Mall Troubles

Disclaimer: We don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

AN: This story is a collaboration between marora and myself, however she deserves all the credit for the story's premise. She came up with the idea and pitched it to me So this story owes it's existence largely to marora. This is the second chapter of a two-shot where Integra goes bra shopping and Alucard tags along to drive her insane... Uh, I mean protect her. Yeah, let's go with the second one. LoL The first part of this story can be found on marora's profile (www. fanfiction. net/u/1120966/marora)-take out the spaces. Well, now... on with the story- hope you all enjoy. :)


It had started out so simple. Integra had convinced Walter to stay at home and let her do some shopping for herself. Now, it wasn't that she was some normal teenager- who got some kind of strange thrill out of mall shopping. No, it was simply that the nature of the shopping was... delicate, and the young knight just wasn't crazy about the idea of Walter buying her bras. It was embarrassing... and it would've probably been (at least a little) embarrassing for him as well. So the Hellsing heir had convinced Walter to stay at the mansion while she went shopping.

Unfortunately, Fate must've decided that Sir Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing was not allowed a single normal experience in her life. And as if it had some personal grudge against the young knight, merciless Fate had arranged for her pet vampire to tag along.

However, Lady Luck seemed to take pity on the young knight and had prevented Alucard from causing too much trouble. Sure, he'd nearly gotten himself arrested at the checkout counter- as Integra purchased her bras. But for Alucard that was actually behaving- doing things that would only nearly get him arrested. But alas, it seemed as if the sympathetic, yet fickle spirit of luck had finally grown tired of watching over the young knight and abandoned the teenager to her own devices.

"Alucard, we are going to go from the front of this shop to the car. You are not going to make a single sound between here and there. Then we are going to drive off and go home. Am I clear?" Integra asked, but received no reply. The young knight's brow furrowed, and she stopped mid-step as she realized that if her sadistic pet wasn't hanging on her every word... he was off getting himself into trouble. Integra quickly spun herself around; and sure enough, she was right.

Alucard's long, red trench coat flapped behind him- almost like a cape -as the vampire navigated the crowd and followed the dark clothed, pale skinned teenager who had passed him a moment before. Integra dropped her bags and nearly screamed in frustration. Oh shit, her pet had just discovered mall goths!

Integra took off after her pet and broke through the crowd just in time to see her vampire catch up to the goth, grab her arm and pull the girl over to the side of the corridor. Bloody Hell, he was going to drain her right then and there! What was he thinking?! Didn't he realize they were in a crowded mall?!

Integra looked around frantically. She had to stop her pet. The young knight was standing beside a mall stand- one that served completely organic and deliciously nutritious, home grown fruits, if the sign that hung in front of it was to be believed at least. The mini-Hellsing quickly snatched up an orange- almost without even thinking about it -and jerked her arm back.

The mall goth was obviously frightened by what was happening to her, and really who could blame her? She'd just been walking along- minding her own business -when all of a sudden some tall, dark haired, peculiar dressed stranger in sunglasses grabbed her arm, yanked her over to the wall and pushed himself up against her- effectively pinning her down. The girl was ready to scream, but as she gasped- sharply inhaling the air she would need to cry out at the top of her lungs, the stranger removed his sunglasses to reveal swirling pools of red light. "Relax... you'll enjoy this," he'd cooed in a deep, hypnotic voice that was somehow still as soft as velvet. The goth lost herself in the monster's eyes and the sound of his voice. She quite forgot to scream as the vampire leaned in towards her neck.

Alucard smirked as he neared the girl's jugular vein, and then the vampire stopped as he felt something kind of hard, yet still a little squishy, smack him in the back of the head. Then the monster heard his master's voice cut into his thoughts, 'Alucard, release her... now.'

The vampire sighed, but consented, 'Yes, Master.' He pulled back and allowed the- still emotionally weakened -goth girl to slide down the wall until she came to rest on the floor. Alucard turned around just in time to have his ear roughly yanked downward by his young master.

Integra began to head back to where she'd left her bags- Alucard in toe. And as the strange pair went, several people passing by paused to stare at them. More than a few even went so far as to raise eyebrows, yet no one was quite brave enough to verbally address the fourteen-year-old girl who was able to lead a seven foot tall, broad shouldered man around like he was some kind of naughty child.

Alucard meanwhile- despite the pain Integra was causing him... or perhaps because of it -was immensely enjoying the situation. 'What the bloody Hell did you think you were doing, Vampire?!' Integra's enraged voice rang in Alucard's head, and the No-Life King smirked.

'Why, just being generous, my master,' Alucard thought smugly, his deep baritone voice dripping like honey into Integra's mind.

'Generous?!' The young knight was positively livid.

'Why yes, Master... Her shirt did say "Bite Me" after all. I was only going to grant her request.'

