A/N: Hello everyone, how are you? Listen, I've been getting back into my writing spirit and everything, hurray! I've been feeling a lot better but I'm not really up for updating the larger stories so I'm working on drabbles and one shots to tie you all over. So here we have it, another Blackwater.
Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. If I was, the series would be all Blackwater.
I was lying on the front porch when it first happened. Realization hit me like a powerful slap across the face. I had never met anyone who had honestly disliked me.
Sure, there was the Volturi but who really cares about a bunch of ugly, old men in tacky, black cloaks? Then, there was Jacob's friends Quil and Embry who didn't technically hate me. We were civil to each other, on Jacob's accord. But I could tell they didn't like me by their reluctance and the looks on their faces.
Disgust, anger and hurt. But why, what did I ever do to them? Well that all ties in with one person.
Leah Clearwater hated me. Actually, hate was a blatant understatement. I was no more than scum to her. Why? Well, that was what I was going to find out.
I asked my parents first, dad being a mind reader and all. Not helpful, that conversation went a little like this.
They were sitting all snuggled up together on our couch when I approached them. "Can I ask you something?" I said timidly.
"Of course sweetheart," My mom smiled brightly and they both moved over to make room for me in between them. I started singing an obnoxious song from the movie Mary Poppins in my head so my dad didn't poke into it. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious-
My dad looked at me funny and I took a breath."I want to know about Leah." My mom's eyes went soft and my dad smiled at me in sympathy.
"That's not really any of your business to discuss." He told me.
I frowned. "Technically, it is my business. I want to know, why does she dislike me so much?" He gave my mom a 'what can you do' look and smiled at me.
"She doesn't dislike you personally, Ness. She's had some tough times in her life. Leah doesn't really like anyone." He tried to explain, but I shook my head.
"She likes Jacob. I can tell." I disagreed earnestly. What was so bad that I couldn't know?
My mom butted in. "Renesmee, don't you worry your pretty little head. It's no big deal, end of discussion." And it was. They went back to watching T.V and ignored me when I tried to broach on the subject.
So my parents ended up being a bust, but what did I really expect? My dad has his morals about respecting the private thoughts that he hears in people's heads. My mom was honestly terrified of Leah so she tried to avoid her all together, I wouldn't expect her to know anything.
I didn't bother asking Uncle Jasper or Emmett, Aunt Rose or Alice or Grandma and Grandpa because I know that they didn't really interact with her. She was just here because Jacob was here, he was the pack leader. They were a close pack, the five of them and they didn't separate for anything.
So why not go to the Alpha himself?
I found him in the kitchen, (of course) eating the pie that Grandma had made earlier. He swallowed his current mouthful and smiled happily at me. "Hey Ness, come on over here." He patted his knee and I took a seat, receiving a kiss on the temple.
"Jacob, I need to ask you something." I told him carefully, silently hoping he didn't have the whole 'respect other people's privacy' rule. Then again, this was Jacob we were talking about, the polar opposite of my father.
"Why does Leah hate me so much?" I watched him flinch, not even bothering to cover it up. "Don't feed me lies like my parents did."
He looked me in the eye carefully. "Nessie honey, don't take this the wrong way but it's not really my place to tell you."
I jumped off his lap and folded my arms angrily. "This is so unfair!" I whined childishly. "I'm your imprint; I thought if I asked, you had to tell me?"
"This is a different situation. I have other bonds too Ness, some just as powerful." He explained sheepishly.
I stormed out of the room after that. Stupid werewolves.
So my search wasn't going too well. I wouldn't ask any of the wolves; it would be too awkward around Quil and Embry. And while I loved Seth, I couldn't interrogate him about his sister because that would be unfair to him.
So I used my last resort and decided to get it straight from the horse's mouth. I sucked up my nerves and went to talk to Leah Clearwater.
I found her walking around the edge of the forest. She looked sad. For the first time, I had seen Leah Clearwater looking vulnerable. When she saw me coming, she muttered something angrily under her breath and turned to walk. "Leah, wait!" I called after her.
"What do you want?" She asked me angrily, stopping for a brief second.
"I just wanted to know why you hated me so much. No one else would tell me, they all sugar coated it."
She sat on the ground where she was and patted the spot next to her awkwardly. I took it warily, leaving a huge gap of space between us. "So here's the deal Renesmee." She looked straight at the ground by my shoes, not looking me in the eye. The next words that came out of her mouth would haunt me forever. "He was mine."
Jacob. I knew automatically that she was talking about my Jacob and the sick feeling in my stomach told me that I wasn't going to like the rest of this story.
"To fully understand the concept, I'm going to fill you in on my past. As you know, I wasn't always a wolf. Or bitter for that matter, I used to be sort of nice. I was in high school and I was in love with Sam Uley-"
The name flashed a sign of recognition on my head. "Sam, the Alpha of the other pack?" Looking slightly annoyed, she nodded her head and continued.
"That's Sam alright. He was my first love; he used to talk about marrying me. We were practically engaged already. Then one day, he disappeared. I waited two weeks for them to find him and while he was gone, I was lost too. I remember how much I cried when I got the phone call. My Sam was alive, he was home. I couldn't see him for three days after that. Something was seriously wrong with Sam and no one seemed to know except for the Elders.
