"Ritsuka I love you"
"damn it Soubi not now you idiot!!!" Ritsuka's ears flattened against his head and his tail bristled as the dust of the fight cleared opponents unconscious the edge of the field, groves indented in the ground with force of the bone crunching attacks Semi had decimated the pair with. Soubi's thoroughly battered and bloodied hand reached toward his master.
"I want to touch you, I love you." he continued to move toward the boy.
I can say it he won't stop me, I can touch him because he'll let me.
The overwhelming need that had been so oppressed, abused an ignored in the past boiled with in him seeking an outlet.
Patient yes, but surely in the frustration of waiting I can be at least allowed such liberties, he won't stop me, I won't be stopped and that in itself is intoxicating. He thought, his hand scantly and papers width from the boys face when a voice split the air with the force of lightening and the wrath of a god.
"I don't think you were given permission to touch, Soubi... ? Are you of such uselessness that you would forget the place I taught you?" The pitch of Seimei's voice froze the blood in my veins. Why he had appeared of his own merit I had not a wit to spare to think of, his presence drove all thought form my mind with unbearable force.
The dirt ground, I could hear the sound of it now beneath his feet as he turned and started toward me, each agonizing footstep in my direction sent such overwhelming emotion through my being. My once lusting hand dropped away from Ritsuka's face to my side and I could feel my body shuttering inward on itself. The fear and anticipation that echoed with in me was devoid of all reason.
Am I more afraid of the footsteps coming closer or stopping ? I am not sure I it was more mad to be ponderous at a time like that, or that it is impossible to be more mad than having that thought in the first place.
There was no further words given to me, the air was devoid of sound save for the encroaching of Seimei's footsteps allowing uncertainty, and indecision to twist knots upon knots in my very soul, the silence that hung in the air with the heaviness of death, and none of the release of it.
My eyes flashed upon Ritsuka but all hope of my salvation that he would force to his will and not allow me to agonize over this was instantly shattered as the boy was focused on Seimei. My master had at that moment abandoned me his attention else where. As much as Ritsuka may have been blind to the nature of what had been carved into my very being, it still broke upon my soul in the heaviness of silence, and my master would not tell me what to do... the presence of my former master dominating me and raping me of all dignity. I could feel the want pulsing with in me for Seimei to grab my hair, to force me down, berate me and punish me for my indiscretion...
"Soubi if you think you are worthy of even that much attention" a wicked smirk drew across Seimei's lips "then you are so pitifully mistaken at this point, and that is painfully disgraceful in and of itself... Get up."
The order wretched the very core me, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to obey him.. but. He felt himself rising to one knee.
"Soubi! You're hurt you idiot why don't you listen to me? and Seimei that's enough!" came Ritsuka's shout but there was no command in it to comfort me. Just a pitiful question I could not latch onto.
I felt myself stand despite the warbling stagger that accompanied it, if there was any pain from the cuts from battle that were forced to move and open with me, I felt nothing of it but trickling more blood to mix with my sweat and soak my clothes.
Ritsuka you won't make me stop... the fact that had a moment ago filled mewith desire now filled me with dread, Ritsuka would not make me disobey Seimei anymore than he would have stopped me from his previous advances, but Seimei...
"It's alright Ritsuka, Soubi understands his place and just now he forgot it, he should be punished" The unkind malice in his eyes rendered them as back as the night around him as his focus burned into me though he spoke as if I were not there "Look at him he want's to told how useless he is. Tell me Soubi do you not deserve to be punished? "
Yes - My thougts betrayed me at once
"Do you want to be punished?"
Yes - and then they betrayed me again
" Are you not hoping that right now I'll pull your head back by the hair and breath against your neck just how worthless you are?"
Yes - three times betrayed by myself and then came the command.
I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to answer – but in finally getting my thoughts to heed me I could feel my voice betray me the voice that would serve my masters so loyally but betray me so shamefully.
I could regard Seimei's outline though the falls of my hair over my eyes head half hung in shame. Even to be cold now was an impossibility, to keep the emotion out of my voice was torture. Physical punishment was at least straightforward, and Seimei knew this to an art, to the point where I yearned for the attention of it to avoid the internal torture of this. Even the power over my perception of his punishment was his to command Seimei was absolute.
"Good boy" Seimei mocked but those mocking words of his pleasure as much as they brought embarrassment and heat to my cheeks eased my mind against my will bringing yet more shame. The person who was absolute to me even in mocking his approval put me at ease. He would break me and in knowing this I needed to know nothing else for myself. The comfort I took in that was only tainted by the shame of it, as he proceeded closer to me once again my anticipation mounting.
I don't want to, I don't want, to feel..., I can bear to dread the pain but the anticipation is just to cruel.
"Seimei!" Ritsuka launched himself between us an my mind reeled having thought that no one could be more cruel than Seimei but for Ritsuka to keep him away caused more pain still.
Seimei... I remember, and now I can do nothing but laugh at my doubting you because you knew at that moment I did, and in my stupidity unbound, for that second I forgot it. Then your arm wrapped around Ritsuka and threw him off and to the ground with a sickening thud he hit the ground letting out a yelp of pain and was still, and I realized in all this time since Seimei had appeared I had forgotten to protect my master I had failed. Seimei was absolute.
