A/N: My final chapter and the final chapter of this story! Its been amazing writing this story and sharing it with you guys, we can't thank you enough for sticking with this story! Make sure to leave us a review and spread the word that this story is complete and needs to be read! :) I won't go on, enjoy this chapter!
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Disclaimer: Copyright of original story & characters Stephenie Meyer.
August 31st 2009
James Witherdale. 17th November 1975 – 3rd August 2009
I stared down at the little piece of paper not knowing what else to write. My scrawl was scruffy due to my shaking and frustration because words failed me. I couldn't think of a few words to write on his headstone… he deserved a few words didn't he? Jasper didn't think so. He sat facing me staring down at the paper with such hatred I was surprised he hadn't snatched the paper away from me.
Traditionally one would put loving husband. But he wasn't a loving husband… so what else was there to write?
"Alice, you don't have to write anything else." Jasper whispered from across the table.
"But I do." I replied back in the same whisper.
"Why? The man kidnapped you, put you through eight years of hell and blackmailed you into marrying him; tell me why he deserves words on his headstone? Hell, he doesn't even deserve a funeral." Anger seeped into every word.
My therapist, Jillian, told me that this was a good idea. In fact she had advised me on every move. She'd told me what I needed to do next, when I needed to do it, how and why. She had been brilliant and my rock throughout it all. She was the only person who knew deep down why I was doing this, even if I didn't totally get why I was doing this myself, but apparently I needed the closure.
"I don't expect you to understand." I knew this was difficult for him, so I didn't rise to the anger.
"Then help me to." I looked up into his pleading eyes and looked away quickly.
"He has no one else. His family is gone and I'm all he had left." I knew it was a poor excuse as soon as the words left my lips and I'd already predicted his next words.
"He didn't deserve anyone, especially you. You don't have to take responsibility for this." He reached his hand forwards as if to snatch the paper away and I pulled it closer to me.
"But I do!" I growled in frustration, my hand tightening around the pen.
"Anything you write would be forced words, words that you don't really mean. You didn't love him or care for him, you loathed the man. I can see it in your eyes." His anger wasn't going away.
I tried to ignore his presence but it wasn't easy. How could I explain this to him when I didn't even know myself? Eight years I've been telling myself I couldn't leave him. I had an opportunity to run away and leave him for good with a caring and loving guy, but I chose to stay with him, which ended with Jeffrey's murder.
"The truth is I don't know why I need to do this. For eight years I've been asking myself that exact same question. Why would you bother staying with him? Why have you resigned to the fact that you will be spending the rest of your life with him, even though you hated your life with him?" I could feel the tears coming and I tried to fight them. I'd shed enough tears over this man. "I don't expect you to understand because even I don't. I chose to be with him, which was my decision when I was ten years old. I chose to live, I chose my own destiny."
I suddenly knew what to write. James Witherdale. 17th November 1975 – 3rd August 2009. You create your own destiny.
In the end I knew one of us would die. In truth I always thought it would be me and I was close to that happening. The fact was that this wasn't a happy love story; it was tragic and had only one ending… death. He chose his own destiny leading to his own death. The course he put himself on, no matter what he did led to his inevitable death. Evil never wins, good always triumphs. I had to fight not to write those words down too.
I exhaled and felt a little lighter. All morning I had been delaying this task, knowing that this was my final day and that it had to be written so that they could engrave this on his headstone. Carlisle had been generous enough to help with the rest of the arrangements, hell; he was even paying for most of it. James didn't have much money but what little he had, had been given to me. It was enough to buy the coffin but the rest Carlisle had to pay for. I'd promised him I would pay him back, but he said there was no need. I will pay him back though; he shouldn't be paying for any of this. This was my mess, my past, not his, it just wasn't right that he should pay.
Jillian may think she knows why I need to do this but I still don't fully understand. Especially the burning question, why did I stay with him all those years? She says I'm a survivor and that my natural instincts, no matter the environment, no matter how much I wished for death, deep down everyone wants to survive and they kicked into gear quickly. "The human body tries to stay alive as long as it can." She told me. "You were brave and you fought to be where you are today. Even if it doesn't feel like you did at times, its still down to you why you're breathing today, why you're back with your family… and why you have Jasper for real again."
