Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice, but to keep them all together. It's…Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael driving stair car Michael was on his way to meet Wayne Jarvis, the prosecutor in his father's light treason case. However, the case hadn't gone anywhere because George Sr. was in hiding, so the prosecution resorted to a bold, new tactic: lying.
Michael enters law office
Wayne Jarvis: Michael, we know you know where your father is.
Narrator: They didn't
Michael: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Narrator: He did. In fact, Michael had been hiding his father in the attic of their model home.
Wayne Jarvis: Michael, we have evidence that other members of your family have used company money for personal expenses. That's a felony, Michael. They could face hard time. So what's it gonna be, your father or your family?
Michael: I don't know where you got that crazy idea, but I don't know where my father is. (Narrator: but he really did), so go ahead press charges. We'll fight them and win. He leaves
Wayne Jarvis's assistant: You think he bought the bluff?
Narrator: Michael went tell his mother about the new developments in the case.
Michael: Hey Mom. The prosecutor in Dad's case, since Dad isn't here he's going to press charges for embezzlement.
Lucille B: Well. Let him. He has no evidence.
Michael: Yeah, I'm pretty sure he does, and if he doesn't, it won't be hard to find some.
Lucille B: Well, what do you want me to do Michael? Your father's off in Mexico with that whore, Kitty.
Michael: Well, the company doesn't need half our family on trial for embezzlement. I'm trying to show the investors that we can run a company without getting into legal trouble. So if you could cut down on the spending.
Lucille B: I'll try, Michael, but I won't promise anything.
Michael: It's OK, you'd probably break it anyway.
Michael leaves apartment. Camera follows Michael. Michael sees Buster with a bouquet of flowers standing in the hallway.
Michael: Hey Buster, is it Mom's birthday already?
Buster: No, these are for Lucille 2. I'm gonna ask her to take me back. You think she'll say yes?
Narrator: Buster and Lucille Austero have had an on-and-off-again relationship ever since he mistakenly bid on her at a charity auction. Film of Buster bidding on Lucille 2
Michael: Yeah, yeah, but what happened with Starla?
Buster: She dumped me, yesterday. She said that who she really loved was Quincy, and that she was going to try to get back with him.
Michael: Well, that's too bad.
Buster: No, no, it made think about who I really loved and now I'm here to win her back.
Michael: Well, good luck with that.
Michael leaves. Buster goes to Lucille 2's door and knocks Door opens
Gob is standing in the doorway in a robe.
Buster and Gob (simultaneously): Gob! Buster!
Buster and Gob : What are you doing here!?
Buster and Gob (simultaneously): I'm here to win back my woman! I'm here to please my woman!
Buster and Gob: Your woman!?
Lucille A.: from another room Gob, who is it?
Gob: No one.
Lucille goes to door in a robe
Lucille A. Buster!
Buster: What are you doing with Gob?
Lucille: He's my new man and he's so rugged and manly, and you…you still live with your mother.
Buster: Oh! Oh God! Buster has a panic attack.
Lucille A.: Come on, Georgie. Momma's got a present with your name on it, birthday boy.
Narrator: Not knowing what to do, Buster went to the one person that could help him with his girl problems.
Buster: Hey, Nephew. You know about girls and our family.
George-Michael: What about Maeby?
Buster: Who said anything about her? Anyway, I saw Gob and Lucille kissing,
George-Michael: Uncle Gob and Gangy?
Buster: No, Lucille 2. I want to win her back.
George-Michael: Who, Gangy?
Buster: No, weirdo! Lucille 2.
George-Michael: Actually, Uncle Buster. I have some girl problems of my own. There's this girl I like and I'm kinda in relationship with her, but there's this other girl that I used to like, but she's kinda off-limits, but now I might like her again, and I don't know what to do. How can I chose what-
Buster isn't paying attention, but is in deep thought.
Buster: That's a great idea. I'll make her choose. Gob's birthday is coming up. I'll throw a party, invite Lucille 2, and make her choose between me and Gob.
George-Michael: That's not what I said at all.
