Pi-Face: Wow, has it really been almost a year since I last touched my fanfic account? Holy bejeesus. Sorry guys, freshman year was kinda whack for me, but now that I'm in sophomore year I have a bit more free time on my hands. To make up for everything, this is gonna be an extra, extra, extra long chapter! So, are you ready for another round of Whose Line?
Pi-Face: Oh, before I forget: I'd like to thank all of the people who reviewed the last chapter, namely WakingWorldDreamWorld, sallythedestroyerofworlds23, DreamStar14, pheonixflamechimera78, hayato bomber, atlantiandragoness, FireArcherS, x. TANgled, bleach613, Ember Hinote, and C0rruptxangel. And onto the disclaimers! Ichigo?
Ichigo: The author doesn't own any of us, we belong to Tite Kubo, blah blah blah… Just get on with the show alrea-
Ichigo:-dy! Oh, hey there everyone! Welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway, that dumb old show where everything's made up and the points don't in fact matter, like your freshman year tests! After all, everyone knows that it's only the final year where tests matter! Anyways, today is a special! What is it? Well it's the Squad 2 Reunion special! Let's meet our contestants: first up, that sly little kitty cat, Yoruichi!
Yoruichi: Ichigo, are you flirting with me?*wink*
Ichigo: N-No! It was in the in-Aw, forget it! Next up, the very, umm….
Soifon: Get on with it, Kurosaki!
Ichigo: … respectable captain Soifon?
Soifon: Thank you.
Ichigo: Next up we have that slimy bastard with a cane , Urahara!
Urahara: Thank you, thank you, I love you all! Also you, Ichigo, need to learn how to rela-
Ichigo: I AM RELAXED! Umm, I mean, last and certainly least… well, I couldn't decide between a fat joke or pretending to forget you. However, those fat jokes were too hard to resist, so… yo momma's so fat that she's got more Chins than the Hong Kong phone book!
Omaeda: How the hell does that relate to me?
Ichigo: It doesn't. But it's pretty damn funny! So, for this game I want Omaeda and Soifon to stand up. Anyways, your first game is… Every Other Line! Basically, you, Soifon, will be reading every other line from the script of a play, while Omaeda acts out the scene as the other person and tries to reach a set line. Today, that play is a wonderful piece called "Is He Dead?" We're gonna start you with the line "Millet, I'll bet you a hundred francs you're a celebrated man inside of a year," and end with "When this show is over we're going to be flush and out of trouble." Ready… go!
Soifon: Millet, I'll bet you a hundred francs you're a celebrated man inside of a year.
Omaeda: Throw in a Lamborghini and a key to the Playboy mansion and it's a done deal!
Omaeda: No, I'm afraid that I'm Japanese, my good man.
Soifon: That's the way to make it happen.
Omaeda: By being Japanese? Ha, if that were the case I'd have bedded a thousand women right now! But instead, I'm genetically stuck with two inches down there!
Soifon: I've only got ten centimes myself.
Omaeda: Eh, don't you mean centimeters? But never mind, let's forget about that for now.
Soifon: We're as good as the Bank of England. I'll bet you 34 million pounds.
Omaeda: Haha! Now that's a wager!
Soifon: And here comes O'Shaughnessy, to help us peddle some canvas. Well, begosh and begad if it ain't Phelim O'Shaughnessy!
Omaeda: Where? Where? I can't see a thing without my contacts!
Soifon: Excellent. Now fasten onto them, boys. Don't let anyone get away without buying a picture.
Omaeda: Oh, you mean those pictures I managed to take of Matsumoto in the shower? Well… I guess they'll sell pretty well…. They better! I spent a hell of a long time managing to get those shots!
Soifon: That's the spirit. Hans von Bismarck?
Omaeda: …Is that what you're calling me now?
Soifon: You control the crowds. Phelim O'Shaughnessy?
Omaeda: Where the devil is he? I still can't see him!
Soifon: You beguile the ladies.
Omaeda: Oh, of course, because there's no way that I could do it. SORRY FOR NOT BEING BORN ATTRACTIVE TO WO-Ack!*gets kicked in the head*
Soifon: When this show is over we're going to be flush and out of trouble.
Ichigo: Haha, nice one Soifon! She gets 500 points for doing that, and I guess Omaeda gets 200 for trying to keep up. Still, that wasn't exactly the best way to open the show… Next, we have that old classic, Questions Only! The scene is that Urahara and Yoruichi are at a really cheesy romance movie. Start!
Yoruichi: Isn't this movie awful?
Urahara: …Do you think her boobs are real?
