A/N: Okay, second addition to the LaviYu day for me! This time it's more of a friendship-ish fic. I had planned it to be romance at first, but apparently this baby didn't quite agree with that. You can see it as you wish, but it is supposed to me more friendship. But there are hints, hehe.
This doesn't really have any sort of plot like my first one had. This is more of a drabble where I wrote up what came to mind and tried to experiment and explore their relationship a bit. I'm very pleased with how it came out, but I totally forced out the last part so it may seem awkward...
Title: Let's Keep it Balanced.
Summary: Lavi knows that getting close to people is forbidden for a Bookman, but he couldn't help but somehow becoming very close friends with Kanda Yu. They share a special bond, and he appriciates it more than anything. Friendship fic. Oneshot drabble. Slighy LaviKanda/LaviYu if you squint? Only if you want.
Pairing: Intentionally, none. LaviYu/LaviKanda if you want? Yes.
Rating: K+ (I think? There's blood, but nothing worse.)
Warnings: Blood, violent Kanda, Kanda's foul mouth, Kanda and Lavi holding hands, sorta (Gasp!). Some friendshippy fluff? Lavi being a cold asshole. Sounds about it.
I do not own DGM or its characters. It belongs to the wonderful soul of Hoshino Katsura who is epic simply for creating this wonderful universe and its characters that we can play around in.
Some of the scenes come from me and Morphine Dementia's roleplay on Naruto Forums, so some of Kanda's awesome actions and lines are all thanks to her, so some of the awesomeness (no, I'm totally not bragging) in this fic goes to her. :3
Written in WordPad, so there can be spelling mistakes and stuff, but I read it through a couple of times so there hopefully isn't.
Let's Keep it Balanced
The cool air of summer nights was something especially soothing. It was almost as if it cleansed your soul and made you feel fresh and free of worries. It sort of had the same effect as meditating, but it was much quicker. The winter nights' air could be soothing in its own, but there was just something particularly special about the summer nights.
Or so Lavi thought, at least. He wasn't sure if it was the same for other people - people like Kanda for example. Though, Kanda did have a knack for calming activities like meditating and such. He seemed much calmer and pleasant when they sat on the rooftop of the Black Order's tower, so he probably did enjoy it. It was a bit interesting, really, how much his mood could differ. One moment he could be pissed off, but if you knew how to talk to him you could calm him down a bit in the next moment. If you wanted to, at least. Lavi enjoyed annoying Kanda every now and then after all, but he still enjoyed the times when Kanda was... normal. He may not say much, but he did occasionally listen. Or so it seemed, anyway.
If there was anyone Lavi felt he could talk to and trust to keep it between just them it was Kanda. Allen was a good friend, of course, but anything said he could always end up using against whoever said it, which wasn't pleasant. Lenalee was very reliable too, but she often wanted to get into more details and if it was a bad thing she would get so worried it made Lavi uncomfortable. But Kanda just listened and possibly said a few what probably seemed like a stupid and dry comments... But Lavi knew that most often it had a sort of hidden meaning behind it that could give you guidance if you just bothered looking for it, because Kanda did after all care, even if he didn't like admitting it.
So Kanda was actually one of the people that Lavi came to with his deepest troubles. Not the troubles that were connected to his Bookman duties, no, those were secret, but other things. Like his worries about the war and his fears. Even though he would like to just spill everything about his struggles with his growing feelings towards those he cherished in the Order and his inner battles, he couldn't because then he would have to tell Kanda everything. And if Kanda knew everything Lavi feared he wouldn't want anything to do with him. It wouldn't surprise him.
There was always Bookman, but Bookman was Bookman...
"You're thinking too loudly," came a dark and bitter voice, interrupting Lavi's pondering.
Which the redhead was actually grateful for, because it was ruining the happy mood he had at first. He glanced at the direction of the voice and met Kanda's shaded glare, lips forming into a wide smile.
"Can you think too loudly?" he asked amusingly.
