Why? Because I've noticed that a lot of people try to guess what Ed's scared of, and they all FAIL. Note: All these 'fears' are taken from actual fanfiction. Every single one. Except the last one. The last one is my own genius idea.


Mird has read a lot of fanfiction.

In previously mentioned fanfiction, there is much speculation over many, many things, such as:

Who does Ed love? Roy, Riza, Hughes, Havoc, Envy, Al, or, heaven forbid, the only female character who could possibly be with him without being labeled as a pedophile, Winry?

Is he compatible with OCs? This answer, of course, is frighteningly obvious: Hell no. Still there is speculation. No one can stop that.

And, last but not least, one of the lesser of the multiple questions explored by fanfiction authors...

What is Ed afraid of?


Ed was dragged into a dark room and tied to a chair. He whimpered softly, because Ed is a little scaredy-cat, right? "Lemme go...I'm scared of the dark!"

His captor bitch-slapped him. "Wrong! Look, Ed, this is an experiment. Tell me what you're REALLY scared of. Each time you lie, my magical lie-detecting powers mentally poke me annoyingly, and I slap you again."

The light flickered on, revealing a young girl, about his age, with dazzling sapphire orbs that glimmered in the-

"I'm scared of my feelings for you, my darling Mary Sue!" he shouted. "Now let me go!"

She bitch-slapped him again and took of the mask. The Mary Sue was actually Mird. She had a...Face. We'll spare you the description, darling reader.

"Now, Edward, just tell me, unless you want to have a permanent red mark on your cheek." She held up a bunch of bugs in a jar and shoved it in his face. "Are you scared of these?"

Ed screamed like a little girl. "Oh hell no! Not those creepy little buggies! They scare the shit out of me!"

Mird slapped him again. "Stop lying! Here," she said, holding up a syringe. "Are you scared of needles?"

Ed started sniffling pathetically. "N-no...I'm s-scared...I d-don't like shots..."

Mird bitch-slapped him again. "You're not scared of shots, then, either, hmm?" She glared at him. He sighed and nodded, blinking the fake-y tears out of his eyes. "Why can't you just tell me what you're really scared of?" she asked angrily.

"Because," Ed said stubbornly. "You'll use it against me!"

Mird sighed. "All right. We'll have to keep testing."

Snakes, thunderstorms, ghosts...None of which yielded any results, besides the growing bruise on Ed's cheek.

"All right," Mird said, sounding vaguely annoyed. "We have only one thing left to test." She held up a wrench. Ed's face went white.

His entire life was flashing before his eyes. This would be his final moment. The wrench...it was coming for him, again, after all the other times! He had no way to defend himself from the gray blur that flew through the air towards him. He had never been able to dodge it, ever, even when he wasn't tied up. Just the thought of it made him freeze, unable to move an inch. He was shaking all over, waiting for his impending fate.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" he screamed, tears leaking from his golden orbs. "I'm too young to die!" He sobbed loudly, shattering the silent air of the room.

"...So that's it, then," Mird said staring at him with an amused expression on her face. "You're scared of wrenches."


It's only logical. He has wrench-phobia. He's been traumatized by them. Flying towards him, gray blurs of metal, surprisingly causing him no brain damage, but still mentally, and physically scarring him for life and...

This is boring.

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