A/N: Alrighty! This series exists purely for the purpose of putting our heroes in strange, more or less funny situations and worlds - I inted to have them visit the Star Wars universe as well as Middle Earth at some point, along with many others. :D The "chapters" are not necessarily related to each other in any way. To sum up the idea, Light and L (and maybe others, I haven't decided yet) will be having strange dreams featuring mostly each other, and occasionally other Death Note characters. In case you're wondering, Mello, Matt and Near will certainly make an appearance, at least. Some chapters will be yaoi, some shounen-ai, and some just friendship. You've been warned. :D
This particular idea popped into my mind in the middle of the night, and that's when it was written as well, so don't expect anything very smart... :'D I really enjoyed writing it, though, crackish as it was. Yes, I ate mushrooms the day I wrote this... XD
Also, this is a birthday present for my dear friend and awesome betareader, Mel! If you like my stories, bow to her, because without her they wouldn't be published at all. :D You rock, girl.
Disclaimer: Duh. It's called fanfiction for a reason. I own nothing but this particular text in the sense that I wrote it.
It started like any other morning.
Light woke up at 5:10 when L crawled into the bed next to him. The detective had stayed up until then, working or doing whatever insomniac detectives do until five in the morning. Snuggling cozily into his blankets and pillows, Light reminded his chainmate that the alarm would go off at 6:30, and then L would be dragged through the shower and the kitchen to the investigation room, whether he felt he was ready to wake up or not.
At 6:45, Light finally decided that since L never allowed him to go to sleep early, Light had no reason to allow him to sleep in, and so he kicked the detective off the bed. This awakened the man immediately, and soon Light was followed into the bathroom by a very sulky young man with a childish pout on his face.
Then things started to get weird.
"Because you slept in, we'll have to shower together," Light nagged as he kicked off his boxers and stepped into the shower corner, making sure to stress the fact that they were late because of L sleeping. It was just too good – and rare – to let it pass unmentioned.
"Yeah, yeah," L murmured groggily, starting to take off his shirt. Light followed the curve of his back with his eyes, watched as the muscles moved under his pearl white skin -
"... Light-kun," L said, suddenly sounding a lot more alert, his shirt halfway up. "I would appear to have a problem."
Light blinked, then rolled his eyes. "Oh come on. Take a cold shower or something. We – I mean, you – have no time to deal with your morning erection." He slapped himself mentally. Yeah, how exactly were 'we' supposed to deal with L's erection anyway?
L hesitated, with his back still turned to Light. "It's... not exactly a morning erection. No, it's more the lack of it. And, hm, the presence of something... else."
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Light stepped forward and turned the other man around. "Well, let me see. It can't be that... bad."
It was. 'That bad' wasn't even close. 'Catastrophic' wasn't much closer. 'Apocalyptic' might have been able to reach the same caliber.
The small, delicate man he held by arms was, for some unfathomable reason, actually a small, delicate woman. L stared at him with his – her! – big dark eyes, a thoroughly confused and even slightly scared look on... her... pale face. She seemed to be unsure whether to hide her small, white breasts with the shirt or stare at them in disbelief. Her pink lips were slightly opened to give form to a question Light could already see in her eyes – 'Is it bad?'
He was grateful L never voiced that particular question.
"I have turned into a girl," L deadpanned.
Light swallowed. "Did you... did you already check...?"
L nodded gravely. "All girl," she confirmed, narrowing her eyes and eying Light's chest suspiciously. It looked very broad now that the detective him... herself had shrunk slightly. "Why is Light-kun still male?"
"What? I don't know," Light defended. "I have no idea what's going on. And wait a minute – are you just going to accept that you're a girl now? I mean, what the hell? What on earth is going on?"
L looked vaguely amused. "I don't see how fretting and denying would change the situation, so rather than running around and screaming in a fit of panic, I'd prefer to find out what has happened and how it can be reversed."
A sudden noise from the floor above told them that someone was doing the running around and screaming in a fit of panic.
"Misa," Light gasped at the same time as L realized, "Amane-san!" and then they were off. Only the strange feeling of cool air brushing gently against her breasts as they ran reminded L to put the shirt back on before they arrived at Misa's door; Light had, luckily, had the sense to grab a towel and wrap it around his hips.
"Amane-san," L called, knocking at the door. "Are you alright?"