Yoruichi: Would you just shut it?
Urahara: Why is the plot so trite?
Yoruichi: Aren't romantic comedies always like this?
Urahara: Um… do you wanna make out?
Yoruichi: Bugger off.
Ichigo: Time to enter, Soifon!
Urahara: So, what do you think of the movie so far?
Soifon: Why should I bother answering you?
Urahara: Don't you think this movie is so annoying?
Soifon: Would you get mad if I said that you were a hell of a lot more annoying than this movie?
Urahara: Now why would you say that?
Soifon: Isn't it obvious?
Urahara: Are the lines putting you off?
Soifon: Gee, how did you guess?
Urahara: Well, actually, I did try these lines on so-
Ichigo: Sorry Urahara, but I was pretty damn sure you weren't gonna be asking a question.
Urahara: Oh, it's fine! Just continue with the game.
Ichigo: Okay, I guess it's your turn, Omaeda!
Omaeda: Well, I guess it's just you and me now, huh, captain?
Soifon: ….Goodbye Omaeda.
Ichigo:… Oh, wow. Can you say rejection? Well, 5,000 points to Soifon after that.
Haruhi Suzumiya (No, I don't own her either): Ready, SOS Brigade?
Kyon: Why me?
SOS Brigade: REJECTED! REJECTED! RE-JE-CT-ED! REJECTED!
Ichigo: Ohhhhh, burn!
Omaeda: Hey? WHAT ABOUT ME!
Ichigo: Fine, you can have a point. No, wait, let's make it a point and a half. And I guess I'd better award three hundred points to Urahara and Yoruichi each. Now, it's time for that little crowd-pleaser called "Scenes from Urahara's Hat!"
Urahara: And then can I have my hat back?
Ichigo: No. Okay, so the first scene we've got is " If Orihime was P.M.S.-ing".
Soifon: I hate you, Ulquiorra!
Urahara: I don't really c-
Soifon: WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! You don't like me!
Urahara: Stop crying, tr-
Soifon: No, it's fine if you don't like me like that! We can just be friends, right?
Soifon: Why The Face!... Tee hee.
Ichigo: And now for a real WTF moment in three…two…. WTF? Okay, next up is "Mayuri offers Yumichika beauty products." Oh, no…
Omaeda: Say, Yumichika, how about trying some of this lotion?
Yoruichi: Umm… how about no?
Omaeda: It's how Nemu keeps her skin so fresh!
Yoruichi: Oh, alrighty then! Let's try it!
Yoruichi: W-wait, what's happe- Oh my god, my skin is peeling!
Omaeda: Ah, yes, an unfortunate side effect… but in eight to ten months, your skin will be right as rain!
Ichigo: Wow, that was frightening. Okay, onto the next request, which is…*reads through the request* far too obscene for television! I am sorry, but we just can't accept this! Sorry to whoever requested that! Let's get on with the next request, which is "Things Soifon would never say to Yoruichi!" Oh, what fun this is going to be…
Yoruichi: Come on, Soifon, just make something up. It doesn't have to be that good. You're in the lead anyways!
Soifon: *takes breath* You' aretoowideIthinkyou'reaslutyou'''!
Ichigo: Well… hypothetically speaking, I would be willing to award you ten thousand points for that.
Yoruichi: Hypothetically speaking I think you'd better run, Soifon.
Soifon: H-Hypothetically speaking I'm already halfway out the door!
Ichigo: Hey, hey, hold it people, or else I'll be forced to p0wn you guys good! And considering how cheap Kubo's become I'm pretty sure I can do it with my eyes close AND my hands tied behind my back. Now, next scene is "Bad Zanpakutou abilities".
Urahara: Mine plays "Baby!"
Ichigo: Alright the-WAIT A SECOND! DON'T YOU DA-
Urahara: La la la I'm not listening to you! *music starts* When I was thirteen, I had my first love…
Ichigo: SHUT UP!
Urahara:… You're just jealous 'cause you don't know whom I'm talking about.
Ichigo: Oh god. Are you really that childish?
Urahara: It was yo mama! OWNED! Hi-five me, Yoruichi!
Yoruichi: Hell yeah!
Ichigo:… Don't you dare diss my mother….
Urahara: Oh dear, I completely forgot that Ichigo was super obsessed with his mom in volume four. Whoops…
Ichigo: First you diss my mom. Now you break the fourth wall. Do you want to give me any more reasons to destroy you?
Omaeda: Wait! Wait! I still want to finish my skit!
Ichigo: …Fine, go ahead.
