This is a gift for PenArtist10000, because she made me a lovely story that can be found here: The Fall of A. Anyway... Spoilers for Sweeny Todd, and I mean, HUGE SPOILERS. Oh, and just in case you don't know... Raito=Light and Ryuuzaki=L.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sweeny Todd, the song The Worst Pies in London, or Death Note. If I did... Light would be in a pie and there would be SweenyxMisa!! And LovettxL!! And many other delicious pairings!!


"Ryuuzaki," Yagami Raito said, addressing the the sugar-loving detective.

"Yes?" he replied without looking up from his laptop.

"I'm taking the day off to go on a date with Misa." Raito said, mentally groaning.

"Have fun."

"What, that's it? We can just go?"

"Since you just said that, Mogi will be going with you now."

"Pervert!" Misa shrieked from across the room.

Ryuuzaki sighed.

Silence hung in the air.

"So we can go alone?"


Later At The Theater

"What are we seeing?" Misa said energetically, bouncing slightly.

"I heard that this movie was very good, it's called Sweeny Todd, Demon Barber of Fleet


"That sounds scary, Light-kun! Misa-Misa might have to hug Light-kun so she doesn't get scared!"

Light sighed.

Mogi said nothing, and went to get the tickets.

During The Movie

Misa tapped Light on the shoulder. "Misa-Misa doesn't get it, and that man is scary. Misa is going to wait outside until this is over."

Light was only to happy to let her go.

Sitting outside, Misa both fended off random guys trying to flirt with her, including Matsuda three times in various disguises. While she was doing this, she stared at a poster of Mrs. Lovett.

And as Mrs. Lovett was being burned inside the theater, her screams filling it, Misa was thinking how everything had turned out well for her. And Sweeny Todd was a bit like her Light-kun, except he wasn't scary...

Then a miracle struck. Misa had an idea, and a plan began to form in her spacious head.

The Next Day

"Did you have fun on your date, Light-kun?"

"Yes, Ryuuzaki, the movie was good."

L made a mental note: Light-kun like musicals... does Kira like musicals? Can I find out? How could I do tha-

L's thoughts were interrupted by several events, that happened in this order:

Misa entered the room... dressed as Mrs. Lovett.

Matsuda dropped a cup of coffee on Aizawa's Afro, which was called Bob.

Bob screamed and shriveled up, leaving Aizawa afroless.

Misa gasped, then said "A customer!", which nobody understood, except for Mogi, because he knows everything.

Then, the weirdest of all, Misa started singing, music coming from a stereo behind her.


What's your rush? What's your hurry?

You gave me such a fright,

I thought you was a ghost!"

Everyone, including Ryuuzaki and Watari, looked at each other. Then at the table that Misa had insisted on earlier be covered in the most disgusting "ingredients" any of them had ever seen. And bugs. Lots of bugs.

"Half a minute, can'tcher sit!

Sit you down, sit!"

While singing this she pushed a very confused Light into a chair.

"All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks!

Did you come in for a pie, sir?"

"Actually, I don't really like p-" Light tried to say, but Misa cut him off.

"Do forgive me head's a little vague."

Aizawa rolled his eyes at vague, and Misa retorted by saying the next part pointing at him and crushing a cockroach at the same time.

"Ugh, what was that?"

Aizawa shot daggers from his eyes at her (sadly, non-harmful metaphorical daggers.)

"But you'd think we had the plague!

From the way that people

Keep avoiding-

No you don't!"

Matsuda looked like he wanted to do the opposite of avoid as Misa danced over to the table, crushed another bug with her hand, and leaned down to scoop something up.

"Heaven knows I try, sir!

But there's no one comes in even to inhale!

Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?"

Misa continued, sashaying over to lay a pie in front of Light. Light shook his head uncertainly.

"Mind you, I can hardly blame them...

These are probably the worst pies in London..."

As Misa danced off, Light poked the small rotten-looking pie. It felt more like a rock.

"I know why nobody cares to take them,

I should know,

I make them,

They're good? No!"

Misa was already mixing up the next pie, tossing a bit of flour here or there.

"The worst pies in London,

Even that's polite!

The worst pies in London, if you doubt it take a bite."

She sang, ladling a foul mixture into the next pie as Light experimentally sniffed the pie. As if on cue, he took a bite on the word bite, a long silence followed. Misa broke the silence...

"Is that just disgusting?

You have to concede it,

It's nothing but crusting,

Here, drink this, you'll need it"

Misa dumped out the contents of a mug into the bowl of "pie filling", then filled it with... something. Light spat out the bite he had taken. She put the mug of something in front of him and promptly returned to her table singing quietly.

"The worst pies in London..."

Her tone immediately turned louder and more vicious.

"And no wonder with the price of meat

What it is

When you get it



Thought I'd live to see the day.

Men'd think it was a treat


Findin' poor


Wot are dyin' in the street!"

She was now banging the "dough" into the table and pounding on it. Then she got out the rolling pin.

"Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop!"

She whacked the dough twice with her rolling pin.

"Does a business, but I notice somethin' weird."

-Whack! Whack!-

"Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared!"

-Whack! Whack!-

"Have to hand it to her-"


"Wot I calls!"




"Poppin' pusses into pies!"

Wouldn't do in my shop,"

She finally stopped angrily pulverizing the dough and began to roll it out.

"Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick.

And I'm tellin' you, them pussycats is quick..."

She said this slightly out of breath, making everyone think that she may have tried using realistic props aka cats, for this little... act. With Misa, you could never be sure. Slowing her pace a bit, she continued.

"No denyin' times is hard sir,

Even harder than the worst pies in London..."

Light tried to ignore it as a cockroach scuttled out of his pie, if you could call it that.

"Only lard and nothing more..."

Light shifted uncomfortably. L was very interested because, like Mogi, he knows everything... more everything than Mogi, even. So he was curious as to if Light would throw Misa into a nonexistent fireplace.

Aizawa was mourning Bob.

"Is that just revolting,

All greasy and gritty?"

Light looked like he wanted to puke, but he took a drink out of what ever was in the mug.

"It looks like it's molting,

And tastes like...

Well, pity..."

She shot them all a pitiful face as she put some sort of liquid on the pie crust she had draped over the cup of filling. Only Matsuda fell for it.

"A woman alone,

With limited wind,"

No one knew what she was talking about here. Not even Mogi or L. Louder now, Misa sang:

"And the worst pies in Londooooooon!

Ah, sir, times is hard..."

They all assumed this was the end of the song, when she struck a pose on the table, looking directly at Light. No of them expected Misa to belt out one last, loud line, then crush another roach.

"Times is haaaaaaaaaard!"


Everyone was stunned. No sound was made. Misa broke the silence when she said "Did you like it?" bouncily.

Everyone shook their heads slowly. Light ran to the bathroom, and was heard puking his guts out a few seconds later.


Misa tried to improve her singing by getting lessons, but whenever she tried, they always kicked her out for one reason or another.

None of them ever ate pie again, and they were even more wary of Misa's cooking to the point that they would go several hundred miles to avoid it.

Aizawa never got over the loss of Bob, and never had another afro.

When it was discovered that Misa was the second Kira, everyone agreed that now her awful pies made much more sense., because everyone knows that Kira can't cook.


This thing was murder to copy down all the actions and lyrics, but I like how it turned out. And it was a challenge, anyway. I hope you enjoy it, PenArtist10000! Why do I keep linking your name? Because I want to! Let me know what you think, please!