*sighs* Okay, so sorry to everyone who I told to check back on Friday and Saturday. I was swamped with school assignments and chose not to do others. Like that one thing that said I'm supposed to take a quote from the first or second chapter of the book we're reading (To Kill a Mockingbird) and pretty much dissect it.
I see no reason in doing it so I won't until I positively have to. (Yes, I suck, but I honestly see no reason in doing it as opposed to actually reading the entire book, which I just did, an then giving our thoughts about it, it makes no sense.)
*sighs* Anyway, other than school stuff, I've also been busy in writing my original stories and editing the next few chapters for this very fanfic. It's been a slightly busy week, mostly boring, and full of rain, which I enjoyed.
So, without further adieu, here's chapter 20!
And, as always, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!
-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac That Is Questioning Authority In A Very Lame Fashion
If anyone guessed last time that the reason I liked Teen Titans is because of Slade, then you're darn tootin' right! He's bitchingly awesome!
And he won't be appearing for a few chapters.
But, other than that, I don't own Teen Titans, and I forgot to mention to you guys last time that has to with... *inhales* Deadpool...
I don't own him either!
Chapter 20: Mystery Date
Out in the forest stood three men, one was dressed like an everyday man, not giving much stake on his appearance and wearing whatever didn't stink.
Another one wore a green jumpsuit with yellow accessories ranging from yellow boots and matching yellow gloves to a yellow utility belt that held absolutely nothing (unless you count Smart Tarts).
Finally, the last man and the last one to appear out of thin air, was clad in all red with yellow boots, two yellow zigzagging stripes that were reminiscent to lightning bolts around his hips and two yellow lightning bolts coming flaring his mask's ears for added effect.
They're names were Weasel, computer genius (this was on his business card), Bob, Agent of HYDRA (this too was on his business card), and the Flash, the Fastest Man Alive! (Everything, including the exclamation point is NOT on the Flash's business card. Why? Surprisingly, he never had time to make any...)
"Wa-!" Weasel began to say Wade but quickly he recognized that it wasn't Deadpool and the first half of Deadpool's name blended into the next word Weasel's mouth formed,
The words meshed perfectly.
"You're not Deadpool," Weasel said. He was certainly not the red clad man they were looking for.
The Flash seemed to have appeared out of nowhere; assembling into one piece but seeming as though he hadn't done that entirely, as if pieced together quickly, one by one. It was reminiscent to how the transporters on Star Trek worked, they teleported the molecules separately and reassembled them at the selected area, except no one seemed to be making the cool sound effects.
That, and the stranger was accompanied by an odd rippling effect that caused the forest to look almost swirled together for a few seconds before subsiding, as though he just stepped through a puddle.
Weasel and Bob weren't the only ones who were surprised to see someone materialize out of nowhere. The Flash had a mind too, and right now, it was wrapped around the fact that he had just slowed down due to unknown means and seen two men, who looked a lot like certain descriptions he heard not too long ago, just appear in front of him.
"Deadpool?" the Flash said immediately; just because he was surprised didn't mean his mind didn't work fast.
Warning bells went off in Weasel and Bob's minds and they looked at each other, wondering if the other was thinking the same thing.
They turned around and ran.
But not before the Flash ran in front of them.
"Wow!" Flash exclaimed with a bright smile, "I've honestly, I-I mean, seriously I honest to God have never had that reaction before! I mean...wow! This is kind...kind of a big deal for me, I don't think this'll happen again..." his grin literally stretched from ear to ear; it was a big deal for him. He sighed happily, "Though, this probably means you don't know who I am?"
"Doughnuts, I've got doughnuts," Deadpool sang as he walked out of a doughnut shop with a dozen or so diabetes bullets. He would have probably found Petey by now had he not suddenly gotten the urge to get doughnuts, which really, you can't ignore.
He lifted up his mask to chomp on a glazed doughnut and pulled out the tracking device displayer, Petey wasn't all that far away, maybe three blocks, he had really begun to slow down, almost to a halt, after having made it downtown a half hour ago.
