DISCLAIMER - ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYERS.
STORYLINE BELONGS TO ME.
"I knew you would be the first one back" Bella sneers as Jasper and Emmet look on in amused anger.
Stepping to the side Bella motions with her hand, "Come on in and say your words before I change my mind."
I take a deep unneeded breath before straightening my shoulders and walking through the door.
I look around at what I can see and I'm impressed with how much it feels like a real home to me. It makes me realize how much is missing from our house to make it feel like a home.
Taking a deep breathe I turn around to see the three of them sitting on the sofa completely intertwined and relaxed with each other. I look at them for a moment longer mesmerized by the aura of completeness, love, and oneness that envelopes them.
Taking an unneeded deep breathe I begin, "First I want you to know that I did not want to leave you Bella, you brought a uniqueness with you that spreads to everyone you come in contact with. I voted against abandoning you to a life you would willingly give up to be a part of, I was outvoted and crushed under the many assurances that you would be okay."
"I let myself believe Edward when he claimed leaving you to live a human life would be the best thing for you. I realized too late that no one bothered to ask you what you wanted, not one of us approached you and asked your opinion on the matter. You came to us already grown up; in our many years of existing we seem to ignore anyone younger than us, especially humans."
"I told you repeatedly that you are part of our family and you should have been involved in any family concerns that came up. As part of our family, you should have been consulted first because this was about you."
I close my eyes then continue quietly, "Carlisle calls us a family, but in all our years together I don't think we've actually acted like a real one. On the outside looking in we were the perfect family, but inside there's been nothing but chaos that everyone ignores. In Carlisle's pursuit to maintain his and our humanity in the human world he's forgotten what being a vampire truly means."
"I know there are no words that can express how truly sorry I am, no words that I can say that will convey how devastated I was leaving you behind. I only hope that in time I can show you how much you really mean to me."
Looking at Jasper I take a deep breath as I attempt to control the shaking in my voice and say, "How I treated you was unforgivable, I should have told you the truth when I first found out. I should have stood firm and not let them convince me that it was in your best interest that you didn't find out about Edward and Alice."
"A real mother would have come to you without hesitation because your happiness is more important than mine. Seeing you happy makes me happy, or at least that's what I should have remembered, instead of trying to protect my so called family."
"Jasper, a real mother would have seen through the lie that you would go on a killing spree, I should have had faith in you without doubts. Knowing that you are stronger than they claim you to be, how strong you need to be because of your empathic abilities."
"Emmett," Esme says quietly, "I've taken you for granted all of these years, being the playful being that you are and forgot that you have feelings too, that you may think and see things differently, but you still see."
"You see so much but hold everything close to your heart. I ignored your cries for help and instead tried to hold what was left of us together. Too late did I realize that in order to fix the whole I had to start with the individuals first."
"I've lost my faith in family long before now, in helping Carlisle create this family that I used to replace my dead son. When it didn't work I started taking it out on you all, it is unacceptable and something that can't be forgotten or forgiven easily. I hope that you grant me the honor of being given a second chance."
I trail off quietly fearful that I won't be given a second chance to be a part of their life again, watching curiously as their heads tilt towards each other as if acknowledging a thought the other had.
I always knew Esme would be the first one to apologize, must be that ingrained sense of false motherhood. Her son died for a reason, sorry truth hurts doesn't it, did it ever occur to her that maybe motherhood was not for her. I mean I knew when I was a kid that I would never have children, selfish yes, but also moral. I spent my early childhood taking care of Renee, then I moved in with Charlie and starting taking care of him, I guess I always knew subconsciously that children would not be part of my destiny.
Or maybe I just made the decision one day, just out of the blue, to not want children. Having spent my whole life taking care of others, it's nice to be the one being taken care of for once. I don't have to worry about a thing because they always know what I need even before I do; instinctual really, I've figured it's probably a result of our essences combining. I love them to death, they are extremely precious to me and now that I have them, I'm not giving them up.
We love you too; Bella and you are just as precious to us as we are to you. We will never leave you; you will never be alone ever again.
I tilt my head from side to side in acknowledgement sending out waves of love to the two of them and smiling brightly when I feel their love fill my body up.
Taking a deep breathe I ask softly, "Has it never occurred to you that maybe you weren't meant to be a mother? I mean the death of your first son would be devastating to anyone, the death of a loved one period is a harsh reality that I wouldn't wish on anyone."
Silence greets my statement as she looks at me in shock then anger then shock again. I snuggle down further between my two men as I wait for her to process through her emotions; apparently they've been bottled up for way too long. I realize that she's pretty much suppressed all emotions pertaining to family and I wonder how long she's been doing it or even if she's noticed at all.
"What was it, a thought – a feeling – did someone tell you how good of a mom you would be – did you read it somewhere – or did you always want to be a mother?" I ask quietly assuring her, "I'm actually very curious."
She looks at me in silence for a long moment then silently bows her head in acknowledgement of the truth found in my statements. I get up and approach her slowly and stop short of being able to touch her, I don't want her to get the wrong idea.
"Esme, because you weren't happy, nothing you ever did would bring you happiness, being blinded by ignorance does not excuse your actions, nor does it give you the right to smother someone else with your guilt, sorrow or anything else. Until you find happiness within yourself, nothing outside of you will bring you happiness."
I turn around in silence walking slowly back to my men, feeling their giddiness even before I get to them, they both reach up for me and I tumble gently into their laps snuggling deeper into their embrace as we wait impatiently for Esme to get her shit back together.
We look up to see Esme standing by the door and turn as one to look her in the eye as she whispers, "It was wrong for me to come so soon expecting everything to go back to the way it was, that family is gone, destroyed by petty differences – I wonder if anything is salvageable at all or if it's even worth it to try."
"I apologize humbly once again for all the tragedy that has befallen your life because of us Cullen's and I will hold on to the little bit of hope I have that eventually we can all be friends again. Goodbye and have a great life."
We watch silently as Esme walks out the door closing it softly behind her – we remain quiet until we can no longer hear her and our oasis of peace and tranquility returns to us.