Hey! This will be our last chapter of VOL because it's Halloween in the story and we're tired of writing this story. We had a lot of fun and if we said before that it would be longer, we changed our mind! Now there are some "spoilers" coming up later in this chapter and one of them (the one repeated with Newton and Jessica) was actually a spoiler to my dear Friend, or at least I think it was, maybe I'm wrong. Anywho, after this we'll be starting Fun in the Sun which is a return to the old ways of comedy and plotlessness. You'll find the link in E28D when we post. Now for the disclaimers!
We do not own the following: Twilight, Harry Potter, America's Next Top Model, Scooby Doo, Taylor Swift, Star Wars, Lion King, the things my dear friend Dylan (the red-head from a previous chapter) yelled to me in the hallways after seeing what we wrote about him, Kanye West, or (most importantly) BLUE'S CLUES. They are (c) their respective owners.
Chapter 9 – Cullen's Next Top Model
Theme – School
We all piled into one car and drove off towards home. Everyone was talking about what a success this round was, even if that stupid mutt had shown up. Bella kept humming the tune to that stupid song and Edward couldn't resist singing along, even though the song was nothing but insults towards him. I, however, was fuming in between Jasper and Rosalie.
Jasper, being the kind, wonderful husband that he is, noticed immediately but I refused to say anything until we got home. Everyone was chatting and laughing as they got out of the car, completely forgetting about me and leaving me stranded inside Emmett's mile-high Hummer. Had I not been a vampire I would have been trapped, as it was I ended up pulling a Bella and falling out of the car.
I stormed into the living room and had to climb up onto a chair to get everyone's attention. "Today was a disaster. You guys are the worst models I have ever seen and if we want any chance of winning tomorrow's final round then we have to step it up a notch. Don't forget that because tomorrow is Halloween there will be a lot more competition than before. So, with that in mind, I would like to announce your new training camp: The Cullen's Next Top Model." I snapped my fingers and the lights disappeared, only to reappear a minute later and reveal a completely remodeled living room. All the regular furniture was gone and instead there was a long white panel with seven chairs. There was a long white runway leading up to the panel that took up most of the living room.
"This is the judging room," Jasper said, appearing beside me. After each challenge the models in training will come here and be judged. Then, at the end, the Cullen's Next Top Model will be chosen."
"Since we need a judge and since someone needs to pick the challenges and be surprised by them, I will not be participating. Now, for the first challenge!"
I didn't know what this whole "Cullen's Next Top Model" thing was, but I knew that it would be crazy and, with our track record, dangerous. Sure enough when Alice corralled us into the backyard we saw a giant obstacle course that was drenched in mud.
"Alice I don't think this is a good idea, someone's going to get hurt. I'm going to be killed!"
"Well, that's why we have these!" Jasper rushed out with a rack of giant, white, poofy wedding dresses.
"You've got to be kidding me." She wasn't kidding. Five minutes later everyone, guys included, was lined up at the starting line in a giant white dress, ready to rush through the obstacle course. To make it fair, they all had to go at rational human speeds. Emmett, of course, planned to cheat. Alice held up an air gun and counted off.
"Ready, set, pineapple!"
Everyone jerked forward and dove into the first obstacle, which was a muddy crawl space with a thick net. Everyone, that is, except me. "Pineapple," I asked.
"Run faster, Bella or you'll lose! If Rosalie wins she's going to make you a stripper again!"
That spurred me into motion and I rushed in after everybody, finishing the first obstacle just after Esme, who was sobbing and trying to get the mud out of her dress. She tried to get mine but I slipped out of her grasp and she doused me in air freshener, having gotten frustrated and twisted the top off of the aerosol can.
"Watch out for her," Edward said, "She almost strangled me with my sash and she tore off a good chunk of chiffon from Jasper's dress. Looks better that way if you ask me. Honestly, why he thought-"
"Stop," I said, slapping my hand over Edward's mouth. "Stop while you can still pretend you're a guy. You sound like a girl when you talk about wedding dresses."
Edward frowned at me and overturned a bucket of glitter onto my head. "No, yousound like a girl when you talk about dresses. Isound like a woman." Then he picked me up and threw me over the second obstacle, or third if you include Esme, which happened to be a giant brick wall. I landed with a scream into a giant puddle of mud.
