A/n: Hey people! If you're reading Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, you'll probably know already that I have been uber-ill, and have thus not been reading and writing, and such; and have instead been hauled up in bed with my collection of movies-with-gorgeous-men-in, and glasses of ice….and that's my excuse for not updating! Sorry people!
This chapter goes out once again for ssherrill 115 who kicks ass (mostly mine), and who's review-blog you should go and visit, at www(dot)southernfanfictionreview(dot)blogspot(dot)com okay?
"I don't want to fuck you, Bella.
"I just want to make love to you."
One thing about me, which might be good, or bad, but it really depends on the situation, is that I procrastinate over decision making. In my head, I go over every possible little outcome, and think about every little thing that could go wrong, or right, and how to make things that are wrong or right, better or…not so better. But whatever, the point is, I suck at fast decisions, I'd never have made a leader.
But for the first time in my life, at Edward Cullen's house, I made a damned quick decision, and I even managed to stick to it. Actually, it might just have been an instinct, fight or flight, if you will. In that case, I chose the latter option, because my mind came to one conclusion: Run.
And that's exactly what I did. Within three or four seconds I'd flung myself out into the hallway, swung the door open, and thrown myself out of it and onto the street. It turned out that Edward lived in a pretty posh part of the Seattle outskirts. I took the time to observe this as I ran as fast as possible down the road, I noticed because of the lack of cracks in the pavement, something I was thankful for, since it meant that I managed not to trip.
Luckily, Edward lived pretty near to the end of the road, and I turned round a corner to spot a phone box. I reached it in moments, yanked open the door, and grabbed the heavy black mechanism from it's holder, and thanked god for reverse charges as I dialled.
"Hello, and welcome to reverse charges," a chipper voice announced, "Please enter the number you want to call with the area code, please not mobile phones will not apply." I punched the numbers onto the cool buttons before me, and panicked as a million years passed before the woman's voice came on again.
"The number you have dialled has been recognised, we are now connecting your call, please hold." I tapped my feet against the floor, and glanced back over my shoulder, thankful that I couldn't see Edward - apparently he hadn't followed me. I wasn't sure whether I was really thankful, or disappointed. I decided to think about it later, when I suddenly heard a familiar ringing in my ear.
"Hello?" A groggy voice answered the phone, and I silently apologised for calling in the morning…though I didn't know what the time was.
"Rosalie, thank god, please come and help me!" I cried into the phone. "I'm just outside Wall Mart! Come and collect me please!" I could see the familiar shop just down the road, and was going to race there as soon as I'd gotten off the phone. I didn't like being so close to Edward's home, since I'd just run away from him…
"Fine," Rosalie's grumpy voice replied, and I heard a dial tone. I quickly hung up, and made my way down the road to the familiar shop. I got a few strange looks as I stood there. I was still in my clothes from last night, with messy hair, and no shoes on; I shivered in the cold, and hugged myself to try and get a little more warm. Though the sun was shining in Seattle (for once), it was still bloody cold.
I almost cheered when I saw the familiar red of Rosalie's convertible. She pulled up right next to where I stood on the curb, and reached across to shove open the door, so that I could hop in. I smirked when I saw that she had her pyjamas on under a full length coat, and that she wasn't wearing any shoes either. Apparently, somebody had rushed to my rescue - sometimes, I loved Rosalie.
"Details, Swan," she growled before I'd even had the chance to lean back and relax. I groaned unhappily, and hung my head, reaching up to rub my eyes with my hands. Crap, I couldn't even remember much of the night before.
"When we get home," I croaked out, and I saw her nod out of the corner of my eye, and felt the car speed up.
We got back to my place pretty quickly, and each grabbed a coffee, before sitting in the lounge with a box of Dairy Milk Selections on the coffee table. I grabbed the strawberry-centred candies and shoved them into my mouth quickly. I chewed quickly, enjoying the chocolate-y taste, and the sweet tang of strawberry, before washing the mixture down my gullet with several sips of almost-scalding coffee.
Rose followed my lead and scoffed the coffee-filled treats, and gradually the box emptied as we shovelled the food into our mouths and swallowed it all down with the lovely, flavoursome caffeine-fix we both loved.
"So," Rosalie worked around a mouthful of orange-filled candy, "what happened?"
"Edward," I mumbled, before shoving the last hazelnut delight into my mouth. I chewed for a few minutes, whilst deciding what to say, before swallowing, and blurting out a few words of explanation. "Club. Alcohol. Woke up in bed. No fucking."