Buster: However, I will have to make sure Lucille chooses me. She did say she wanted a man. I'll just have to show her that I'm more of a man than he is.
George-Michael : You're welcome?
Model Home's Living Room
Narrator: In an effort to win back Lucille 2, Buster went to inform Gob of his birthday party.
Gob is sitting down and is drinking some sort of alcohol from a glass
Buster: Hey brother, I overheard a little birdie saying that your birthday is coming up, so I decided to throw you a party at Mom's place.
Gob: You're not angry about me and Lucille.
Buster: No, not at all. Lucille should be with whoever makes her happy. Well, I'll see you there, George. winks eye
Gob: Don't call me that.
Buster: What, why?
This is seen through a camcorder.
Narrator: As a young man, under the name George Oscar Bluth, Gob performed an act with Siberian tigers.
Gob: Gob has fuller head of hair and dances around stage to Final Countdown by Europe performing small magic tricks Good morning! Are you ready to be amazed! Now, before I begin, I must warn the audience: no flash photography. Release the tigers! Gob performs several tricks with the tigers. Flash goes off in audience. Tigers attack Gob and then attack the audience. Camera drops to ground
Narrator: However, all the shame and humiliation and several wrongful death lawsuits disappeared with a legal loophole and a name change.
Gob: holds neck I warned them no flash.
Buster: Oh can you do one of those little magic tricks at the party?
Gob: They're called illusions. A trick is something a whore does for money. And I won't do one if Lucille's going to be there.
Buster: What are you chicken? does a turkey impression
Gob: Isn't that a turkey?
Buster: Well, same thing, just different names right. Like a coyote and a wolf. Buster howls like a wolf
Gob: Either way, I'm not any kind of bird. Alright, I'll do a trick at the party.
Buster: See you there George. giggles
Gob: Don't call me that. nervously takes a sip of his drink.
Model Home's Kitchen
Narrator: The next morning, Buster went to inform the rest of the family of Gob's birthday party.
Buster: Hey Brother, I'm throwing a party for George's winks birthday at Mom's apartment.
Michael: It's his birthday?
Michael: Wait, you know about him?
Buster: Yeah, him and Lucille.
Michael: Mom knows about him, too. Wait, how are you getting him to come?
Buster: I told him that if he didn't come, he was a chicken. does a turkey impression
Michael: Buddy, that's a turkey.
Buster: Well, same thing, different name, right? Like a coyote and a wolf. Buster howls like a wolf.
Lindsay and Tobias walk in
Lindsay: Is that wolf still loose?
Tobias: I shot it, remember? Oh, that's right, you don't.
Michael: No, that was just Buster.
Buster: Oh, hey Sister, you are also invited to Oscar's winks party. leaves
Michael: I thought you just said it was for George. Oh right, twins.
Tobias: I'm sorry. I'm not sure if I can make it. I'm trying out for the leading part in Lonesome Cowboys. A tale about two merry cowboys that go adventuring. Hands script to Michael.
Michael: It says right here that they're gay.
Tobias: Oh yes, I'll be very gay indeed.
Michael: I'm not sure you understand what they mean when they say gay.
Tobias: What else could they possibly mean, Michael?
Michael: Forget it. I have to go talk to Da-…that son of mine.
Tobias: Which reminds me. I have to tell Maeby the good news.
Narrator: But Maeby wasn't there. She was at the movie studio where she conned her way into a job as a movie executive, where two months prior she green lighted Lonesome Cowboys.
In a movie studio office
Maeby: So I was thinking Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp for the main parts.
Mort Myers: Can't. They're doing some movie about pirates.
Maeby: I guess we can always hold auditions
Mort Myers: Sure
Narrator: Maeby's movie had also gotten the attention of Ann, George-Michael's christian girlfriend, who was organizing a protest outside the movie studio,.
Ann and George-Michael are making picket signs
Ann: It just gets me so riled up to see this.
George-Michael: I know.
Ann: At least it's not me who'll burn in hell.
Model Home's Attic
Narrator: Michael went to confront his father about the news he just learned.
Michael: Hey Dad, When did Buster find out about you hiding up here?
George Sr.: Buster knows nothing.
