Note: This fanfiction is meant to be sarcastic. I love Warriors and am writing this purely for the heck of it, so please don't flame about me being a 'Warriors Hater' or a 'hieratic'.

If you would like to flame me for some other reason, feel free!

Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors.


Chapter 1:

Firestar: Because it would just be too incredibly awkward and non-cliché for him not to be first.


The Beginning

Ah, Firestar, the character that started it all.

Firestar was the protagonist/loveable kittypet warrior-wanna-be/so-totally-non-Mary-Sue of the very first Warriors Arc. In the very first few chapters of the first book, we learn quite a bit about our quirky little hero; he's clever; he's energetic; he has incredibly weird prophetic dreams that of course mean absolutely nothing about the late plotline.

Oh yeah, and he's part of a great prophecy given to Bluestar in the prologue that states that he will save the clans from certain destruction and chaos that we won't find out about until the later books, but SSSHH! That's a complete secret and completely not obvious.

Anyway, Firestar (at this point known as Rusty) is invited to join ThunderClan because he displays great courage and potential for a kittypet and is totally not a Mary-Sue. Oh, and Bluestar thinks that he's destined to save the clan, that might be a small part of it.

When he enters the clan, he is given the apprentice name: Firepaw, you know, because describes the color of his pelt, not cliché in any possible way, and in no way even hints at the prophecy Bluestar got: FIRE alone will save our clan! Nope, definitely not.

Obvious plot is OBVIOUS!

In Firepaw's first few hours in ThunderClan, he not only befriends two other apprentices, defeats one of the clans most skilled warriors even though he's hardly even an apprentice, meets the main antagonist for the entire Arc (but really nobody could tell because Tigerclaw is so cute and innocent) and makes enemies with him, and falls madly in love with the clan medicine cat which (OMG) is completely forbidden. Seriously people. Doesn't it take most characters a lifetime to accomplish all of those things? Firepaw did all this in like what? Not even a day? This further proves that Rusty/Firepaw isn't just any normal kittypet; he's a super kittypet.

The rest of the first book consists mostly of Firepaw working on his warrior training, fighting with Sandpaw, hating Tigerclaw, randomly ogling over Spottedleaf, Spottedleaf dying (anticlimactic much?), Oh yeah, and Firepaw deciding that, since ShadowClan has been taken over by an evil dictator that stole ThunderClan's kits it is definitely his responsibility as an apprentice to go and sort everything out on his own (wait, no, Graypaw was there, but he doesn't count cause he doesn't do much).

Firepaw was a legend, not just because of all of the heroic crap he did for attention, though. No, coincidentally, Firepaw is the only apprentice (besides Graypaw, but he doesn't count) to finish his apprenticeship in a single book. Whoa. It even took the Power of Three kits half a series to become warriors. This further proves the point the Firepaw wasn't your average apprentice; he was a super apprentice. And totally not a Marry-Sue.


The Plot

The rest of Firepaw's adventures continue into his warriorship, except now, he's not Firepaw he's Fireheart. Fireheart. Yeah, cause that sure strikes fear into the very minds and souls of millions.

There's a difference in the next books in the series though; now that Fireheart has accomplished a super apprenticeship, he suddenly feels the need to help absolutely everybody with his new found awesomeness/ definitely not Mary-Sueishness. That's right; he decided to live up to his new found name and love everybody!

The following is a sneak preview into the mind of Fireheart view at own risk:

What? WindClan has been run out of their home by ShadowClan? For the greater good I must endanger myself and my very best friend and go and find them and bring them home safely! Who cares if it is absolutely none of my business!

What? RiverClan is low on prey? By StarClan I must break the warrior code and endanger both my friend and myself and to help them! I know; I'll steal food from my clan, therefore endangering our safety and give it to RiverClan even though none of this is my business anyway! That will totally work out in my favor.

What? ShadowClan is sick? By StarClan we must help them even if we kill ourselves in the process!

Surprisingly, as much as Fireheart absolutely loved everybody there was actually one person that he didn't like all that much: Tigerclaw.

Throughout the entire first half of the first arc, Fireheart's main goal in life (besides loving everybody of course) is to unmask to evil ways of ThunderClan's most respected warrior: Tigerclaw. Of course no one believes him because he is just some stupid ex-kittypet, and Tigerclaw is after all their idol. There's no competition really.