"Nooooo!" a decidedly lower voice than they had expected wailed from the other side. They heard more noise – doors banging, vases flying (and crashing) and feet stomping. Then the door was ripped open, and a young, handsome man in a virgin white bathrobe collapsed into L's arms. The detective, who was now slightly smaller, found out very quickly that this new body of hers held considerably less strength than the original one.
"A-Amane-san...?" she gasped, struggling to keep her knees from buckling.
"Hmm?" the wailing blond in his arms seemed to realize that the body he was holding was much more feminine than anyone in this building should have been. "Oh! I'm very sorry!" He untangled himself from the stunned detective's arms and opened his mouth to apologize again, before looking at her face. The young man's jaw dropped. "Ryuzaki...?"
L was eying the blond – well, what apparently was Misa – with wonder as well. "I'm afraid so, Amane-san."
Misa opened his mouth, then closed it again. He stared at L's face, then her upper body – the now too big shirt was slipping from one of her shoulders – and then at her feet, which stayed covered only because she held the jeans up with one hand.
"... Misa?" Light asked lowly, hardly believing that this blue-eyed man could be his self-proclaimed girlfriend. Then again, there was no mistaking that empty-headed expression...
Misa turned, saw Light Yagami wearing nothing but a towel around his hips, and momentarily forgot the grave situation. Letting out a delighted squeal, the man attacked to hug him, bringing them both down onto the floor.
L blinked as he looked at them – Light on his back on the floor, a towel barely covering his groin, with a blond young man wearing a bathrobe nuzzling happily against his cheek. "There is... something very wrong with this picture," she muttered, raising her hand to scratch her head, and then diving to save her jeans from falling after accidentally letting them go. "Ah, Amane-san. I hope you don't mind if I borrow your clothes... Mine are finding it bothersome to stay on me," she said before sneaking into the blond's room.
This can't be happening, Light thought feverishly to himself.
His father, Aizawa, Mogi and Matsuda looked like their thoughts were going along the same lines.
Watari, on the other hand, looked like L had merely asked for a cup of tea instead of appearing in front of them in Misa's clothes, but then again – Watari had probably seen too much in his life with L to actually be surprised anymore, no matter what crossed his path.
L, still chained to Light's wrist, was finding it difficult to sit with her legs down, but was determined to do it nevertheless – after all, Light had just reminded her that Misa's clothes didn't leave much room for imagination already as it was. Misa was sulking on the couch, wearing Light's clothes and crunching on a carrot. L had offered him a lollipop as an apology for refusing to wear Misa's bra, but the blond had scoffed at the sweet and opted for a healthier snack instead. It didn't seem to make him any happier, though.
"You know," L said after her co-workers had spent five minutes of precious work-time staring at her back, "my brains are still the same size, though I am slightly smaller. And if anyone of you dares to even think, let alone say, that women can't be as intelligent as men, I'll have all the feminist organizations in this world attack you. And," she added, "if this condition continues much longer, I'll send you to buy me a bra. And tampons."
The four men shuddered at the thought, and with permanent looks of horror, they snapped their attentions back to work. Like hell they were going to buy tampons for the best damn detective in the world! Light chuckled slightly at them.
"Wait a minute," Chief Yagami said after a while, hesitant to draw the bitchy detective's attention back to himself but feeling like this should be said. "I don't think it's appropriate to have my son chained to a woman..."
L's black eyes turned to the police chief. "No need to worry. I am still capable of defending myself against Light-kun's advances."
The policeman's face flushed, Misa's eyes narrowed and Light reached out to smack his chainmate in the back of her head.
"Oi!" Matsuda cried, pointing at them. "You can't hit a girl, Light-kun!"
"Yes, that was really unnecessary, Light-kun," L muttered, eying Light from behind her lashes with a hurt little pout on her lips. Light blinked at the cunning way she was already utilizing her feminine traits; the rest of the task force gasped out loud at what they thought was open flirting.
"No, no! Cut!" Misa yelled, stumbling onto his feet. "Light is Misa's boyfriend, and Papa Yagami shouldn't doubt his faithfulness to Misa!" He put his hands on his hips and glared at the poor police chief, who could only see a young, flamboyantly gay man calling his son his boyfriend.
"Amane-san, you look really gay," L told him bluntly, abandoning her Misa act and reverting back into the detective mode. "Please sit down. We will find a way to fix this."
"That's right," Light regained his composure and shot a glare at the task force. He was already a Kira suspect; he didn't exactly need anyone believing he might be in an abusive relationship with his captor who was, currently, a girl. ... Oh. A girl indeed. "Ryuzaki, for the ninth time – put your legs down. Please. You're wearing a skirt."