Michael: Well, he just said he's "throwing a party for George's winks party."
George Sr.: George Sr. stands up and hits head on rafter Son of a! Well, he must be talking a different George.
Michael: Well, who could it be? It's not George-Michael. Maybe Gob? I'm not sure.
George Sr.: You don't know your own brother's birthday. You should be ashamed.
Michael: Neither do you.
George Sr.: Yes, I do! It's the same as mine!
Michael: I was talking about Gob.
George Sr.: That's not the point, but now that I think about it, it must be his.
Narrator: And that's when Michael saw a way to turn his father in and stop charges from being filed against the rest of his family.
Michael: Well, now you have to go. You know, You've never really been there for Gob.
Narrator: This was true. In fact, George had never been on time to one of Gob's birthday parties.
series of clips of George Sr. showing up disheveled and with lipstick on cheek to see Lucille and sad Gob with party hat on. Gob gets younger every clip. Last clip shows him showing up in hospital room to Lucille and newborn Gob. He always shows up saying "What, too late?"
Michael: You should be there for Gob, at least this once.
George Sr.: No, Mikey. I'll be seen. I can't do time again.
Michael: Don't worry I'll keep you well hidden.
George Sr.: Really! well I guess I should be there for him. Alright, I'll go.
Michael: Alright, I'll pick you up tomorrow at 5 so we can go to Mom's place.
Michael goes downstairs to the hallway and calls Wayne Jarvis on cell phone
Michael: Hey, Wayne. I think I know where my father is. Yeah, I can turn him in. Just make sure you have someone at my mother's apartment at 5.
Michael goes down into the kitchen, Gob is there
Gob: Hey Michael, I need some money.
Michael: For what?
Gob: I need to buy some equipment for a new illusion I'm going to perform at the party.
Michael: Well, why don't use one you already have.
Gob: Michael! I would never do the same illusion twice. Besides I need an assistant for all the ones I already have, and the alliance won't let me use of their assistants.
Narrator: Gob had started an organization called the Alliance of Magicians to protect the magician's secret. However, he was blackballed after a local news station revealed the secret behind one of his illusions. show two picture of Magician's Alliance. First one with Gob. Second one without.
Michael: Just find your own assistant. Oh and no hookers this time.
Narrator: Gob had been arrested several times to hire ladies of the night as assistants in his magic show.
series of photos showing Gob approaching hookers on scooter and subsequently being arrested; in the background bench with Barry Zuckercorn ad "He's Very Good"; Courtesy of Orange County Sherriff's Department at bottom of each picture
Gob: walks toward door Oh no, Michael, I've learned my lesson. turns towards Michael Just be prepared to be AMAZED! lighter fluid shoots out of sleeves; Oscar walks in
Oscar: Hey, Mikey! I need to-
Gob: Why won't this damn thing work? jet of flame shoots out and lights Oscar's hair on fire
Oscar: My hair!
Narrator: Trying to figure out how to get back at Gob, Buster used the skills he learned in the army to do some intelligence gathering on Gob.
Gob walks on street. Buster following him in a spy-like fashion with random rolls on the ground and hiding behind walls. Gob turns around a couple times. Gob walks into a store with cakes in the display window, talks to a quasi-hippie woman, gets a paper bag from the woman, and hands money to the woman, and leaves.
Narrator: And that's when Buster figured out how to exact his revenge. As a young boy at his birthday parties, Buster was always a victim of Gob's pranks.
Buster and his siblings standing behind table with cake on it.
Young Gob: Come on, Buster take a bite of the cake.
Young Buster: No, you'll shove my face in.
Gob: No, I won't.
Young Buster: You promise?
Young Gob: Promise.
Buster takes a bite of cake and Gob shoves his face in.
Narrator: This was usually followed by a trip to the ER as Buster often choked on the cake.
Young Buster on hospital bed with Happy Birthday! Balloon tied around wrist
Narrator: The tradition continues to this day. picture of grown-up Buster on hospital bed with balloon.
Buster walks inside bakery and approaches attendant
Attendant: Hello. Welcome to Of The Earth where we only use natural ingredients.
