Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi…


He summons her, right after a battle. He is injured, and is in dire need of her services. She goes to him immediately—she does not want her shogun to wait—and performs her duties.

It's torturing her every time, but she refuses to acknowledge that. His mere presence crushes her soul, and his every touch breaks her heart…but no, she insists, I must not falter…this is for Nakago…always for Nakago.

She stays in his tent afterwards and watches him sleep. She strokes his hair and wonders, always, of what he really thinks of her. She then lets her tears fall; it has become a routine of hers, she realizes. Every night she would watch over him, and weep until she falls asleep. In the morning he tells her to leave, but lures her in during the night. It's an endless cycle of heartache, delusion, and one-sided love, but she does nothing to break away from it. She'd rather have this than nothing at all.

She has crossed beyond the threshold of pain, and knows that death would be her only limit. She gave him everything: heart, body and soul…and perhaps he would want her life as well…anything to prove her love for him.

After all, she thinks, death would be nothing but a prick of a needle compared to the stab of a thousand swords that she feels every time she grasps the fact that he would never, ever, love her back.

A/N: Phew…my first attempt at writing a Soi/Nakago fic…hope it's believable enough…er…no flames please! But constructive criticisms are welcome! :3