"See ya." I said lazily from my bunk as all the guys in the cabin evacuated. Once I was sure no one was around I hopped off the bunk and really took a look at the cabin.
It was a shitty little thing. On the outside there were shingles falling off the roof, and the wood was rotting in places. There were five bunks in the room, a wardrobe, and a dirty mirror hanging off the back wall that looks about as ancient as these camp grounds. The smell of this place is nauseating, but I've been here for about an hour now and the smell is starting to settle in. Now I would just go straight back to juvi, but I think that might just kill me.
Sighing, I took another look around the room. The first challenge had to do with water, which means that I will have to be unclothed. Shit.
I walked over to the mirror hanging off the wall and wiped away the dust with Harold's blanket, not wanting to get fingerprints on it or anything. (Secret pet peeve no. 1: fingerprints) When it was finally clean I took off my shirt and looked over the bruises that decorated my body, green and purple discolouration all my torso, worst at my stomach. And there was no undamaged skin on my back. They were all in the shape of the damn batons they used…mother fucking security. I didn't fucking do anything…
I pressed a finger against one and tensed when the pain shot up through my body. My friends back in juvi thought it was awesome, the way the bruises changed colours, like a fucking trip. That's what they compared it to, to be tripping on drugs. I bit my lower lip as I applied more pressure to the bruises. I had to find some way to hurt myself. The scars on my stomach were just fading. The scars on my wrists were just healing. I didn't need to take off the wristbands to see that they were, I just made them last night.
"Bridgette, are you in h-" That little princess girl's voice rang out through the cabin, her voice quickly cut off when she saw me. Immediately her hand shot up to her mouth, as she stammered for words to say. Her eyes were wide, everything in her seemed to shut down as she stared.
Her gaze made me nervous, I don't want people here to know about me, my secrets, my past. I could feel my body tensing up, and suddenly had the dire need to run away. But that would just make everyone suspicious. So instead I built up my wall and gave her an annoyed look, waiting for her to say something not in gibberish.
"D-Duncan…" she finally managed to get out one word.
I sighed impatiently and pulled my shirt back on and walked back onto my bed. "Don't hurt your pretty little head princess. It's nothing to get worked up over, just a few bruises…" I said indifferently and flipped through one of Harold's comic books like I gave a damn about Superman, or whatever comic book it was.
Calvin and Hobbes…wow…just wow…
Princess was still standing there, chewing on her lower lip with a scared look in her eye. As if looking at the bruises hurt. Well she could imagine how bad it felt to be on the receiving end, eh?
"Look sweetheart. Just walk out, close the damn door and pretend like it never happened, just like the rest of them. You don't owe me anything just because you've seen this. Go on into your perfect world of sunshine and rainbows and leave me alone." I said angrily.
"B-but…" She trailed off, looking at my chest, still seeing what the cops did…
"No. Just GO!" I yelled and stood up and began to walk towards her, immediately she began to back out the door, and ran back out to where everyone else was. Having fun on the "beach". Talking, getting to know each other. Princess better not spill. I think I might just kill her if she tells anyone.
I'll wear a shirt for the challenge, whatever. It's really no big deal. A lot of guys wear shirts when they go swimming, I doubt anyone would be suspicious.
Yeah, fat guys…
Hell, I lost any bit of flab that was on me before juvi, and I doubt I'll be getting any fatter from being here for eight weeks. I tasted the slop that "Chef" made us eat, and I doubt I'll be wanting any seconds. Hell, it was worse than prison food. I'll probably end up going back to prison half starved or something. No wait…I'm not going back there.
"Hey Duncan!" Geoff busted through the cabin doors, "Come out man! We gotta go do our first challenge!" Sighing, I told Geoff I would be out in another few minutes. He agreed and left me alone again in the room, with the mirror. I took off my shirt once again, and pressed down on the bruises, giving myself that little extra bit of apathy and adrenaline I would need to be able to complete the challenge Chris set up.
Then I pulled another black t-shirt out of my duffle bag and slid on my swim shorts and headed outside to where everyone else was gathered, pretending like nothing happened. Princess didn't even bother to look at me. She had her head turned towards where Chris was standing, what he was saying. Something about jumping off the cliff. Plummeting from a thousand feet up into shark infested waters. Cool, if I died here I wouldn't have to put up with any of this shit ever again.
So my team got put up first, and surfer girl went up first, I can't remember the order exactly, I was too busy picturing all my friends watching this shit on TV, laughing at me. Whatever, I have a date with the devil, that I'm not about to miss.
Finally it was my turn to jump, and so I walked up to the edge of the cliff, and looked down into the water, I climbed down walls that looked higher than this. This jump was nothing -- as long as I landed inside the ring of course. If not the sharks would try to get me, and I don't know if I can hang on for that long if there are a bunch of hungry sharks up my ass…
"Just jump already!" A voice yelled, it sounded like princess. I glared back at my team, before leaping off the edge of the cliff.
