A/N: I have no excuse I know. I should be working on Janus. Still please enjoy the results of a slow day at work where I made up a game of writing as many sentences as I could between customers.
Edit: I think I broke the record on how quickly someone publishes something and then edits it. All errors were mine (wants to hide under a rock after fixing the mounds of errors). And thank you very much Jason M. Lee for pointing this out, especially the Chia-Pet.
I probably should also point out that I do intend on doing another fifty of this snippets as it passes the time at work.
Summary: Bits and bytes of humor, life, and even a bit love mixed in as the Autobots live on Earth.
Disclaimers: Transformers is the property of Hasbro and concept licensed through Takara Co. All original characters however are created by ciscogirl/ciscogoldengirl and protected by copyright laws. This work was created only for enjoyment, not with the goals of credit or monetary gain in any fashion.
Bits of Life
1. Ironhide pushed Lennox into moving his family to the base for their protection though as far as Lennox could tell the mech had done it to primarily show off Annabelle to the other Autobots.
2. Sideswipe was near impossible to deal with when there wasn't a mission; Mudflap tied to the hangar's rafters during the twin's recharge merely reinforced this fact.
3. "I don't care who decided it would be a smart idea to play Marco Polo with cannons; just clean up this mess before Optimus comes back!"
4. Lennox didn't know how the Autobot did it with a metal mouth but Optimus could blow raspberries guaranteed to send his daughter into joyful baby squeals.
5. Fourth of July, Ironhide, and a challenge from the NEST gunners as to who could make the loudest explosion made for one of the most exciting times not involving a Decepticon.
6. When Skids tried to blow a raspberry for Annabelle it backfired—literally—from the opposite end though it received the same high pitched laughter.
7. Ten days after moving onto the base, both Will and Sarah wondered if their child would ever need a babysitter ever again as the Autobots couldn't seem to get enough of her.
8. Ratchet had a long talk with the twins about how coffee and the Major's sparkling wasn't a good combination when he overheard them trying to come up with good foods for the sparkling to ingest.
9. Only an idiot would dare rouse Ironhide when he had both Sarah and Annabelle napping in his cab.
10. After the incident with the Decepticon Pretender, Sam never trusted blondes.
11. Mudflap and Skids had survived the war by fighting so what did they care if they couldn't read a language that had been dead long before they had been online?
12. Ratchet didn't want to know why Skids and Mudflap could only talk in Pig Latin. He already knew Sideswipe had something do with it.
13. Finger-paint, Annabelle, and the Chevy twins generally resulted in chaos.
14. Spring break for his peers consisted of Mexico, Miami, or some other heavily crowded beach party filled with raves, beer, and sex. His first spring break consisted of being on secret base, babysitting, and eating s'mores with a girl that smelled faintly of leather. He felt sorry for everyone else when he returned to classes.
15. Despite their attitudes, Mudflap and Skids knew they weren't stupid. Stupid was going up against the Boss 'Bot with some slag about how everything was the Autobot's fault while flaunting Presidential orders in the Major's face.
16. Amongst the soldiers it was simple enough. Optimus was Boss 'Bot. Ratchet was Hatchet (but only where he couldn't hear you). And William Lennox was the Major; as in he was the only human leader that really counted in NEST.
17. There was a wager on the base as to how long it would take for Bumblebee to finally lose it and dropkick Mudflap and Skids with their rendition of the song that never ends.
18. To say Jolt was happy when Mikaela become Ratchet's new junior apprentice was like saying the sun was hot.
19. "We are not going to tell Sarah her first word was 'slag'. Got it?"
20. "Want a job on a secret base again?" Tom Banachek asked with a grin.
21. When Sideswipe offered you a ride around the base, you shut up and took it because it meant riding at a speed limit of over two hundred and living.
22. It was a running joke that while the Major ran the base, Sarah ran the Major.
23. After the first month of living on the base, Sarah had finally given up on telling the Autobots that Annabelle wasn't a sparkling.
24. The 'I spy' game would take on a whole new connotation to Mikaela when she saw Ironhide naming out parts of his gun to the one-year-old Annabelle.
25. After the entire Egypt Incident (or the 'Big Slagging Mess' as Ironhide called it), NEST was reinstated with even more power concerning robotic life forms though Simmons didn't like the name.
26. There were many things Sideswipe was good at; Frisbee wasn't one of them.
27. Grumbling, the losers sullenly forked over their money into Sam's open hand when it was Ironhide who proceeded in drop kicking the Chevy twins after the sixty-third verse of the song.
28. He thought it a bit odd (freakish even) that when he looked at Annabelle, he wasn't scared away like other guys his age. He just hoped Mikaela wouldn't notice.
29. On his first day as NEST's Head of Operations, Simmons insulted Optimus, questioned the Major's masculinity, scared the Chevy twins, and then ripped his own government apart for not providing better living conditions for the Autobots.
30. Ironhide didn't know who was the dirtier; Annabelle or the Chevy twins but the three were having the time of their life making mud pies.
31. "Remind me why we're doing this again?" Sam asked Bumblebee just before they covered a recharging Sideswipe in silly string.
32. The Autobots sank like rocks in water but that didn't mean they couldn't have fun sending tidal waves over the humans when they did a cannonball.
33. Simmons demanded absolute perfection so when Glen asked for warm sprinkle doughnuts every Sunday and the inclusion of one Maggie Madsen in the team, he thought nothing of it if it meant he got two of the best hackers in the country.
34. Jolt had a reputation to maintain but it was so much fun dancing to the addicting beat of "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger".
35. "It's an island! Where the slag are they so I can rip their limbs off?" Sideswipe demanded with silly string dripping down his body like worms.
36. When everything was said and done, Sideswipe was impressed with Bumblebee's and Sam's prank; which was why he returned the favor a week later.
37. "She has more clearance than you do in this kind of thing, so it's only logical." He said, twisting the dagger when he told the NSA Head the reason for taking Maggie Madsen out of his clutches and into the embrace of NEST.
38. "Well what would you call it?" Lennox demanded Simmons in frustration when the man complained yet again about the name NEST.
39. It was downright terrifying to see how proud Ironhide and Lennox were when Annabelle began naming different parts of a gun in her baby voice.
40. Jolt's first meeting with Maggie ended quite badly, "I didn't mean to short out your laptop; it was an accident!"
41. Optimus shot his CMO a look, "Stop grinning and save your senior apprentice before she offlines him."
42. Mikaela brought Wheelie to the base only once; Mudflap and Skids had too much fun playing duck hunt with Wheelie as the duck.
43. "Okay, so what does EDC mean?" Lennox asked Simmons after he had offered the suggestion before their daily meeting with Optimus.
44. After nearly landing on a soldier for a fifth time, it was decided that dancing was not for the Chevy twins.
45. Despite his gruff attitude, Ironhide was at a complete loss when Chromia began to show interest in him.
46. Mikaela tried not to think about the nearly desperate look Ratchet always had every time he looked over the repaired body of Jazz and she couldn't blame him for it; if creeps like Megatron had risen why not one of their own?
47. Exams were child's play after touching the spark; it was the essays with their open ended questions and theories that had Sam up at all hours of the night.
48. Jolt tried not to jump when Maggie came into the med bay asking if he could teach her some aspects of Cybertronian coding.
49. Leo knew something was up when he received an email with the subject 'Guess who Chia Head?'
50. Had Ratchet been a human, his face would have been white the moment Optimus announced that the next Autobot to come to Earth would be Sunstreaker.