The Journal of Amory Blaine from This Side of Paradise

I have decided to begin a journal to have a way to release my frustrations. My peers and classmates are on a completely different intellectual level as I, and though I pretend to be on the same level as they, clearly I am not. Days ago in history class I showed off, as I did in French class the day before. However unlike in French class, I was in a group my own age, so afterwards, I was immediately ridiculed and scorned. I must remember to act as the same level of the group around myself, or I shall be prone to this quite often.

I also have learned that one receives no recognition at all from one's peers unless one excels at athletics. After I realized this piece of information, I made an effort to excel at some of the winter sporting events. By this I mean skating on the ice every afternoon, and practicing until the day arrives that I will be able to skate with a hockey stick. I shall also have to prepare for the spring and summer sporting events as well.

Now that I have written of my struggles of the past, I shall tell you my current dilemma. I was invited to a bobbing party, that was said on the Thursday of December the seventeenth and I decided to arrive as my mother would suggest. I had it all planned out. I would enter and cross the floor to Mrs. St. Claire and apologize for being so late and pay a complement of which included her daughter. Then I would give her a slight bow and join the rest of the gathering as seen fit. I arrived a half of an hour late, as mother preferred, and to my unknown horror, the party had left! Miss Myra St. Claire, the one who invited me, was said to be still waiting! Oh how dreadful! Thankfully I was informed that there was a chance of arriving to the Minnehaha Club before the rest of the group, so I was aware that I did indeed have a chance to regain my, at present, lost attitude.

Miss Myra and I had a talk in the automobile on the way there and I realized that if I was left unsupervised with her much longer, I would be able to kiss her. When we arrived I was seated in the parlor alone with Myra, and I managed to be able to kiss her. However after I did kiss her, I felt a sense of repulsion, and loathed myself for kissing her in the first place. I also had the odd wish never to see Myra again or kiss a girl ever again. Of course after realizing this, Myra asked for another kiss, and after I refused vehemently, she threatened to tell her mother. Then to make matters worse, her mother walked through the door. I waited for Myra to tell, but she said nothing of the sort. Instead we joined the rest of the party as if nothing had occurred between us. I have yet to see Myra again, and I hope that I do not.

From these experiences I have grown wise. I know now that I must act as my peers would in the same situation. I must also try more in athletics if I wish to be acknowledged, and I must learn how to deal with girls. I hope I do learn how to soon so that I may use my knowledge to my full extent.