I knew it pained everyone in this family that I had chosen to do this for James. I had stuttered and blushed when I tried to form a good enough explanation but in truth, there wasn't a good enough reason for them. I eventually told everyone, "This is just something I have to do. I'm sorry." After a lot of daily sessions with Jill, it now felt natural on a certain level that I should do this… He was my husband. I had lived with him for eight years. I lost my virginity to the man. He was at the time my first ever love, that was before I remembered Jasper. I didn't love him in the end, but he meant something to me. How could he not after that length of time?
The funeral was in a week's time. They had kept the body for this long for investigation purposes. Jim would have a standard cremation, he had no one to bury him or pay for his funeral and I certainly wasn't going to do it. I didn't care what happened to him, they could have thrown his body in the ocean for all I care. He meant nothing to me… so it brings me back to my previous statement, James must have meant something to me. What that feeling is? I don't think there is even a word in the dictionary to describe it.
It has been stressful organizing this funeral. I had made sure I was involved in every decision because again, this was my mess and I was going to clean it up and bury it. My family and Jasper just came along for moral support. I hadn't shed one tear during all of this; it was only now writing down what would be engraved on his headstone that had gotten to me. Picking out his coffin hadn't even affected me and of all the things, I thought that would have after he locked me in one countless times. I didn't even flinch when I first saw them. I remained calm and brave.
It wasn't anything fancy, it was basic and brown. It looked pretty tacky but that was all James could afford and I wasn't going to ask Carlisle for more money towards this. The headstone was simple, nothing fancy to it, the writing I chose was bland and boring; whatever was the cheapest suited me just fine. The plot had been what cost the most, I'd decided to bury him in the Forks cemetery… yes, Jasper had said I was completely crazy for this decision, burying him so close to my home. It didn't bother me though, he was dead and gone, his body meant nothing to me now, it was just the man he was that I wanted to put to rest.
So the funeral was arranged, all that was left to do was actually attend it. We had a priest, my family and a few close friends would attend and that was about it. They were going for moral support, in their eyes this man was a true demon and the devil himself for what he did. But they didn't know him like I did. I suppose I now understand that I really was doing this for closure. In my heart I'm still Mary; they may call me Alice and see the face of Alice, but inside I'm different now. This was my last pathetic attempt at putting Mary to rest with James. If this didn't work, then I don't know what I'm going to do. Would I ever be rid of my life with him? Forever haunted with the memories and feelings of what he did to me? I didn't want that. I wanted to be Alice Cullen… butsadly wanting wasn't enough.
September 10th 2009
I hadn't slept. All night my brain just wouldn't shut down. Thoughts of James, the little good and the bad circulated constantly. It wasn't all that bad with James, my memories of him when I was younger were good. He was caring, he was my protector, back then in my eyes he was my world. No one could have protected me like James could have. Of course that soon changed and the many years of bad haunted me in the night, I was too scared to close my eyes, I didn't want nightmares.
Jasper wanted to spend the night with me, but I didn't want him to hug me and kiss me and tell me everything was going to be alright. I knew it hurt him when I rejected him last night; it was the first night since we first made love that he hadn't slept in my bed with me. But I just couldn't, it didn't feel right. I was burying my dead husband tomorrow, the man who kidnapped me, how could I cuddle up to Jasper when I knew these memories would haunt me tonight? It would just feel wrong somehow.
There was a knock at the door and I told them to come in. "Hey." It was Jasper.
"Hey." I whispered back.
"How did you sleep last night?" There was a hint of sadness and I knew he was still feeling the effects of my rejecting him.
"I didn't." I smiled a sad smile. "I guess I'm used to you being here, I just couldn't sleep without you." I chuckled lazily and he smiled wide for me.
"I couldn't sleep either. I missed you." He shut the door and climbed onto the bed next me, dragging me into his arms. I breathed in his scent and melted instantly into his embrace.
