lying… We were planning to kill you… all three of us… And what you said before… it's true too… I would've done away with Iggy or Larry just as quickly once you were gone… depending on which one was worse… in bed…" Daisy winced as the pain rolled over her.
"You're sick," growled Lemmy.
"Please… can you at least tell me who you are?" moaned Daisy, looking plaintively up at Lemmy. "I gotta know who beat me."
"You're first victim, that's who," said Lemmy, pulling off his helmet. Daisy's eyes widened in shock and Roy gasped.
"Lemmy! Man, I neva woulda tought you had da balls ta kill someone."
"I killed Toadsworth too," he mumbled.
"You did dat? Man, You've earned my respect, brodda!"
"Yeah," grinned Daisy. "I thought you were just a wuss…"
Just then Petey Piranha returned to the clearing. "Iggy's dead! The doctor said it was poison."
"Poison?" said Roy.
"Yeah, it was in his canteen."
"Must've been Larry," said Daisy with a sadistic smile. "I had him and Iggy at each other's throats – vying for my love."
"Yeah, we noticed," snorted Roy.
"What love?" said Lemmy bitterly.
"Guessing what!" cackled Fawful, reappearing over the tent-tops. "Larry is being dead!"
"Larry's dead too? How?" demanded Roy.
"'Tooing'? Who else is being dead? Her?"
"Nope," said Daisy, her eyes still closed peacefully.
"He had the stabbing of himself," said Fawful, holding up a bloody knife. "Like a character in a play written by the Guy who Shakes Spears."
Daisy laughed. "Looks like we'll all be together after all… In Hell."
"Got that right," spat Lemmy. "And you know what? You deserve it! After everything you've done – after everyone you've killed!"
Daisy sighed. "You're right… and I guess Peach was right too: being evil doesn't pay… Heh heh h- shit!"
"What?" asked the assembled crowd as Daisy's eyes flew open mid-chuckle.
"I told Wario to kill her! And Bowser too!"
"What?" repeated the group.
"You're telling us now?" moaned Lemmy.
"Hey, I could've not told you at all," snarled Daisy. "In fact, I dunno why I even told you period-"
"Someone go to the Koopa Cruiser!" bellowed Roy. "You, Fart-full, or whatever your name is, you're the fastest, go!"
"Grrr! I am not liking being ordered around by this Fink-Rat Pink! I HAVE FURY!"
"Fine, but have your fury as you GET GOING!" screamed Roy.
"FINK RAT!" shrieked Fawful as he turned around and flew back the way he came. Before he left, he dropped Larry's dagger, which landed unheeded in the corner.
"It's too late," said Daisy icily. Her breathing had become erratic and she could barely choke out the words, but choke them she did. "He won't make it."
"You just told us to tease us, then?" hissed Lemmy.
"Yep," sneered Daisy, winking at the Koopaling, as she heaved her last breath. Lemmy felt like throttling her, but it didn't matter: Daisy died before he could make a move.
There was a bit of a disturbance nearby, and only when it was clear that Daisy had stopped breathing did Roy rip his eyes away from her body, just in time to see Kamek fly overhead, pursued by a flock of Chickens and Lakitu. "What the-?"
"That's Kamek!" cried Lemmy.
"Kamek? Yo! Lay off!" at Roy's command, the pursuers halted in mid air as Kamek turned and dived into the clearing. Roy turned to Petey. "For that matter, go spread the word that there's been a change of leadership, and that the soldiers won't attack any more of our 'enemies' that might turn up, okay?"
Petey nodded and flew off, but Kamek shook his head. "That's not necessary – Lemmy and I are the only ones left."
"What about Kammy?"
"Dead," said Kamek, sparing Lemmy the task of communicating the news.
"Oh, that sucks, man. Lemmy, I'm sorry," Roy knew how much Ludwig had meant to Lemmy. Coming from Roy, 'I'm sorry' meant a lot.
Lemmy merely nodded his acknowledgement.
"So… What happened here?" asked Kamek, eyeing Daisy's bloody corpse.
Roy opened his mouth to explain, but something beyond Daisy caught his attention. "Uh, oh," he breathed.
"Howl, howl, howl!" wailed Bowser, stumbling into the clearing with Peach in his arms. "You monsters! She's gone forever! She's dead!"
"No," gasped Kamek, rushing to Bowser's side. "Your Grievedness, I-"
"Get away from me! Now's not the time for rock and roll!"
"Leave me be!"
"King Dad, it's Kamek! Don't you recognize him?" said Lemmy, hanging back beside Roy.