I sat up, sputtering and wiping mud out of my eyes. "Edward, there was a door!"
"I know," he said, walking through it calmly. "But it was more fun to throw you over. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a race to win!" And with that he sprinted, no skipped after Jasper, tackling him to the ground and attacking his dress. Gathering the many folds of my dress I trudged through the mud and past Edward and Jasper, now crying that Edward was ruining his dress, and caught up with Carlisle who was attempting to swing across a giant pit of mud on a rope. I watched as he ran and landed safely on the other side. He sent the rope back for me and I got a running start.
Unfortunately, when I tired it, a giant hammer came out of nowhere and punched me, sending me flying into the mud. "What was that," I screamed.
"Oh, and Bella wipes out," Alice said from the clean, mud-free sidelines. I chucked a handful of mud at her but she dodged easily. "Better hurry up, Bella, you're falling behind!"
Sure enough ahead of me I could see Carlisle and Rosalie fighting to see who would claim the second inflatable tube and sail down the "Slide of Doom" or so the giant sign proclaimed. I found myself stopping to wonder how all this could possibly exist or where Alice had managed to find all this. What happened once they were done using it? I doubt any of it would ever be used again. Nonetheless, the threat of being dressed as a stripper spurred me into action. I grabbed the tube and raced down the slide, face first. Unfortunately I got a little too much air and ended up crashing into the giant padded wall at the end of the slide instead of sliding through the handy hole. So I was forced to trudge around the edge of it and run towards Alice.
"Aww, too bad, Bella. Emmett is our winner!"
I panted and stared at Emmett, who was laughing and throwing flowers in the air. Strangely his dress was perfectly white. "Emmett, did you cheat?"
"Bella, I'm appalled! I can't believe you'd accuse me of something so lowly!"
"Emmett," Alice said, "What theme would you like to do for this week?"
"Well," he said, "As much as I love helping Bella improve her tomato impression, my love for seeing Rosalie in a cheerleader uniform is stronger. So, we'll be doing a stereotypical School Theme!"
"Very good," Alice said. "Esme, since you're the only one who failed to complete the challenge," I turned around and discovered that everyone else was now lined up next to me, muddy and mangled but alive, except Esme who was still crying over the mud. "Esme, you've been eliminated and you are our newest judge!"
My dress, my beautiful dress! Ruined. At least I still had my air fresheners. I had already doused Bella in a half a bottle and was now circling everyone else, spraying air freshener and straightening the dresses. Bella was already scrambling out of hers and Rosalie was peeling it off her skin, wiping off the mud as she went. Edward was unzipping Carlisle but Jasper and Emmett were judging each others dresses and then swapping them, trying to see whose was better. I sighed, my sons, the fashionistas.
I turned and headed inside, eager to get out of my muddy dress and spend a good hour or so vigorously scrubbing the mud, which was beginning to dry even as I walked, off of my body.
I saw Esme heading inside and I realized that she hadn't really tried at all during the obstacle course. And if there's one thing I hate, its people who just give up without trying and without a doubt, Esme gave up. So I put my design plans on hold for a moment and corralled Carlisle, Edward and Jasper.
"Hey guys, what do you think about playing a little prank on Esme?"
"I don't know," Carlisle said, "I know my wife and she's going to be royally pissed at us for pulling a prank on her. And I'm going to be the target of that rage."
"Aw come on, Carlisle, don't be such a-"
"You didn't let me finish. She's going to be royally pissed, so let's make it good."
"Alright," we cheered.
"Now," Jasper said. "How about we-"
I headed upstairs and painstakingly striped out of my, now ruined, wedding dress, which proved to be very difficult because it had a corset back and the dried mud had made the already fitted dress, all the tighter. Finally, though, I was free of the dress and I stepped into the shower. I turned on the faucet . . . only to discover there was no water. Panic shot through me but I tried to stay calm, it was just a fluke. I tried it again, no luck. I tried the sink in our bathroom, still no luck.
It must be our bathroom, I thought, there must be a leak in the pipes. So I threw on a robe and went back downstairs and outside, to find Carlisle, who was talking with Edward by the side of the mud pit.