Omaeda: My Zanpakutou has a handy compartment for snacks!
Ichigo: Actually, that sounds pretty usef-
Omaeda: And it also came with two tickets to Justin Bieber's My World tour! Ready Urahara?
(Both take off their robes to reveal Justin Bieber t-shirts.)
Omaeda and Urahara: You're my baby, baby, baby ohh-
Pi-Face: Special News Bulletin! Due to unforeseen circumstances, we regret to inform the readers that we must cut this little song number short.
Omaeda: You just didn't know the lyrics to the damn song!
Pi-Face: Shut your pie holes!
Urahara: I think you'll find that's pi holes.
Pi-Face: Fine. You guys aren't dead… yet. But I'll be watching you…
Ichigo: God. Next category is "What Ichigo is Really Thinking," but you know what, you guys don't even need to act this one out. I'll tell you what I'm thinking! I'm thinking "Why the hell am I even here?"
Ichigo: BECAUSE WHAT?
Pi-Face: Because shut up.
Audience: Lame! Boo! You're gonna get sued by LittleKuriboh!
Pi-Face: Aw, can it! He'll never find out about this! But anyways, Ichigo, just let the people act!
Urahara: *farts* PROOOOOOOOOOOTTT!
Ichigo: Hehe… that was actually pretty funny… Onto our next scene, "What Yachiru'll do if she was Soutaicho!"
Yoruichi: Ah, Byakushi… today's the day we get married!
Ichigo: Eh, that's okay… Next one up is "Aizen getting stuck in a room full of his fangirls and Yaoi fangirls"!
Soifon: Oh my god Aizen, you're so shmexy!
Urahara: Umm, thanks, I guess…
Omaeda: Oh my god Aizen, I think you should totally end up with Gin!
Soifon: No way, he'd look much cuter with Ichigo!
Urahara: Now hold on a minute! Don't I get some sort of say in this?
Soifon and Omaeda: …Do you want to end up with Tousen?
Urahara: T-This is a trick question, isn't it? If I say no, you'll think I'm racist. But if I say yes, then I'm screwed for life. *sighs* I guess I have no choice. MOMO!
Soifon and Omaeda: COME BACK!
Ichigo: Ha! Not bad, not bad at all! Now, our next scene is, "Toshiro acting his own age".
Yoruichi: *stares blankly ahead while drooling slightly*
Kyon: And now it's Kyon's Funny Corner (or KFC for short). Hooray. Now, today, my job is to explain exactly why the previous joke was poignant and actually secretly funny. You see, the character being joked about, Toshiro Hitsugaya, is actually in the realm of being 60-100 years old. Therefore, the actress, Ms. Yoruichi Shihoin, decided to portray him as a sort of senile old man. Seriously, you people didn't get that? How stupid are you?
Ichigo: Wait a minute. Are you even from this show?
Kyon: Well, I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans, I lack some sort of weapon, my hair is actually normal, and I don't have an irritatingly loud voice and accompanying catch phrase. Gee, what do you think?
Ichigo: Oh man, this show is really devolving into a collection of unfunny jokes and stupid catchphrases.
Kyon: I'm afraid so, my man.
Ichigo: Moving on from the depressing realization that the quality of this show is deteriorating, considering we need someone from ANOTHER SHOW to explain the jokes, let's continue. Our next scene is "Ukitake finally getting healed of his illness". Go!
Yoruichi: Ah, it's great to be cured of my illness! *lies down on the floor face down*
Omaeda: Captain Ukitake! What are you doing?
Yoruichi: Testing if I'm really cured of my illness! *does push-up* One!
Omaeda: Oh, I see! You're trying to test your endurance, right Captain? I'm rooting for you! Keep on going!
Yoruichi: Nah, one push up's enough. We old men can't work too hard…
Ichigo: What's up with you and old people? Anyways… moving on. Next scene up: "What Hitsugaya really thinks of Ichigo". Begin!
Urahara: Stupid Ichigo, stealing my spotlight…
Ichigo: Really? REALLY? That's what you think he'd think? ...Anyways, let's get on with the show, people. Next scene up is… lessee… Ah, here we go! " If Toshiro was Isshin's son and Isshin were beating him up." Great…
Urahara: Son, it's about time I taught you the ways of the world.
Omaeda: Which are…?
Urahara: If somebody's bigger than you, they automatically get to beat you up! Therefore… Super Special Flying Kick Attack! *kicks Omaeda*
Ichigo: Nice job Urahara! Alright, our next category is "Toshiro and Byakuya arguing!"
