AN: It's been forever. Nearly. I'm sorry; from me, it's always a massively long wait. I hope it was a wait people anxiously anticipated…

10 Things You Didn't Know About…

Jayne Deverill!

10) Jayne was allergic to nuts. She was very careful of what she bought, and in the end learnt to hate food she hadn't lovingly prepared for herself, and she grew paranoid that as soon as people learnt, they'd flick nuts into her mouth. Maybe the nut allergy was why she couldn't stand Noah.

9) Chunder. What a perfectly disgusting word. Why people waltzed around using it she could not understand, as it was horrible. Why people waltzed around talking about vomiting, she couldn't understand either. But they did and it was disgusting.

8) Matt was an annoying little bastard. He was rude, ungracious, and from the city. The city! In the city, children ran the streets drinking cider and beer, teenagers did hard drugs with their parents and it was all so messy. But he had a spark about him. And she was so looking forward to dousing it with cold water, watching his life fizzle away from him. Instead, the flesh got fizzled away from her bones. Smug little bastard.

7) Jayne hated medication. She once had a mild case of the flu, and as she was entertaining, took two painkillers and by the time her sister had arrived to help, Jayne was laughing uncontrollably and apparently intent on ruining the occasion. Her sister never let Jayne forget it.

6) She was always the leader of her group at school. Yeah, she and her friends bullied the new kids, taunted the smart kids and mocked the slow kids. It only made sense for her to lead the village to the lead up for the new world. Pity she failed.

5) Jayne's husband had never quite satisfied her. He blamed her, of course. She blamed him, of course. She'd never actually "been satisfied". But when the Old Ones came through the tunnel... she jizzed in her pants.

4) Her mother was obsessed with the Old Ones too. That was where Jayne got it from. They began as a little night time story but Jayne had then been taught about them, taught about the hopeful future and taught about the Five. This was in school too. The whole village was obsessed with hating the Five, but Jayne especially. Seemed like rotten do-gooders.

3) She killed her husband. He was a smart, funny, kind outsider, who she fell in love with. He was too nice to dump her so harshly so for a while he humoured her, then she bewitched him. He was incredible, though.

2) She didn't mean to kill her husband. He fell on her knife. And he did, actually. She'd split some washing up liquid on the floor and he'd slipped on it. And she'd been chopping carrots at the time. It was all rather unfortunate.

1) Actually, hidden from her mother, Jayne wanted to be an interior decorator. In her own room she'd stick bits of belladonna everywhere, have some beetle blood in a jar on the window for the sun to shine through… but when she actually tried to become one, but apparently didn't have the eye for it. Her eyes were magnificent! She was outraged! She'd show them. She'd open Raven's Gate, and then she'd rule the world, and redecorate however she damn well pleased!

Want it quicker next time? Beg me…

Until the next,