"Carlisle," I called, "I think there's something wrong with our bathroom. There's no water in the sink or in the showers. Could you-" As soon as I reached Carlisle he grabbed me and practically tore off my robe. "Carlisle! This isn't the time for that, you're covered in mud, and it's-"
Before I could finish my sentence I felt Emmett push me and I crashed face-first into the mud pit again, the disgusting goop covering my entire body. I pushed myself up and gasped, wiping the mud from my eyes. I got to my feet, with some difficulty, and stormed over to the edge of the pit, ready to give Carlisle and Emmett a piece of my mind. Unfortunately, before I could reach them, Jasper got to me and set a giant heat lamp on me, instantly drying the mud.
"Where on Earth did you find a giant heat lamp," Edward asked, clearly as confused as I was.
Jasper looked down and rubbed his toe in the grass, "I like to sit under it and pretend I'm a human girl who's going tanning," he mumbled. We all stared at him for a moment and then slowly turned away.
"Carlisle," I growled. "I'm going to kill you!"
Now, some people might call me a bad husband. I prefer to be known as a good prankster. And, like any good prankster, I knew how to distract my victims before I was beaten into a pulp. So I knew that all I had to do was run past a bathroom and Esme would be instantly drawn to it, her desire to wash off all the mud greater than the desire to murder me, at least for the moment. Sure enough, the first bathroom we passed distracted her and she rushed inside.
None of the showers in the house were working! Granted we had rarely had an occasion to use them before, frankly we only used them out of habit or sheer boredom, but they had always worked in the past! After trying to use all the showers, I turned my attention to the sinks, none of which were working. So I was forced to try out some more . . . unconventional methods.
Alice had hosed me and Rosalie off before she let us inside and brought us upstairs to work. She and Rosalie had set to work pulling out patterns and fabrics and getting whatever they could ready before the next challenge started and Alice had sent me to do some costume laundry. She had loaded up a basket with old costumes or things that she thought we might use and asked if I could throw them in the washing machine, since I was the only one that used it, anyway.
So I headed downstairs and over to the barely-used washing room. Unfortunately I wasn't prepared for what waited for me inside of the washing machine. I opened the lid and a giant mud monster popped out at me, waving its brown, cracking hands at me and moaning. I screamed and dumped the entire basket on laundry on its head. The monster disappeared for a moment and I considered trying to get a better look at it when it popped up again. I screamed again and this time threw some laundry detergent at it, hitting it in the chest and leaving a large blue stain on its skin.
The monster moaned and looked like it was trying to talk but all that came out was a "mmmmmmmrrrrrrrrr" sound. Panicking, I turned and ran from the room as fast as I could, only tripping over three things as I went, a record for me, considering my hysteria. The thing chased after me, though much slower it somehow was never far behind me each time I looked back, and tripped for that matter. I didn't know how to fight mud monsters but something that Esme once said to me was ringing in my head.
"Bella, if there should ever come a time when there is a rabid mud monster running through my house, even if it's a dried mud monster, there's only one way to defeat it. Water. You can flood the whole house if you want, just make sure it doesn't leave any stains on my carpet."
So I detoured through the kitchen and grabbed the spray hose from the sink and aimed it at the monster. I squeezed but no water came out, I turned the faucet on, nothing. Panicking again I resumed running, barreling out the front door and around the side of the house.
"Turn the water on," I yelled as I ran, continually throwing rocks and flowers and anything else I could find at the monster behind me. And then all I heard was a giant wave of water crashing against the side of the house.
Now that Esme had been properly drowned, I felt like it was time to start the second challenge.
"Alright everybody, it's time for your newest challenge." Esme toweled off and plopped herself down in the second chair at the judges table. I joined her and motioned for everyone else to line up at the end of the runway. "This challenge will test your ability to take beautiful pictures in strange situations." I snapped my fingers, "Let's go!" A giant movie-style wind fan was wheeled into the room along with six big bowls of chocolate pudding.
Edward grimaced; he had had a lot of experience eating human food the first time Bella had her period and stayed at our house. Bella smiled and licked her lips, taunting the rest of my family because they didn't eat food. But nonetheless, everyone sat down in front of the camera and grabbed a spoon.
Bella was first and as soon as the fan was turned on she was propelled backwards out of her seat and she hit the wall, still clutching the bowl to her chest. She forced the spoon into the pudding and tried to raise it to her face, splattering chocolate everywhere. She repeated this several more times until the force of the fan was blowing all the skin away from her face and pudding flew into mouth and eyes. Instantly choking and blinding her.
