Disclaimer: I don't own Eyeshield21, I only play with the characters.

His Greatest Accomplishment

Anezaki Mamori never swore. She was one of those people he found to be disgustingly pure, and no matter how much he antagonized her to try to get her to let one curse word slip past her lips, she never did. And believe you him, all types of methods had been employed.

He had started out with simple things: picking on the damn chibi and his teammates, blatantly ignoring the disciplinary council members before outright terrorizing them, teasing her about her predilection for cream puffs, and of course, letting Cerberus run loose over the school campus. She would always throw herself between him and whoever he had chosen to threaten that day, angrily glaring at him while delivering a lecture that detailed every single fault he had. Smirking slightly, he would merely lean around her and deliver one of his hair-raising grins at his soon-to-be-slave before sauntering off in the middle of her rant, sure that she would reach the end of her saintliness by the end of the week, maybe the end of the month if she was stubborn. Imagine his surprise when two months passed and he had yet to hear her use a single word that would clash with her image of an angelic little disciplinary council member.

So he had naturally decided to kick it up a notch.

The changing room started to get messier with each passing day and Hiruma was careful about sending the fucking manager out on endless errands for a whole two weeks to keep her away from the place before even he could no longer ignore the stink of sweat-drenched uniform and dirty socks. The outraged look on her face had been priceless when she had first seen it, before being quickly replaced by narrowed eyes and a determined frown as she marched into the room with rolled up sleeves and tied back hair. His jeer about her neglecting her job had been totally ignored as she dumped piles of unwashed clothing into the washing machine while muttering to herself about boys and their uncleanliness.

Deciding that perhaps he had outwitted himself, he had resorted to holding an extra long practice in the pouring rain that afternoon before stomping into the club house and tracking mud all over the floor she had just spent over an hour cleaning. He had thrown his muddy equipment all over the floor and even went so far as to spit his gum out so that it landed directly in front of her foot, causing her to step on it. Despite all that, she had only yelled at him tiredly before throwing a wet towel in his face and telling him to clean the place himself.

Which was all quite annoying since that had been a brand new piece of gum he had just sacrificed.

He consoled himself by bringing out every single piece of artillery and flame thrower in his weapon silo and trying them out on his hapless victims within her vicinity. Yet that brought him no satisfaction since it seemed that somewhere along the lines, she had become used to his vast amount of weapons and was now always ready with that damn mop, buckets of water, or the fire department on speed dial.

Which was why he was forced to bring out the double-edged card in his pile: ignoring her suggestions when it came to assembling the game plans.

Pretending to disregard the well thought out formations she laid in front of him every morning had been relatively simple. After all, she was always too busy lecturing him about his blatant and rude snubbing of her hard work to notice that he was occasionally sneaking glances at the drawings in front of him while acting as if he was working on his laptop. The real challenge came when he had to cackle derisively at the ideas she brought to their daily brainstorming sessions. She had an irritating tendency of wildly waving her notes around in the air while shouting furiously, making it hard for him to pretend to not be trying to catch glimpses of what was written on the papers. The fact that she would always stomp off with them clenched tightly in one hand did not help his efforts either.

Yet despite all the yelling and sputtering that had caused him to perk his ears up in anticipation, she always managed to calm herself back down and refrain from using any profanities. Eventually, she no longer even gave him the satisfaction of seeing her grow angry at him, opting to glare coldly at him before snatching her papers off the table and stalking over to Doburoku to ask him for his opinion. The fucking coach had heaped praise after praise on her head, causing him to want to strangle the man when she shot him the smuggest look he had ever seen on anyone's face, including his own.

But today, she surprised him.

Watching as her face got redder and redder with each passing moment, he listened to her yell at him angrily, promising all kinds of retribution against him should he ever do this to her again. Words that had passed his lips with ease and were never found on hers now rolled off her tongue as if she was a seasoned sailor. No, scratch that, she would probably make sailors blush and run back to their mamas at the rate she was going.

His eyebrows shot up in amusement as her voice jumped to a higher volume. Now these were some interesting insults that she was throwing at him… nothing that he had ever had the pleasure of hearing before, and many epithets had been attached to his person. Wondering clinically if these were the results of years of suppressing her urges to curse him out and wincing at the pitch her voice had managed to reach, he concluded that they must be. After all, what else could account for the rant that was now basically a string of curses, punctuated only by her gasps for air and a final loud scream directed straight into his eardrums?

His internal debate on whether or not it would be safe to grin madly in the face of her rage was interrupted by a loud cry and a matronly woman approached him.

"Congratulations Youichi-kun, Mamori-chan, you have a healthy baby girl!"

Unable to hold back the grin that spread across his face as the pink bundle was placed in his arms, he grinned down at the pink-faced, pointy-eared little creature that was his first-born.

"Hello there fucking daughter..."

"Mou, Youichi! She's just a baby! Don't use such language in front of her!"

"Kekeke! But didn't you just give her an excellent lesson on that subject, fucking wife?"

And as he sat on the edge of the hospital bed, watching her blush madly while nursing their daughter for the very first time, Hiruma could not help but proudly think that this was his greatest accomplishment ever.


A/N: First HiruMamo fic. It occurred to me that Mamori's such a goody two shoes and that this would be a great pastime for Hiruma. After all, if he succeeded, he'd have another piece of blackmail material on her. How the ending came to be... I really don't know. Must be because of all the slightly cracky HiruMamo fics I was reading before writing this.

Anyways, tell me what you guys think!