"I missed you too." I whispered back, kissing him on the chest over his beating heart. He held me tighter and I clung to him just as tight, it was as if we were trying to fuse ourselves together.
"I'm so happy you're back in my arms." I knew those words meant more than one night away from each other; those words spoke for eight years of nights not being together.
I pulled back and put my right hand on his face. "I'm never leaving you again. I promise."
"I know." He smiled and his blue eyes sparkled with joy and such love it sent goose bumps up my arms. How can this man love me so much? I kissed him softly and he moaned into the kiss, his left hand weaved into the back of my hair and he deepened the kiss, his tongue brushing along my bottom and I opened my mouth greedily. Our tongues danced, the kiss was perfect; it was as if I'd been kissing this mouth my entire life. We just fit together like a jigsaw; every move of our lips was as if someone had choreographed it for us. Every brush of our tongues was soft and not at all soppy and messy, it was as if every stroke said I love you.
He pulled away first and laughed, giving me one soft kiss before he spoke. "We need to get ready." He kissed me again and I suddenly couldn't move. I froze. "Alice?" And just like that he went into panic mode.
I pulled away quickly and gathered myself up. Those five words reminded me of what we were supposed to be doing today. How could I have let myself forget even for a split second? This was not a happy day. Today I was burying someone, someone who was once close to me. I sighed and turned to face his worried one. "I'm sorry." I pleaded with my eyes for him to understand and not question me. Not today. He seemed to understand and nodded his head giving me a cheeky smile as well.
"I almost forgot! Rose picked out a dress for you, one minute." He jumped from the bed and left the room, coming back seconds later with a box. I furrowed my eyebrows and suddenly got a pang of excitement. Rose had been more than happy to tell me how I used to be, how I loved fashion, how I made sure my hair was perfect everyday and how I used to dress her and Bella up like human Barbie's. Bella was also more than happy to tell me how she does not miss that part of the past. From then on I made a mental note to do it to her again some time in the future.
"You mean she bought me a dress, not picked it out." I suddenly felt lighter and happy. I made my way to Jasper and noticed how my movements around him were dance-like. He told me I used to walk like that all the time, that I was his very own ballerina. I blushed furiously when he noticed me do it, he chuckled and looked down at the dress, bringing it out carefully and holding it up for me.
It was stunning. It was a black dress, fitting for a slim figure. I knew it would cling to me like a second skin. I felt the material and it was almost silky, yet it didn't shine like silk. I sighed and took the dress off of him, laying it on the bed. He pulled out some simple black shoes with tiny heels on, and finally he pulled out a small black hat, with netting coming down to go over just your eyes. It had a flower on it attached to the netting, holding it in place on the hat. It was stunning, but again brought me back to what I was doing today.
"Could you wait downstairs for me?" I whispered, not taking my eyes away from the hat.
"Are you okay?" He dropped the hat and held my face in his hands but I closed my eyes so I couldn't see him.
"No." I backed out of his hands and went to my en-suite bathroom locking myself in it. I cried. I knew it was going to come. All night I hadn't allowed myself one tear for the man. Was he really, truly gone? I sobbed into my hands as I sunk to the ground. If Jasper was still out there, he didn't make a sound to let me know. I was grateful for that.
Today I bury his body. Today I finally say goodbye. What if it didn't work? What if all this time and effort was for nothing? I want to say that I am Alice Cullen again. I want to look into the eyes of my old family and say I am the girl they once knew, the girl they still love but no longer exists. I have her body, her looks and some of her traits are starting to come out of me. Like the dancing when I walk and my love for fashion. But I don't feel like her. Its like I'm pretending just for them and if this doesn't work it means living a lie for the rest of my life, pretending, forever pretending to be someone I'm not. I cried for myself, I cried for Alice.
I was finally ready. Rose came swooping in and fixed my face up. She didn't ask why I was upset or if I was okay; she just did her best to cover up my red face so I looked at least the slightest bit presentable. Again, everyone was being so nice to me. They weren't asking how I was feeling every five minutes; they weren't coming up to me and giving me a hug. They just left me to be myself, to deal with this situation on my own. Jasper however didn't leave my side and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
We sat in the car in silence, it wasn't awkward on my end, but I could feel the tension coming off of everyone else. I was too numb to really care; I was just focusing on getting this day over and done with. Jasper held my hand, brushing his thumb soothingly over the back, letting me know in his own way that he will be here for me, however I want him. I gave him the odd squeeze every now and then, showing him my appreciation.