Eddie was next, and he glowered down at the bowl in his arms. "If I eat it really quickly then can I stop," he asked.
"Good." He cleared his face of all emotion and waited for the fan to start. Unlike Bella he was not propelled backwards but he tipped the bowl down and poured all the pudding into his mouth at once, or at least he tried to, most of it missed his mouth and splattered on his face and the other half hit Bella, who hadn't been able to escape the wind fan fast enough.
"My eyes, oh man, now I know how Newton feels!" She rolled around on the ground clutching her eyes and refused to get up, even after all the pudding was gone and Edward had finished his photo session. The other shots weren't much better. Emmett got pudding up his nose and went on a two-minute rampage before collapsing next to Bella, Jasper appeared in Rosalie's cat suit and lapped at the pudding while Edward stumbled around, clutching his stomach before finally falling into a heap along with Emmett and Bella. Jasper quickly joined them, thinking for some strange reason that they were building a human pyramid. And Carlisle turned his skills test into a romantic, but illegal, photo shoot with Esme. The two sat at a table and "sipped" the pudding from a single glass, several fake guns and knives were evident, as well as the lifeless bodies of Emmett, Edward, Bella and Jasper. Rosalie grit her teeth and gnawed at spoon for a full minute before I turned the wind fan off.
"Alright," I said. "Since Esme is biased against Carlisle," I glared at the two of them but they just smiled brightly and unhelpfully. "He won't be winning this round. Instead that honor goes to . . . Edward." I held up his photo, a surprisingly professional shot of him pouring the pudding and glaring at the camera. "Edward for winning this round you get to decide what Bella's costume will look like this round."
Edward smiled evilly at Bella, as if it was her fault he had to eat pudding. "Oh good," he said, "I've got a great idea."
"You do know that it has to be within the School Theme, right," Bella said nervously, attempting to derail his train of thought.
"Oh, I know." Bella gulped.
"And I'm afraid that Emmett, you've been eliminated."
Emmett screamed in fake agony and fell to the ground, smashing his fist into the floor over and over again. "Why, oh God, why?" He gave an enormous shudder and then hopped back to his feet. "Oh well, I had a good run."
The nice thing about Edward winning this round was that he was able to flash me what he wanted Bella to wear. I smiled at him and we shared a laugh before I dragged everyone into the living room for the other challenges. The rest of the challenges flew by quickly, one person being failing after another. Carlisle triumphed in the "Tomato Tap" where you had to tap dance while withstanding a barrage of tomatoes. His years of tap dance experience helped him win the round, and entertain the rest of us. He was very disappointed, however, when Edward was eliminated, he'd been teaching Edward to tap dance for decades. After a short break where he planned Esme's outfit, we resumed the challenges.
In the next skills test, running in oiled stiletto heels and trying to beat spilled molasses to the finish line, Carlisle lost his cool and snapped the shoes in two after falling more times than Bella coming in last, mainly because he fell and crashed into Bella, sending her sliding into a third place victory. Grumbling, Carlisle took his place at the table next to me, Esme, Emmett, and Edward. Rosalie, unsurprisingly, came in first, narrowly beating out Jasper, and we took a quick break to design Emmett's costume.
Then came the "Birthday Shock" challenge where Rosalie, Jasper and Bella had to force down slices of birthday cake while receiving electric shocks. Bella took a deep breath and gobbled down handfuls of cake, spasming each time she received a shock. When she finally finished her cake there was one last shock and then she collapsed on the ground, twitching but safe. Jasper attacked his cake, face first and sat there for a moment, his face hidden by his hair and the plate, jerking each time there was a shock but emerging ten seconds later with chocolate in his hair and on his face and a clean plate. Rosalie took one look at the mess Jasper and Bella had made and sat right down at the Judges Table, not even bothering to compete. Jasper won that round and I smiled at what he had planned for me to wear.
Finally Alice said it was the final challenge. I wasn't looking forward to whatever she had planned, especially when she led us out into the backyard and I saw a giant slip-n-slide that spanned the entire yard. Punctuating various points of the slip-n-slide were parallel bars, balance beams and trampolines. I gulped, imagining all the horrible injuries that were sure to befall me should I dare attempt this. Of course this didn't matter to Alice or Jasper, or anyone other than Edward, really. But even Edward looked excited. I caught him making a bet with Esme around the side of the house and exchanging little packets of something that smelled suspiciously like potpourri.