"When I finally got to see him, I knew in my heart that he would never be the same again. But even with his hostile touch, we made it work. Because I was still his and he was still mine. I didn't know yet, but Sam was a werewolf and that very fact was going to come back to haunt me so many times in my life. You see, I had invited my cousin and best friend Emily down for the weekend."
I gasped lowly and before I could interrupt again, she continued. "That's the same reaction I always get. Yes, Emily Uley is my cousin. I was so excited for her to finally meet the man of my dreams. We stayed up all night, gossiping and looking at wedding dresses. The next day, Sam came over for dinner. He took one look at Emily and nothing else mattered anymore. For two weeks, he kept saying things like, "I'll fight for you," or "I'll never leave you." Not once did he tell me that he loved me. Eventually, it got to be too much and just like that, it was over. It took him a month to pursue Emily because at first, she wanted nothing to do with him. She was caving though; you can never deny an imprint." She spoke the word with so much hate that I flinched.
"It all happened when Sam lost his temper one night. He phased too close to Emily and scarred her. But she was the one comforting him after, the rest was history. In a way, it makes me feel better that Emily was scarred on the outside just as much as I was on the inside. Sort of like there's justice after all, you know? When I changed into a wolf, it was the most painful and terrifying thing. My transformation killed my father, from stress and all that. But that wasn't even the worst part. When I joined Sam's pack, it was knowing that Sam had the power to control me. It was the fact that he could hear what I was thinking, every day.
"That's what pushed me to join Jacob's ranks. It was knowing that Sam Uley could never control me again. So my brother and I went against everything we ever knew. We went against our brothers, our tribe and our nature to protect your mother and you. He was going to keep me around you know. After it was all over, he was going to send Seth back and he and I were going to go off together. Alpha and his Beta, which was all it was supposed to be, never anything more." She took a shaking breath. "We weren't supposed to fall in love."
Oh God, oh God. I chanted, burying my face in my hands. "I'm sorry Leah." I tried helplessly.
She snorted. "Let me finish. Anyway, it just happened. One day we were arguing and the next he kissed me." He never kisses me. "He started to become the most important part of my life. Quil and Embry were happy, because he was happy. I was happy too, which was a first so they liked it. They said we were good for each other, perfect. Like a balance between good and evil. We were going to run away together, start fresh. No Sam or Bella, just Jacob and Leah." Her eyes turned heartbreakingly sad. "Then you were born. The pain was so unbearable, I just wanted to die. I tried countless times but Jacob always got to me first. He grabbed a hold of my face and said, "I love you, Leah. Screw fate, who gives a damn about destiny? You are mine." But do you want to know why I knew our relationship was already over?" I nodded mutely.
With a bitter laugh, she said "That's what Sam told me too. So you see Renesmee, you're a good kid. Hell, in any other circumstance, we might even be friends. That's a compliment coming from me, I don't like anyone. But it's not, so we can't. So that's why I hate you. Because you took away the one person who loved me for who I am and not who I was."
I felt sick. "I never had a choice."
She shook her head. "You always have a choice. Just like Jacob, just like Emily and just like Sam. There is always a choice." Then, she walked away.
But not before I saw the tears on her cheeks.
Still to this day, I always wonder if I made the right decision.
Everyone makes mistakes right? Even fate, even destiny. While fate chose me, Jacob Black's heart belonged to Leah Clearwater. Life works in funny ways. As Leah once said, there's always a balance between good and evil. For me, which is which? Selfish Nessie or giving Nessie?
I'll never know how things would have turned out if I had changed my mind on that day, ten years ago. No one knows if things would have been better or worse, if life had a different path planned out for us all. Would I like to find out?
Well, I have my doubts many times, I must say. But after I read the email that he sends me twice a year, everything clears up. He's happy, so that makes me happy.
So the answer would be no, I don't think so. Maybe fate hadn't intended for things to turn out like they had, but maybe that was the point.
As I walked away from the computer with the email on the screen, I thought maybe, just maybe, that destiny was just as messed up as we were.
Maybe fate was the one who had it wrong.
I miss you. Are you going to come down to La Push for Thanksgiving this year? We'd all love to see you, Leah especially. She hasn't gotten around to really saying thank you. How are you, how's Bella? I hope you're all doing fine.
Carlie is growing up so fast, she's almost four now. Spitting image of her mother, I'd say. Aaden is a huge momma's boy, big and strong too. A year and a half ago, he was just a little fetus. Yes Ness, I know words like that. Don't judge me.
Leah and I are planning on going on our second honeymoon. *wink* we don't really get around to the intimate stuff with the kids around, but we're still as much in love as ever. I'm thinking of leaving the kids with Sue and Charlie, maybe Seth, the official babysitter.
Anyway, I know I already said this, but I miss you like crazy. It's hard for me, but Leah keeps me together most of the time. Please come visit soon okay? Bella and Edward too. Has it really been two years already?
Don't forget, I love you.