Dedicated to the fabulous Miss Pookamonga, who waited patiently while I took my sweet, sweet time to fill her request (Can be found in the reviews of "Stuck in my dream")

I don't own Stargate, I wrote the song, though.


For all the times that we fought

And I wished for you to go away

I never believed

You wouldn't be here next to me

It was strange how life can one second be treating you like everything is going right for you and then play some sick joke on you within moments.

It had happened so quickly, but at the time it had seemed so slow. The gate had come on during the scheduled time. Which, in retrospect, should have been the first clue that something was wrong.

Falling through glass

Each one a mirror of myself

Of all the times that could have been

Of what we never were

Before she could even say anything to the calling team Colonel Sheppard's IDC had come through along with his voice demanding a med team get to the gate.

The team had come through the gate ten seconds before the med team got there, that gave Sam enough time to take in the image she was seeing.

Rodney; covered in red, red blood with more gushing out of a deep gash, that stretched from his back to his side, and pooling on the floor. He was being carried on Ronon's back. And, despite his apparent unconsciousness, was clinging to the larger man's neck like it was his last lifeline.

Ronon appeared to be holding on just as tightly.

Now it's

Just another day

Just another moment

Without you next to me

The rest didn't really need to be told, they got Rodney to the infirmary, but he had lost too much blood, and whatever it was that attacked him tore his spine apart

Dr. Keller said that it would be a miracle if he survived the night.

Everyone knew that he wouldn't.

Never thought that I'd need you

Never knew that you gone would hurt

You were just another boy

You weren't supposed to be

Everyone stopped by Rodney to pay his or her final respects to the man that night, except Sam. She just couldn't bring herself to go down and look at the man, once seemingly indestructible, now shattered beyond repair.

She knew that she would have to go down and see him one last time, she would regret it forever if she didn't, but she knew that if she went down and saw him she wouldn't be able to hold herself together.

The one I need

It was late at night when she finally brought herself to the infirmary; Rodney was asleep while the rest of his team was curled up on different beds. Their eyes closed and their breathing even.

Sam swallowed heavily before walking over to Rodney, sitting down in the chair next to his bed.

She took his hand in her right one and stroked his face with her free hand. Her eyes were misting with unshed tears.

Running around in circles

The stars lighting up the sky

You're running two steps ahead of me

And I just can't catch up

He looked so peaceful, so serene, almost as if he would wake up any minute. But she knew as well as any one on the base that if he did survive it would only be a worse hell for him than they could imagine.

A few tears slid down her face, collecting under her chin before falling down and staining the bed sheet.

As the dark spots expanded on the searing white, Sam felt ice wrap itself around her heart.

I'm being torn apart

My heart is gone

I just can't believe

That you were right all along

She was gone before anyone knew she had even been there, already walking through the halls of Atlantis back to her room.

Even the city itself seemed to reflect Rodney's death, the halls were darkened and the life seemed to have been drained away.

Sam felt the ice tighten around her heart.

And it's

Just another day

Just another moment

Without you next to me

Once she got back to her room and locked the door she exploded, tears ran down her face as her body shook with the force of her sobs.

She threw things all around and punched the wall several times before collapsing face down on her bed, her sheets bunched up in her hands and her screams muffled into the mattress.

Never thought that I'd need you

Never knew that you gone would hurt

You were just another boy

You weren't supposed to be

He had always been there for her, never gave up on her, never gave up on anyone. And now she was trapped, frozen, and could only sit back as he died and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

The one I need

Fate had a cruel sense of humor; it wasn't until Rodney was as good as dead that she realized just how she couldn't live without him. Of how he held her together.

The ice tore into her heart, and Samantha Carter shattered.

So when I wake up in the morning

I'll put on my clothes

Pull myself together

And the world will never know

She woke up the next morning with her face buried in her pillow, which was still dark with the tears she had shed.

She put herself together, the image of professionalism, because she knew that in the days to come someone would have to be.

As far as anyone was concerned, Rodney's death hadn't affected her, at least not like it had.

She didn't deserve to be the one who missed him the most. She shouldn't be the one who missed him the most.

'Cause it's

Just another day

Just another lifetime

Without you

Because she had waited too long, held herself back, she'd convinced herself that he wasn't worth it.

Oh, how she had been wrong.

And now?

(Oh, oh)

Now she could never get him back.

Without you…


In other news, I have recently seen Transformers 2 and Up. Transformers 2 was good but the twins were pretty annoying (I still don't understand the 'racist' wank with them, feel free to flame this statement as you feel appropriate) Up was amazing and had me in tears at several points.