Kanda snorted. "Of course you can," he said and rolled his eyes. "When it's completely quiet and someone's trying to get some peace, you can. I can hearyour frustration growing."
Lavi sweatdropped. Well, you could see it like that... "But it's not completely quiet," he stated and blinked. "The wind is blowing."
"You can't hear it, moron," Kanda said and shook his head. "You just think you can."
Lavi frowned lightly. Well... Now that Kanda said that, he couldn't. He could only feel it. He smiled faintly and snickered silently before turning his gaze forward, looking at the few stars on the sky. The sun was never down enough for many stars to be seen, which was one thing that made the winter nights a bit better in their own way.
"Guess you're right," he said and scratched the back of his head. "Maybe I just pay too much attention."
"You do," the Japanese deadpanned. "That's what I don't get with you Bookmen. You keep talking about always paying attention and register everything so that you can write it down in your records. No wonder you're stressed. Sometimes you need to just stop thinking."
Lavi glanced at him, eyebrows slightly raised. It wasn't the first time Kanda said something wise, but he didn't do it often and it was always a bit of a surprise. Well, maybe Lavi did need to just stop thinking sometimes. But...
"Well, I don' really know how you do that," Lavi said and smiled sheepishly, scratching his neck. "I've always been taught to take everythin' in and think about it, y'know. I've never actually not been thinkin'. As far as I remember, at least."
"It's simple," Kanda said dryly. He then glanced at Lavi, who was probably wearing a confused expression, and sighed. "Close your eyes." Lavi did so. "Think about something that calms you down."
"But didn't you say--"
"Just do it." Lavi didn't quite understand what that had to do with everything, but just shook his head slightly and frowned a bit as he tried to think of something that calmed him down. Well... he was in a place that calmed him down right now, right? Guess he just had to think about that.
"You're thinking too loudly again," Kanda stated. "Don't think, just do." He paused for a while, until Lavi felt that he was beginning to relax. "Once you think of nothing else but that calming thought, you start emptying your mind."
Then he didn't say anything more. Lavi tried to do just that, but he wasn't all that succesfull. His mind never did become empty and feel like that void that he had expected and that he was sure Kanda had said something about sometime, but he didn't think about unnecassary things and did feel a lot better once he decided to give up and open his eyes again.
"I don't think I can manage just yet," he said, surprised at how relaxed his tone was.
"Che," Kanda replied. "I guess that's all I can expect from an idiot. Lenalee learned quickly."
"But she's Lenalee," Lavi stated, and the samurai didn't object.
The redhead smiled and reached his hand across the space between them, putting it down on Kanda's. Kanda tensed slightly and frowned, glancing at Lavi with dark eyes, but didn't say anything.
"Yu, you're a good person, y'know," Lavi said brightly and smiled widely
The Japanese huffed, moved his hand from under Lavi's and whacked the latter lightly over the head. "Don't say stupid things," he grumbled.
Lavi snickered and rubbed his head. "I'm serious," he insisted.
Kanda huffed again but didn't reply.
. . .
It was lunch time and the cafeteria was bustling with life. Chattering and laughing hovered in the air as always. It was almost a wonder your ears didn't die. Or something. They couldn't exactly die, but that wasn't really the point.
Lavi wasn't sure whether or not he liked that, though. He did like when things were lively and joyful, but it was hard when there were so many people around because he would automatically try to make out what was said and done everywhere. And that was just very exhausting. But it would be very out of character for him not to come there during the rush hours to socialize.
And sitting in the farthest corner at the only empty table was, of course, Kanda. Lavi didn't really feel like socializing much with other people right now, but Kanda didn't talk too much so that would be rather pleasant. Of course, not many stayed awake when he talked... Well, annoying Kanda was fun either way. Even if it was an act, it was something he had come to enjoy. Mostly because it meant just spending time with the Japanese, and he did have an image to keep up while in the Order. So he zig-zagged his way through the sea of tables and people and flopped down on a seat opposite of Kanda.
