Well, this is supposed to be Orophin's diary, in a sorta AU universe. It's a parody, so please don't be offended by any character bashing! Enjoy, R&R
Disclaimer(this is for the entire story, as I don't want to keep typing it): I DO NOT OWN any works or characters of J.R.R Tolkien, nor am I affiliated with them. This is merely a fanmade story for the enjoyment of other fans, and not an accurate representation of his work.
I am one of the most underappreciated elves of all time. I mean, no one ever pays me any attention. Like, this morning, Galadriel was feeling abnormally generous, and decided to give away all of Celeborn's best cloaks. Rumil and Haldir both got one, and even those unimportant elves who don't even have names, and what do I get? Nothing. Not even one of those dinky cloaks Celeborn seems to like so much, with the bells and hearts on them. Not that I would want one of course, even if Galadriel is an Orophin-hater. I'm totally okay with just standing there while Haldir prances around in his pretty pink cloak. He should've stuck with the red, even if it made him look a little chubby.
Speaking of Haldir, he really needs to shave his legs. But I'm not judging, I just figure he wants to get girls, and looking like a hairy ape is not helpful. .I think I may just tell him that! Or maybe he doesn't like girls. But then, he'd probably still need to shave. Once, I asked Legolas what he liked in a man, because everyone knows the state of his love life. He gave me a black eye, then said they would have to be very pretty. That kind of scared me though, because I'm drop dead gorgeous and all that other stuff, but I don't feel that way about clumsy air-heads. (I'm still talking about Legolas)
The funniest thing happened to Rumil yesterday! We were on guard duty, just the two of us, sitting in a boring talan. Well, I told him I was bored and he told me to shut up so I did. But then, a huge flock of birds flew by, and settled up into the tree. Being the idiot he is, Rumil got up and waved his arms around a lot to scare them off. And what did he get? Crap, that's what. No, I literally mean crap: They pooped all over him, but missed me(on purpose I think), and he had to walk home like that. Soooo I have taken to calling him Poopie, and that prompted him to yell the most interesting selection of words at me. I just smiled at him, like the angel I am. Tomorrow I may go tell Celeborn about it, but I won't talk to Galadriel because she's an Orophin-hater. Celeborn feels my pain though, and now we are sorrowful buddies who don't have cloaks.
Right now I would even appreciate one of the dinky ones.