Deadpool would have also been saying something witty had his mouth not been full of glazed goodness...chocolate deliciousness...sprinkled spectacularness...etcetera, until there were five left.
Okay, four and a half.
With a bear claw hanging from his mouth, Deadpool went back into traffic to find Petey.
"Flash?" the Martian Manhunter called in through the communication link again. Just around half a minute prior, the line had gone dead, "Flash?" he called again, urgency had begun to fill his voice.
"What the hell happened?" Cyborg muttered as he tried to reconnect to his communicator, "It's like he turned it off or it broke or something..."
"Why's Flash taking so long?" the Green Lantern asked with the slightest bit of worrying tinting his voice.
"Usually, he would've been done around 20 seconds ago." Hawkgirl said.
"He was eaten or something!" Beast Boy exclaimed. Had he not been in one of GL's cage constructs, someone (by which I mean Raven or possibly Hawkgirl) would've surely smacked him upside the head.
"Did something happen to him?" Superman asked.
"His com link went dead a few seconds ago," J'onn replied.
Superman's face grew grim. It was true, the Flash would have finished almost a minute earlier, something must have happened. He turned to face the others.
"GL and Hawkgirl," he called, "You two come with me, we're looking for Flash."
The two nodded and jumped into the air next to Superman.
"Diana," he said next, "I want you and the rest to stay here in case something happens to us as well."
Wonder Woman nodded as well as Raven, Beast Boy and Starfire, albeit, reluctantly.
The trio flew higher into the air and headed towards the densely packed trees.
Being a mercenary as long as Deadpool has its many perks;
Free food... (Sometimes.)
Free...other stuff! (Again, sometimes.)
And a free funeral! (Guaranteed!)
One of the other things was getting to know when trouble was afoot, to sense danger, to have your very own Spidey Sense, so to speak.
However, Deadpool's had crapped out on him.
Right now, he was in a battle royal with a few mobsters on the street. They had run into his car with their own and begun firing. At the moment, they were all using their own cars for shields.
Somewhere in the fleeing crowd was an insurance agent who would have hell to pay if any of the men in the shootout were his customers.
At least three of them were.
Deadpool was quite sure that if those thugs hadn't tried to pick a fight with him, he would've almost remembered to find Petey and stuff and everything would've been just a tiny bit better than it was before!
"I'm telling you!!" Deadpool shouted as he ducked, "I don't know who the hell Johnny is!!" he said as he took another bite out of the bear claw.
Now there were only four doughnuts left.
"Like hell ya don't!" one of the mobsters shouted back.
"Yeah! You stole his car!!" another one added.
"Does it look like I remember whose car I stole or not?!" Wade shouted as he poked his head up and shot one of the men's shoulders, "I don't even remember my pin number!!"
Really, it was a miracle he even remember what Petey looked like. The fact that he forgot his name would've happen in any reality.
Except for a reality where he wasn't crazy...but that was impossible.
"Liar!" one of the mobsters shouted from behind his car.
"Oh shut up Big Pussy!" Deadpool shouted and took his chance to go on the offensive. He put away his guns and reached for Tommy and Timmy Katana.
"Hey! The Sopranos gave us mobsters a humane quality that we don't possess!" one of the offended mobsters shouted.
"I liked it..." his friend next to him admitted in a sad tone.
Before the offended mobster could say anything there was a blinding flash of sunlight reflecting of a smooth surface...and then there was red and lots and lots of pain.
Deadpool kicked the offended mobster in the face as he slashed his friend's hands enough to let go of his weapon, which Deadpool immediately kicked out of the way.
It was around that moment that Deadpool saw how many gangsters were trying to kill him (emphasis on 'try'). There were four behind the car and two on either side of his peripheral vision; he was surrounded by poorly paid goons.
He had already disarmed two of them so he just needed to avoid the bullets coming from either side as he beat up the other two who still had guns pointed at his head and heart (among other places).
A flurry of bullets were heard from left and right just as Deadpool smacked the two mobsters in front of him with the handle of his katanas. Again, he kicked the guns away and mentally flipped a coin to see which side he would kick butt in first. His mental quarter landed on Chuck E. Cheese which was the equivalent of heads and so he went to his right to kick ass and chew bubble gum.
