Magical Shovel cleared her throat, hopping towards the junkies. They slithered about at a slow pace. They were like zombies, slow in the mind and body. Like Pavi. Luigi gave Shovel an ascot to write that. Not really. But she wish he did. He would approve. Anyways, bags lurked onto their tainted eyes... They moaned in agony or longing for their fix. Out of nowhere, a little glass vial containing the liquid they so desired, landing in the midst of the unlikely group.
This was war. Their reflexes increased. They had become far quickly than they were before. Ludo picked up the vial with a blank stare. He proceeded to gnaw on it, "Ohay.... This ain't a rawk..." He sounded very disappointed. The junkies began to climb over the emo rocker. He cried out in alarm, "Ah!!! THEY BE TRYING TO EAT MEH, YO." Why the 'Yo'? Ludo had a Reno (Final Fantasy) moment. He, too, played the rpg game.
"GOOD YOU, FUCKTARD," Luigi shouted. He turned to see his sister, Amber Sweet, amongst the zombie druggies. He gasped (very flamboyantly, might I add).
"AHHHH. LUIGI BE TRYING TO KILL ME, YO." Shovel ran around the room in circles as Luigi tried to stab her.
An idea popped into Shovel's mind since Aquaflame was no longer in any of her classes to nom her brain. Did you know that Aquaflame and Shovel go to school together? Well, now you do. This is how they manage to weave tales of insanity...
Aquaflame fwacked Shovel with a newspaper, "Don't give out information like that! They could be pedobears!"
"Wait!" She cried out. For once, Shovel wanted to be the hero. She wanted to be like her heroic, cartoon figure... Scooby-Doo. Don't diss Scooby. He's one badass mutt. He's a crime fighting canine! And quite possibly one day, Shovely will be in the FBI, profiling serial killers. But that's another story. She bounced up and down, "I'll ward them off! Luigi. You. Must. Go. Find. GraveRobber!" She had a William Shatner moment.
"I picture you more of a serial killer rather than a profiler, MS."
"I agree," Chaos nodded.
"..." For once, Shovel was sheepish.
Magical Shovel screamed at the top of her iron lungs, "MAGICAL YAOI ATTACK!'' For those who haven't figured out what yaoi is, it is two men together in a relationship. D'aw. Isn't that sweet? No, really, it is. Certain yaoi is rather hardcore, however, and may scar the minds of many individuals.
"SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS, MOTHER FUCKAHS," Shovel shouted. She was right. Everyone on this planet SHOULD have an equal amount of rights regardless of sexuality. We should not judge by sexuality, but by personality.
"Sure. I support it and all, but, Shovel. I'LL NEVER FORGET ABOUT THAT PAVIGI PORNO FANFICTION."
Shovel laughed nervously, "YES YOU WILL." She proceeded to hit Aquaflame on the head to temporarily knock her out.
"HO HO HO. THIS IS LOOKING MIGHTY CHAOTIC."
Shilo and Luigi screamed in unison, "GAH." Aquaflame was busy torching junkies to pay attention. Ludo giggled. Amber murmured from beneath the masses, "That's, like, totally hawt. BUT I'M HOTTER. DON'T YOU WISH YOU WERE, TOTALLY HOT LIKE ME?" She burst into the song "Platinum Blondes" By: Paris Hilton. Surprisingly, Magical Shovel likes Paris Hilton. She's not that bad... She's cool.
"...Wtf. I'm going to judge you the rest of your life."
"I'LL BUY BACK YOUR LOVE WITH JAPANESE CANDY AND SODA."
"YOU HAD ME AT JAPANESE." Thus, their friendship was repaired.
Luigi covered his rage-filled eyes, "GRAH. WHAT THE FUCK?! IS THAT FUCKING ME AND PAVI?"
"Lol. It's not fucking you. YOU'RE FUCKING PAVI."
"Shut the FUCK up, Shovel." She giggled. It was a fangirl's dream fantasy. The only way she could live this was by writing a crack fanfiction. And that is the story of Pavigi.