"Heeeyyy, Yu-chan~~" Lavi greeted him happily.
He sweatdropped as he recieved a very dark glare for a reply. Kanda had to be especially moody to give him that look... "Don't call me that."
Lavi waved his hand through the air. "Oh, come on now, you rarely ever mind anymore," he said and grinned. "What's wrong today? You seem moody. I mean, more moody than usual."
Kanda growled silently, his glare growing even darker. How was that possible? "Do you have anything important to say?" he asked silently.
"Hm? No, not really, but--"
"Then go, I don't want to listen to your crap."
Lavi sighed and shook his head. "Really, Yu, you need to lighten up a bit," he said tiredly. "Maybe you're stressed? Maybe you should empty your mind." He snickered and ducked under a punch aimed at his face. "Hey, hey, eeasy there!"
"Che," Kanda grumbled and continued eating.
"But in all seriousness, you seem tense," Lavi said and scratched his head. "You're always a bit irritated, but not this much. Do ya wanna talk 'bout it? Ya know you can trust me. I'm always the one talking, maybe you need to talk too every now and then."
"No, I don't, I'm perfectly fine," Kanda forced out slowly, clearly surpressing his anger the best he could, because he knew that Lavi the persona enjoyed seeing him pissed off.
Junior Bookman just enjoyed talking to him though, mostly. "Yuuuu," he said and sighed hopelessly. "Always so stubborn." He peered down at the bowl of soba in front of Kanda, seeing that it was almost full - he hadn't eaten much either? "Hey, are ya gonn' eat that? Not that I want it or anything, just wonderin'. I don' really understand how you can eat that thing, it tastes awful. But I guess, bitter person, bitter taste." He hummed happily.
He had apparently gone too far, though, as Kanda suddenly stood up and looked at him with such a devilish look that he actually started feeling honestly scared. Mostly it was a "Lavi" thing, but that was seriously creepy.
He didn't really get the time to properly finish that sentence as Kanda suddenly shoved the chopsticks with some noodles and sauce he hadn't yet eaten into his mouth. The bitterness and the hotness of it was so much it was as if it was burning his mouth and he coughed, pulling out the chopsticks rapidly.
"How's that for bitter?" Kanda asked contentedly with an angry undertone to his voice before he stormed out of the cafeteria.
. . .
Lavi knew that his trust for Kanda wasn't unanswered. Kanda trusted him too, in his own little way. As much as he may not show it, their relationship had a sort of respect between them that didn't need to be spoken or shown in a very obvious way. Lavi also knew that many other people didn't really feel any respect or trust towards him. It was how it was supposed to be, though, as his persona was the kind to be taken lightly. Still, he couldn't help but feel like he and Kanda shared a sort of special bond. He wasn't sure exactly what it was, but it was something stronger than just friends but still not yet quite on the scale of romance or whatever either. But then, that trust and respect was probably a bit because Lavi had shown Kanda more of his true side than he had to anyone else. Not the full truth, but it was enough. Lavi the Bookman wasn't as stupid as he was supposed to make himself seem every now and then.
Lenalee was probably a bit like that too, since they had known each other for a long time. No, Lenalee didn't think he was stupid or anything, and she could trust him in battle; they made a good team on the field. But when it came to the usual things, like daily problems and worries and things like that, she never came to him to talk or to get advice.
And he hadn't really known Allen enough for a certain trusting bond to form. Allen saw him somewhat as a childish, lazy brat and although they were close and Lavi did enjoy being around him, he wasn't sure just how deep their relationship would go. Allen usually didn't talk about his feelings much at all, and he had actually talked more to Lavi about them than he had to anyone else, but Lavi had a feeling that had more to do with the fact that he wasn't the kind to get overly worried as some of the others were, like Lenalee for example. Lavi actually hadn't gotten a grasp of just what kind of relationship they shared yet, but he knew there wasn't really any deep kind of trust in there.