As we got closer to Forks Cemetery my anxiety increased. My heart started to beat furiously, threatening to burst through my skin. My hands were shaking and I began to squeeze Jaspers hand permanently, he whispered a few words into my ear trying to calm me down but for the life of me I couldn't repeat a word he said. I was sweating profusely and I was thankful for the wind breezing through the open window next to me, I closed my eyes to calm myself down, taking in deep breaths.
When I next opened them we were here. The first tear fell down my cheek, it was due to fear of what I was about to do, not sadness; but everyone thought it was sadness when they stepped out of the car. Carlisle patted my arm and Esme gave me a one armed hug, everyone else walked on giving me sympathetic smiles until I was left alone with Jasper. "I'm here for you Alice." He whispered against my forehead before giving me one long kiss.
I hugged him close to me and kissed him softly before pulling away and gathering myself together. I nodded my head unable to speak at the moment and followed the crowd to the open grave where James's coffin was. Rose, Emmett, Bella, Edward, Esme, Carlisle and finally Charlie all turned up for support. The few friends who I had invited, Mike, Jessica and Angela said that they couldn't make it. I knew their real reasons and I didn't hold it against them. If I was in their position, I don't think I could have come if they were burying a man who kidnapped one of them. How can you expect to feel sympathy for someone like that? You can't. But these being my family came along for me, they understood better than anyone else and I was happy with the turn out.
I slowly made my way to my family. There were seats placed at one side of the coffin, I didn't look at it, not even the headstone, not yet. I just concentrated on my family and sitting down for now. I walked to the front of the seating area, two seats set out for me and Jasper. Everyone else was behind us, close and comforting.
The priest stood to the left of us, he was as still as a statue as we all got as comfortable as possible. Everyone was silent as we waited patiently for the priest to begin. He looked at me, gave me a tight nod and I gave one back letting him know I was ready. He was clear on why and who we were burying. If he didn't agree with this burial and what I was doing for James, he didn't let on. He knew this was all for me, he didn't look at the rest of my family as they couldn't care less for the man; the first words he spoke were for my ears only.
"Let us commend James Witherdale to the mercy of God." He looked down at the coffin as he clutched the Holy Bible to his chest and I knew I couldn't not look any longer. I held tightly onto Jasper's hand as I finally rested my eyes on the wooden coffin, hovering above the hole he was later to be lowered into. I heard myself gasp, whether it was shock, fear, anticipation, glee or sadness, I didn't know. But it left my lungs with a gush of air as slow tears fell down my cheeks.
you have not made us for darkness and death,
but for life with you forever.
Without you we have nothing to hope for;
with you we have nothing to fear.
Speak to us now your words of eternal life.
Lift us from anxiety and guilt
to the light and peace of your presence,
and set the glory of your love before us;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
"Amen." I whispered the word so quiet I wasn't sure anyone else heard me. I specifically asked for that prayer. I didn't believe James deserved a more traditional prayer, he wasn't a do gooder, he was an evil man and he was lucky he was even getting the simplest of funerals. If it were anyone else but me, he would have been cremated and dumped somewhere just like Jim had been. This funeral was for Mary.
The priest looked at me and I knew with a pang of anxiety that my time had come to say a few words. I nodded to him and stood quickly, not giving myself time to back down and flee. I wanted this over with; I needed this to be done. I craved the touch of Jasper and as soon as out palms stopped touching but I couldn't allow myself that, not this moment, I couldn't run.
I kept my eyes on the suspended coffin as I walked around it to my spot at the other side. I was stood facing my family but I didn't look at them, I just spoke what came to my mind first.