It is a little surprising though how Fireheart is the only one in the entire clan that notices the mass amounts of evil goings on that Tigerclaw is involved in. In a way, it's almost like a super power….OMG! Could it possibly be? Fireheart is a SUPER WARRIOR!

Anyway, halfway through the series, Fireheart finally proves that Tigerclaw is evil and saves his leader Bluestar from a half-hearted and honestly, pretty randomly timed murder attempt by Tigerclaw himself, thus earning himself yet another level of respect and perfection and further proving that he is so totally not a Mary-Sue!

After finding out that her beloved deputy Tigerclaw is a traitor, Bluestar proceeds to crawl into an emo corner and, in a state of obvious insanity, names (you guessed it) Fireheart as the new deputy of ThunderClan.

Oh yeah, because we definitely didn't see that coming.

The rest of the arc after that is basically Fireheart trying to stop the new leader of ShadowClan who turned out to none other than the exiled (gasp) TIGERSTAR!

In the end, Fireheart becomes (ZOMG) clan leader and saves all of the clan from certain destruction and chaos and Tigerstar dies a shameful, gruesome, and actually slightly entertaining, if not incredibly anticlimactic, death. Just like the prophecy in the very first freaking book said he would.

And this triumph so totally proves that Firepaw/heart/star is so totally not a Mary-Sue!


Clan Leader? Oh Starclan Help us all!

After the tragic/anticlimactic/much anticipated death of Bluestar, Fireheart is by some cruel twist of fate made clan leader and given nine lives, because StarClan knows one lifetime of him isn't bad enough.

As if having exposed Tigerstar, saved the clan from a pack of dogs, survived a fire (ironically enough) and countless battles that exposed his heroics/so totally not Mary-Sueishness , you'd think that this guy would be ready to settle down and lead his clan in a life of peace. Nope. Once again, Firestar finds that the clans are in peril when Tigerstar brings a new character into play: BLOODCLAN!

Despite having the most epic of all clan names, Firestar finds BloodClan is generally not very nice and wants to take over the forest. So, allying himself with his absolutely bestest friends WindClan, he leads a would-be epic battle to the death and dies. No seriously, he dies.

Unfortunately, he's a clan leader so he has eight more lives and the plot continues.

So, ultimately, Firestar defeats the great forces of evil, finds true love again and gets everything in life that he ever wanted, proving that ( ZOMG) He's a SUPER FREAKING LEADER TOO!

Later in the series, we don't hear much about our completely not Mary-Sue ThunderClan leader, aside from his would-be epic adventure where he decides to bring back Skyclan (because of course it's his business to leave his clan to support another one) and has kits with (gasp) SANDSTORM!

That's right, in the later series, Firestar is basically just the do-gooder leader that loves everybody and has a giant clan thanks to all of the kittypets and rouges that he invites to join his ranks. Because everybody deserves to be a warrior, right?

The other clan leaders respect Firestar… but mostly settle for hating him at the same time because he is so not a Mary-Sue.

Basically, the plotline now doesn't care about him and neither do the rest of the new protagonists. Yes, the world of Warriors now seems to not care about our original hero and all of his wonderfully unique traits.


Firestar X Who Now?

There are several 'controversial' pairings for the beloved Firestar during the first arc, but, where going to start with the one that began it all:

FIRESTAR X SPOTTEDLEAF!

This is one of the most popular pairings in the world of Warriors, but seriously, why is that? To fully understand Firestar's attraction to Thunderclan's dead-as-a-door-nail ex-medicine cat, first we must take a look at what, generally would have happened had Spottedleaf not died:

Basically, Fireheart and Spottedleaf would have hid their relationship from the rest of their clan for obvious reasons (FORBIDDEN LOVE) until of course Spottedleaf became pregnant and had LOTS AND LOTS OF FIREHEART'S KITS! After the discovery of their FORBIDDEN LOVE, both cats would be run out of the clan along with their LOTS AND LOTS OF KITS and be forced to live the life of rouges.