I was going so fast, it felt like I was going to throw up, but I held my chunks down as I fell. When you jump out of a tree, or off a house or something, the fall takes a second, and you hardly notice it. This fall seemed to last forever, and as I was falling I saw my life flashing in front of my eyes.
"Daddy, don't go…"
"Shut the fuck up Duncan! I'm trying to work!"
"No, don't hit me…don't hit me anymore. No…no…please god no."
"Mmm, Duncan…oh fuck Duncan…I think I'm going to…oh goooodddd!"
Heavy breathing, panting. Sex, two bodies intertwined in a loveless act.
"SAY YOU'RE SORRY YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE PRICK!"
"Give me another hit…oh god…fuck yes…"
"First I'm going to cut your throat, then I'll cut the edges of your lips…so when you open your mouth, it only gets wider…."
"Put your hands in the air and drop all weapons. It's over!"
"You worthless, piece of shit. Did you really think that would get you out of here? You pathetic little baby!"
I screamed, loud and clear. Letting out all my emotions from my pathetic past which I call my life. I screamed so hard, and so loud I thought my lungs were going to explode. But I needed them out, all my emotions, all my skeletons in the closet. I pushed them all out with that one scream, everyone thought I was scared. Like fuck I'm scared, not of this. Not of falling. I'm scared of the past, like it's going to tear me away into nothingness if I don't forget about it. If I don't run.
I screamed until my voice gave and I had no more energy to scream. Then I hit the water, it hurt. All the bruises on my body burned with so much pain I couldn't move. At least there were no sharks, and hell…I was alive.
Something brushed against my leg, and I looked down in fear it was a shark, but it was just a fish. And it looked at me for a moment as if to say, 'What are you doing down here? Do I go up on land and flop around like I belong.'
That's when I realized that I need air to live, to breathe. And my lungs were dying right now, I had practically no air. But my body refused to move, it hurt too much.
Don't let them win….
That one little phrase was enough to get me moving, and just when I thought I was going to explode from the lack of oxygen I reached the surface, coughing and sputtering up water. The boat immediately came towards me, and DJ and Geoff helped me in, I could hardly stand, let alone walk. So DJ carried me onto a chair, I felt like I had just single handily fought a war -- and won.
Princess refused to jump though. I scoffed at her, so did DJ. And because of that we lost the challenge and were forced to go to elimination. The redneck got voted off -- Ezekiel? He pissed off every camper here. It was obvious he would be one of the first to go.
DJ, Geoff, and I talked a lot that night, and they were okay dudes. Geoff had done some major partying in the past, DJ was really into animals and helping people. And both had their share of stories to tell. We talked for hours before going back into the cabin and falling asleep in our bunks. Or at least they did. When everyone else was asleep, including the camera crew I snuck out and smoked a cigarette I had smuggled into this crap place. I had a few more things here, but I didn't need them -- for now.
"Duncan…what are you doing up?" A timid voice asked. I turned around and there she was, the princess. Standing in her pink pyjamas and fuzzy pink slippers. I stared at her indifferently.
"That," I said slowly, burying the cigarette filter in the dirt. The last thing I needed was for people to know that I'm a smoker too. "Is none of your business." When I looked up to meet her eyes she looked slightly distressed, slightly annoyed. "Why are you up?" I found myself asking. I didn't want to talk, curiosity just got the best of me.
"I was going to the washroom." She said quietly and stared at my chest again, "You wanna -- talk about anything?" Her voice sounded hopeful, but I crushed her hopes with one word.
"Nope." I answered and began to burn anything within reach with my lighter. Hoping it would scare her off. "Go to the washroom, then go back to bed princess, didn't mommy tell you not to play with fire?"
Princess's lips pressed together in a tight line and she opened her mouth, I was expecting more damn stammering and sputtering. "What makes you so damn tough Duncan?" She spat my name like it was some kind of disease. "I bet you're just another one of those little 'tough kids' hanging around behind the school smoking your cigarettes." Her eyes narrowed into slits like a cats. Her fists clenched, baring her teeth like some obnoxious cat.
"Think whatever you want Princess. Like I really care about what you think." I said and stuck my knife into the stump I was sitting on, to my surprise she didn't jump, her glare only became more intense.
"I have a name! It's Courtney! Stop calling me princess!" She said angrily and kicked the stump I was sitting on before storming off to the communal washroom. Such a drama queen.
I sat outside for awhile longer, listening to the sounds of the night. It was relaxing, since I was so used to listening to other people snoring. That's another problem with me; I'm an insomniac. And it often takes me awhile to get to sleep, sometimes it's lonely. Ah well…
…At least I have my mp3 player.