Soifon: I have more fans than you, Captain Hitsugaya.
Yoruichi: No way, Kuchiki. I've ranked consistently in the top 10 for every popularity poll I've been in!
Soifon: Ah, but you're not taking into account the international audience, where I am more popular and YOU are ridiculed and called Captain Ass-pull!
Ichigo: Nicely one, you two! And now we move on to the final category of the night, which is "Orihime cussing out an Arrancar!"
All contestants: A-
Ichigo: HOLD IT! The author has specifically requested that Orihime herself do the cussing out, and she will be able to choose her victim. So come on down her, Orihime!
Orihime: Hi everybody! Umm, I choose… Jiruga-san!
Nnoitra: Oho, this is gonna be fun… Come on, give it your best shot pet-sama!
Orihime: Ahem. *coughs* First of all, stop treating me like a fucking object, okay? I. AM. A. HUMAN. BEING! Not somebody you can try to grope like some sex toy or something! Seriously, you pervert, I'm fifteen. FIFTEEN. It means you CANNOT TOUCH me. To you, I am that mother-fucking bastard MC Hammer. Know why? Because you can't touch this ya buck-toothed bastard!
Orihime: Second, stop calling me that! It's stupid, derogatory, and pretty fucking creepy man. Besides, the name is just begging to be made fun of. I mean, are you trying to be fucking ironic or some shit? Because that name is just pretty damn RETARDED! You will now address me as Inoue-san or Orihime-san, got it ya thick-skulled numb-nut? Third of all, don't even look at my chest. You're damn tall, man: don't strain your neck and try to look down my fucking blouse, man. You know what? Change that. Don't ever look at my chest at all, or mention it in conversation, okay?
Nnoitra: S-sorry about everything I've done to you in the past, O-Orihime-san.
Orihime: YOU BETTER BE! And no, don't you dare try to leave: I ain't done yet! Numero four: don't leave your weirdo pervy stuff in my room, or send me stuff either! I swear, when I left Hueco Mundo you'd left the entire fucking year's worth of Playboy magazine under my bed, as well as something called "Archisexture" or something, I don't know what the fuck it was. Not to mention that you sent me that all too see-through nightie for White Day, which I must admit really was quite pretty, and so soft…*blushes* B-But now is not the time for that! Just… don't send me stuff like that!
Nnoitra: Well yeah, but I only did that to you because you're my favorite girl, Inoue-san.
Orihime: Just shut your mouth before you implicate yourself Jiruga. Anyways, where was I? Oh yes, how you treat people other than me. You know, almost every night in Hueco Mundo, Tesla would visit and cry all over my fucking dress, bawling about how you'd mistreated him, and basically ruining half my wardrobe. Let me make this clear: TESLA IS MY FRIEND AND I LIKED THOSE DRESSES. Therefore, the only way to stop this shit is to get it at the source. So… numero quinta, which is five, just so you understand you retard: don't make Tesla ever cry again you motherfucker. Also, number six: turning past girlfriends into children because you're too damn weak to face them? Uh-uh, that's just damn wrong. So don't do it.
Nnoitra: Okay, you're really starting to scare me…
Orihime: GOOD! YOU SHOULD BE PISSING YOUR PANTS RIGHT NOW!
Nnoitra: I AM!
Orihime: Time to move on to point number seven: the spoon hood.
Nnoitra: What about it?
Orihime: It's ugly, stupid, and makes you look like some sort of fucked-up satellite dish. Get rid of the thing: it's idiotic. Point number eight: you know that cologne you use?
Nnoitra: Yup! I use Axe Twist… because women get bored easily. *winks*
Orihime: Oh my fucking lord! I hate those ads. They're so derogatory to women, making us seem so indecisive. Not to mention the cologne itself kicks up a royally awful stench, sorta like gym socks and shit. Get rid of it. Oh, this cologne also leads me to point nine: it's because of the stench of that cologne that I was able to identify you as the person who ALWAYS leaves the fucking toilet seat up. STOP IT.
Nnoitra: I swear, it's not me who does that! It's Grimmjow! GRIMMJOW!
Orihime: I doubt it. The toilet always reeks of that fucking cologne of yours when the seat's up. SO: NEVER LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP! It becomes seriously inconvenient for us girls when you leave the seat up. So don't do it! And finally… DONT BRAG! I mean, you brag about how you're such a fighter, and you're not afraid of anything, when in fact you are afraid of all your superiors, Nel, or basically anybody who is any fucking stronger than you! But that's not the least of your bragging you self-serving prick! Ohohoho, not by a long shot. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT GO BRAGGING ABOUT HAVING FOUR INCHES! BECAUSE YOU DON'T! It's like you've got two… no, not even two, one and a half inches of PURE DISSAPOINTMENT! So do everyone a favor and shut the fuck up, because, unlike Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, and about a dozen other men I've gotten to know, you've got nothing to brag about!