"Now I think that the contestants should be given a chance to study the course by themselves and plan out their routines," Alice said, turning and heading inside, followed by everyone but Jasper and I. For a few minutes we studied the course and I tried to map out a simple walking course so that I would be able to walk away with all my limbs attached and hopefully not broken. After a little while, though, we got bored and headed back inside where there was apparently a heated fight going on in the living room between Edward and Emmett.
"Darth Vader is Luke's father!"
"Oh come on, I was about to watch Star Wars," Esme complained.
"Snape kills Dumbledore!"
"I just started the Half-Blood Prince," Carlisle complained. He threw the book angrily at Edward's head and then sulked very childishly in his seat.
"How long has this been going on," I asked Rosalie, who was relaxing in a chair across the room. "And, what is going on?"
"It's a spoilers contest," she explained. "They're trying to come up with the biggest spoiler they can. They've been at it for about ten minutes now."
"Emmett don't you dare," Alice yelled. Cutting off whatever he was about to say with an icy glare. He just smiled and chose his next spoiler.
"Scar kills Mufasa!"
Across from him Edward froze, his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock. A high pitched whimper escaped his throat and his knees gave out. He lay sobbing tearlessly on the floor with his hands over his face. Emmett's face glowed with a snarky satisfaction and he looked very satisfied with his win. There wasn't much I could do to help Edward but I had to try.
"Oh yeah," I yelled, unfazed by any of their outdated spoilers. "Well in Blue's Clues, Blue is a girl!"
I didn't expect them to know what Blue's Clues was, or even for them to be surprised by this, it seemed like such a small thing so I was shocked when their turned as one to face me and screamed, at the top of their vampire lungs, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" The sheer force of the yell sent me flying against the door to the backyard, shattering the windows and several glass vases spilling water and flowers all over the floor.
"You . . . didn't . . . know," I asked feebly.
"NO," they yelled, causing the door to pop open and sending me flying into the backyard. I tumbled head over heels through the yard and finally rolled up the little ramp at the start of the gymnastics course. I went flying into the air and could just barely glimpse the Cullens assembled by the back door of the house, so at least there would be witnesses who could tell the paramedics just what happened. I flailed blindly for anything to grab onto and finally my hands found a pole that I nearly snapped in half. I swung around on it for a moment and then found myself in a handstand on top of it. Realizing that I was backwards and eight times more likely to hurt myself than if I was frontward so I quickly moved my hands and spun around to face front. And then I was falling again and, to my horror, my hands slipped off the bar.
Through an extreme stroke of luck I managed to land on another, shorter bar and balanced there for a single heartbeat before I fell again, flipping once through the air and then landing on a small trampoline. The trampoline launched me up and I split my legs wide so they wouldn't slap against he pummel horse in front of me. There were several more agonizing flips, dips, jumps and twirls and then I finally landed on the other side of the course, somehow landing in a perfect dismount with my feet together. I raised my arms weakly and turned to look at the Cullens.
They all stared at me for a moment and then Alice turned to Jasper. "Think you can beat that," she asked.
Jasper stared at me for a moment, looked me up and down and traced my path with his eyes. He sighed. "No, I'm afraid there's no way I could hope to beat that. You win, Bella. I surrender."
"I win," I repeated numbly. "I . . . win. I win. I win!" I cheered and danced around for a moment before stopping dead in my tracks and staring at Alice. "What do I win? Is it something bad? Please tell me it's not something bad."
"No, for once it isn't. Bella, you win one wish. You can ask us for anything, anything at all and we cannot refuse you, unless of course it's impossible."
I thought about this for a moment. "Any wish at all, you say?" I smiled evilly; I might have a little fun with this one.
I didn't really have time for Bella to sit around and plot evilly, though I was glad to see she was finally embracing her inner Cullen. No, I had many costumes to make and very little time to make them, not that it really mattered, but everyone had something different they wanted for their partner and then some people needed to be surprised and some people were trying to find out what was planned and it was chaos. Soon enough, however, everything was done and we headed off to school.