"I didn't prepare a speech so I'm just going to go with it." I traced the pattern of the wood on the coffin then looked up at the headstone and read the words in which I had chosen. "I know you don't understand why I chose to do this for him. If the roles were reversed, I would have felt the exact same way, but the roles aren't reversed and this was a decision I alone had to make. I could stand here and tell you all that I was all he had left, that no one else was alive to bury him so I felt it my duty to do this for him… but that would be a lie." I took in a deep breath and willed myself not to cry.
I finally looked at my family and friends. "You all see a girl called Alice Cullen. You see her face, you see memories of her as a child and now you feel you finally have her back in your arms, your life." I felt a lone, fresh tear fall as I stared into Jaspers eyes. He was being brave but I could tell he wanted to let go and cry with me. "I'm doing this today to bring that girl back. James created a new identity for me. He wiped my memory clean of any trace of the girl you all knew and loved and replaced it with someone else. Someone he could love; someone who was his." My voice shook with the words as I saw Esme silently break down in front of my eyes.
"I am Mary Witherdale. I'm eighteen years old. I don't remember anything of my life before James… All I can tell you; is that in my eight years of living with this man, I have experienced a life of hell. I used to ask myself, will I ever escape? But that was the wrong question. Could I ever escape? I had an answer prepared for that and it was no. I felt lost. I hated my husband. I hated my drug addiction and I hated my life." Carlisle had wrapped Esme tightly in his arms and I looked away, back down at the coffin. "Every morning I would wake and repeat those same words to myself, reminding myself that what had happened to me wasn't a dream. It was real, they were real nightmares, real memories and each morning I would cry as he wrapped me in his arms."
Jasper finally couldn't hold them back. I stared into his eyes and cried with him. "I was addicted to a particular drug that goes by the name of Heroin. I used to call it my sweet powder, my only love in life because it took me away from the hell that was my living life day in and day out." I took in a few deep breaths, still staring into the eyes of the man I loved with all my heart. These words were for him. "I craved that drug for one reason and that was Jasper." I cried loud and sobbed into my hands, ashamed to be admitting this out loud but the relief I felt overshadowed it by a mile. I gathered myself together quickly so no one would interrupt my flow. "I used to tell myself I was in love with that drug but I know now I was in love with the boy in my dreams. Heroin was my friend; it kept the spirit of Jasper alive inside of me. I dreamt I was a child, and he was the same age as me. We would play games, hold hands; he would be my prince charming by saving me from getting run over by bikes on the road." We both laughed through our tears. "We would make funny shapes out of clouds and colour pictures in our tree house." He left his seat and walked around the grave and up to me.
"We shared our first kiss together." He kissed me sweetly after he whispered the words. "We told each other we loved one another and that we would never be apart." He cupped my face in his right hand as he silently cried the words and I brushed them away as they fell. "We said we would go to college together, get married, have children, have grandchildren and grow old together." He kissed my hand that was on his face and whispered the next words just for me. "I never stopped dreaming for that Alice. I never stopped wishing I could hold you in my arms again. I never for one second that we were apart stopped loving you… I know you believe you aren't Alice anymore, but I know it's you. I know the girl I love and I'm holding onto her right now and I'm never letting go. Never." He kissed me one last time before returning to his seat.
It took me a while to gather myself and ignore the crying audience. "I am here as a last effort to let go of the girl he created. I am here to bury the memory of James and the man he was… Eight years ago he took me from you but today here I stand. I survived his torture and embrace. He loved me, I knew he did and at one point I loved him back. He was my protector; my guardian and the one person who would never let harm come to me." I wiped my face and looked back at his headstone. "James was a man who was broken from such a young age. Death was the only way of saving him… from saving us both."
"I still to this day can't answer the question… Why couldn't I leave him? But all I know is that it's led me back into your arms. I survived and I hope now that James can be put to rest." I walked over to his headstone and touched it on my back to my seat next to Jasper.
I stared on as they began to lower the coffin down in silence. The priest said his final words. "We therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life." I knew everyone behind me was starting to leave; I didn't want to make them stay longer than was comfortable for them. They'd stayed for moral support throughout my speech, but this man was nothing to them, they didn't need to see this part.