"WHAT? IT'S OVER."
"OOOO. SEE. YOU DON'T LIKE CLIFF HANGERS, DO YA? You gotta finish yer stories, too, AF!"
"But no, it's not quite over."
"WeeGee! I'll cover you! But not with Yaoi. : I'll just beat up the junkies for you. Go get Graves!" Chaos proceeded to merrily skip around the battlefield. She was epic. She kicked JUNKIE ass. Hot damn. That girl knew how to destroy things and bring mayhem wherever she went.
"MWAHAHAHA. FIRE IS WONDERFUL. FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE." AF's a closet pyro alongside the dead bodies and muffins that are stored in there.
"NOOOO. YOU REVEALED MY SECRET."
"It had to come out, it had to come out." And so it did. It came out of the closet with the muffins.
Ludo used 'Rock Summon."
"Hey! This isn't Pokemon."
Let Shovel proceed to explain. Ludo summoned 'rocks' of all shapes and sizes. The druggies were all too distracted by this. He laughed stupidly, spinning in circles again.
Meanwhile, Luigi ran inside of GraveRobber's building which happened to be a storage compartment center. He looked around, pushing up the door.
"Minutes, Luigi, minutes."
"GIMME MY STUPID ASS BROTHER BACK. Although I don't want the runt. Pops'll fucking kill me!"
"Temper, Luigi." Mockery lingered in his tone. The room spun before Luigi's eyes like a bad rpg game. He rubbed his rage-filled eyes, blinking. What. The. Shit. There were stairs everywhere as well as platforms. Ceilings were twisted. Floors were mangled. Stairs tangled. This was crack in it's true form.
GraveRobber began to sing, while hopping from platform to platform. To many otakus, this was like a videogame come true.
Aquaflame was silent.
"There's such a sad love
Deep in your eyes, a kind of pale jewel
Open and closed within your eyes
I'll place the sky within your eyes
There's such a fooled heart
Beating so fast in search of new dreams
A love that will last within your heart
I'll place some booze within your heart
As the pain sweeps through,
Makes no sense for you,
For me to fuck away
Every thrill has gone (OH HO HO)
Wasn't too much fun at all
But I'll be there for you-oo-oo
As the world falls down
(As the world) Falling down
Falling in love
I'll paint you mornings of GOOOOOOOOOLD
I'll spin you steamy evenings
Though we're strangers till now, because I'm your pedo stalker
We're choosing the path between the stars
I'll leave my love between the stars FOR YOOUUUUUU
Falling for you
Falling for Z
Falling for BDSM
Makes no sense... Why am I so tall?
Makes no sense to fall
As the world falls down
Falling in love
As the world falls down
Falling in love (love)
Falling in love
Falling FOR YOU BODY."
GraveRobber killed that beautiful song. "As The World Falls Down" was originally sung by David Bowie and composed by Trevor Jones. Just throwing that out there to not get sued. Luigi sniffled, but it was not a choked sob from the beauty of the song. He was dying on the inside... Because GraveRobber slaughtered it.
"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU. YOU SICK MOTHER FUCKER. YOU RUINED THE BEST SONG EVER."
"...Oh crap. You're supposed to fall for me! No no no!" GraveRobber flailed angrily. An interruption ensued. Guess who was back. Aga-hain. Guess who was back. Gues who's back. Guess who's- It was the gang! There stood Ludo, Chaos, Shilo, Shovel, and AF. There's no Didymus, because Shovel's a bit like him. Luigi glare down upon them all, "WHAT THE FUCK? HOW'D YOU GUYS GET IN THIS FUCKING MAZE?!"
Shovel grinned maniacally, "Magic. BOO HA HA HAA HA."
"...No," Shilo gestured towards the dual doors. She spoke in a calm voice, "We entered through the front doors." Luigi swore under his breath. No why didn't he see that before? He scratched his head, "So. Help me the fuck out!"