And he was all out of bubble gum...
"Does your ring sense anything, Jon?" Superman asked the Green Lantern.
Jon inspected his ring and remained silent for a moment.
"Jon?" Hawkgirl called him out of his daze.
The Green Lantern shook his head, "Yes, I'm fine and the ring...it does sense something but...it seems impossible..."
"Define 'impossible,'" Superman said with a tight smirk, reminding Jon that they were the impossible.
"Well...maybe not that impossible but it's still pretty out there," Jon said.
"Now," Hawkgirl decided to join in on the fun, "define 'out there.'" She smiled.
"Fine, fine," the Green Lantern conceded, "So we're all freaks, I'll admit it. But this...this is just...hard to describe." He shook his head, "Those kids were right, there is a portal around here in the forest. Down there, actually," he pointed below them and they slowly touched down, "But here's the thing; the power levels I'm reading are, quite frankly, way too powerful to be a portal to just New York."
"What're you saying?" Superman asked.
"You guys are the aliens, you figure it out," Jon replied.
"A portal to another planet?" Hawkgirl suggested.
"Nope, that's not even near the power levels I'm reading."
"Another galaxy?" Superman asked.
"Think bigger," the Green Lantern said.
"Bigger?" Hawkgirl said to herself, "You mean..." she almost gasped, "...No..."
"That's...impossible..." Superman whispered.
"And that's a lot coming from us freaks of reality," Jon said sarcastically.
Almost on cue, they heard the one thing they didn't expect to hear out in the woods.
The Pinky and the Brain theme song.
"They're laboratory mice. Their genes have been spliced. They're Pinky and the Brain. They're Pink and the Brain..."
"Flash!" Hawkgirl exclaimed when she saw the scarlet speedster emerge out of an odd ripple. That ripple effect made Jon's eyes widen.
"You just..." The Green Lantern was at a loss for words. He'd known that inter-universe teleportation may have been theoretical, but actually seeing it with his eyes was something else entirely.
"I just teleported through universe?" Flash asked with a wide smile, "Yeah, I kinda figured when we ended up near New York. That and Weasel kind of filled me in."
The Flash's statement made everyone turn to the Flash's company.
"These must be Bob and Weasel," Superman said.
"Yup, the one with glasses is Weasel and the one that looks like an expendable minion is Bob," Flash said.
"For a time, I actually was an expendable minion," Bob admitted.
"You're not anymore?" Hawkgirl asked, genuinely surprised, but Bob took no offense. However, no one called her out with her slightly rude comment as the Flash's giant grin only got bigger.
That usually meant he knew something.
"What'd you find out?" Superman asked.
"I am so glad you asked, Superman!" the Flash said almost as though he were about to give a sales pitch, which he may very well could have, "As it turns out, Robin might be in an alternate universe and these guys here," Flash pointed at Bob and Weasel, "are willing to help us look through all those hives full of scum and villainy."
Only Weasel got the Star Wars reference.
Superman, Hawkgirl and the Green Lantern gave the other trio inquisitive looks.
"Okay, maybe I should explain what happened," Flash said. He cleared his throat and prepared to regale his tale.
Weasel and Bob had realized that running away probably wasn't the best idea, and decided that it was best to make Weasel talk to the Flash.
Or at least Bob decided that when he pushed Weasel forward.
Weasel leered at him before turning to meet the Flash's gaze, "Who...who are you?"
"I'm the fastest man alive," the Flash said, gloating, "I'm the Flash." He beamed.
"Catchy name," Bob admitted.
"Darn skippy," Flash responded.
"You don't actually talk like that, do you?" Weasel asked.
"No, it was one my phrase of the day calendar- just graduated from word of the day- and I had to incorporate it into one of my conversations somehow. Seemed as good a time as any," Flash shrugged as Weasel and Bob couldn't help but shake their heads and agree.
"Sooooooo," Flash leaned forward playfully, "Am I to assume that you guys're Weasel and Bob?"
