Disclaimer: I don't own Emmett, but I'd love him as a brother, I just have two crappy ones' instead :(

A/N: Okay, well I know it's kind-of been a while since I've last updated anything, but I'm here now and that's all that counts. :) Whoa! (Alex) Uh, I'm working on three stories at once. One is about Jacob and Renesmee working in Cali at a summer resort for the summer and they fall in love, This one, and of course TMNM. I'm feeling like a major juggler writing all of these stories, but I know it will all be worth it in the end. I started writing some other ones, but I lost interest quickly. I'm actually starting to lose interest in TMNM, but I have about four chapters, but I'm not quite ready to release them. Well, I know you probably don't want to read this boring A/N, but I'm just trying to update y'all!


:F my fangs :)

Edward Masen

So, I ended up not killing Emmett for two reasons: One, my mom was there, and I don't think she would appreciate that very much; and two, his birthday would be soon, and Rosalie would kick my ass if he missed it.

Ms. Greenbloom -Renesmee's fat, annoying teacher- gave me a whiny earful about the respect and dignity of her students and her teaching career and why it should be respected. Renesmee didn't know she was in trouble and her teacher didn't blame her for anything: it was all my fault. Renesmee was all smiles on the way home, Bella even bought her ice cream.

I should've killed Emmett when I had the chance.

When we got home, Bella put Renesmee in front of the TV and grabbed my upper arm, dragging me into the hallway.

"I'm am going to kill Emmett." Bella snapped.

"Not if I get to him first." I mumbled.

"This isn't the first time Edward, he's always messing with us." Bella sighed and put her hands on her hips. I smiled and put my hands on top of her shoulders.

"Bella, sweetheart, we all know Emmett can be a dick sometimes, but I think that if we show him it doesn't phase us, he'll stop." I smiled and pecked Bella. She shook her head before looking at me and smiling, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"You're lucky I love you, or I would've killed Emmett a long time ago." Bella smiled and I laughed.

* * *

"SWIMMING!" Renesmee sang the last note of her song called "Swimming" and Bella and I clapped while we sat at the red light, Renesmee sitting happily in her car seat wearing her yellow sunflower bathing suit and Alice's huge designer sunglasses. The light turned green and I sped forward.

"Edward." Bella warned. Knowing how much my fast driving bothered her, I slowed down.

"Edward." Renesmee imitated Bella's irritated voice and Bella laughed, reaching over the seat grabbing Renesmee leg. Renesmee giggled and I smiled at the musical sound of my daughter's laugh.

Everyone in the family was going to Emmett and Rosalie's house for Emmett's twenty-second birthday. They were having a barbeque and Renesmee was excited to use Emmett's enormous pool. Jasper and Alice were in the car behind us, we had decided to take separate cars just in case we had to take Renesmee home early. We were all sitting in my house, Renesmee playing with Alice's huge designer sunglasses that covered half of her face before we had all set off for Emmett's. Renesmee had taken my phone and was playing with it happily in the back seat. It rang abruptly and Renesmee flipped it open slowly.

"Edward Masen." She spoke in a deep voice, imitating me as best as possible. Bella laughed and I shook my head.

"Do I really sound like that?" I laughed Bella just nodded.

"Emmett!" Renesmee screeched. "Okay…You got it…bye, bye." Renesmee conversed with my brother and shut the phone.

"What happened Nessie?" Bella asked, holding out her hand for the phone.

"Uncle Emmett says to bring a camera." She said.

"Sometimes, I swear. He knows we already left." Bella sighed.

"Alice has her camera, don't worry about it. Carlisle and Esme will keep him in check." I smiled and put my hand on Bella's leg.

"Daddy?" Renesmee asked from the backseat.

"Yes, sweetheart?" I answered.

"How old is Uncle Emmett now?" Renesmee asked curiously from the backseat.

This was my chance to get back at Emmett, "One hundred and four." I answered, trying to sound honest.

"A hundred and four?" Renesmee repeated incredulously.

"Yup." I smiled, popping the "P".

"Wow." Renesmee sighed. I looked at her in the rear-view mirror. I couldn't see her eyes, or half of her face, but I could tell she believed every word of what I had said. Bella bit her lip to keep from laughing. I know how much Emmett fears old age, he never wants his self-proclaimed "good looks" to end.