There were a lot more people entering the contest now so the locker rooms were much more crowded than usual and we kept accidentally bumping into people while we got dressed. I caught a thought from Edward and chuckled. "Remember that red-head kid Emmett used for a dance partner all those days ago?"
"No," Bella said. "When was-"
"Well he's surrounded himself with his friends and is avoiding Emmett like the plague. He keeps shooting evil glares over at him." I paused. "Oh, and screaming 'why' and 'por qué' over and over again." I chuckled at that while everyone else got dressed and generally ignored me. Once we had all changed we went outside and found the boys waiting for us.
"Bella, do you think I could go sit down now? I want to see some of the costumes."
"Okay, sure, Edward. You know, you don't need to ask me," she said, confusion clear on her face. "What's with him," she asked after he left.
Everyone except me shrugged. I laughed, already aware of Edward's evil scheme, and loving every minute of it. I led everyone out into the audience and made sure that I was next to Edward and that Jasper was next to Bella. With any luck he could work some of his magic and we could have a nice little scene just in time for Newton and Jessica to come out on stage.
"Bella," Edward said with a falsely enthusiastic, and slightly British, voice, "Is it okay if I sit here?"
"Yes," Bella said, somewhat suspicious.
"Bella," he said again, "Can we take a big group picture after this is done?"
"Bella? Can we add the picture to the scrapbook?"
"Bella? Can we hand out candy to the kids who are Trick-or-Treating?"
"Bella? Can we have an impromptu Halloween Party?"
"Yes," now Bella was starting to get a little annoyed and was just watching the couples on stage. At the moment there was a blonde girl with a guitar and a formal dress who was singing some familiar country song and who was promptly interrupted by a black guy in dark glasses with a microphone who "Just wanted to say . . ." something about another singer.
"Bella? Can we carve the pumpkin we have back at the house?"
"Yes," Bella said, the irritation clear in her voice, now fueled by Jasper, who winked at me.
"Bella? Can we put a candle inside and make it into a Jack-O-Lantern?"
"Bella? Can we call it a Vampire-O-Lantern?"
"Yes!" By now Bella was half screaming and some people around us were starting to look at her with a worried expression and moving away.
"What," she screeched. "What is it? What could you possibly want?"
"Bella? Can we carve the pumpkin to look like a vampire?"
Bella just goggled at him for a moment, basking in the sheer stupidity of Edward. "Yes, fine, whatever. Just do whatever you want! I don't care; I'm not in charge of what you do so stop asking! Just do whatever you want."
Edward pretended to be hurt and turned away from her. He winked at me and I knew that this wasn't the end of things. We watched the next few couples in turn and I gave him a little nudge when Newton and Jessica were about to come out on stage. He nodded and poked Jasper in the knee, moving so quickly that Bella didn't notice. Jasper got the signal and got ready to turn up the juice on Bella.
Edward cleared his throat and leaned over just as Jessica made it to the end of the stage in a magenta colored dog suit with floppy ears and polka dots. "Bella? Do you think I could-"
"Yes," Bella screeched, "Yes! Stop asking me questions, what is wrong with you? What do you think you're accomplishing by asking me all these stupid questions? Are you trying to piss me off? Are you trying to break up with me or something? And you-" she turned her attention to the stage where Newton had joined Jessica wearing an almost identical costume except his was blue. "What do you think you're doing? Blue's Clues are you kidding me? You're both look like morons up there! Don't you know anything? I can understand these guys not knowing because they live under a rock but you guys, I expected better of you!"
"What are you talking about Bella," Jessica sneered. "Hi Edward," she waved. Edward just glared at her, taking out his anger about Emmett's spoiler on her.
"Blue is a girl and Magenta is a boy, you morons!"
And with that she ran up to the stage, jumping over, crashing into and generally crawling over everyone who still stood in her way. Once she reached the stage she scrambled up punched Newton in the face, sending him spinning backwards and ultimately off the stage, landing in the lap of a very unfortunate Dylan who looked disgusted and then lifted Newton up over his head and threw him away like a bag of trash.
"Now can we please start the group round so I can get on stage and get home?"
There was silence for a moment and then the announcer came back on the speaker. "Well . . . I think it's time for the Groups round and I would like to announce that Taylor Swift and Kanye West are the winners of the couples round, congrats guys."
