Kame: Man, I can't believe this idea is coming to me at 3 in the morning! But if I didn't start typing it right away, I would not have gotten any sleep anyway; I would be too busy laughing.


A Tale of Two Slackers

"Nii-san, there's two people at the door, and they're wearing strange uniforms." Lenalee tells her brother as she looks at the image projected by the golem. "Are they expected guests?"

"Guests…nah, don't think so." Komui responds with a sip of his coffee.

The man at the gate, a rather handsome man with short black hair and dark eyes, hears the voices coming from the golem. After taking a moment to study it with mild interest, he clears his voice and states in a crisp, military voice:

"I am Colonel Roy Mustang, here with Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, here to speak of the Head of the Science Department, Komui Lee."

" We should have the gatekeeper examine them just in case." Reever warns. "Turn towards the gatekeeper."

"The what?" Mustang asks in confusion.

"The giant face between the doors." Reever instructs.

Upon turning around, Mustang and Hawkeye are shocked when the giant face leans in and inspects them.

"X-ray examination to see if you're a human or an akuma." The gatekeeper announces as its eyes beam the stunned Colonel and his Lieutenant. "The woman is clear, but the man has some sort of strange energy."

"That may be because I'm an alchemist." Mustang explains. "We have an appointment to see a Komui Lee; we called him in advance."

Everyone turns to look at Komui. Komui turns to look at…well, anyone else to shove the blame on.

"Nii-san, did you receive a phone call about military officials coming to visit?" Lenalee questions.

"It wasn't my fault!" the supervisor wails. "It's all because of Reever that I missed that call! He wouldn't let me answer the phone, too busy trying to make me do paperwork!"

"Don't blame this on me!" Reever shouts indignantly. "If you did the freakin paperwork, I wouldn't have to sit and babysit you!"

Before the argument could go any farther, Lenalee breaks it up.

"Nii-san, you should let them in." she sighs.

"Fine. Gatekeeper, let them in." Komui commands, then resumes his argument with Reever. Lenalee goes down to greet the newcomers.

When the gate opens, Mustang lets out a sigh of relief.

It's about time. I was starting to wonder if we were going to spend the night out here.

"Their security measures are quite interesting, Sir." Riza comments as she follows behind her commanding officer.

"Yes, but rather inconvenient. It shouldn't take so long-"before Mustang could finish, he sees Lenalee.

"Hello, and welcome to the Headquarters of the Black Order. I am the Assistant Head Officer, Lenalee Lee. Please follow me." Lenalee welcomes. Mustang puts on his most charming smile.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Lee" he purrs in his deep, velvety voice as Riza rolls her eyes.

Blushing ever so slightly, Lenalee takes them towards the Science Department. Mustang takes notice of the different uniforms.

"Are the people in the black and silver exorcists?" he asks.

"Yes, and the people in the white jumpsuits are Finders. They go out and investigate unusual or strange phenomena and see if Innocence is involved. The white lab coats are, of course, the scientists."

"So you must be an exorcist, then." Riza observes.

"Yes. I've been one ever since I was little."

"I never realized that an exorcist could be so young and pretty. You must be quite skilled to have been an exorcist at such a young age." Mustang smirks.

"Watch it, Sir." Riza warns. "We're here on business."

"I know Lieutenant. There's nothing wrong with giving out the occasional compliment." Mustang replies.

There is if you're obviously flirting Riza thinks dryly. The group arrives outside of Komui office where, much to Lenalee's dismay, the argument between Reever and Komui is still going on.

"ALL OF YOU ENJOY ABUSING ME BY FORCING ALL OF THIS PAPERWORK ON ME! What would you do if I broke my fingers!" Komui wails.

"We'll use your other hand." Reever responds indifferently.

"YOU GUYS ARE SO CRUEL!"

Mustang and Riza take in the thin layers of paper coating the floor of the office. On the desk there is a stack of paperwork so ancient that it's starting to turn yellow.

Being forced to do paperwork…I guess I found a kindred spirit Mustang muses.

"Nii-san, the visitors are here to see you." Lenalee says patiently, the implication clear in her voice. "And Reever, don't you have some work to do? Outside of Nii-san's office?" Reever stomps out of the office, muttering something about "lazy head officers."