"Uh, huh," the last Turkish Delight disappeared down my friend's oesophagus. "So you went to a club with Edward, got very drunk, can't remember what happened, but you woke up in bed with him - having not had sex. And I suppose you didn't have sex this morning either, right? And then you ran away and I came to collect you…" she surmised.
"Kind-of," I replied sadly, and grabbed the very last piece of chocolate, a gold-wrapped heart. I ripped off the wrappings and tossed them towards the others, before biting viciously into the shape. Hearts-can-be-damned. Rosalie quirked her perfectly-plucked eyebrow at me, and I groaned loudly once again. I quickly gobbled up the sweet, and forced it down my throat with a gulp. I finished the last of my coffee, and placed my mug on the table, before licking my lips quickly, to get rid of any excess chocolate, that might have found itself lingering unattractively there.
"He said he wanted to make love to me, not fuck me." I told her, wanting to get the whole thing out pretty quickly. The thing was, if I was true to my original wants and needs, I should have stayed at Edward's house that morning, and been thoroughly fucked by the delectable man. I shouldn't have run away. But I did run away, and now I really needed to face the consequences of what that actually meant.
"So he likes you then?" Rosalie interrupted my thoughts.
"Of course not," I scoffed back quickly, "he was probably just trying out a line or something!"
She nodded slowly, before carrying on.
"I thought you wanted to shag him?"
"Umm," I really had no answer for that, I was still trying to figure out why I ran away. "Well, yes, but I…" I trailed off, still unsure of where I was going to with this.
"Let me get this straight," Rose started again. "You've wanted him to take your virginity for the last three years or whatever, and now, as soon as he says he will, you run away?"
"Yeah," I sighed.
"And you don't know why?"
I nodded back at her, hanging my head when I was done, completely confused.
"What exactly did you think when he said he wanted to…what was it? Make love to you?"
I wracked my brain for my first reaction. There was a lot of feeling there, but not many actual words to describe them. It hadn't taken me long to run away, but there had been a couple of seconds there when my brain had stopped, and I'd felt happy…then sad…then a little angry…then scared, and I'd thought 'run', but before that? There was nothing, there was just…
'It's not enough.'
"What did you say?" I realised that I had spoken out loud, and decided to just voice the words again.
"'It's not enough,' that's what I thought at the time," I told her, feeling a tightness in my chest that hadn't been there before.
"Bella," I felt Rosalie's hand reach out and hold mine, and looked up to see her azure eyes bright with concern. "Do you…love Edward?"
I surprised even myself when I nodded my head, but something was telling me that I did. It wasn't just about lust anymore. That's why I ran away from him. I wanted more than just sex. I wanted a relationship with Edward. I giggled a little, feeling somewhat mad, and I'm sure Rose thought I might have snapped, but just the idea of Edward in a relationship was laughable…the idea of him being with me was…well…ridiculous!
"So…what are you going to do about it?" Rosalie asked with a squeeze of my hand. Now, this was a question I didn't need to think about.
"Quit my job," I replied, with all the sincerity I could muster. I would have to. I had to get over Edward, and that wasn't going to happen if I saw him six days a week.
"Quit my job," I repeated.
"But Bella - "
"I need to do this Rosalie, I have to get over Edward. I've got enough money to live without work, and I'll have more time to write…"
My friend let out a lout 'huff', before speaking again.
"I think you should tell him," she announced. "I think you should definitely tell him." Her words had an air or finality, and an hair of demanding about them, but then again, Rosalie was used to getting what she wanted.
"How about this…" I began to propose, "I'll quit my job, and give myself some time…but if I still can't get over him, I'll go and tell him that I …um…love…him." I met her eyes again, and saw some irritation there, but she gave me a small sigh, and a small smile, and nodded her head.
"Fine," she muttered, giving in. "But if you can't get over him, you have to go back and tell him, okay?"
"Okay," I agreed softly. I decided then that I was going to e-mail in a resignation, then go on holiday, then get the hell over Edward Cullen.
A/n: Oh! I feel so mean. Really, really mean. I know a lot of you were hoping for some lemonade here...but that just wouldn't have been right for what I have planned!! Fear not though, dear friends, you will get your fix SOON! I know EXACTLY what's going to happen now! It was going to end sooner, and in a different way, but I decided to make it longer, and hopefully better…and with an ending I rather like…teehee…who's POV shall we see next I wonder…