When the coffin was no longer visible from where I sat, I stood and walked to the edge of the grave where the coffin continued to be lowered until it hit that six feet mark and wouldn't go any deeper. A part of me wanted it to keep on going down until I couldn't see it anymore and it was a distant dot, but the other part of me was happy that I could still see it, knowing he wasn't going anywhere and that our journey together was over.
I dropped a single white rose down the hole and stared down as it hit the name plate on top and couldn't move. I felt Jasper stand behind me and then felt his breath on the back of my neck. I shivered and leaned back into him. "He's gone now Alice." I didn't need him to say that, I could see he was gone but my emotions were telling me otherwise. They didn't believe he was truly gone; my head was all over the place. "He can't touch you now." I knew this, yet I still felt an echo of his old touch; a soft touch in bed and a hard touch as he landed his fist against me, too hard, too rough.
"I know." I whispered.
"Everyone's gone now." I looked up and realised the priest had also left. It was just the two of us. "There's something I need to tell you." His voice went deadly serious; it made me turn around to stare into his eyes.
"What is it?" My own voice held a tint of panic.
"When I found you that night, there was something that James had left you." He didn't sound pleased and my panic increased.
"What was it?"
"He left you a letter-"
"What?" I interrupted him.
"He left you a letter; you don't have to read it though-"
Again I interrupted him. "Give it to me." I held out my hand, impatiently.
"Give me the letter Jasper." I didn't raise my voice, but he got the hint that if I had to ask twice, I would. He sighed heavily and looked at me deeply as if searching for an answer. He didn't look happy, not one bit, but eventually he gave in and reached into an inner pocket of his suit jacket and gave me the wrinkled letter. It said one word on the front, Alice. My hands were shaking as I began to open it up and read his final words.
I'm sorry for what I've done to you, truly sorry. There are no words that I can scribble down on here that can say it enough. I have to hurry as they're on their way and it's only a matter of time before you wake up. I had to do it Alice; I had to protect you from the truth. I know you hate me, even more for not knowing the truth, but believe me it's worth it. The date rape drug is supposed to make your memory fuzzy from the time you take it, I don't know if it will do its job and this letter is pointless, but I can't have you know the truth, it would only hurt you more if you knew the true reason…
Please, I beg you to not try and remember if it does work. Believe me when I say your better off not knowing. I have already caused you eight years of pain… don't let me ruin the rest of your life, that's if you survive what's about to happen, like I plan. I have to hurry, your waking up now. One last thing, I plan on slipping you a heroin overdose, I'm hoping that they do not harm you while the drug takes affect and that the boy who told you the truth comes to find you. I hope you are alive and well and reading this letter.
I will love you always Alice, and when you read this I will be dead. I never wanted you to suffer the life you have. It was my own selfish need to stay alive that inflicted you with pain and a miserable life with me. Marry someone great, have children and do everything you planned on doing before I came into your life. I want you to be happy Alice, forever and always.
His writing ended and I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding. Jasper had remained quiet the whole time I read this letter. Three times I read it and each time I shed more tears. I handed the letter to Jasper and sunk to my knees next to the grave James now lay in. I stared at the headstone and my mind went blank. I stared at the coffin deep down and a vision came sharp and painful. I screamed long and throaty as I fisted the ground. I ran my fingers through the grass and it felt like glass as I tore handfuls away and kept screaming with fury and pain.
I didn't know what was happening to me, but the pain was so overwhelming all coherent thoughts left me in seconds. I felt like my skin was bursting open, every muscle and bone in my body was protesting and stiffening with the pain. What the fuck was happening to me? I put my forehead to the ground and kept screaming and punching the ground below me. "Alice? Alice!" Jasper was screaming at me over and over again but I had to ignore him, I couldn't concentrate on both things at the same time.
If anyone was watching they would either think I was completely crazy or they would think I was really missing the man I had just buried and having a total break down. On the inside however I was breaking away. I could feel myself separating from the world. I looked at Jasper and he paled so quickly in front of my eyes, he saw something he didn't like and went instantly silent. I couldn't form a word, I tried to say something but all that left my lungs was screams of pain and terror.