Buster: Hey, my brother just walked in here, and I…
Attendant: Who, Gob?
Attendant: Well, sorry I just sold him my last batch of brownies.
Buster: Oh no, I'm looking for a cake for my brother's birthday.
Attendant: Well, we have all kinds of cakes. Chocolate, carrot, vanilla, strawberry, space
Buster: What was that last one?
Attendant: It's our most popular cake. It guarantees our customers an enlightening experience.
Buster: Alright, I'll take that. It sounds so adventurous.
Attendant: What would you like it to say?
Buster: Happy Birthday, Gob.
Attendant: Alright, there we go. That'll be a hundred and ten dollars.
Buster : That sounds fair, but I only have four dollars with me. Mother won't let carry anything larger than a five. Can you charge it to Gob next time he comes?
Narrator: That evening, the rest of the family joined Michael and Oscar at the hospital.
Oscar in hospital bed with bandages around his head. Michael is standing next to bed. Lucille B., Lindsay, Gob, Tobias, Maeby, and George-Michael walk in.
Lucille B.: Oh, Oscar. Are you OK?
Michael: He's fine, Mom.
Lucille B.: How's his hair?
Michael: It was burnt off, but the doctor said it should grow back in a week. In fact, their discharging him tonight.
Oscar: Yeah, I had a few small burns. Ow! My head hurts. I'm going to have to go tomorrow to get some medicine for this pain.
Michael: I'm sure the doctor will prescribe some.
Oscar: That won't be enough, Michael.
Outside Elementary School
Narrator: The next day, Gob went in search of an assistant. Kids going out of school. Gob waiting on Segway.
Gob: Hey! Any of you kids wanna help me in a magic show? I'll give you a dollar. Just hop on. No. Kids ignore him How about you? goes toward kids in glasses
Small Boy :Stranger Danger! Boy runs away and GOB chases him, then stops
Gob: Come on!
Model Home's Kitchen
Narrator: Meanwhile, Michael went to tell Lindsay who the party was really for.
Michael: Hey Lindsay, the party tonight,
Lindsay: Yeah, the one for Dad and Uncle Oscar.
Michael: Actually, it's for Gob.
Lindsay: What? I heard it was for George and Oscar.
Michael: It's actually for George Oscar. It's for Gob. George Oscar Bluth.
Lindsay: Wait, that stands for something I thought it was just his name. What's the J stand for?
Michael: It's a G, Lindsay.
Michael: Yeah, so if you could buy Gob a present. Here's some money. hesitates. Now, I don't want you spending this on yourself.
Lindsay: What kind of sister do you think I am?
Michael: A selfish one. gives Lindsay money Alright, I have to go.
Narrator: Having failed in finding an assistant outside a local elementary school, Gob tried in the only other place he knew.
Gob approaches hooker on scooter
Gob: Hey any of you ladies ever worked in the magic business before? Wanna make some magic happen? Huh? I'll pay you in birth control pills. takes out box of pills Oh no, wait, these are forget-me-nows. cop car approaches; Gob notices I've made a huge mistake. turns arounds and flees in scooter
1 minute later
Gob handcuffed and in cop car kicking window
Gob: I was just trying to find an assistant! Come on!
Outside Movie Studio
Ann, Michael, and other teens are outside studio entrance protesting. On the other side of the street, lavishly dressed (they look somewhat like pirates) gay men are protesting against the protesters. Tobias arrives at movie studio.
Narrator: Meanwhile, Tobias went to his audition.
Tobias: to gay men Are you here for the pirate film?
Ann: George-Michael, isn't that you're uncle?
George-Michael: It's probably someone else.
Tobias goes into studio. Maeby arrives.
Narrator: A few seconds later, Maeby arrived.
Maeby: George-Michael, what are you doing here?
George-Michael: What are you doing here?
Maeby: Marry Me!
George-Michael: whispers You think we can?
Maeby: It was a joke George-Michael.
George-Michael: Of course it was. forced laughter
Inside the studio
Tobias is standing in a line inside a studio with several other men. Two of them, right in front of him are kissing
Narrator: Inside the studio, Tobias was getting ready for his audition.