With ninja ability (and flexibility... scandalous!), GraveRobber hopped off the stairs and onto the ground before the group. It took Luigi a half hour just to climb down from the platforms. Sure, he's smaaaart. He was just taking his time... That's all.... Shovel will probably get repo'd after this fanfiction.
Aquaflame gasped as she gazed longingly at GraveRobber boa. It was a beautiful shade of Zydrate. She wanted it, "Oooooo, it's so pretty...." The oxymoron reached out to touch it. Oh, how easily amused Shovel and Aquaflame could be. Yet, this time, Shovel was too busy attacking junkies. Alas, AF touched the boa. It began to incinerate. Sometimes being made of aqua and flames was a true curse, "NOOOOOO."
GraveRobber's eyes widened as his jacket began to catch on fire. He collapsed to the ground, rolling around. Let this be a lesson, children. Don't play with matches. You can kill people. It's considered arson and murder. Now, you don't want to go to jail and room with scary, bad men... Do you?
"That reminds me. I picked an unused matchbox off the playground not too long ago. I didn't want some kid to torch their hand off." Yes, Shovel actually told her mother this. She was proud! Inwardly, Shovel did want a kid to do so. But that is horrible. Let us hope the reader forgets that.
"Whaaat!?" Chaos shrieked. "You're supposed to create chaos and mayhem! You're a shovel!"
"That's your job. And just because I'm a garden tool of mass destruction doesn't mean I have to kill!"
A figure, whose form was female's, elegantly strode towards Shilo. The young Wallace girl gasped in disbelief. It was none other than her beloved role-model, Blind Mag. She squealed like a rabid chipmunk, jumping up and down. Mag smiled calmly at Shilo, reaching an arm out towards her.
"Shilo. Hello Shilo. Would you like to come with me? We'll talk over a bowl of candy in my office."
Thus, Shilo was defeated... Because of Mag. And candy. What happened in her office was a whole other story. Or maybe it was Nathan dressed as Mag? Ya'll know he likes dressing up as Marni. Why not Mag as well? GraveRobber laughed evilly, rubbing his hands together. Everything was coming together before his eyes....
"Take this!" GraveRobber held a rather large, promiscuous book in his arms. It was-
"College. College. College." AF's and MS' eyes became undaunted. They were haunted.... By college decision-making. It was a nightmare that they had to face. Why was the world so cruel? Society demanded that you grow up at an early, determined age. There were no ifs, ands, or buts.
Aquaflame collapsed where Shovel scurried to an emo corner. She rocked back and forth uncontrollably.
"OMFG. AF'S BEEN KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS," Ludo shouted. He shrieked like a young otaku, flailing. GraveRobber was winning! This was not good. Not good at all. Someone had to revive Shovel. Someone had to revive AF. And Ludo was useless. Shilo was gone. She was useless to begin with.
"SHIT. You're defeating my pokemon!"
Everyone blinked. Chaos began to nom on GraveRobber's head. Ludo wandered away for over a half hour to do who knows what. He came back with a steaming tray of warm, gooey cookies. He held them above his head like a sacrifice, "BEHOLDZ. AE BRING MS AND AF CAWKIES."
"Cawkies? The fuck?!"
"AE MEANT... COOKIES."
Magical Shovel and Aquaflame snapped into attention. They broke out of their trance, nomming the delicious cookies. It was apparent that Ludo was an excellent chef. Alas, they were revived and gearing to fight. They were ready for battle. Their health had been replenished.
"This isn't a video game!"
All of a sudden, David Bowie made his grand entrance-
"David Bowie?" Aquaflame arched an eyebrow at her friend.
MS grinned enthusiastically,"That's right! Who the heck doesn't love a rock god!?!?!"
".... Timothy Curry."
Aquaflame began to do the Time Warp.
He put his hands on his hips-
"Brought his knees in tight. And did the pelvic thrust! It really drives you insaaaaaaane!"