L hastily fixed her position. She had, once again, tried to get comfortable in the chair by sitting in her typical position. A sour look on her face, she put her legs down; everyone turned back to their work – even Misa, who was searching the internet in hopes of finding a way to turn them back.
L got back to work as well, but apparently she couldn't concentrate. She crossed her legs by the ankles for a moment before untangling them again. She crossed them by knees, threw them over one of the armrests, folded them beneath herself, kicked the table, tapped the floor -
"Ryuzaki!" Light exploded, slamming his fists to the table. "Keep – your – legs – down! And together!" Why, why, why was it that the only clothes in this God forsaken building that didn't fall off her were Misa's? Why couldn't Misa have brought at least one pair of pants here? Why just skirts? Why so short skirts?
"I am trying!" L bit back, showing frustration for the first time. "Light-kun has no idea of how hard it is to be a girl!"
"Now that's one thing we agree on," Misa exclaimed.
L looked down at her legs with a deep frown. "I never realized how difficult it is to sit like a woman. I just can't seem to keep my legs together."
Light rolled his eyes. "The name for that is 'a slut'."
Everyone turned to look at him, all with a blank look that asked him to repeat it.
"... I can't believe I just said that," Light muttered, burying his face in his palms. How the hell would he talk himself out of this one?
"I can't either," L said. He sounded slightly hurt. "I was merely trying to wake Light-kun up. I don't understand how that makes me a slut."
Now that sounded odd. Light resurfaced from behind his hands and what was apparently his blanket, and found L's pale face hovering above him.
"... What happened?" Light asked slowly. "Did I black out?"
L looked still a bit hurt. "No. I woke up at 7:30 even though Light-kun had said he'd wake me up at 6:30. Now we are late and, on top of that, when I try to wake you up, you call me a slut. Is that how Light-kun treats his friends?"
Light wasn't listening. He was staring at the chest above him. While L was still talking, he reached out and yanked the detective's white shirt up.
"... What is Light-kun doing?" L asked warily.
"You're flat!" Light exclaimed.
L looked slightly alarmed. "I believe that's exactly how I should – nghh! You know, there are nicer ways to ask someone to move than – Light-kun, what are you – I don't think that's appropriate. Not at all. Light-kun? I really prefer to keep my pants on, so if you don't mind – Light-kun!"
"Yes, Ryuzaki?" Soichiro smiled slightly at the eccentric man, who was standing as far from Light as the chain allowed to talk to him in private. The auburn-haired teenager was happily tapping away on his computer, whistling a rather flippant tune.
"I... believe that your son tried to rape me this morning," Ryuzaki muttered under his breath, glancing at Light from behind his bangs, his hands in his pockets and one foot scratching the other. "He attacked me right after waking up from deep sleep, practically ripped my clothes off, and then got up and danced around our room. Then, when we showered, he kept staring at me with a very strange look on his face. And when I asked if he'd like to meet Amane-san today, he practically screamed that he would never want to see another frilly Gothic dress in his life."
Soichiro, who had started to look very cool after the detective's first statement, was now sporting a rather worried expression. "You know... my son has always liked to go out a lot, even though he never had any really good friends, more like people he knew from school or from clubs. Could it be that he has finally snapped because of being trapped and accused for so long...?"
Ryuzaki nodded hesitantly. "It did cross my mind. I was wondering if you would allow me to take Light-kun to see a psychiatrist..."
Soichiro frowned. His perfect son, going to a psychiatrist? But then again, he only wanted the best of the boy. If that was what he needed, then he'd be a lousy father to deny it. "Fine. But on one condition – you'll have to let him go out at least once a week. For a social athlete such as him it must be terrible to be locked inside for months. And," he continued when Ryuzaki opened his mouth to say that he couldn't allow Light out of his sight, "it wouldn't harm you to go out as well."
"My thoughts exactly," intervened Watari, who had somehow managed to sneak behind them without either of them noticing. "Tea, gentlemen?"
And that sealed the deal, and for once, L wasn't sure whether he had gotten what he wanted out of it.
I know the ending was lame. Damn. XD But I couldn't come up with anything striking, and it was two in the morning... Oh yeah. "I can sit like a girl, I just can't keep my legs together" "The word for that is a slut..." conversation is taken from real life, originally spoken by my two male friends. :'D I disclaim.
Now, please make me happy with comments!