Tobias: I'm so nervous. taps the shoulder of one of two guys kissing Excuse me, don't mean to intrude, but I find that very distracting.
Gay man: What, we're just practicing our parts.
Narrator: It was at the that moment that Tobias realized what Michael meant.
Tobias runs out
Narrator: Later that day, the party began.
Buster talking to Lucille 2.
Lucille A.: Look Buster. I know we didn't end on the best note, but I'm with Gob now, so please let's just be friends.
Buster: Weird. Exactly, what I was about to say.
Lucille A.: Really, so you're not going to try to win me back.
Buster: Of course not. Excuse me a second.
Buster goes to living room
Ann and George-Michael sitting on couch watching news on TV
News Anchor (John Beard): A warning to all parents out there. Police say that a man on a scooter has been approaching children outside a local elementary school. The man had been asking them if they want to be an assistant in a magic show offering money for their cooperation.
Ann: That kinda sounds like your Uncle Gob.
George-Michael: It's probably someone else.
Buster: Hey, Nephew, have you seen Gob? I have to embarrass him, so I can win Lucille 2 back.
George-Michael: Come on Ann, let's go to the balcony.
Ann and George-Michael go to the balcony. Lindsay is there.
George-Michael: Hey, nice coat.
Lindsay: Thanks. Brand new. Just bought it this morning.
George-Michael: Yeah, I can see the price tag.
Lindsay: Is this your little girlfriend, Plain?
George-Michael: Ann, actually.
Lucille B. walks onto balcony has wine bottle in hand.
Lucille: Lindsay, have you seen Oscar. I haven't seen him since yesterday. He'd usually be all over me right now.
Lindsay: No. Hey is that Dad? Oscar walks down in parking lot and Lindsay points at him.
George-Michael: Pop-pop? Oscar is tackled by cops
Apartment's Parking Lot
Narrator: Just a few moments before, Michael arrived at the apartments.
Michael: Alright, Dad, wait for me here while explain the situation to everybody, so they won't be surprised. Michael walks towards apartment and notices commotion. Hey, what's going on?
Lucille B: George!
Oscar: I'm Oscar!
Lucille B: You came!
Oscar: I'm telling you I'm Oscar!
Buster: Mother, what's happening?
Lucille B: Your father came.
Oscar: I'm Oscar!
Buster: Wait a minute! Oscar's my fa- Lucille hits Buster in head with wine bottle and Buster passes out.
Lindsay: to Michael Dad came and he got arrested.
Michael: Nice coat, by the way.
Lindsay: Thanks, Mom gave it to me a while back.
Michael: Lindsay, I can see the price tag.
Lindsay: Oh! rips it off
Michael: But that's not dad. That's Oscar. Dad's with me in the car. Michael points to car, but car is gone. Son of a b-!
On the next Arrested Development
Narrator: The Bluth family enjoys Gob's cake.
Everyone is lying around
Lindsay: Buster, this a great cake.
Buster: A bandage is wrapped around his head. Yeah, and it got rid of my headache.
Lucille: I just wonder who threw that bottle. It came out of nowhere.
Lindsay: Mom, didn't you throw…
Lucille: a party for Buster's birthday last year? Yes I did, dear.
Narrator: Maeby's movie is stops production.
Maeby and studio executive sitting in director's chairs. Maeby is holding megaphone. Two guys kissing. Horse in background.
Maeby: to studio executive This played out much better in my head. Let's scrap it. into megaphone Alright, guys. Stop, stop. We're scrapping this thing. to studio executive F**king pirate movie.
Model Home's Attic
Narrator: George Sr. goes back to the attic to recover some files before making his final escape.
George Sr.: George Sr. bending over looking for files Where the hell are- stands up, hits head on rafter and passes out.
Narrator: Gob is released from jail.
Cop: Alright, you're free to go. Cop releases Gob from handcuffs.
Narrator: Only to be quickly put back in.
Small Boy: That's him, Mommy. points at Gob.
Gob: I've made a huge mistake. Gob gets tackled by cops. Come On!