"AF! NOW You're getting off topic!"
"Hullo!" Magical Shovel suppressed a squee. Luigi's mouth dropped to the floor. GraveRobber blinked alongside various others. David Bowie grinned, "Now... I thought this film I starred in was high on crack to begin with. You simply... Added to that grand surprise." Then, he left. AF had to hold MS back from chasing after the Rock God. If MS could... She would get Adam Lambert, Lady Gaga, Tim Curry, and David Bowie together.... She'll have to become famous just to meet them.
"Well, that was random," GraveRobber mumbled. He shrugged, "This really wasn't worth it..."
"Yeah. You wouldn't make a good Queen. You're too much of a whiner..."
"So, like... Your brother's over there. In a box. I'll get my stalker, Amber, to be my Queen."
"Fuck my life."
Magical Shovel murmured, "Only a tale I could weave..." Luigi found Pavi where GraveRobber promised the younger Largo would be. He united 'the genetic fucktard' as Luigi would call him.
"AF ANGRY. AF TAKE HAPPY MIDOL PILL!" D She engulfed the midol pill. Lo' and behold a transformation occurred. There before Pavi's eyes, lurked two Luigi fuckin' Largos. One... was on fire. Flames whirled around the one on the left whilst the other Luigi remained the same. Everyone blinked.
"I-a don't know which-a Luigi is-a which!" Pavi cried out, frantically looking between the two. Paviche ran with open arms to the Luigi that happened to be on fire. He cried out happily, beginning to hug the cheap imposter.
"HEY. JUST BECAUSE I TURNED INTO LUIGI DOESN'T MEAN I'M A CHEAP IMPOSTER."
"Heyyy. Chill down. It's a Repo reference, like when Rotti tells Nathan, 'Bring it on, you cheap imposter!"
"You're so obsessed."
"Iknorite!? Like, Blank and I were playing Hang Man during Chemistry. The only words I managed to guess correctly were the Repo ones. That and 'orange.'"
"Whoa. You continue to amaze me. I'm not even in any classes to steal your smarts anymore!"
"Ow-a!" Pavi cried out, running to hug the real Luigi fuckin' Largo. Luigi crinkled his nose in moderate disgust, though his eyes twinkled. All was well. The problem was solved.... Until Luigi woke up... In the hospital.
"OH SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK!?" The Largo demanded angrily. A GenTern strode over to Luigi, "Mr. Largo, we found you to be highly delirious. You were running around the streets yelling about 'Labyrinth, David Bowie,' and other strange things. It was bizarre. Thus, resulting... You needed a kidney transplant." God knows that kidney transplants make people go insane and rabid.
"So, I was imagining everything?"
"Most likely," she strutted off.
"Goddamn it," the gang that Luigi encountered peered into Lugi's hospital window with a grin plastered onto each of their faces. They entered the room, breaking into a random party just like the real movie. Luigi was hooked up to too many wires to actually dance.
Our wonderful detective spoke, "This concludes our crack fanfiction. AND LUIGI'S GAYER THAN EVER.''
And when they disappeared... Deep down, Luigi knew that the world of Labyrinth did exist.
Ending note: Thus, concludes this bizarre and peculiar tale. I cut out many of the scenes out from Labyrinth for time's sake. Time is slipping out of my grasp. Many of the commentary and sentences from Shovel... is how I really speak. At times. Most of the time. However, I can be serious and use fanciful words. It's the Yankee in me, I swear ta ya. Anyway, I'm going to take a hiatus on crack/parody fanfictions. That final one I'll be writing will be in late spring/ early summer. And it will be called, "Luigi and Pavi Go To the Beach." It's pre-written and what not. I just have to type it. For the most part, I'll be focusing on serious fanfictions (& school) from here on out. But don't worry. I'll still be hilarious. ;D So, if you'd like to keep in touch and have a Gaia Online, my username's Magical Shovel. I do hope you enjoyed this story, kiddos.