"Supervisor Komui Lee, I am Colonel Roy Mustang, and this is my Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye."

"Pleased to meet you. Sorry about missing your phone call. One of my subordinates chose that time to inhibit my ability to answer the phone by forcing me to do paperwork that could have waited. " Komui apologizes.

"Trust me, I understand." Mustang sympathizes. He suddenly turns to Riza with an odd look in his eyes.

"Lieutenant, could you please excuse us for a moment?"

"Sir?" Riza questions with raised eyebrows.

"I need to speak to Head Supervisor Komui about something for a minute. Alone." Mustang states. Puzzled by her commanding officer's request, Riza leaves the room, followed by Lenalee. Once the two females left, Mustang approaches Komui's desk, eyeing the huge stacks of paperwork.

"Wow. And I thought my paperwork load was bad."

"Yes well, it doesn't help that the other scientists are always bringing new papers to be signed." Komui pouts.

"I can understand; my lieutenant is always drowning my desk with paperwork, and she even threatens to shoot me if I don't do it."

"You poor thing. Our subordinates act like we have nothing better to do than paperwork." Komui rages.

"Yes, exactly." Mustang agrees.

"The paperwork never stops coming!" Komui cries. "I just wish I had a way of getting rid of it all!"

"There's a way of getting rid of it." Mustang smirks evilly.

Meanwhile...

Riza sighs as she stands outside of Komui's office, pissed at the way Mustang dismissed her. However, Riza is interrupted from her thoughts by the sight of Lenalee standing in front of her.

"I'm sorry, for my brother's…well, everything. It's just that sometimes he gets out of hand."

"It's okay, you don't have to aplologize for him." Riza smiles. "You say that sometimes he gets out of hand?"

"Yes; the other scientists and I try to get him to do his paperwork, but he procrastinates every chance he gets." Lenalee sighs.

"Hm, the Colonel can be the same way sometimes." Riza says. "…If you want, I can teach you a way to get your brother to do his work."

"Really? Thanks! I'm sure the other scientists here in the department would really appreciate." Lenalee gushes. At that moment Reever and Johnny appears, a small stack of paperwork in each arms.

"Hey Lenalee, do you know when Head Officer Komui will be done? This stuff needs his signature." Reever pants under the weight of the stack in his arms.

"Now that I think about it, he and the Colonel have been in there a while." Lenalee thinks. "Wait…is that smoke coming from underneath the door?"

Riza, putting two and two together, kicks down the door and exposes a rather unusual sight. In the middle of a room is a garbage can filled with papers burning. On either side of the garbage can sit Mustang and Komui. The small group watches in dumbstruck shock as Mustang shoves more papers in the fire while Komui roasts some marshmallows on a pencil.

"NII-SAN!"

"HEAD OFFICER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

Komui checks on his marshmallows, then replies, "I'm hungry, so I'm roasting marshmallows. Want some?" He holds out a bag while they stare dumbstruck.

Riza says nothing but glares at the Colonel.

"What?" he says defensively. "I was just helping Head Office Komui with cleaning his office. Don't tell me you didn't see all of that paper laying around?"

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

Silence follows as the debris clear. Reever, who threw himself out of the room when the shooting started, peeks in to see the carnage. The wall behind the desk is splayed with bullet holes. Mustang crawls from behind Komui's desk, with Komui curled on the floor in a ball.

"Scary lady scary lady scary scary lady." He mutters over and over again.

Satisfied, Riza gives Lenalee one of her guns.

"If your brother slacks off again, use those. I guarantee that he will do his paperwork from now on."

Lenalee simply nods. A very angry Riza drags a very doomed Mustang out of the office, leaving a very sad Komui to scream at the two very large stacks of paperwork Johnny and Reever delivers.

"NOOOOOOOO!" he wails. He tries to run out of his office, but a small click stops him in his tracks.

"Nii-san, I seriously recommend doing your paperwork." Lenalee says nicely while pointing the gun at her brother's head.

"LENALEEEEEEEE! YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT TO YOUR BIG BROTHER, WOULD YOU!?"

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!


Kame: ok, i know some of the characters are a little OOC...but hey, wasn't that fun?