Lavi was a bit outside the others in the Order. One of the few he had gotten very close to was Doug, but that hadn't turned out all that good, had it? Doug had been one of the first to really see through him. But Lavi had realized quite a long time ago that he didn't really belong with the others, he was just different. Even if he began feel more and more like Lavi the persona, there was always something that kept him seperated from the others. Which was probably a good thing, really, since he was a Bookman, but he was so close to them in a strange way now that it was beginning to sadden him.
But he felt close to Kanda. He felt as if there was just something that made them somewhat alike; maybe that was why he had showed Kanda more of who he truly was than he had showed others. They had been drawn towards each other in a way. He knew there were things Kanda didn't tell him, and there were things he didn't tell Kanda and he had a feeling Kanda knew that, and for some reason that made their relationship somewhat strong. Because even if they kept things from each other, they could share things too, so it was as if they had come to a silent understanding towards each other. It had taken a long time for that to form, at least a year and a half, but it had formed, and Lavi appriciated it more than anything else. He shouldn't, but he did.
"Don't start spacing out now you idiot!" Kanda yelled and he felt a sharp pain on his head as he was whacked with Mugen's handle.
"Hey, ow!" Lavi cried and rubbed his head before swinging the head of his hammer at an incoming Akuma bullet. "Sheesh, was that necessary?!"
"Yes, it was," Kanda said dryly as he sent off some Hell Insects towards the horde of machines hovering in the sky. "Now stop whining and help me get up there."
"I wasn't whining," Lavi protested and pouted, raising his hammer over his head. "Right right, get on."
Kanda rolled his eyes and jumped onto Tettsei's head. Lavi sent him flying towards the Akuma in the sky before sending a fire snake to accompany him, in which fashion they continued for a while. Lavi was amazed at how many of those weapons there actually was, but thankfully it was just a couple of level 2's and the rest were just the easy level 1's, no big deal. They didn't seem very set on coming down, though, and Kanda commented on how they were such cowards when the numbers were beginning to lessen and he and Lavi were getting tired.
When every Akuma had been eliminated, Lavi sank down to the ground and wiped his forehead, breathing heavily to catch his breath. Kanda sat down next to him while wiping the fringe out of his face, his breath strangely calm. He had a few wounds, Lavi noted, but it was nothing worse than that and they would disappear soon. Lavi hadn't been as lucky, though. as a short sword-like thing thrown by a level two had caught him off-guard and made a deep gash in his shoulder.
"Baka usagi," Kanda muttered, somewhat softly, as Lavi pressed his hand to the wound. "You just can't stay out of trouble, can you?"
Lavi tried to smile, though it turned out into more of a grimace, and laughed breathlessly, his forehead slightly furrowed in pain. It wasn't something he was unable to take, however, so he would be fine.
"Worried about me?" he asked amusingly.
"Che," Kanda replied. "You brought some bandages with you, right?"
. . .
Lavi twisted uncomfortably in his seat and pulled a bit at the bandages on his shoulder, holding the fork with his other hand. He and Kanda were currently in the train's dining car, having a, if you asked him, very deserved meal. They hadn't gotten a chance to eat before that after the Akuma battle. Not that Kanda usually ate much out on missions, something Lavi had pointed out was a very bad idea. So now he had made the samurai come with him there to get something, and it wasn't the first time he did that.
Anyway, the bandage was uncomfortable. "I don't like bandages," he complained as he stuffed his mouth full of food, watching as Kanda glared at his plate. "Err... Is something wrong, Yu?" No answer. "Is it the same as before? Have you already forgotten--"
Kanda gave him a withering glare. "I don't need your help," he hissed and picked up the cutlery rather clumsily.
"That's what you said last time, but it helped a lot. Yeah?" Lavi asked and snickered. "But if you say so."
He hummed softly and continued eating, occasionally glancing at Kanda.