"It seems like you're already assuming as much," Weasel retorted.
"Well, you did kind of give yourselves away by running away after having said Deadpool's name, being found in the middle of the forest, and more or less fitting the description I was given to work with."
"Of course," Weasel said exasperatedly, he'd forgotten that unlike most times he was on a crazy mission with Wade, people had actually seen him.
"If it makes you feel any better, you're not quite as lanky as they said you were," Flash said, turning on his communicator.
Or at least he tried to.
He took the little communicator off of his ear and inspected it; the light on the communicator wasn't on. It was neither red nor green, which meant that it was off. He pressed the button again and nothing happened.
"Weird," Flash said as he examined his communicator further.
"Technology troubles?" Weasel asked as he gestured toward the laptop with a black screen that was resting next to the rock Bob had decided to use as a seat.
"Yeah, my communicator's not working..." Flash trailed off as he jiggled the communicator a bit; he didn't think it would help but he was trying anything...
"Wanna let me take a look at it?" Weasel asked.
"Nah," Flash said, giving up on fixing the communicator, "The way I figure it, communicator or not, I'll still be able to take you guys back to the Tower."
Weasel sighed, he'd been afraid of this.
Bob rested his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees, "I didn't mind that place as much as Deathstroke's...at least they were nice...ish. We are still technically, in a way, evil...so to speak...you know?" Bob said in a tone that almost made the Flash think he was regretting his life of crime, or at the very least regretting embarking on this journey.
"Wait, who's Deathstroke?" Flash asked.
"The guy who hired us-well, technically Deadpool, to kidnap Robin and kill the Titans..." Weasel's eyes widened, "You know, now that I think about it...I would rather be under the protective custody of a bunch of superheroes...at least you guys won't just let us get killed for not finishing our job...not that it's really worth the trouble anymore," Weasel stretched and sighed. He really was tired. He and Bob had just spent a couple of hours looking and then waiting for Deadpool, and that wasn't even mentioning the harrowing escape they pulled, the jailbreak they also committed, and a lot of other things that would make someone extra sleepy.
"So...you guys aren't really going to kill the Titans?" Flash asked.
"Well, to be honest, killing's not our part, we're more like..." Weasel searched for the right word.
"Backup?" Bob asked.
"No, backup would do some killing too...we're more like...the information center you know? We find out all the details so Deadpool can go in there are get the money," Weasel said.
"And then we go to Katz's Deli..." Bob said dreamily, it'd been a long time since he'd had a meat sub with everything on it...and boy that sounded tempting...
"Oh..." Flash said, not all that surprised but not expecting their lack of enthusiasm, "Have you guys even killed anyone before?"
"Uh..." Weasel sifted through his memories, "Define 'kill.' Do World of Warcaft characters count?"
"No," Flash responded.
"Yeah...no," Weasel replied.
Flash turned to Bob, "Hey, I was trained to run away from battles, not fight in them," Bob held up his hands in innocence.
"Huh, no blood on your hands? I was half expecting some cold hearted...weasel, to be perfectly honest," Flash replied, "I mean, no offense, but it seems almost impossible that you two- again, no offense- could've ever escaped from the Tower's containment."
"Oh, none taken," Weasel replied. He and Bob too had been incredibly stunned that they pulled off the feat as well as the jailbreak and...well, not dying so far.
"We were just as surprised as you are when we got out," Bob said.
"Hmm," Flash inspected both of them, he didn't think they were lying and he almost completely believed them, save for one fatal flaw, they still helped all this happen. However, this definitely put things in a new light, "Well, this is all kind of...uh, weird, really, you know with the whole 'Guys I'm looking for suddenly appear out of nowhere and my communicator goes offline just like their laptop did and aren't really as bad as I thought they would be.'"
Flash inhaled, "It's really...kind of unnerving, so let's get back to the tower already, 'kay?"
"So long as we're not killed," Bob demanded.
"Uh...then Weasel," Flash started, "you might wanna stay away from Cyborg."
"Oh, I know," Weasel sighed and the three turned around to walk towards Jump but the Flash stopped.