Almost everyone: 0_0
Ichigo: What the hell was that face for?
Urahara: You people were acting so weird and shocked, I figured that somebody needed to try and cheer everyone up! Besides, using the same smiley over and over again was repetitive, so I wanted to add a little spice to it!
Ichigo: Anyways… Orihime… wha-
Orihime: Oh please, don't act so surprised. By fan standards, I'm one of the most moe characters on the show, and therefore one of the most desirable.
Ichigo: …..Meet me in my dressing room in twenty minutes. You really took the whole "cussing" part of this really seriously, didn't you? Anyways, Orihime gets just about a million points for that, and… I guess Nnoitra deserves twenty thousand for all the hardships we've put him through. However, this means that our winner is… well, I can't believe it, but it's Orihime! And-
Nnoitra: W-wait just a second. P-I mean, Inoue-san…. Did you really mean all that stuff you said about me?
Orihime: Not all of it…
Nnoitra: And… exactly how many people HAVE you slept with?
Orihime and Mikuru: That's classified!... Hey, stop copying me!
Nnoitra: *sobs*WAHHHHH! Tesla, I've got four inches, right?
Tesla: Nnoitra-sama, I can safely say that I have absolutely no idea.
Ichigo: Ignoring the drama queen who now seems to be one of our contestants, Orihime get to sit out our final game, which is that well-loved classic, the Hoedown! So join us after the break for that!
Grimmjow: Axe Twist. Because women get bored easily. *winks*
Orihime: GAH! Stupid ad!
Orihime: Hello everyone, and welcome back to that wonderful show we like to call Whose Line is it Anyway! For our final game we will be putting on a wonderful Hoedown for you!
Ichigo: That's right! Anyways, we need something to have a Hoedown about! Come on!
Kiyone: Annoying people in your division!
Kenpachi: Overpowered people in Bleach!
Ichigo: Alright, we'll take that last-Hey, Kenpachi, you're one to talk!
Kenpachi: Hey, is it my fault if I'm the friggin' Chuck Norris of this series?
Ichigo:… Aren't you a bit Japanese to be Chuck Norris?
Kenpachi: Yes, yes I am.
Ichigo: Well, whatever. Let's begin the first ever six- person Hoedown about overpowered people in Bleach!
Omaeda: I know that for a vice-captain I really am quite weak
And when I want a promotion it really seems quite bleak
And meanwhile my captain who's suspect of much within the fanon
Has a sneaky strong Shikai and great big fucking cannon!
Soifon: When looking back at all captains it really seems to me
That if ranking them by power, as far as I can see
Some captains aren't as strong as some of the others
And one of the cheapest ones is Rukia Kuchiki's brother!
Yoruichi: I once had a chance to train a guy called Ichigo
Took him a week to get Bankai, that certainly ain't slow
He can p0wn captains left and right, nothing will stop him now
Aizen better put his A-game on or else he will be plowed
Urahara: Speaking of that Aizen guy he's really very lame
Takes no effort at all to kill people, to him they're just the same
Bankai, poison, anything, it just has no effect
Is this guy made of steel or does he have some dumb defect?
Nnoitra: You guys might be forgetting that you captains are quite strong
Mega moves and one hit-Kos: Goddamn man that is wrong!
Kyoraku vs Stark, or Soifon and Barragan
I won't be able to sit through all of this torture again!
Ichigo: Lest we forget, ladies and gents, the strongest one of all
Kenpachi Zaraki with a little girl so small
Fights as his own hobby, limits his power for fun
He'd try to fight against me and you, he would fight everyone!
All: He would… fight… ev-ery-ONE!
Ichigo: Thanks for watching our show, everybody! I hope we see you again for another Whose Line real soon!
Pi-Face: Wait! Wait!
Pi- Face: No need to be so touchy, Ichigo. I just need to let Ms. Ember Hinote do something.
Ember Hinote: Hi, Aizen.
Ember Hinote: Yes, me. *kicks Aizen in balls* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ichigo: God, this show is so dumb. Good night, and see you soon!
And so another round ends. Thanks for reading through all of this text, guys! Once again, all comments, suggestions, and entries for Scenes from A Hat and contestants are mucho appreciated. Hope to see you all real soon!