Cry

Sonar's POV

I am in my tent due to the rain and it was stormy. There was probably bombing going on. Tears ran down my face. I felt like that I shouldn't exist. I cause too much trouble because I have visions. I am called ' Vision girl'. I was laying on my cot trying to stay warm. I think of the recent events that happened because of me. I keep blaming myself because I think I am the cause. My visions, they bring me pain. It hurts my head so much. I don't want this camp to suffer because of me. I can see beyond and it creeps me out. People would also think I see ghosts. Well, it might be the case also but I haven't seen ghosts yet. I layed the back of my head on the pillow. I thought of all the units I was transferred from. I also thought of when I was first entered in the war. Then, when I came to this unit, I was very emotional. I found my friend, Francis, who is a priest and I was crying at the guilt I felt. I still also remember the time that I had nightmares of the war. I was in fear. I remember how this unit also comforted me and tried to help me through the guilt, the torture and the suffering.

I was distracted from my thoughts to hear a knock. I quickly wiped my tears.
I asked," Who's there?"
A voice said," It's Father Mulcahy."
I said," Door's open."
I heard thunder as he rushed in.
I asked," Why did you come?"
He answered," i wanted to see how you were doing."
I answered," I'm not doing okay."
Father said," Oh dear! Can you tell me what's wrong?"
I said," Earlier, I was crying."
Father noted," i can tell."
I picked up my glasses and placed them on.
I continued," Father, all I feel is guilt and fear. I still can't get over of what the personnel said to me. He said that I was the cause that this unit is in danger. What worse was that it was Hawkeye."
Father came over to the cot and sat next to me.
Father said," Why would you think he's the cause?"
I answered," These visions are the cause of the danger."
Father said," Well, it wasn't your fault. It's not your fault you were born with the visions."
I joked," And it's not your fault that you were born with the ability to talk and comfort people."
Father, who was caught offguard, smiled, almost ready to blush.
I continued," Father, I know that I may be the cause. I can see beyond and I feel unsafe that this unit can't stop of what is going to happen."
Father said," It's fate."
Father was surprised as tears ran down my face.
I said," That's the problem though, padre. All these things I see are happening and I feel guilty of them."
I continued," It causes this unit of suffer and other people get hurt."
The sound of thunder banged through the clouds as I jumped a bit. I stood up, turning my back to the padre.
I spoke some more," I'm a doctor, Father. I been hurt with guilt and I have a burden of responsibility and I know that Hawkeye is right, that I'm the cause."
I paused and crossed my arms," i cannot undo the damage. It's too hard for me, Francis. I am so scared. I suffer through so much pain and it hurts me too much."
Another tear fell down my face," No one has ever been there for me, except for you and Radar."
Father said," Sonar, it's been very hard for you, having to deal with the responsibility, the guilt and the suffering but you have to put it behind you. You must move on."
I said," How can I when I have nightmares and visions. I nearly killed myself if it wasn't for you."
I continued," I did make a few friends like Igor, Radar, Klinger, Bj and Col.Potter. Col.Potter is like a father to me. Radar, Klinger and Bj are like brothers. Igor treats like fair as a friend. Hawkeye nevers get off my case. He is a sort of friend. He dealt with other people's situations and he is what held this camp together. I couldn't stand Maraget. She denies her feelings but sometimes it show. Then there is Major Winchester. He listens to classic music and is always thinking he is superior. The fact is that we are all the same inside and out, no matter how we look or what color we are. Some people are just talented and gifted like all the doctors here and you. Francis, you are a good priest who can kept the sanity in check. You been in the unit with Radar longer than anyone else. You hide your pain but you held a determination. You did have pain. You are also brave and taking chances. Strong, brave, shy and determined somewhat describes you. You also try to do things on your own. It's amazing how you can stand being here."
Father said," Thanks for the comment. Sonar, face it, you are right about being just plain normal yet talented people. We cannot change anything. We cannot change destiny. I feel sorry for you having to put up with the visions. You should not feel guilty. Sonar, you are strong. You should remember that. You saved my life from bullies when we were younger. It is true that you needed help. Everyone struggles here. Hawkeye didn't mean to say that you are the cause. He has very stressing days. He loses patients and it really gets to him. When Henry Blake was around, he lost a friend of his. You told me so much of your experince(stands up and walks over). Sonar, people always feels guilt. You got to let it go before it destorys you. I don't want you to try and commit sucide again. We are close friends and I can't afford to lose a good friend like you. You said that guilt will never go away unless you release it."
I said," The war changed me."
Father said," I remember everything you told me. I am asking you to trust me and release that guilt inside. This war is no different than being at home with the exception of bombing and being far away."
I turned around and hugged Father. He seemed surprised but returned it.
He continued," If it wasn't for me, Trapper and Hawkeye, you would of been hooked on morphine or worse. You save us with your visions so you can give early warnings but whatever happens, it's destiny. Our fate will always be sealed so don't and please don't blame your self because of the visions. We can't blame no one and we can't blame ourselves."
He patted my back," Sonar, remember that we are here for you and we won't leave you to suffer. We suffer with you."
I felt comforted," Thank you Francis."
He walked backwards to the cot and sat me down. My head was by his on his shoulder as I relaxed.
I released him," Crying really helps me let it out."
He admitted," It helps sometimes."
I said," I feel better."
Father said," I'll stay for a while and let's talk."
I said, holding his hand," Please stay."
He smiled," I will."
I said," Father, you won't believe I still got the fear for storms after all these years."
He smiled and we continued talking.