The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

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NarutoxKonanxHarem. ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

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Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

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Konoha 12

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Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.

Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a cat girl outfit and a Death Note.

Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.

Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.

Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.

Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.

Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.

Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?

Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.

Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.

Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.

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Story Start

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''Kagebunshin no Jutus is more then one word god damnit!'' Hidan roared. It was another typical day in Akatsuki head quarters. All but one of the Bijuu had been captured. So they were waiting for the leader's orders, wherever the hell the orders were. ''Konan! What does the rules say?''

The Blue haired Goddess simply turned a page in her book. She was sitting at the table with the two more immortals while the others were at the couch. Tobi, Deidara, Kisame, and Itachi were playing Halo on X-box while Zetsu and Sasori watched.

''Konan!'' She continued to ignore Hidan's shouts. She told him not to get into a high risks game with Kakuzu's greedy ass but did he listen…no.

''Tobi! Tobi you're fucking up! No don't throw the grenade at me!'' Deidara screamed as Tobi blew up his character. ''God damnit Tobi you no aim having son of a bitch!''

''I sorry Deidara-Sempai…Tobi was trying to be a good boy and take out Itachi-sempai like you instructed but I missed.''

''Deidara it is obvious that my abilities far outclass you in every way in Halo. I suggest you give up.''

''Fuck you Itachi! You family killing son of a bitch!'' Deidara roared as he threw his controller.

''Changing the subject Deidara?''

''You know what the hell with you…You mama's boy.'' Deidara shot back as Itachi narrowed his eyes.

''What did you say?''

''You heard me…Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!''

''Daaaaaaaamn! Itachi are you going to take that?''

Itachi turns to Kisame with the Mangekyo Sharingan activated and hits him with a Tsukiyomi. After Kisame screams and falls over Itachi comes back with. '' Yo mama so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

''Oh yeah…Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.''

'' Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it..''

'' Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!''

''Oooh! Oooh! Tobi has one…Yo mama so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.'' Everyone started cracking up at that one.

''Goddamnit! I ordered a meeting two days ago. Where were you all?'' Asked a not so happy Pein from a doorway.

''Technically you never ordered a meeting. You just told them to come back to base,'' Konan answered turning the page of her book.

''Now that everyone Is here Tobi has a surprise,'' Runs off to Kitchen and returns with several trays of brownies.

''Ooooh brownies!'' Deidara completely forgot about the argument.

''BROWNIES!" Kisame shot up, as if he wasn't tortured for three days. Everyone began to ate the brownies, unaware of the tag on the side that highlighted the word 'special' on it.

''Now that we are all here…we are going to capture the last Jinchuuriki. Man my hands are big,'' Pein said holding up his hands. Konan clears her throat. ''Oh right…the objective we must overcome is Jose Cosenco. The world's greatest body guard and assassin. ''

''I thought his name was Kuiinshi Nzu, the guy who escaped from the highest grade insane asylum from the western continent for countless counts of man slaughter, attempted murder, and black mailing?'' Itachi asked. He then started feeling weird as he looked around. He then blinked as he notice something on top of Konan's head. ''The fuck…why is there a purple weasel on your head Konan?''

''W-What? Oh thank god…I thought I was the only one.'' She replied in relief.

'''Damnit focus! Now this is what…seriously I have some huge fucking….god damnit Zetsu stop trying to eat Sasori.''

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Outside head quarters

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''Told you it would work…Akatsuki and weed should never be mixed together,'' Kuiinshi said. He, Naruto, and the Assault team consisted of shinobi from the five nations waited for the opportune time to attack. They knew when a naked Hidan and Kakuzu came running outside they knew it was the opportune time to attack. ''My Eyes! THEY BURN!''

''Well that definitely fucked up any means of me having a nice dream that.''

Later that Evening

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''WAKE UP!'' Naruto shouted in Konan's ear as she shot up.

''What the hell! Where am I? Who are you? Why do I Feel funny?''

''Well you're in a holding cell in Konoha. My name is Naruto and as to why you feel funny those special brownies that Tobi gave you ring a bell.''

''Damnit! Should have never eaten anything by that idiot. Wait if I'm here…''

''There dead…well everyone except Hidan…we buried him and Tobi…he's a funny mother fucker so we let him go. ''

''Pein…lost?''

''Yeah…lost a lot of good people. I was able to beat him due to my Sage Training. Now I was able to convince Tsunade to let you live on the grounds of you being my slave.''

''I rather die!'' She hissed.

''Oh come on don't be like that…I'm not going to rape you if that's what you think. I just inherited a big ass mansion a few weeks ago and I need a maid.''

''Hhm…I do like to cosplay…only because that bastard Pein kept on black mailing me to wear all these outfits. I do look good in a maid's outfit. I guess being a slave wouldn't be too bad.''

''Well I'm sure we can work something out…anyway I have some of your clothing.''

''….''

''I found a lot of interesting things.''

''…''

''Thongs…Porn…a Dominatrix outfit?''

''x(…''

''Oh come on…were all human and we have needs.''

''I'll killing you the first chance I get…I will never forget the embarrassment nor forgive.''

''Will this change your mind?'' Naruto asked, whipping out his piece.

Konan's jaw drop and she began to drool at the sight before her. ''So beautiful…so…Big!''

''Yeah…the one thing you got to love about being a Jinchuuriki. Your well equipped…that and well. I need a steady source of sex…the down side…the result will me going crazy and well you get the idea.''

''So if I agree to this…will I have to share you or will that meaty cock be all mine?''

Naruto was quite taken back at the sudden change but it was welcome. ''Yours anytime.''

''Ok…I will resign myself to your slave.''

''Sweet!''

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Fic end

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I hope you guys like the remake of the first chapter.