The Japanese seemed to be fairing quite good at first, but as he tried to cut a piece meat, he first lost his hold of the knife, and when he got the piece loose it shot off to the other end of the car. He twitched visibly and tried again, barely managing it this time, and put the meat into his mouth with a bitter expression. Lavi snorted and tried to keep himself from laughing, though the way Kanda looked at him for that surely didn't help.
"Sure you don't want help with that?" he asked after he managed to swallow the snicker.
"Che!" Kanda replied angrily.
Lavi sighed. "You cut meat like this," he said and reached over, taking the knife and fork from Kanda's hands.
The black-haired Exorcist glared at him but surprisingly didn't object any further as he skillfully cut off a piece of the meat. "You have to use a special technique for it, ya see," he said as he sat back down. "And make sure that you hold them right." He paused as Kanda gave him a glare that clearly told him that he should shut up if he wanted to keep his body whole and picked up the cutlery again.
Though he didn't quite hold them right. But since Lavi wasn't allowed to talk anymore, he grabbed Kanda's hands instead and fixed it. He beamed at Kanda's enraged expression and continued eating as if his health wasn't in danger.
. . .
Kanda had a rather big tolerance for Lavi's antics, many people knew that. As much as Kanda would threathen him with stabbing and decapitating and castrating and lots of stuff like that he would never do any dangerous bodily harm to him. He knew he got away with a lot, and that was a good thing because he would probably spend a lot of time in the infirmary if he didn't. He wasn't sure what the reason was, maybe because Kanda enjoyed his company every now and then, or maybe he just couldn't find it in him to do too much damage.
And then there was also the fact that Kanda actually knew that Lavi had his moments. He didn't really bother the Japanese as much as some people tended to think or were supposed to think. It was just that most often when he did just that they were in the Cafeteria or the hallways, were people could see it. Their more "deep" interractions most often happened when it was just them, or occasionally when only Allen and Lenalee were near. Lavi wasn't sure what it was that made it like that, but he guessed it had to do with his persona showing more amongst those he wasn't too close to.
Lavi did still enjoy messing with Kanda even if they were alone, because it was amusing. Plus he thought that Kanda maybe didn't really have anything against it.
"Oh, come on, you know I'm just messin' with ya," Lavi said and put an arm around Kanda's shoulder, pulling him closer.
"Tch. Don't touch me," Kanda muttered and moved away from the redhead, twitching slightly and folding his arms across his chest. "You're an idiot."
"That's harsh, Yu," Lavi said sadly and hung his head.
Kanda simply rolled his eyes.
. . .
Mock fights were usual between them. It could sort of be called a way for them to let out some steam and keep their relationship fairly stable. Kanda would often blow up on Lavi and chase him around the whole Headquarters, for example. It was nothing serious at all, but it helped Kanda to keep calm against others most of the times. And thanks to that, they very rarely had a real fight. But it happened, and those were bad.
And it most often started with Lavi being a complete asshole... In all seriousness, he was an asshole, because he was still a Bookman and occasionally he would just forget about the quite important thing, for others at least, called feelings.
Like that time before Allen joined the Order and Lenalee had come back from a mission who had saddened her a lot, and as Komui was away on an important meeting at the Vatican at that time, she had come to Kanda and Lavi with the story. One of the Finders had died, and she blamed herself for being too slow to save him. Lavi thought it was strange and naive of her to not have gotten used to Finders dying, because that happened often, so he had decided to tell her something along those lines.
. . .
"Why does it bother you so much?" he asked and frowned. "It was just a Finder, they die all the time, and you know that. By now you should be used to that. How long have you been an Exorcist? For years! And besides, you didn't even know the guy that much. Why should you've tried to keep him alive? I mean, he's just ink on paper."
Lenalee flinched and he recieved the greatest glare he had ever seen from Kanda. He raised an eyebrow questioningly.
The next moment Lenalee had slapped him square across the cheek.
"How dare you say something like that about our comrades?!" she yelled at him, her eyes slowly filling with tears. "They support us and they deserve to be protected for how brave they are, doing this! And you tell me that I shouldn't care about them?!"