"Ritsuka!" His yelp of pain snapped me back to my myself I was so aware of having failed him in that moment, the need to be there at his side drove fear and want from my mind just long enough for me to lapse yet again. This time in my attention of Seimei, till his foot fall in front of me stopped me dead. I felt the breath hitch in my throat as I looked up at him the weight of my failure overwhelming, his presence before me crushing to the point it sent me to tremors.
"Now look what you did Soubi .Were you so fixated on me that you forgot to protect your little master? I honestly am a bit disappointed I guess after our time together I thought I had done a bit better a job on you. Did you want me to touch you so badly was that all you could think about?"
Stop it... please stop it I thought the weight of my shame would kill me in that moment, but Seimei was not done with me and I knew that fact with deaded had reached out toward me, gentle and inviting as his words dug into the flesh of my soul ripping it to shreds with painful delicacy.
I don't want you to touch me now, I don't want to.. but there was the feeling of his fingers sliding into my hair delicately his fingers brushed the very tips of my mane and I could strands of hair move against my skull as he rolled them between his finger tips.
Ritsuka being hurt had shook me to my bones and in that moment as Seimei playfully, sadistically, twisted my hair our eyes met his only a second and then I turned toward when my young master had fallen only to feel Seimei's once gentle fingers now force their way through my hair pulling roughly controlling and extending my neck up and back. A gasp of pain I always thought I have forgotten given the pain I have been through unflinching, escaped once again from my lips as only Seimei could make it sound from me. He stood before me in compete control his breath hot against my neck and I could feel my treacherous body arch in wanting for his touch despite my worry and shame. His lips so close to my neck his voice vibrated in my own throat when he spoke.
"You truly are worthless"
When he released my hair my knees buckled as if he had been the power holding me up, and in letting go of me he had taken everything I had to keep myself standing. I was now bent on all fours before him my fists clenched into the dirt on the ground. My hair hung over my face but I do not even know what expression it was that my hair covered as Seimei chuckled softly and his footsteps faded into the night, and with each soft footstep fading into the pitch blackness of the night it crushed my broken will further into the ground on which I knelt. I was unaware of the stirring behind me until he called my name.
"Soubi" I couldn't move toward Ritsuka, I couldn't go to him it seemed only though great pain of effort I could hear his voice, as deeply pressed into the underground as my mental state was.
".......Soubi? SOUBI! Ow" at this point he must have winced from being thrown to the ground with such a force as to have disabled him, but all I could hear was the shuffling of his moments my hair pooled around me on the ground as low and dirty as I was, and his words I could neither reply nor move to look in his direction.
"I don't want to... I don't want to..." I heard myself whimpering shamefully
"SOUBI! Not this again stop it! Did he hurt you?" Ritsuka forced himself into my field of vision. I could not answer and he would not make me answer.
"It's my fault..." a thought that was so internal it stung when it escaped my lips.
"Hey Seimei was the one who threw me and I'm fine Soubi just a bruise and bit of a headache but I'm..."
I could feel my forehead hit the ground in front of him as I attempted to lower myself further before him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I needed to repeat it as if the compulsion would bring back some order to everything in my mind that had been shattered.
"Stop it... Soubi... come on" Ritsuka's gentle voice his soft touch on my shoulder. The guilt of my failure to him in that moment was crushing even more so with every act of kindness he showed, with every gesture of kindness he showed so freely, the words fell begging from my lips.
"I failed, punish me master..." His kindness was more awful than anything, this is what Seimei left me to as final punishment a master who wouldn't give me a way to redeem myself a master who would not order me but force me to live with my own mistakes and consequences. How can one be redeemed? How can something as worthless as me find redemption in kindness? It was smothering me there was no release.
"Soubi...." The soft voice trembled before me and I felt the sound of my breath choke on the emotion of it and instinctively animalistically almost feared in that moment I would cease to breath, but then Ritsuka forced my head up and kissed me with a passion previously only I had initiated.. I felt my arm almost buckle below me but he forced himself closer to me giving me no choice but to re-brace myself against him.
"I'm sorry..." My lips trembled with the words when he gave me allowence to breath, but as I started to repeat the words he sank his teeth into my lower lip and held me there locked in the pain of it, my blood trickeling between our lips. While I did not resist out of thought I withdrew surprised out of reflex and his teeth sank deeper his hand gripped around my wrist and I subdued to the pain. When he withdrew his teeth of his own accord he looked at me with a blush on his cheeks crimson as my blood on his lips.
"Soubi... If you listen to Seimei again... I'll kill you"
The words that started as a strong declaration had faded off to almost a whisper by the end but the comforting absoluteness of them held me, bound me, I could feel amidst my tortured mind a smile rise to my lips.
"Ritsuka I love you" The words holding my absoluteness as I wrapped him in my arms.
"Soubi Shut up! Stop it" ritsuka asserted as he writhed away from me.
"I love you." and I know you won't stop me. So we sat broken together as the night was devoured by the dawn.
***Wow it's been actual years since I posted, sorry to start off with something so poorly written I don't know these characters very well and I just needed to write something mean, hopefully I'll still have some of my old reviewsers around, and try reworking my old stories again I know I know I still have to finish Three's a Crowd. To all my new readers I hope it was okay, I normally just write fluff so don't be to hard on me feel free to be constructive though.**