"Huh," he said, stroking his chin, "I swore that the outline of Jump was right there...now it's gone."
"Maybe the trees covered it up," Bob said.
"Maybe..." Flash trailed off as he turned around and noticed that the faintest outline of skyscrapers was right there, opposite to where he had come from, "That's weird."
He began walked towards it and started to hear highway sounds, "Huh, must've gotten disoriented or something."
Weasel and Bob followed him and noticed something on a tree; an arrow was carved into it and pointing to the tree next to it.
"Odd," Bob said and inspected the tree it was pointing to.
"Not really," Weasel said as he pointed to little markings lower on the tree with the arrow, "Look," he pointed at Ddpl wuz hear.
"Deadpool was here?" Bob asked incredulously.
"Well, it is his handwriting," Weasel said, Wade really did write as though he was always carving on trees, and his grammar really was that horrible.
"Hey, um, guys?" Flash called the two of them to come towards him, "Uh...where's this?"
He pointed at the outline of a giant city that was glistening and swaying in the sun. Of course, that was just the windows and metal refracting the light from the sun. The swaying was caused by all the car emissions that then caused a green house gas.
(People were dying of the heat!!)
Deadpool had just finished beating the ever loving crap out of the two mobsters and held out an ear to know whether or not the other two on the other side of the building were still there.
He didn't hear any bullets being fired so he figured that they had run away, which was good because he didn't really feel like beating up more people.
He felt like eating the last four doughnuts.
Deadpool slowly walked his way across the street before cops arrived when he heard bullets flying, he groaned.
"Don't you guys have a life or something?!" he screamed and decided to keep his weapons in their places, not wanting to waste his bullets or his blades on them.
He walked over to the thugs, dodging all the bullets without really trying and even when they did hit him, he made sure that it was in a very trivial spot that wouldn't have slowed him down and would heal in a matter of seconds. He tried to look as intimidating as possible and with the way he was walking towards them without stopping; he kind of looked like the Terminator to them.
When all the mobster's bullets ran out they grew desperate and just threw their guns at him, which he also dodged effortlessly. They turned around and ran but didn't get very far before getting their butts handed to them with karate moves that rivaled those of...
No, not Chuck Norris...more like the Power Rangers!
And they were not dished out by Deadpool.
Wade's eyes widened when he saw the mobster's attacker, as did the attacker's eyes when he attacker saw Deadpool.
Yes, dammit he! HE!
No, not that he!
"Okay," Deadpool said, "I have to admit, I did kind of see this coming."
"That's New York!" Weasel exclaimed.
The Flash's jaw dropped, "Come again?"
"It's New York!" Bob shouted and he and Weasel were about to run forward and hitchhike back before they remembered that the Flash was the FASTEST MAN ALIVE.
Or so his nonexistent business cards claimed.
"How the hell's that possible?" Flash asked in amazement, "Jump is on the west coast!"
At that reminder, Weasel stopped gleefully jumping, "Oh yeah..."
"Oh yeah what?" Flash asked.
"Well, I kind of don't know, to be honest. All I know is that whatever universe Jump is in is not our universe," he pointed to himself and Bob.
The Flash gave him a skeptic look, one that would soon become his permanent look if he didn't change his expression soon, "You guys are from an alternate universe? How the hell'd you manage that?"
"We don't know," Bob answered.
"As it turns out there's something weird about the forest or...something..." Weasel snapped his fingers together as he figured out the answer, "That's why my laptop and your communicator stopped working! If we did teleport between universes or something then we must've teleported in one molecule or atom or subatomic particle at a time, like in Star Trek!" Weasel postulated.
"And unlike organic objects, electronics that are turned on might not work because they might've been jumbled up on the ride over the next universe." He continued, "That and because organic life rules over electronics any day." Weasel said haughtily.
"What about the Transformers?" Bob asked.
"Oh, they're not real." Weasel brushed off Bob's reply.
If the Flash's mind didn't work so fast then it would've probably hurt a lot more than it did, but that wasn't because he didn't understand Weasel's answer, it's just that it took some time to get rid of the headache after having traveled between universes.