"Everyone asks if I recognize someone or other!" cried Bowser. "But what does it matter? All I recognize is that my Peach is dead! Oh, Peach! I'm so sorry! So, so sorry! I tried to save you! I killed the monster – Wario – that was hanging you. And Waluigi too!"
"It's true, he did," grinned King Boo, who had followed Bowser back to the clearing.
"Piss off," snapped Kamek, who did not appreciate King Boo's chipper mood.
The ghosts stuck out his tongue – to him, deaths were like births, and he had a reason to be happy. But the cloud cover wasn't so great, and he was perfectly fine with disappearing and taking his business elsewhere before the sun came out, so he took Kamek's cue and disappeared.
"You are Kamek," said Bowser, grinning through the tears he didn't bother trying to hold back as he grieved for Peach. "I never knew you could play guitar."
"I was a wild child, Your Bereavedness."
"Pa, if it's any consolation, the one who ordered Peach's murder is dead," said Roy, indicating towards Daisy. "Iggy and Larry are dead too, and I'm resigning my position as Lord of Dark Land. You've never stopped being the King, but the land that was taken from you is now yours again." True, Bowser had technically given away the lands, but Roy knew now wasn't the time to be brutally honest.
"That's all well and dandy, but that doesn't change the fact that Peach is dead! And Kammy's dead! No, no, no life! Why should scum like- like- Mario still breathe when your sweet breath will come no more, Peach! It will never come, never, never, never, never, never." As he spoke, Bowser crumpled to his knees, and then lay Peach tenderly on the ground. "Oh, my Peach! My love!"
Just then the sun burst from behind the clouds. The light made it look like colour had returned to Peach's face, and the rays sparked on a sliver of cornea that the slackened eyelids did not cover. Bowser gasped, in his delirium, he thought there was still life in his beloved Peach. "Do you see that! Look! Look! Her lips! Her eyes! The Stars! Oh, thank the Stars! My love!"
Suddenly, without warning, Bowser's energy ran out, and he fell to the ground beside Peach.
"Bowser!" But even as Kamek reached out to support the King, his body burst into dust which fell to the ground. "No," he gasped in shock as a mocking wind blew stray grains of the Koopa King across the clearing. Some of it caught in Peach's otherwise perfect hair.
Lemmy and Roy stood above Peach and the dust, having rushed forward when Bowser fell. "He's… gone… Just like Ludwig, just like everyone!" whimpered Lemmy in despair.
"If only I had put my foot down soona…" Roy clenched his fist. "Lemmy, you should be in charge now. You and Kamek."
"What?" gasped Lemmy. "But what about you, you're a great leader!"
"No, I'm a terrible leader – if I was half the despot King Dad was, I would neva had let dis happen."
"Don't be so hard on yourself," said Kamek. His tired voice betrayed his true age as he looked up at the Koopalings. "And I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have much time myself. I'm old… And my recent over-usage of Youth Potion has pretty much robbed me of any grace period I might have had otherwise. I only wish I could have served His Deceasedness better, but I'll be with him shortly…"
"If anyone's a failure, it's me," said Lemmy. "I should've known Daisy was responsible from the beginning. I should've told Ludwig what was going on, but instead I ran like a coward."
"Hey, you're no coward, Lems," said Roy, thumping Lemmy on the back of his shell. "And besides, ya got 'er in da end!"
"A fat lotta good that did anyone," snorted Lemmy.
"It stopped Daisy from winnin'. Dat's gotta count for somtin' don' it?"
"You did your best," said Kamek, before looking back down at Peach with a sigh. "We all did."
The group fell silent. Lemmy reached back into his shell and pulled out Ludwig's headband. The fabric was stained black by the blood of a dead Dragon-Koopa, as was the blade of the knife that was lying in the dirt at Peach's feet, still sitting where Fawful had dropped it. The marks were indistinguishable – in death, good and evil didn't matter anymore. Lemmy realized then that he had no choice: he was alive when so many others had died, and it was his duty to take that and make it count. "I'll do it," he said, staring down at the lifeless rag in his hands. "I'll never be as great as King Dad or Ludwig, but I won't give up – I won't let them down. Together we'll fix this mess. We'll make sure something like this will never happen again!"
From atop one of the nearby tents, Fawful snorted. "Pah! What an ending of wussyness. It is anticlimactic as the valley between mountains of tallness! When I had the seeing of Bowser carrying the corpse of Peach, I had the thinking 'this is going to have goodness – like the goodness of brownies that are fresh-baked', but no! This is being bad, like sprouts of Brussels or medicine that has the flavour of artificial bananas! Grrr! I HAVE FURY!"