I closed my eyes and the worst happened… I was suddenly trapped inside the coffin with James, the image so real I could almost feel my lungs protesting with the lack of oxygen. I kept banging my fists, screaming, screaming to get out of this coffin. James didn't hold onto me, he was dead to the world, but something kept me down here, something weighed me down. I couldn't form a word, only a strangled cry left my throat as I desperately tried to dig myself free from the coffin.
I felt my nails scrape along the wood; I could describe the feel of the texture, exactly how many splitters I gained from doing this. It felt so real, so real… why couldn't I fucking escape? I opened my eyes and Jasper was above me, straddling my front. He had pried my dirty fingers from the ground and was shaking me roughly by the shoulders. "Help me." Two words, that was all I was allowed and he seemed to know what to say. He defiantly saw something in me that I didn't understand because he was suddenly rambling at me, fast and furious.
"Alice, Alice, I know you're in there." He didn't stop shaking me. "Alice, please, fight for me. I love you." He slowed down his shaking and smashed his lips towards mine. I closed my eyes but was transported back inside that coffin…
Things stilled… The pain numbed… My screams shut off like a switch…
I was too scared to move for a moment because I wasn't being weighed down anymore…
I lifted my right hand up slowly and touched the coffin lid. "Alice, don't leave me. Please Alice, I love you so much, don't leave me. Not again. Please Alice, please." I knew the voice and I wanted so much to reach out and grab it and I felt that part of me that was weighing me down understand. It was letting me go now. It knew now that it couldn't hold me anymore; it had to let me go. There wasn't room inside this one body for two people; that other part of me had now chosen to leave.
I knew who it was instantly because I felt such relief when she finally left me… I'd finally put Mary to rest. She had finally released the real me from a cage deep inside. I was Alice again; I felt so sure when I said the name inside my head. I am Alice Cullen. I was her. I was the girl Jasper loved. I opened my eyes and kissed him back, kissed him like I had never kissed him before. When I needed to breathe again I pulled away and whispered in a shaky voice over and over. "I'm here. It's me. I'm here Jasper. I love you so much." My throat was rough.
"Oh god… I thought I was going to lose you again." He brushed the hair from my face and looked at me, really looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. "Alice." He whispered. "When I looked at you before, you looked so different… so scared, so pained when you looked back at me. It was like you were battling with yourself and I knew you was right, I knew you were trying to find Alice deep inside. I was so scared you were going to go forever." He cried his relief into my chest and looked at me again to double make sure I was really here. "I really have you back don't I?"
Was I really back? "Yes." It was the most bizarre feeling in the world, to be someone for so long then in a matter of seconds feel like a completely different person. He rolled off of me and I hugged him tight. I felt free and happy. It has been such a long time since I felt these emotions running through me. I loved Jasper and I knew Mary did, but her love for him was a shadow compared to mine. I think that was why she finally understood she couldn't have him to herself; she felt my true love for him. James created a new identity for me, but that new person had feelings too. Sure it sounds crazy but it all makes sense to me now. I was back.
My name is Alice Cullen and I'm 18 years old. My life so far hasn't been perfect; in fact, it's been a life that will haunt me until the day I die.
I was married once to a man who changed me completely. He created a girl that became the new me in every way. I used to ask myself everyday, could I ever escape? I thought the answer to that was no, but now I know the answer was yes all along.
My name is Alice and I've finally found myself.
I love my boyfriend Jasper.
I love my family and friends.
I love my life.
And its over :( I have loved this story so much and I'm sure Carrie-Ann feels the same way. It took ages but its finally ended, hopefully in a way that you all love and appreciate. There won't be an Epilogue, Caz was meant to write one but she said she loved this ending so much and Epilogue wasn't needed! This story has to end sometime and this is it!
Please review and look out for our future stories and if you haven't already, make sure to read UnForgiven our first story (which I'll admit has many grammers and isn't all that well written to say it was our first ever story... i am however thinking of neating each chapter up!) and finally Boy Or Girl written by me (charlotte).
Bye everyone! Leave us a review, its been a pleasure writing for you all! ;)