"Alright..." Flash said as he rubbed his temples to ready himself for another trip through universes, "Seeing as how there's no evidence contradicting your statement, I'll just accept it. Now," he continued and looked them both in the eye, "How do we know that it's a portal between just our two universes?"
"Deadpool." Bob and Weasel answered.
"Uh-huh," Flash crossed his arms, "A legitimate answer, please."
"Deadpool." They insisted and Weasel pointed toward the tree with the arrow on it.
"It says Deadpool was here," Weasel said.
"It even has the date," Bob added and pointed even lower on the tree's trunk, "It's dated from one day ago."
"It was a day ago that we got separated, he must've followed Petey here," Weasel said.
Flash was clearly out of his element, given that he'd never seen Deadpool, let alone have been friends with him like these two, so he just accepted it, "Alright, so it's a portal between our two universes. That must mean that if we go back it'll be my universe again- and who the hell's Petey?"
Weasel mentally slapped himself, "Ugh, sorry, it's a nickname Deadpool gave Robin, you know, 'cause he sort of looks like Peter Pan."
"Robin?" Flash asked incredulously, "He's where?"
"He might be in New York-" Weasel corrected himself, "uh, our New York."
"Oh...crap," Flash said, "How different is it from my New York?"
"We don't know," Bob shrugged, "We've never been to your New York."
"Man..." Flash said, "Do you know where he might be?"
The two of them shook their heads but Weasel spoke up, "Actually, Deadpool might know, that's why he went after him. He realized that there was something wrong with him after...we...kind of...delivered him...to Deathstroke...BUT Deadpool is trying to save him and get him back to normal!!" Weasel said to try and make them seem less like villains.
Even though they kind of were.
The Flash looked at him and believed him; he always saw the best in people. "If we were, let's say, trying to find Robin too...do you think that if we helped you find Deadpool, he would help us find Robin?"
"Well, Bob and I would be glad to help. As for Deadpool...he really did wanna save him," Weasel nodded, "I'm pretty sure he'd like all the help he can get."
The Flash thought about that for a moment.
"Well..." he said slowly, "Let's see if my teammates are willing to help the man who kidnapped him in the first place, save him." The Flash gave them a dazzling smile that said 'don't worry, they will...maybe.'
However, the smile quickly went away when he said, "And Robin does not look like Peter Pan!"
"To us he does," Weasel shrugged.
"Look, I don't know what kind of messed up version of Peter Pan Walt Disney made in your universe but Peter Pan doesn't have black hair that's all spiky or a red tunic. He had ginger hair, a green cap, and a green shirt!" Flash argued over the most meaningless of all things, but he had to protect Robin's honor, after all.
"That's how it was in our universe too," Weasel said, "It's just that Robin kind of resembled him...more or less because of the green tights."
The Flash crossed his arms and pouted, "Okay, I'll give you that, he did kind of look like Peter Pan with those tights...especially in his earlier days, he wore these like ankle boots, I can't remember if they were green or not, but yeah...okay, makes sense," He conceded, "But it's still kind of mean!"
They were silent and he looked back at the both of them, "Well...let's go back to Jump!"
Flash ushered both of them away from New York as fast as he was able to, which wasn't all that fast, and they headed towards the portal.
"Hey, did you guys have Pinky and the Brain too?" Bob asked as Weasel picked up his laptop.
"Dude! I loved that show!!" Flash exclaimed and began singing the theme song with Bob and Weasel as they passed through the portal.
"And that's how we got here and I found out that Robin was in an alternate universe New York and that Bob and Weasel are willing to help us find him," Flash said.
"So, they'd be willing to help us find Robin if we help them find Deadpool, the man who kidnapped Robin in the first place, who is also looking for Robin to save him from a change that occurred to him after he was delivered to...who was it who hired them?" Hawkgirl asked in order to take a breath.
"Deathstroke," Weasel answered.
"Right..." Hawkgirl said and she looked toward her teammates.