Meanwhile, Tigerclaw wouldn't be stopped and would have taken over the clans and ruled the forest with an iron fist, leaving only an elite group of rebels to stand against him and later fight an epic battle for control of the forest which in the long–run would have been a whole lot more awesome to read about!

But, unfortunately, Spottedleaf did die, and, instead of having Fireheart's LOTS AND LOTS OF KITS, she guided him from StarClan while he was on his do-gooder journey to help everybody. You know, because they were in love. For like, the moon and a half that they knew each other.

This pairing could never work, if not because of the fact the Spottedleaf died then simply for the fact that, while Spottedleaf was a fully grown Medicine cat, Firepaw was barely even more than a kit.

FIREPAW YOU PERVERT!

FIRESTAR X CINDERPELT

Seriously, how did this pairing come about?

It is theorized that there may have been a potential relationship occurring between Fireheart and his first apprentice, Cinderpaw. OK, in the long run, I guess that the pairing isn't too bad. Any chances what-so-ever for it to exist, though, were crushed at the exact same moment as Cinderpaw's leg, which forced her into the life of (you guessed it) a MEDICINE CAT.

In this potential pairing, Fireheart was not only in love with another medicine cat, but also a newly named apprentice, while he was a warrior.

FIREHEART YOU PERVERT!

FIRESTAR X SANDSTORM

Yeah, this is the pairing actually used in the series that no one saw coming. This is mostly because Sandstorm for the most part hated Firepaw/heart/star for a good part of the series until she suddenly came out and admitted her undying love for him in a completely spontaneous moment.

Actually, there aren't many problems with this pairing except for the fact that Firestar was also in love with a dead medicine cat that came to him in dreams and a much younger medicine cat apprentice.

FIRESTAR YOU PERVERT!


The Student Becomes the Teacher

In the second book in the Warriors series, Fire and Ice, Fireheart gets a new challenge: becoming a mentor. In fact, he was one of the youngest warriors to ever become a mentor in the entire series, thus proving him a SUPER MENTOR!

His first apprentice was a lively young she-cat named Cinderpaw. Generally, he did an okay job not screwing up with her teachings until, of course, she got her leg crushed by a monster and could no longer be a warrior. Other than that, she turned out great.

Having failed to keep Cinderpaw safe, Fireheart became the mentor of Cloudpaw, his annoying atheist nephew that spontaneously joined the clan. Aside from the fact that the kid had multiple identity problems, a bad attitude, annoyed the heck out of everyone, shunned Starclan, and got captured by two-legs under his care, Fireheart did a great job with his training.

Fireheart's third and final apprentice was none other than Bramblepaw, the misunderstood and slightly emo son of none other than Fireheart's archenemy Tigerstar!

After finally working around his absolute hatred and mistrust of his new apprentice, Fireheart and Bramblepaw become good friends, and later work together to plot world domination in secret. Good work Firestar, good work!


Naming Ceremonies

In the first Arc, the Warriors leaders stuck to pretty traditional suffixes for their warriors' names (-tail, -fur, -pelt, -claw, etc.) with the occasional abnormal name (Silverstream, Graystripe, Sandstorm.)

For the most part, in the New Prophecy Arc, Firestar stuck to these traditions with a few extra exceptions (Ferncloud, Rainwhisker, Squirrelflight)

By the time Power of Three rolled around, Firestar had almost completely lost it, and waged war on all normal warrior names. It was during this time that we started to see names like: Lionblaze, Berrynose, Poppyfrost, Honeyfern, Hollyleaf, Birchfall, and Whitewing.

It is not really known for sure why Firestar decided to use such odd names, if not to simply torture his own warriors. The most believable reason, perhaps, is that Firestar was so angry about his horrible warrior name that he decided to take his spite out on his clan and make all hope of having a nice, normal warrior name desolate.


Conclusion

Firestar is one of the most well known heroes of the Warriors series, and will forever remain in our memories. (No matter how freaking hard you try to forget him!) He fought many battles, and won pretty much all of them, and proved to the world that life sucks if you aren't him.

In all, there are three things we have learned about Firestar:

1. He is a SUPER apprentice/warrior/mentor/deputy/leader

2. He is a pervert

3. He is definitely not a Mary-freaking-Sue!


Flames are welcome as well as suggestions. I have a bunch of ideas for more of these, so tell me what you think.