Then she stormed off as he rubbed his cheek, frowning as he watched her leave. And then Kanda lashed out at him. The Japanese grabbed him by the scarf and slammed him violently into the wall, causing him to momentarily loose his breath.
"Are you really that much of an idiot?!" he asked angrily. "Telling Lenalee such a thing when you know how much she cares about everyone! You can't possibly be that fucking cold!"
Lavi frowned. "She's naive," he said bitterly. "She'll go under eventually if she keeps thinking like that, I'm trying to help her. Besides, you agree with me, don't you?"
Kanda sneered. "That's not the point!" he growled and threw Lavi to the floor, hard. "And don't you dare say such things about Lenalee! She is who she is and there's no way you'll be able to change that! She's stronger than YOU are!"
Lavi coughed and was just about to get off the floor when he felt cold metal against his throat. He froze and looked up at Kanda's enraged face.
"She'll suffer constantly if she keeps thinking that way!" he said and tried to push Mugen away, but just recieved a deep cut in his wrist instead. He flinched and gripped the wound, frowning deeply. "Are you just going to let this happen? She needs to get the mind of a soldier... This is WAR, Yu!"
"And she's fifteen!" Kanda countered, pressing the tip of the sword's blade at the redhead's throat. "Fifteen! If thinking that she'll protect everyone if she can will help her get through this war, let her think that way!"
"I've seen people younger than her fighting in a war," Lavi grumbled. "And those people at least didn't have any false hope that they would be able to save everyone. Age doesn't matter."
Kanda twitched and raised Mugen, his eyes flashing. "YOU BETTER RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE OR I'LL CHOP YOUR SORRY HEAD OFF!" he bellowed at the top of his lungs and Lavi quickly scrambled to his feet, taking off down the hallway.
. . .
Lavi had in the end learned that Lenalee's way of thinking had done nothing aside from helping her. She seemed to get more determined for every day that passed, and Lavi had begun to wonder if he had just been looking at things in the wrong way. Or maybe she could keep going because she had someone so very close to her as her brother was. Either way, she was special.
Lavi had actually ended up in the infirmary that day; Kanda had definitely not intended to let him get off with such a minor injury as a small cut to his wrist (which had been bleeding quite a lot, by the way) after saying such a thing. It had taken the Japanese a long time to completely forgive him for doing that, even if he apologized to lenalee and she forgave him the next day.
They did have their disagreements. Lavi still thought that Lenalee was a bit naive sometimes, and every time Kanda snapped at him with the words that "she's much stronger than you are". And that was probably true.
Still, Lavi felt as if their friendship was stronger than any kind of friendship he had ever had. It could be because this was the first persona he had ever gotten so involved with, but it still meant a lot for him. So after they had a fight like that he would do anything to repay Kanda, because he hated when they fought seriously. And after that particular fight, which was the only one who had actually gotten him into the infirmary for a longer time, he sat the Japanese down - that had been necessary to get him to say anything to him at all - and talked to him for what must have been an hour.
Needless to say Kanda was still pissed and very reluctant to actually listen to any of his explanations, because he didn't think it had been that bad of him to say a thing like that and he told the samurai that. Which surely didn't help him at all, so in the end not much had changed at all.
Their friendship was almost hanging on a thin thread at that point, and it had felt so unstable that eventually he had said something along the lines of:
"Look, I know you're mad at me, but this instability is making me uncomfortable. It feels like you're not sure how to act around me, so can you please decide for something so that this can get some balance?"
Those words made him think of their relationship as a sort of scale. When both of them were mad or frustrated, there wouldn't be any sort of stability, when one of them was mad the other one could somehow try to sort it out, and when they were on good terms the stability could be ruined by a small weight. The small weights weren't a problem however, though the big ones were.
Thinking like that made Lavi laugh, for some reason, because it gave him a funny image of him and Kanda standing on a scale and... well, it was just weird.