We sat through the Group Round, watching Scooby Doo, Harry Potter and various other group costumes, both original and cliché, and a few that only Bella recognized. Finally, though, it was our turn. We were gathered backstage and ready to go on and get everything over and done with. We all had fun but it was time to switch to something else.
Rosalie went out first, bouncing around cheerfully in a classic blue and white striped cheerleader's uniform with a pleated skirt and cheer shorts underneath, and a crop top with a big Spartan logo for the school. "Are you ready for some fun everybody?" The crowd cheered enthusiastically, well it was mostly the guys in the crowd but they were enthusiastic nonetheless. "Okay! Let's go!" She picked up a big circle with thin paper stretched across it and printed with the Spartan logo again. "Meet your Quarterback, Emmett!"
Emmett burst through the circle with a loud cheer and yelled out some nonsensical football phrases before chucking a football into the audience, and accidentally hitting Newton in the head, causing him to drop his ice pack and fall back onto the floor. Emmett was dressed in blue and white as well with "The Hunk" written in big block letters across the back of his shirt. I laughed as I remembered the big "Hotties vs. Studs" football game we had staged during the crazy week when the Cullens found out what happens to me Every 28 Days. He laughed and held up the other side of the circle as Rosalie introduced Carlisle and Esme.
"And here are you wonderful teachers!"
Esme came out first, looking beautifully old fashioned with her hair tied back in a classic ponytail and a small handheld chalkboard with a piece of chalk. She had on a simple black jumper dress with a white blouse with puffy ¾ sleeves and simple black flats. She looked the picture of a classic teacher, kind and motherly but determined. Carlisle was next, looking less serious. He was the chemistry teacher in a white lab coat with several burns, goggles, a vial and a flask and a little nametag. He mixed to the two liquids and it exploded in his face, a fake explosion of course but it covered his face with soot that Esme tenderly wiped away with a handkerchief.
"Here are your students," Rosalie yelled.
Jasper came out first this time and held out his arm for Alice. He was wearing a navy blue uniform with simple pants and a long sleeved top with white hems and trimming and a white tie left hanging around his neck. His shirt was unbuttoned to around the middle of his chest, revealing smooth pectorals and he had an air of cool indifference. Alice hopped out next, jumping to clear the bottom of the hoop. She had on a little navy blue pleated skirt and a white long sleeved top with a little sailor flap that hung over her shoulders. She had on blue knee high socks and little white shoes that were the girl version of the ones Jasper wore. She also had a blue beret-like hat with a white ribbon around the edge. She linked her arm with Jasper's and took a spot on the edge of the stage.
"And what school would be complete without nerds," Rosalie asked.
I sniggered as Bella stumbled out onto the stage, for once a blessing instead of a curse. She had on plain Mary Jane shoes and white knee high socks, although one was pure white and one was a cream color. The cream one was crumpled down by her ankle and the white one was stretched up as high as it could go. She had on a red plaid skirt that went to her knees and a white button shirt that was almost entirely tucked into her skirt. It was buttoned incorrectly and there was a pocket protector full of different colored pens and her thick black glasses were taped together in the middle with a lot of masking tape. Her hair was thrown into the messiest ponytail I had ever seen and she just looked like a nerd.
Edward wasn't much better, though I swear I saw several girls swoon in the audience. His hair was slicked back with way too much grease and his white button down shirt, complete with pocket protector and pens, was buttoned correctly but was covered partially by the large red suspenders. His pants were red plaid and were just a bit too short, revealing his white socks and ratty shoes. Like Bella he had thick black glasses that were taped together over the bridge of his nose. He had given himself a false overbite and talked with a whiny nasally voice.
"Haaaaaaaaaw, I have a little announcement to make." He made a disgusting noise as he "cleared his throat" and pretended not to notice Emmett pounding his fist into his hand. "We're going to be taking a little family vacation to a tropical island over the break, and it's all thanks to my Bella."
"What," Bella yelled, forgetting to make her voice annoying. Her mouth was hanging open, revealing a mouth full of fake braces.
"I love you, Bella," Newton yelled from the audience. Bella wrinkled her nose at him.
"Well, Bella, you were so kind as to give me control of your one wish so I decided to use it on a family vacation that, of course, you're attending. Yep, we're going to an exotic island and we're going to have some Fun in the Sun."
Bella gaped at us for another few seconds and then collapsed in a fit of tears.