"When you put it that way of course no one's going to let them help us," Flash insisted, "But they seem very remorseful about what they did and are just trying to meet up with their friend again. I mean...I don't think they're evil. They haven't even killed anyone! World of Warcraft aside, of course."
Hawkgirl and the Green Lantern turned to Superman, who sighed, "Are you certain Robin's in your New York?"
"Well," Weasel said, "We don't know for sure but we traced Deadpool's signal and that last time it went off he was here and since it hasn't made any new ones, I can safely assume that his tracer was fried when he went through universes."
"Well," Superman started, "Seeing as how we don't know how different your universe is from ours..."
"And that they seem relatively harmless," Flash added.
"And that...I'll see what I can do to convince the rest of us to allow you two to come with us," Superman finished.
Weasel and Bob let out relieved sighs.
Wonder Woman and Starfire touched down near them and also gave out a relieved sigh.
"Wonder Woman?" Superman asked.
"J'onn said your comm devices were sending out sporadic signals that wouldn't have allowed for communication and...I got worried," she replied.
She and Starfire finally noticed the two men standing near the Flash.
"Bob and Weasel," Starfire said angrily. She still hadn't forgiven them for having helped kidnap her best friend.
The two of them slowly slunk back behind the Flash.
"Okay," Hawkgirl said to break the silence, "They're the ones who escaped from containment in the Tower? Really?" she asked in disbelief.
*the DeadCorner theme song plays, which sounds an awful lot like the old Batman theme only Batman is replaced by Deadpool in both the words and the opening sequence and yes, Burt Ward is still there*
Deadpool: Welcome! This is the DeadCorner, and I'm your host, the merc with the mouth, Deadpool! Then there's these guys.
*the camera pans to reveal Weasel and Bob*
Deadpool: Today's topic is Coco the Loco. Or, as he's more popularly known as, Conan O'Brien, former host of both the Tonight Show and Late Night. Both shows were on NBC.
Weasel: *stiffly* This past Friday marked Conan's last day as the Tonight Show host and ended almost twenty years of service for NBC. Jay Leno is scheduled to take back his spot, according to rumors, and people find this just plain retarded. Especially the bias writer of this fanfic.
Deadpool: Bias fanfics rule!!
Bob: O'Brien ended his last show with over 7 million people watching, completely devastating Letterman who had only about 2 million people watching. This also beat the crap out of Jimmy Kimmel who received 1 million people or less, because he isn't really that funny. Pretty much only Sarah Silverman and even then, she's kind of a crude stretch. Her blue streaks know no bounds.
Deadpool: Yeah, anyway. This is stupid! Why, you ask? Conan had the Tonight Show for only seven months! SEVEN MONTHS! In those months his ratings got steadily lower, but shot up by like five hundred percent when it was announced that he was leaving the Tonight Show almost immediately after NBC announced its plan of moving the Tonight Show to midnight, as opposed to its usual time of eleven thirty. He said that its because it's tradition to have the Tonight Show on at that same time slot that it's always had, that it's like suddenly changing my costume colors to pink and purple!! AND they're bringing back Conan' predecessor, Jay Leno, who, let's face it, isn't that funny...but is still a helluva lot funnier than Letterman. Which is something to say. Jay seems like the bad guy in all this. And although he isn't, he sure as frigging hell ain't the funny one! This is what really angers me to the point. Conan didn't even have a chance to be funny! And they had the news on right before him! No one wants to watch the news before they watch Coco! They should've just moved the news with Jay and then maybe Coco's ratings would go up or something! It just seems stupid and-
Weasel: Uh, we're running out of room, Wade.
Deadpool: *presses the button that should shock Weasel* Damn! It fizzled out!
Bob: No, actually, the electricity's been cut off. Remember? It's our last day.
Deadpool: What?! Already!? *jumps up in panic* Quick! Steal what you can before the fanfic ends!!! *grabs a bunch of stuff including chairs, the buffet table, and the camera and runs out with Weasel and Bob* It's been fun while it lasted! Art imitates life and whatnot! Good night folks! I wish I could also do a guitar solo like Coco!!! *runs off with his loot*