"Here we are." I announced, pulling into Emmett's huge driveway.

"Yay!" Renesmee cheered from the backseat.

Bella grabbed Renesmee's baby bag and Emmett's present and I unbuckled Renesmee from the backseat.

"Daddy, I love you." She smiled and kissed my cheek.

That made my day.

"I love you too sweetheart." I smiled and kissed her forehead before lifting her out of the seat. Alice jumped up behind me and tickled Renesmee.

"Hand over the cutie, and no one gets hurt." Alice warned. I sighed and handed Renesmee over to Alice.

"Alice, I like to hold my kid once in a while." I smiled sarcastically.

"You live with her, share man, share." Alice laughed, kissing Renesmee's cheek. Renesmee smiled and hugged Alice's, wrapping her tiny arms around her neck.

"Alice, you practically live at my house." I laughed.

"Do not!" Alice yelled. Jasper grabbed Alice's waist and kissed her cheek, stealing Renesmee in the process. "Hey!" Alice yelled after Jasper who was running for Emmett's front door.

"She's mine!" Jasper laughed and Renesmee gripped Jasper around his neck as he spun and ran in circles.

"Yay Uncle Jazzy!" Renesmee laughed.

"Guess everyone owns my daughter except for me." I sighed and Alice laughed, patting my hair.

"She's a good girl. Everyone loves her, you should be happy." Alice smiled. I looked down at my sister and rolled my eyes.

"I am." I smiled. Alice linked her arm with mine and we walked up the steps into Emmett's open door. Bella was already inside, commenting on how nice Rosalie's hair looked since her last highlighting session. Alice was running after Jasper and Renesmee as soon as we got inside. Emmett was outside with Carlisle, standing over the grill and talking.

"Hey, happy birthday bro." I smiled and hugged Emmett.

"Thanks man, where's Nessie?" He smiled.

"Emmett, happy birthday." Bella smiled a fake smile and hugged Emmett. "Carlisle, you haven't aged a day." Bella smiled at my withering father and hugged him. My dad sipped his beer and clapped a hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks Bells." Carlisle smiled, "How's Charlie?"

"Oh he's fine. He went to Jacksonville to visit Phil and Renee." Bella shrugged.

"That's nice." Carlisle smiled.

"Emmett!" Renesmee shrieked as she ran outside.

"Hey squirt!" Emmett smiled and crouched to catch Renesmee in his embrace.

"Happy one hundred and fourth birthday Uncle Emmett!" Renesmee cheered.

"What?" Emmett's face fell.

"One hundred and four! You're old Uncle Emmett!" Renesmee smiled. "Grandpa!" Renesmee cheered and Carlisle slid Renesmee out of Emmett's limp arms.

"Hey sweetheart." Carlisle covered Renesmee's face in kisses as Emmett turned slowly to face me.

"That is just messed up." Emmett pointed a finger at me.

"Jus payback my brother." I smiled.

"Edward, Bella, Renesmee!" Esme called, waving at us. I smiled and walked over towards my mother. She hugged Bella and me before crouching and hugging Renesmee when she ran towards her.

"Grandma, I love you." Renesmee smiled.

"Aw, I love you too honey." Esme smiled, lifting Renesmee off of the floor, groaning when her back cracked.

"Renessie!" Rosalie cried from the kitchen and hugged Renesmee away from Esme.

"Thank you." Esme mouthed, holding her back. Rosalie winked and carried Renesmee into the kitchen where Alice and Rosalie sat her on the table and cooed, pinching her cheeks and asking Renesmee for kisses.

"Why don't you get in the pool, ma? It'll help your back." Emmett flipped the hamburgers on the grill and Esme nodded, taking her cover-up off. Carlisle all but tore off his shirt and jumped in. My dad may be old, but he's still a kid at heart.

"C'mon baby, jump into my arms." Carlisle winked after he came up for air.

"Carlisle, you old goon, I'll break my back." Esme countered. I swear, only old people use the phrase "Goon".