'Oh, don't even... you can't possibly think that she honestly wanted her blood sucked out by some undead monster.'

'If she did not, then she should not of worn the shirt, my master.'

Integra just shook her head. As the pair reached where Integra had left her bags, the young knight released her servant's ear. She picked up her bags and turned on Alucard. "You are to follow me out to the parking lot... You know what, no..." The knight wasn't going to take any chances this time. "You are to walk straight to the parking lot, and I'll follow you... And if you so much as think about stopping to pursue another gir-oth I'll..."

"Shove your foot up my rear?" Alucard asked with a wide smile.

By the Queen, he sounded almost... hopeful? "No," Integra replied. 'I'll cut off your blood supply for a month,' she continued over their mental link and smirked as she saw her pet's face deflate like a popped balloon. Yes, she figured that would get his attention. "Now, be good and get going," the young knight commanded.

Her servant bowed his head. 'Yes, Master,' he thought to her, and then proceeded to obey the mini-Hellsing's order. The pair traveled back through the mall without another incident. And as they reached Marks and Spencer- the large end building through which they'd entered -Integra felt almost like leaping for joy.

But wouldn't you know it, not more than fifty feet from the door, her servant suddenly stopped and turned to the left. He walked over a short distance and stood- almost as if transfixed -in front of a small TV screen in the store's electronics department. Integra's head bent slightly to the side. What was up with him? He couldn't drain a television, and there were no images of gratuitous violence rapidly flashing on the screen. Slowly, almost tentatively, the slayer in training approached her pet vampire, and she finally recognized what he was watching.

It was a slow moving, sad, yet sort of calming music video. "They hurt you at home, and they hit you at school. They hate you if you're clever, and they despise a fool, till you're so F'n crazy you can't follow their rules. A working class hero is something to be. A working class hero is something to be. When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years..."

Integra recognized the song- Working Class Hero -as one written by John Lennon. The English music artist had died over a decade ago; and as the young knight stood there, almost hypnotized by the sight of her bloodsucking, assassin vampire being mesmerized by the simple music video, she remembered that the evening news the night before had mentioned today- tomorrow when they'd said it -was the twelfth anniversary of Lennon's death. Obviously the old music video was playing as part of some tribute to the man.

However, none of that mattered- not to Integra at least. The only thing relevant to her was the way the lyrics seemed to be effecting her pet. "Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV, and you think you're so clever and classless and free. But you're still F'n peasants as far as I can see."

He seemed to be really connecting with the song, and Integra sighed and shook her head. Then she disappeared into the isles of the electronics department.

Alucard didn't even seem to notice. He just stood there as if his feet were glued to the floor and his eyes to the screen. The song continued, "There's room at the top they are telling you still, but first you must learn how to smile as you kill... if you want to be like the folks on the hill."

Another moment passed, and the song was over. Alucard snapped out of his daze and looked around for his master. She was out of eyesight, but he felt her a short distance away- at another checkout counter. The vampire wondered what his master could be buying now. She'd already purchased her bras... and were this not the case, somehow he still doubted that she'd be buying such items from a common department store- his master seldom had anything but the best.

Alucard walked over to his young master. "What are you doing? I thought we already had everything."

"Mind your own business," Integra snapped back as the teller handed her a plastic bag. The young knight turned to her pet. "Now we have everything. Come on, lets get going."

The two continued onto the car and got inside. And only then- once they were both completely clear of the mall and the driver had already started up the limo -did Integra half-fling the Marks and Spencer bag to her servant.

"What's this?" Alucard asked as he caught the bag and opened it up.

"A Walkman and John Lennon cassette... Working Class Hero is the third song."

"And," Alucard paused before continuing, "this is for me?" The vampire paused again as his master nodded. "Why?"

"Because anything that has that sort of calming effect on a bloodthirsty monster, like you, is valuable to me!" Integra snapped once more, but the false venom in her voice failed to convince her pet.

"Thank you, Master," he replied solemnly... kindly... happily?

And it was Integra's turn to pause. "You... Your welcome," the young knight finally responded, the false venom drained from her tone.

Alucard smiled and scooted over next to his master. "So, this wasn't as bad as you thought it would be... was it, Master? At least I kept things exciting for you, right?" he asked, his sly grin beginning to return.

"Exciting? Alucard, you almost tore some random guy's face off, nearly got yourself arrested and tried to drain some random goth chick!"

"And?" Alucard prodded.

Integra's face screwed up into a sour expression, but then she finally replied, "And... And no- it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

The vampire smiled; and after a moment, his master returned the gesture. "So... maybe we could make this a regular thing?"

"Don't push it."


(Well, I hope you enjoyed that. Please review and let me know what you thought of it, okay? Oh... and if you did enjoy it, be sure to check out the first part- on marora's profile -'K'? LoL

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid and marora.)