Dear Diary

Haldir caught me wearing his boots today, which is really sad, as I have had them for quite a number of days. He got really mad and said all sorts of interesting things about how I act. I think my comeback was very good, all things considered, since it was so true. "Brother dear, please continue fussing at me once you've shaved your legs and learned not to take a stinky dump every morning." He grew very angry with me and smacked me hard on the butt, right where he'd shot the arrow. Poopie walked in on this, and, having not heard the tale, looked a bit sick. He ran out of the room like a girl!

Speaking of Poopie, later that day, I asked him where one would buy those naughty things my plot required. I didn't tell about my plot, since he's such a tattle tale, but I think he assumed bad things based on the whole Haldir fiasco that morning. What a turd.

Dear Diary

Turns out, if you go into sleazy bars and ask questions, you'd be surprised at what you find! So I've managed to get what I need, and made a new friend! His name is Aníl, and he owns the 'special store'. At least, that's what he called it, but I fail to see anything special about that place. In fact, it was actually sort of gross. Who would want any of those things?

Dear Diary

I am taking deep, non-literal breaths. My super plot is tomorrow. It'll be a~mazing! Anyways, I managed to have my socks returned from Poopie by trading one of the 'special items' for them. Huh. I guess people do like those things. But honestly, I don't understand where it's supposed to go.

In other news, I passed Thranduil on the road this morning and finally called him out on his gassy ways. He farted as he went by, and I knew, I KNEW, that he was about to deflect the blame onto me, as he was especially stinky. So I went "THRANDUIL, I CAN SMELL THE LEMBAS BURRITO YOU ATE!"

Ahaha, I am a genius.