"It's okay, I'm a doctor." Carlisle winked suggestively before Esme rolled her eyes and stepped slowly into the pool. Emmett smiled and ripped off his apron before jumping in. Rosalie laughed and ran out, jumping in as well, already in her bathing suits, seconds after she heard Emmett jump in. Jasper ran out like a Wildman.

"Yippee ki aye!" He screeched before jumping in. Alice skipped outside with Renesmee on her hip.

"I wanna go in!" Renesmee laughed. Alice set her down and Renesmee ran to the edge of the pool and stopped. Emmett swam to the edge of the pool and held his arms out. Renesmee jumped into Emmett's arms. Everyone cheered when Renesmee came up for air. She clung to Emmett's neck when he turned around and he went under, bringing her with him. He dove up and down like a dolphin, making a complete idiot out of himself.

Rosalie laughed out loud and Bella jumped in, leaving me by myself. I walked over to the grill and turned it off, putting the burgers onto a plate -safety first- before taking off my shirt and kicking off my flip flops, jumping in.

"Hey Eddie, good job making sure no one got hurt with the barbeque grill." Emmett snickered sarcastically. Renesmee gave him a good whack on the head.

"Don't make fun of my daddy, I don't care if it's your birthday." Renesmee crossed her arms. Everyone laughed and Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Hey Renesmee I wanna show you something." Emmett smiled, whispering before taking Renesmee to the deep end of the pool.

I watched suspiciously as Emmett set Renesmee outside of the pool and told her something before she jumped in. It went on like this two more times before I turned and swam with Bella. We spoke endearments to each other and kissed a couple of times before Emmett cleared his throat loudly.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and Edward." Emmett smiled.

"Emmett!" Renesmee put her hands on her hips from the other end of the pool, standing out on the pavement.

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen," Emmett corrected, "I now present to you the amazing and talented…Renesmee Carlie Masen!" Emmett yelled and everyone clapped. "Whenever your ready." Emmett smiled and glanced mischievously at me.

"Oh shit." I muttered, "Renesmee don't-" I tried to scream, but Renesmee opened her mouth and screamed at the top of her lungs.


Mother fuck.

"Yay!" Emmett cheered. Esme gripped her chest and Bella looked like she was about to cry. Renesmee came up for air and smiled ear-to-ear. She swam up to me and held on tightly.

"Wasn't that good daddy, Emmett taught me that." Renesmee smiled.

That was it.

"No, Renesmee. That was very bad." I scolded. Renesmee's face fell. I pulled her out of the pool with me and set her on her feet. I got on one knee and stared at her. "Renesmee, that is a very, very bad word. Don't you ever say that again." I pointed at her and her eyes watered up.

"But, Uncle Emmett-" Renesmee started.

"Uncle Emmett did a very bad thing by teaching you that word." I interrupted. Renesmee threw herself at me and began to cry.

"I'm sorry daddy!" She cried. Hot tears ran down Renesmee's face and she sobbed her little heart out.

"Happy now, Emmett?" I yelled. Renesmee gripped around my neck and cried louder. I stood up, picking up Renesmee. Emmett sighed and got out of the pool.

"Renesmee, I'm sorry I got you in trouble." Emmett looked at Renesmee over my shoulder. Renesmee stopped crying for a minute and lifted her head and looked up at Emmett. "It's all my fault." Emmett sighed and Renesmee crossed her arms.

"Yeah, it is." She pouted Emmett laughed and held his arms out.

"Forgive me?" Emmett smiled.

"Yes. It's your birthday. Of course I forgive you." Renesmee smiled and hopped into Emmett's arms. Emmett hugged Renesmee close before whispering.

"Hold your breath." Quickly before tossing Renesmee into the pool. She landed into the water with a loud splash.

"Emmett!" I yelled and he snickered.. Renesmee swam up for air and laughed, gasping. Rosalie swam up and held her up and Renesmee gripped tightly onto her.

"Happy birthday to Emmett!" Renesmee laughed and Emmett did a cannon ball into the pool.

Yeah Emmett, happy mother fucking birthday.

A/N: So yeah, the ending is kind-of blunt isnt it? Welp, DEAL WITH IT! LQTM, jk.


(Jk about the "HOES" thing too xD)